One thing thats occurred to me just now about that last post. That last post is also a perfect example of what I mean by being stuck in the mud. Meaning dealing with those lower emotions or lower chakra emanations rather that coming at it from a higher chakra level reinforces the idea to me of how hard it is in this area to stay in the more positive or neutral aspects of life.
Feeling those feelings of attachment, which are really my mothers issues and not mine, some that I usurped from her over the course of living with her and her ideas of men and how they are, based solely on my fathers behaviour towards her and other women, have nothing to do with me.
Someone I've just met shouldn't have to deal with my mothers issues manifesting my mind and being enacted in his direction, he's a clean slate. And this one in particular is a highly evolved individual and deserves to not have me worried and acting selfishly or should I say self-preservatively (is that a phrase?) when he has done absolutely nothing to enact my danger sense. Other than being an old-fashioned, loving, heart opened gentleman toward me he in fact hasn't been less than perfect.
So in fact its time to approach this relationship from a higher level, higher chakras, heart, throat and third eye. From an enlightened perspective than from a base level perspective, fighting for whats mine, or what should be mine or what I think should be mine when in fact, nothing is mine and everything is mine.
We are all manifestations of a divinity that we can only chance to understand and hope and pray to emulate even in the slightest bit. So why not act like it?
I think its brilliant that I've been such a fuck-up at relationships all my life due to holding onto my mothers belief system of men, so what does the universe do to move me to the next level? It sends me a man, who is just a man, but whom is also attractive to me on my animalistic levels and whom is attractive to me on my upper chakra levels. Someone who is highly evolved and in different ways than I am that I can build off of and learn my lessons from, someone who will challenge me and make me grow, but someone who also will be challenged by me and not run from it but will grow from the challenge.
Hmmm, I like the sound of it and will stay on top of my work in the situation, I hope! lol.
Sat Nam!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Spring
So, spring is in full bloom, literally and figuratively. This time of year I usually find myself feeling lonely when I normally am fully content with only my own company, and this year is no exception.
I've been feeling sooo awesome, mostly due to the strength I've gained mentally from my kundalini yoga practice, and I still feel really great. Just a bit lonely.
I've met a guy whom I actually really like and he practices yoga, which is a big plus, and he's an intelligent, language loving person and I could fall for him, probably already am in fact but thats neither here nor there right now. The thing is that even though we've texted, talked, taken walks and so forth a bit each day since the exchange of numbers I still get a bit melancholic in the afternoons and feel lonely.
Now, by all rights its not his job to keep me from feeling this way, it really has nothing to do with him, but I feel that maybe feeling this from me may scare him off. I don't think it will, but okay its afternoon and I'm feeling melancholy again, so I'm being pessimistic. Give me a minute and I'll get back to my loving, happy self! lol He's tough and self suffcient so I'm sure it won't, but I have that fear for some reason. And trust me, he's a keeper, a real keeper and someone that I consider an equal in all aspects of my life. So, needless to say I don't want to push him away.
Now, already I'm getting this shit out and I'm feeling better. I know I'm a great catch, I have a lot to offer a relationship and I have a lot to learn about them too. Especially in the area of giving that person their space, and not losing myself in the process (which I am wont to do).
So, just thought about this. When I'm beginning to feel the downward swing in the afternoon I will do a meditation from Yogi Bhajan to pick me back up, mentally, and then see how I feel. Then I will start catching my thoughts before they get to the point of this downward spiral and turn them around to think of the wonderful things in my life, of which there are many, and the wonderful things upcoming.
My goal is to not be detached from the situation, or too attached to the situation, so I have some great tools at my disposal that need to be used to help this process, so I will now start to use them. Ok, off to my kundalini class to get in a better space and look forward in my thinking.
Btw, thanks for reading, whomever you may be, and finding my process of working through these thoughts and feelings interesting enough to come back for more! Write again soon, hopefully from a better perspective. Not that this was a bad one, just started out feeling that way, now it feels better.
Sat Nam!
LATER THAT SAME NIGHT:
So I've been to my class,my teacher said many words that inspired me and made me realize what a large part of my problem is, not that I'm necessarily ready to write about that yet but it mainly works around my 5th chakra, throat chakra that is and its connection to my heart chakra. My heart chakra which is quite open lately but I'm waaay out of balance in my throat chakra, also this is based on a workbook I have, and the connection between the two is where my work is. I speak from my heart but not from a neutral place, taking into consideration where the other person is speaking from and finding the common ground between the two. Make sense? It does to me now after speaking with Nancy and her just having come back from a Conscious Communications kundalini level 2 seminar. You have to take into consideration which chakra you're speaking from and which chakra the other is hearing you from and find the common ground between the two for the communication to actually happen, you also have to listen to yourself as you speak, and hear yourself, whilst checking to see if they are hearing you or just not taking it in at all as most people are. So, I'm good, just need to balance my 5th chakra and monitor my speech as it comes from my heart, making sure its not too overwhelming, which I know I can be!
