Rottenness

I don't know if thats how you spell that word, don't even know if its a "proper" English word, but thats okay.

I think I may still have a lot of rottenness to work through, and in my feeling so wonderful through all these practices and through this teacher training, its fighting its way out.

I'm saying things and doing things that are normal and feel as if I'm doing them in an appropriate way and yet everyone is getting pissed at me! lol, I know that weeding through the riff-raff is part of the process, it happened when I first started yoga many moons ago and has happened again and again, but now with the kundalini yoga training its happening again! I am seeing those things that are in me made manifest in others. I know that goes with the mirror theory, that everyone is a mirror of you and reflects back only those things within yourself you need to make a shift on, in judgment or thinking usually, not necessarily in action. I also know Yogi Bhajan always said that you will be ridiculed, treated badly and made fun of, amongst other things, when you chose this path but it helps you clear that stuff out and helps those you teach it to clear their stuff out. THat is why you're doing it, not for the non-believers, they will always be there.

I of course put that into my own words, not quoting him directly. That is the way I read the statement. So maybe that is whats happening? I'm weeding out the riff-raff, those who don't serve my path are falling away, via my pissing them off? I'm also creating stronger bonds with many folks through trial and error with my behaviour.

How do all those Sikhs make it look so easy to be so knowledgeable, kind, loving, open and forthright? Many of them have been doing it for a longer, much longer, time than me so they've had more practice? I don't know.

Oddly enough, its not distressing me. Every morning when I do my 40 day kriya, The Brain Doctor, I'm feeling better and better. Not necessarily like a million bucks, but a little better, and more conscious, more aware of things as they are happening rather than noticing whats happened two days later or something.

This process is not new for me, I've been working on it for 10+ years now, but with the teacher training, the white tantric yoga courses, the solstice celebrations, the many upon many 40 day meditations, the almost daily sadhana and kriya practices its become exponentially quickened, this process, and I've noticed it. The hatha path took its time, this leaves no time, so you either have to embrace the letting go of all the things that are coming up so quickly or you tighten a hold on things that no longer serve you, clean house so to speak. Mental House!

Its all good and I love it and can tell its taking me to better and better places, deeper and deeper things and more intense personal relationships. I signed up, so am along for the ride! Sat Nam

Teacher Training, weekend 3

So, we're supposed to pick a 40 day practice and journal about it.

After the 2nd weekend I had some old patterns of thought come out, quite a bit, and found a kriya in the level 2 book, Transformation, called the Brain Doctor. Its a crazy bunch of exercises, that leaves me feeling awesome and has helped balance out any stuff I feel coming up, seems to regulate me so I can think about it and let it go, before acting on it! lol

Last week before I found it, I was having lots of mental crap go on that I took out on a couple people, and it felt really bad after the fact. Even after finding it on Friday I had a whole full of ugliness in my thoughts and was even an hour late to teacher training because of what I allowed to happen due to the thinking patterns I found last week.

What I discovered when I got there was that I felt disconnected from the group because they had already started the checking in process, but found that when I woke up the next morning, I felt connected and peaceful and amazing. Just being in the ashram does that for me though, its such a supportive, loving place.

So I skipped part of sadhana to get my 40 day kriya completed and then joined them for most of the chanting and gurdwara and breakfast. It ended up being an awesome day, that made me realize I have these people for a suppport system, we're all going through it together and can talk to one another and share and become closer and closer.

I love the group of folks that I'm going thru this with, they are a great bunch of people, full of diversity, peace and love. We're all different and yet finding ourselves so much the same as we all have stuff pulled out of us and have to deal with it.

I find that this is going to be one of the biggest things in my life and as I'm living the teachings I see changes in the people around me, or rather maybe I am seeing them through new eyes?

A Facebook friend who is also a Sikh just reminded me that the Siri Guru Granth Sahib states over and over again how we are all divine, or god if you like. He was saying it in support to me being the only out and proud Sikh he knows, but I'm saying in support of everyone around me, including myself.

We're all divine. Yogi Bhajan said in a lecture I just watched last night, there is no god, we are god. Everyone and everything is god. Wow, I know this, I actually do know this and it seems to be time I started living as if I know it. And so, off into my day to express my life looking at everyone as god, that same god that lives in me, in you, and in everyone.

This is the time and we are the ones we've been waiting for!

Teacher Training

So, I'm back from my second weekend of training in Kansas City, to become a kundalini yoga teacher. Its awesome!

The first weekend was overstimulating and I left feeling like I'd taken on too much but this weekend was just amazing and I love all the people in the class and especially the teachers.

Karta Purkh and Sat Inder (yes, she and I have the same name!) are two very humble, lovely and just plain awesome beings to have as teachers and I love staying at the ashram with them, I almost feel like I could move there! lol

The training is very different than I had anticipated, they're making us do the work! lol. Example, last week Karta Purkh gave us each a pranayama technique to learn and study and then teach it to the whole class on Saturday. Rather than them teaching us, they are having us do the work and then when it comes to sharing it with others, its easy because you own the experience of having learned it, practiced it and then taught it already.

I just love it. I guess I was thinking they would be sitting up there telling us things, rather than making us find the info ourselves and then pulling the truth from inside us, so we know what we're talking about when we are sharing some teaching with others.

We also watched our first Master Touch video, which I've read the book, but the video is fuller and it feels like Yogi Bhajan is in the room with us, so its an experience in itself too.

Well, I'm not articulating so well anymore, had a busy day, so I'll log off and go read some more and internalize some more, process some more and grow some more! lol

Love to you all and may you come from a place of love as well when you're out there moving around through your lives.

Peace, Sat Nam!