Sundays

Sundays are my favorite mornings of the week. I get to get up of my own volition, practice at a pace that doesn't feel forced, eat breakfast slowly, go to Starbucks, have a chai and croissant while reading for a good long while and then I tend to go to the park for a walk or to meditate (being cold this morning not sure if these will happen lol) and then I head in to teach a late morning class. Its a great class with mostly long time students who are willing to do the work and chant a bit and then I'm off the rest of the day. Whats not to love about that? A day led at the pace of life that I enjoy, semi-leisurely...

This morning I woke very early and practiced already, have eaten already and so decided to write before I shower and head out. Times like this, where my practice was so deep and my pranayama session so clearing, that now its just quiet, are my favorite of these Sundays. That sense of quiet, even when there's noise, is why I practice. Sure my body feels better, works better and looks better. Sure my mind is clearer and I feel more steady and peaceful. But that quiet is so nice. When you hear a sound and you just hear it, clearly, with no extraneous thought muffling it and then its silent again. I'm experiencing it as I type on this keyboard right now, so nice.

How do people everywhere not engage in the practice of yoga?!? It just makes everything better, not one type of yoga over another either, just anything from the yogic cannon applied to life. It just makes everything fuller, more complete and more fully experienced. I know I'm not alone in this, I'm seeing it more and more lately. In the connections between people in the workshop I taught yesterday, in the people I draw into my life on all accounts, not just in the yoga world.

Everything just seems to be getting clearer, more crystalized and transparent, and to me that brings peace. Maybe not to some. Maybe there is something to this Age of Aquarius stuff, which is now in full swing. We'll see as this week unfolds even further, with New Years Day on Tuesday and beyond.

I love it! I love you! Enjoy yourself today, for your own sake!

Christmas

I'm not a big one for celebrating this holiday, mostly because of what its become. I don't feel the need to buy people tons of stuff to let them know how I feel. If I'm in your presence by my choice, I pretty much think you're awesome, if not I wouldn't be around you!

But I do like the time with family. I am the kind of person that I'm okay with being around the people I like or if I don't see them for a while, I'm okay with that too. Not too attached, and it seemed to have gotten worse during my Kundalini yoga period (I still practice it some, but meaning the time I was only doing it, and doing it a lot). I had gotten to the point I didn't feel like I wanted to see anyone much, or anything, and then was totally fine when I was around people. Now that I've began practicing Ashtanga as my main practice again, I feel differently. I remember when it changed, sometime over the summer, I started feeling my emotions again more fully, not that I allowed them to rule over me, but that I noticed them being in full swing again, and they hadn't been in a little over 3 years.

Now I'm in touch with that again, I've noticed that I'm enjoying being around family again and older friends that I haven't seen in a while. My past is part of what made me who I am now. I can't just disregard it as I was doing, I need to embrace it for what it is, part of the formation of me, as I am right now. And I like that, and I'm glad that I've shifted to this place, its a much nicer place to be.

Its like being okay with everything, not all the time mind you, I am still a work in progress. But the majority of the time being okay with whatever happens, embracing it and moving forward with it. I.E. my family, much of the time, still calls me Keith even though I expressed much displeasure at this, during the time that I was really doing the Kundalini and living fully as a Sikh, wearing the turban and so forth. They do make the occasional effort to call me Sat Inder, and thats great, but I've slowly shifted into being okay with that. I hear it and it doesn't make me cringe as it once did, and its okay. I was that person at one time, I was named that name at birth and for just short of 40 years went by it. It is a part of my history, and a part of me, and remains so, so its okay. Now I still love being called Sat Inder more and am prone to not always hearing Keith when someone says it to me, but its not the end of the world.

I have a friend, Caleb, who said "you know, Sat Inder just seems like he should have long hair and look more Eastern." He's right, I do feel more apt to deserve the name with my long hair, and am growing it back out, full length, I don't know yet, but longer. And I did love my beard long, it was awesome. So I'm heading back that direction.

I also realize that this is one of the goals of a yoga practice, not just an asana practice, but a full yoga practice. To be okay with the polarities of life, something good is fine, something not as good is fine too, you are okay with whatever happens. Acting, not reacting to life.

Its nice to be here, and not saying it will be a stable place. I imagine I'll have to work at it all the time, but thats okay, at least its a bit easier this week, and thats nice.

