Last week...

Well, I've just had an intense week. Last Sunday the symptoms of dengue fever manifested themselves in my body and no, that is not a fun thing. Not even an experience I'd wish on a terrible person. Sore, tired, pain, more tired, sleeping a lot, more pain, quick heartbeat and just nothing redeeming about it.

Although once it's gone you really appreciate everything. I had a local make me some juice from the leaf of a papaya tree and in about ten minutes all the things were gone and the next morning I was able to practice. Sounds odd to most of us but I've always believed more in these types of remedies than to start taking narcotics to get rid of shit, one bad does not preclude another in my opinion, it just brings different things into play.

So, it's gone. I drank another round of juice a couple days later and the this problem that was left over in my palms and the bottoms of my feet, they were feeling raw and sore, was gone in a couple hours. But then I had this major heat in my body that didn't dissipate immediately, not even until after I practiced the next morning!

I could write a lot of whiny stuff about how miserable I was but I've honestly gotten over that already and writing about it would not make me feel better so why?

Also this week after I got better my travel companion left to go home and take care of a few things. He told me just the night before he left and wasn't sure himself if it felt the right thing to do. He left during my practice, and when he said good bye it made me sad, so I was just finishing my drop backs and when I did my deep forward bend right after I sobbed, it's odd to be attached to someone, I'm not usually like that, but we had been through a lot together in those short two months so I guess I got attached more than I knew I would.

So right now I'm feeling in a deep, contemplative place. And I'm just going with it, being in a temple in the mornings just feeling the energy, sitting a lot with the feelings and observing them. Chanting each morning and night to help process them. I feel very different right now than I ever have in my life. Thoughts of becoming a monk coming up a lot and I've been spending a lot of time at the Ramakrishna ashram as a result.

Being there in their quiet, soft energetic space has been a godsend these days and it's helping me. Plus they have Kali there and that energy I feel more and more that I need as much as possible in my life. She helps to soften my inner voice in ways I never would have guessed, but in ways that I much need right now.

It's good, this place I'm in. I feel good. I feel very unsure of things, but that's okay. I feel very sure of myself inwardly though, that I know I'll follow the right path and go the direction as it comes up that I most need. I'm more in this inner awareness with myself than I ever have been and for that I am grateful, and feeling a lot of love about...