I've been feeling sooo awesome, mostly due to the strength I've gained mentally from my kundalini yoga practice, and I still feel really great. Just a bit lonely.
I've met a guy whom I actually really like and he practices yoga, which is a big plus, and he's an intelligent, language loving person and I could fall for him, probably already am in fact but thats neither here nor there right now. The thing is that even though we've texted, talked, taken walks and so forth a bit each day since the exchange of numbers I still get a bit melancholic in the afternoons and feel lonely.
Now, by all rights its not his job to keep me from feeling this way, it really has nothing to do with him, but I feel that maybe feeling this from me may scare him off. I don't think it will, but okay its afternoon and I'm feeling melancholy again, so I'm being pessimistic. Give me a minute and I'll get back to my loving, happy self! lol He's tough and self suffcient so I'm sure it won't, but I have that fear for some reason. And trust me, he's a keeper, a real keeper and someone that I consider an equal in all aspects of my life. So, needless to say I don't want to push him away.
Now, already I'm getting this shit out and I'm feeling better. I know I'm a great catch, I have a lot to offer a relationship and I have a lot to learn about them too. Especially in the area of giving that person their space, and not losing myself in the process (which I am wont to do).
So, just thought about this. When I'm beginning to feel the downward swing in the afternoon I will do a meditation from Yogi Bhajan to pick me back up, mentally, and then see how I feel. Then I will start catching my thoughts before they get to the point of this downward spiral and turn them around to think of the wonderful things in my life, of which there are many, and the wonderful things upcoming.
My goal is to not be detached from the situation, or too attached to the situation, so I have some great tools at my disposal that need to be used to help this process, so I will now start to use them. Ok, off to my kundalini class to get in a better space and look forward in my thinking.
Btw, thanks for reading, whomever you may be, and finding my process of working through these thoughts and feelings interesting enough to come back for more! Write again soon, hopefully from a better perspective. Not that this was a bad one, just started out feeling that way, now it feels better.
Sat Nam!
LATER THAT SAME NIGHT:
So I've been to my class,my teacher said many words that inspired me and made me realize what a large part of my problem is, not that I'm necessarily ready to write about that yet but it mainly works around my 5th chakra, throat chakra that is and its connection to my heart chakra. My heart chakra which is quite open lately but I'm waaay out of balance in my throat chakra, also this is based on a workbook I have, and the connection between the two is where my work is. I speak from my heart but not from a neutral place, taking into consideration where the other person is speaking from and finding the common ground between the two. Make sense? It does to me now after speaking with Nancy and her just having come back from a Conscious Communications kundalini level 2 seminar. You have to take into consideration which chakra you're speaking from and which chakra the other is hearing you from and find the common ground between the two for the communication to actually happen, you also have to listen to yourself as you speak, and hear yourself, whilst checking to see if they are hearing you or just not taking it in at all as most people are. So, I'm good, just need to balance my 5th chakra and monitor my speech as it comes from my heart, making sure its not too overwhelming, which I know I can be!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Homo Yogis
So, its been being drawn to my attention a lot lately the fact that yoga is an area in which not much is said about homosexuality, me being a homosexual and having addressed this a lot lately I've felt led to type some words on it.
In the Kundalini Yoga Yahoo group there has been a discussion lately about gay marriage and how the 3HO feels about it, how Yogi Bhajan felt about it, etc. I am reading his book The Mind; Its Projections and Multiple Facets, right now and in it I would feel obliged to point out that he is not trying to get us to comply with any Sikh rules or any rules involving what anyone else thinks at all. He is trying to get us to do his exercises, use the meditations he has taught us to simply come to ourselves and the Guru that is within and form our own patterns of thought of things. Not to worry about what anyone else thinks at all, but to formulate our own lines of thought around any and every subject that comes up in our lives. I know in America we are mostly taught to be followers and consumers, told on a daily basis what to buy, what to wear, what to eat, what to think, what not to think, etc and it would seem that the teachings he is laying down or was laying down before leaving his body were to liberate us from those trains of thought, to liberate us to create our own ideas of things and even then to liberate ourselves from those self-created trains of thought eventually. Constantly evolving and growing, preparing us for the onset of the Aquarian age.
