As I sit here this morning, having just meditated (and went very deep I may add), I'm feeling this deep stillness. I can usually feel this way after a tough asana practice where I really connected with my breath, maybe didn't do the postures so brilliantly, but felt such a deep internal connection as my breath moved me that I touched that place.
I've been drawn lately to meditate, just to sit and be present with myself and allow whatever to come up and move away. I've not worked it into my schedule yet but I'm also afraid if I try to "schedule" it it will not work as well, for me it seems it needs to be spontaneous and then, and only then, I can go deep and get in touch with that stillness that lies at the heart of all of our beings. If I put it someplace and make sure that I'm there doing it every day, it becomes yet something else to "do" and I don't need anymore of those things.
For years that place was so elusive, but I practiced in the park yesterday with a friend and at the end during savasana I opened my eyes and the tree above me, the grass around me, the sounds of the wind and other things moving in the park, the sunlight, everything seemed clearer, brighter and more full of an inner glow. I had a moment, I didn't share it with her, thinking it would move away. But I was able to maintain that clarity and sense of peace all day. And it extended into my sleep, I slept much longer than I normally do, but woke up still with ease and radiance and clarity, then I sat after chanting Japji and my cold shower with almond oil, and had a deeper sense of stillness, a relaxing, like an internal ahhhhh, and here I sit. Trying to share that with you, so doubt that it can have half the impact in words as it does in the silence.
Now I get it, NOW I get it. I think I though I had gotten it before, and I probably had, at the level that I was in touch with at that time. Maybe thats all we are doing, moving from getting it, into a deeper variation of getting it, and then again, and then again, . . . so on and so forth.
Yes, I think thats it. Its a neverending expansion and evolution of spirit, neverending. I like that. When I was younger I wanted to get it because then I would have it and know it and, and then what? Boredom? Who knows. So now, where I am now I like that its neverending, gives me something to keep moving into, towards, someplace to grow and expand outwards from.
Peace, and then deeper peace, and then deeper peace . . .
