Thoughts

I'm sitting at home in the air conditioning because its really hot outside. There's a lot going on in my mind and I'm not even sure what I want to say or write about here today.

Last night there was a shooting at a gay bar in Orlando, I don't know all the particulars of this story other than that they are saying the man who did it was from an extremist group and hated having seen two men kiss recently, so killed over 50 people that were in the club that night.

Also, I'm living in a country that supposes itself to be the greatest country on the planet. And if you have driven around this country with family, visiting its National Parks as I have done, but also driven around it on my own many times just to see it. You would think it is the greatest. We boast some amazing mountain ranges of all different types, the Smokies, the Rockies, etc. We have a forest of some of the most ancient trees that also happen to be some of the largest living organisms not the planet, the Redwoods. The Grand Canyon, the Badlands in South Dakota, and so much more. I could go on forever. And yet we are for some reason able to allow a maniac to be a possible candidate for the President of this great nation? Yes, I mean Donald Trump. For real, are these people who are supporting him, inciting fights and riots at his rallies, paying attention at all?!?

I'm missing India a lot right now and my teacher whom I spend a lot of time with daily when I'm there happens to be here in this country on tour teaching, so I'm seeing pics from all of my friends that I've met in Mysore being posted on Facebook and Instagram. Its making me jealous and I don't really get jealous. Wonder if I can figure a way how to see him next week in Miami?

I'm a depressive person by nature. For the majority of my life, maybe 41 or so of my 46 years it was easier for me to feel rotten than to feel happy. Feeling happy still takes me a lot of work. Daily I have to focus on something that can lift my spirits enough for me not to be in the doldrums. It's hard work. And yet it gets easier.

Each time I pull myself up from feeling less than I'd like to I'm forcing my brains synopses to pull away from the ones they are used to firing with that keep me in that rotten feeling place, and I'm training them to fire with new ones that have made feeling better a regular state of being for me.

So today, even though there is a lot to focus on that could make one feel terrible, I'm going to choose to focus on things that keep me feeling great. Maybe even not great, but better than I would if I paid attention to the things being forced on me by the media this morning.

It doesn't seem like its going to be easy, but I'm going to try. Off to do that now, will you join me?

Sensitivity

So, this past week I took off teaching. It ended up being a week that I did a lot of self reflection, I added in a new evening practice to bring up those things which I might be burying and explored the direction that I'd like to head in in my life.

Did I figure anything out? Maybe, but nothing conclusive just yet, so I'm extending the practice until I do. I know what I want to do in general and I know what that entails but right now I'm ready to teach again and dig into life in a new way, whatever that means...lol.

What I have noticed is that more and more, the deeper I go into the yoga practice, yoga fully, not just asana, the more sensitive I become. I keep thinking I'm not sure if I can handle being even more sensitive than I already am, but I've discovered that I can and that its okay.

The thing the sensitive does is makes it feel like being in life is harder, oddly enough. Driving almost drives me insane with all the attention to have to give to everything around you and before I kind of just checked out and didn't think so much about it. Being around large groups of people is harder, but I still have other skills that can make that okay. Eating is harder because its a very specific thing what my body is needing and if I don't get it exactly right, then my stomach is rumbly. Etc, etc, etc...

I'm not trying to whine a lot, just putting it out there.

Just a quick entry to reboot my blogging. I'll hopefully be able to write more later, gotta go check if I have to cancel the park class because of this rain.

Have a great day!