When I first began with Ashtanga and went to Boulder to study with K. Pattabhi Jois for a week I wondered at this. There seemed to be many gay men there, and a few lesbians, but that subject was never brought up, not once. So I was asking about it and was responded to about how India looks at homosexuality as a whole, so why ask about something that his general upbringing had made him prejudiced against? Certainly I guess, but then the guy talking expounded a bit, saying how it really made no difference what Guruji thought because yoga was about your union with your divine self, not his union with his divine self, and so what really mattered was how I felt about it, right? Duh!
So then on to Anusara, they being Tantrically rooted were more accepting and would talk about it and basically told me the same thing--why does it matter what we think, what do you think? Its all about your connection to the divine, not mine! Duh!
So all of these paths of yoga, different, yet leading to the same goal have said the same thing, to my heart anyway, not necessarily straight from each teachers mouth but from the teachings to the openness of my mind and the connection I've created for myself to the universe, it only matters what I think. Because I create my reality right? You don't, nor you, nor you, just me and my mind create it.
So next week my gay friend who is also a yogi comes to town to teach some workshops on building ones inner fire through a yoga practice, burning the learning into oneself through the physicality of it all. It will be great to have him (check out his blog at www.yogiinthecity.blogspot.com) and have fellowship with another being trying to use yoga to create a better life and connection for himself. Also having met another gay yogi in St Louis recently I've found it nice to be able discuss yogic ideas and trains of thought with other gay men. My roommates as well, they are on their own path but are the kind of people who love to discuss this stuff too. It is nice to have that, something I've wanted for many years, gay people in my life who in it for more than just the partying, smoky bar, hook up lifestyle.
I've been wanting more for a while and put it out there long enough that now I'm open to it and drawing those like minded individuals to my life, and saying to the universe thanks for leading me to these teachings just so I could become okay with myself feeling how I feel, diving deeper into me and not worrying about what anyone else thinks of me. It only matters what I think of me and ultimately that doesnt' even matter, because the soul that uses this body for learning and teaching and growing, is already a piece of the greater soul out there and is okay with whatever comes out of me, because it is divine in and of itself.
So lets be gay, straight, bisexual, whatever we may be, just be the best, fullest, happiest, most loving versions of ourselves we can be and walk down the street with our heads held high, even as our beards get bigger and bigger (speaking of myself there! lol) and hair gets longer and longer and let the brightness that is our souls shine out through our skin, through our bright eyes and inspire others to want that same connection we have, to look to their own hearts to find it and become it.
Lets defy everything we're taught and be happy and peaceful and full of life and go forth into the world and Be Yoga!
Sat Nam, Sat Inder Singh
In the Kundalini Yoga Yahoo group there has been a discussion lately about gay marriage and how the 3HO feels about it, how Yogi Bhajan felt about it, etc. I am reading his book The Mind; Its Projections and Multiple Facets, right now and in it I would feel obliged to point out that he is not trying to get us to comply with any Sikh rules or any rules involving what anyone else thinks at all. He is trying to get us to do his exercises, use the meditations he has taught us to simply come to ourselves and the Guru that is within and form our own patterns of thought of things. Not to worry about what anyone else thinks at all, but to formulate our own lines of thought around any and every subject that comes up in our lives. I know in America we are mostly taught to be followers and consumers, told on a daily basis what to buy, what to wear, what to eat, what to think, what not to think, etc and it would seem that the teachings he is laying down or was laying down before leaving his body were to liberate us from those trains of thought, to liberate us to create our own ideas of things and even then to liberate ourselves from those self-created trains of thought eventually. Constantly evolving and growing, preparing us for the onset of the Aquarian age.
When I first began with Ashtanga and went to Boulder to study with K. Pattabhi Jois for a week I wondered at this. There seemed to be many gay men there, and a few lesbians, but that subject was never brought up, not once. So I was asking about it and was responded to about how India looks at homosexuality as a whole, so why ask about something that his general upbringing had made him prejudiced against? Certainly I guess, but then the guy talking expounded a bit, saying how it really made no difference what Guruji thought because yoga was about your union with your divine self, not his union with his divine self, and so what really mattered was how I felt about it, right? Duh!
So then on to Anusara, they being Tantrically rooted were more accepting and would talk about it and basically told me the same thing--why does it matter what we think, what do you think? Its all about your connection to the divine, not mine! Duh!
