Comfort zone

I left the midwest because it was too easy there for me. Even though it wasn't easy, it was still within my comfort zone. It was easy for me to teach there because I'd taken time to grow a community of students, to share personal time with them in the classroom, but also outside the classroom. In my park class I showed my real self and created bonds with people because of that there as well. So I could mostly make a living there, not a great living, but a living none the less. I was surrounded by friends and family when wanted or needed. It was very comfortable.

Every time I get comfortable I stop growing. I know that may sound harsh, but for me its mostly true. Now I could get deeper into my own personal practices and grow in some ways but mostly I would get more and more into my own head and find reasons to not get out and do things, but to hide away and become more reclusive. Or ways to just stay in my head more and more, and for me that is death.

Going to India for the first time three years ago, yes it was only three years ago even though it was four trips and seems like a decade or more ago, was the biggest time I've been outside my comfort zone. I was entering a very hot place overweight (for me) and having been less active than I had been in years and began to sweat immediately and walk everywhere and do this strong, dynamic yoga daily whether I liked it or not. Had a teacher yelling at me and holding me accountable for doing my practice for the first time in most of my practice life. Made friends that I'm still friends with now and have been in India each of the four trips with. Ate a lot of spicy food that changed my palette to such a degree that now I don't really love much else, other than falafel too...lol. And so many other things.

But most of all, I was uncomfortable. I was being forced into the fullest version of Supta Kurmasana I'd ever been able to muster and stopped there because I couldn't do it fully, no one had ever stopped me before! Once I finally got it and finished primary I was immediately started on standing up and dropping back even though that hadn't been a requirement before in my early practice years when I was doing intermediate and learning Advanced A series. I was hot, it was like 92 degrees fahrenheit in the middle of the night for gods sake. My friend who I was sharing a room with was going through her own stuff, and trust me, our stuff did not mix well at all. My nerves were fried and my body shaky.

But slowly I adjusted and when I finally got home after those almost 8 weeks away I was sad to have to leave, but no matter that, India has never been comfortable each time I've gone back. But each time I've gotten a bit more easy with being their version of uncomfortable and grown to love it and consider it home. When I go back I'll go to the north which is hear is super outside most westerners comfort zone, so we'll see how that goes.

Now enter Germany. I'm getting more comfortable, even though I didn't think I would. But I'm still adjusting and the students are great. I'll have more to write on this as my time here grows but for now I'll leave it with that much.

But I do feel I'm growing here. It's colder again, so my body has tried to close up and make practice harder, again. Which is frustrating especially since I opened up so much in Mysore this year. But I'm feeling more like I did when I first began yoga. I'm more into watching the videos of Pattabhi teaching again like I used to, and using that to build my fire for my practice. I'm chanting my yoga sutras again more regularly, almost daily and I love the way chanting Sanskrit makes me feel. I'm reading more and being inspired more by the inisights coming up from this and my practices. I'm teaching more here, morning and night Mysore and that taking a lot from me, but also forcing me to pull from a deeper place to get up in the morning and do my practice before morning class and that is deepening my connection with my own spirit again.

So growth is happening, again and yes, continually. It's nice to feel it and be with it. To once again be present with it and be enjoying it.

There is a recent article stating that Ashtanga is not fun. And it talks about yoga trying to be fun for people and the the western approach that's brought that ideal up. And while Ashtanga can be fun, yes sometimes it can be, it is not fun. But it in enjoyable because you feel your growth, you can measure your physical changes and achievements against themselves the day before (if that's something you feel the need to do) and you can see and feel the ease one day, the tightness the next, the openness the next, the laziness the next, the strength the next, the fat the next, the thinness the next, the deeper twists the next, the tough backhanding the next, the easy backbending the next, etc...ad infinitum!

It's good. I like it. Even when I'm hating it, I still love it.

Change...

Change is always hard, but as the cliché says, it's the only constant, right?

Leaving India was not the thing I wanted to do. Last year while I was there in February, after my time with Sharath was over, I completely allowed myself to fall in love with it and found that it was the only place I wanted to live. But at the time had to go home to make some money to be able to return for the next season with Sharath and of course, that was good that I went. Lots of things changed. This time I also stayed an extra month but was invited to take over my friends Mysore program while she was out of the country, and it's for four months which is a long time. So I'd be living in Germany,which was not in my plan. Not that I plan anything, I go on my feelings and it felt right to say yes when she asked me.

So now, I'm in Germany. My sister took German in school and probably would be able to pick back up on it pretty easily. I took French and so many other romance languages are easy for me to pick up on. Even Kannada (what they speak in Mysore) isn't so hard to figure out what they're talking about to me, even though I don't know it at all. So I'm having a hard time with German. But the area is adorable, streets are mostly brick and the little shops all down the block are pretty great too.

The people are nice, and on the street will often look you in the eye and say "morgen" much like saying morning in the US, but it doesn't often happen on the street. But mostly they also speak English or know enough words to answer your questions about what it is a quiche you may be looking at (yes, this example is from my breakfast experience this morning lol).

But reading a language you have no clue about is hard, and even harder sometimes to have your google translate open and typing in each phrase or word to find out what they mean. Let alone the trials of trying to get your sim card to work when all the texts are in German, but we got that figured out finally after a few days. The good thing is that I'm good at getting things quickly. But listening to a language that you don't know, but your brain is still trying to translate constantly even though its to no avail is tiring. So therefor, this, my first week here has worn me out.

Add to that that not only is there a morning Mysore program, but there are three night Mysore classes as well. And anyone who knows me well knows I haven't taught an evening class in some years. One a week here and there, but always done before 7pm, because I just don't function well after 7pm. Thinking doesn't happen in my brain I should say after 7pm, but here I'm teaching till 7:30-8 depending on when the students finish. So, I'm tired. But still been able to practice each day, so I'm getting enough sleep. It's just the tiredness from adjusting and functioning in that way again.

I also keep taking wrong trains and having to walk much further than I mean to, but that will come as well. And I will say that I usually walk the whole time in India, and getting that scooter this year made me walking lazy! I love the scooter though, so much fun and nicer to get around to places more quickly, but damn, the walking is killing me now since I got unused to it lol.

Now, all that said. The students are great and make it worthwhile to be there and I love that. It's been over four months since I last taught and now I'm teaching as a teacher authorized to teach by my guru, which is maybe even more of a responsibility, but it also makes me feel happier to teach. And now people who practice with me can apply to also study with Sharath, that makes me even more happy.

So as change happens, it's kind of like growing pains and so the pain is there, but your body is getting bigger. Or your spirit is getting bigger. Things are expanding. However one wants to say it. You can't grow or have expansion of self without the pain of change. So this new experience will be great, is going great already and I can imagine will help me grow more than I expected. I would love to see you here, come visit me!