So all of these paths of yoga, different, yet leading to the same goal have said the same thing, to my heart anyway, not necessarily straight from each teachers mouth but from the teachings to the openness of my mind and the connection I've created for myself to the universe, it only matters what I think. Because I create my reality right? You don't, nor you, nor you, just me and my mind create it.
So next week my gay friend who is also a yogi comes to town to teach some workshops on building ones inner fire through a yoga practice, burning the learning into oneself through the physicality of it all. It will be great to have him (check out his blog at www.yogiinthecity.blogspot.com) and have fellowship with another being trying to use yoga to create a better life and connection for himself. Also having met another gay yogi in St Louis recently I've found it nice to be able discuss yogic ideas and trains of thought with other gay men. My roommates as well, they are on their own path but are the kind of people who love to discuss this stuff too. It is nice to have that, something I've wanted for many years, gay people in my life who in it for more than just the partying, smoky bar, hook up lifestyle.
I've been wanting more for a while and put it out there long enough that now I'm open to it and drawing those like minded individuals to my life, and saying to the universe thanks for leading me to these teachings just so I could become okay with myself feeling how I feel, diving deeper into me and not worrying about what anyone else thinks of me. It only matters what I think of me and ultimately that doesnt' even matter, because the soul that uses this body for learning and teaching and growing, is already a piece of the greater soul out there and is okay with whatever comes out of me, because it is divine in and of itself.
So lets be gay, straight, bisexual, whatever we may be, just be the best, fullest, happiest, most loving versions of ourselves we can be and walk down the street with our heads held high, even as our beards get bigger and bigger (speaking of myself there! lol) and hair gets longer and longer and let the brightness that is our souls shine out through our skin, through our bright eyes and inspire others to want that same connection we have, to look to their own hearts to find it and become it.
Lets defy everything we're taught and be happy and peaceful and full of life and go forth into the world and Be Yoga!
Sat Nam, Sat Inder Singh
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
White Tantric Yoga
So I've attended my first White Tantric Yoga, from the kundalini yoga tradition as taught by Yogi Bhajan. It was about 9 hours of kundalini partner work that is usually very physically intense and mentally intense, but this one was less physically intense for me and more mental work.
I was partnered with a lovely lady named Gloria and we've since become fast friends. It was an experience like no other for sure. It was great that the facilitator, Satsimran Kaur Khalsa, was an irreverent, down to earth yogini who just happened to be the one who worked with Yogi Bhajan to create these White Tantrics for us, so it was very cool to be in her presence.
There were a couple others with us from St Louis and so it was a little community builder. Its as if once you've gone through one you and the people you're with are bonded more deeply, I guess because of the intensity of the situation. And I'm sure because of the kundalini yogis surrounding you. They are all just the most peaceful, down to earth, loving and helpful folks you could want to meet.
I have been glowing ever since, other than coming down a bit yesterday. Feeling a bit more angry and uptight, but it went away as soon as I relaxed around it and let it go. After Hugh (my roommate) and I went through the Surya Kriya this morning I felt just as awesome as I had since Saturday.
Not much else to say, since I haven't processed all of whats going on in my body and mind yet. It was powerful and the energy of it still courses through me, and just makes me happy and peaceful and not wanting to think so much, so when something comes to me I'll be blogging again!
Sat Nam, Sat Inder Singh
I was partnered with a lovely lady named Gloria and we've since become fast friends. It was an experience like no other for sure. It was great that the facilitator, Satsimran Kaur Khalsa, was an irreverent, down to earth yogini who just happened to be the one who worked with Yogi Bhajan to create these White Tantrics for us, so it was very cool to be in her presence.
There were a couple others with us from St Louis and so it was a little community builder. Its as if once you've gone through one you and the people you're with are bonded more deeply, I guess because of the intensity of the situation. And I'm sure because of the kundalini yogis surrounding you. They are all just the most peaceful, down to earth, loving and helpful folks you could want to meet.
I have been glowing ever since, other than coming down a bit yesterday. Feeling a bit more angry and uptight, but it went away as soon as I relaxed around it and let it go. After Hugh (my roommate) and I went through the Surya Kriya this morning I felt just as awesome as I had since Saturday.
Not much else to say, since I haven't processed all of whats going on in my body and mind yet. It was powerful and the energy of it still courses through me, and just makes me happy and peaceful and not wanting to think so much, so when something comes to me I'll be blogging again!
Sat Nam, Sat Inder Singh
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