The following mantra has become my personal mantra lately and what I base my practice around:

Asato ma sat gamaya

Tamaso ma jyotir gamaya

Mrityor ma amritam gamaya

translation;

Lead me from untruth to truth

Lead me from darkness to light

Lead me from death to everlasting life

I use my practice: asana, pranayama, the application of the yamas and niyamas, meditation, all of it; to bring myself to such a level of awareness at all times that I am able to discern the truth in most situations, to see the light in the midst of the darkness of whatever circumstance I happen to be in the middle of and to see myself as a being of spirit, a spirit that will never die, but will continue one once I throw off the chains of this mortal coil and leave this body behind, I will still be moving forward, growing, expanding, yes, even then.

I love this life I've chosen and intend to keep loving it and moving forward and teaching others these teachings I live by so that maybe they will also have similar results and become more conscious and loving and peaceful.

Namaste!

Good morning...

I almost never write in the morning, I'm usually practicing and then after showering and heading to Starbucks. This morning I woke up after sleeping in a bit (didn't sleep too well the night before) and was so sore from my practice yesterday that I decided to just do some pranayama, meditate and chant the Japji and forgo my asana practice until later in the day, maybe before I teach the primary series this afternoon.

So I'm going to go visit my friend in Collinsville for brunch after I go to Starbucks, and enjoy not doing much this morning, which is a rare occurrence.

This Friday is December 21, 2012, the last day on the Mayan calendar and according to astrological terms the beginning, in full, of the Age of Aquarius. Sounds like a big deal huh? I guess it probably is, the energy shifts are palpable these days and seem to be making some people crazy. Especially those who don't practice any yoga or anything strengthening their consciousness, because that helps to integrate all the energy flowing around lately. More and more are waking up and becoming fully involved in life, theirs and others.

But in the teachings of the Law of Attraction as brought through Abraham, the fact that everyone believes something is happening is bringing it forth, and so its self perpetuating? I don't know. I do know that I can feel something going on and more and more people coming to classes and more and more people asking advice on many aspects of life and actually following it, then there are those that are asking and not following it and creating a whole big mess for themselves lol. But thats on them, its time for folks to be taking resposibility for their own actions, happiness and living more consciously, its also time for those of us who are to be compassionate towards those who are trying.

This is my biggest lesson, compassion. I always have been the guy who was like, thats your fault its like that, you made the decisions to lead you that way, but thats not how I'm working to be nowadays. Some people just havent built up the inner strength that I have and need that support system, and I'm making a concerted effort to be that when needed. As much as I can, I am still a work in progress.

This is why my practice is so important to me, and why I make such an effort at disciplining myself to keep up with my practice. Ashtanga most days and kundalini here and there, meditation, pranayama, all of these things. Or rather all of the things that I've discovered, through practicing them, help me in the pursuit of inner happiness and strength. It seems to be working and now is a bit easier, most days. Now that my vata is more balanced I also find that it keeps the focus harder to maintain as well, so being pitta/kapha before was a blessing in disguise, but I do like having more energy from the vata balance, its nice to not be so lethargic.

Harmony Lichty, an authorized Ashtanga teacher from Canada is now in Mysore studying with Sharath and I would love to be there (many of you know that I was trying for a trip in February, that is not happening, thats for another blog, but maybe next fall with my friend Seabrook), but she posted notes from Sundays conference with him and I love reading them because I get inspired in my practice, here is a link to it and if it doesn't work just copy and paste it, http://www.livingbreathingyoga.blogspot.com/.

The problem with being in love with this practice is that there just isn't a community here for it. I have built a small following of folks who come to classes but no one who wants to practice on their own, other than Seabrook, and so knows what that entails and the trials and tribulations of it. That is the biggest reason I want to go to Mysore to study, for the community of it and the immersion in all aspects of the practice, throughout the whole day, not just your time on the mat.

Oh well, it will happen, and sooner rather than later, but I can't lament about it anymore now. I'm happy and want to stay that way today! lol

So the holidays are upon us, all of you enjoy them and be wondeful and peaceful with one another during them, and note the studios schedule changes due to them. One of them being me teaching a big 2 hour Ashtanga led primary series class ending with pranayama on New Years Day, and the 30 day challenge at Yogasource for January.

I wish you all well during this time of change and tradition, much love!

Ashtanga Awareness...

So, I'm practicing this yoga again after a few years off. I really didn't take it off completely, it always creeped its way back in, but I wasn't practicing the 6 days a week and the lifestyle of it and the teachings of Guruji fully, now I am again.

So what happens? Now I'm wanting to teach it again, I am teaching it, but I mean I want to teach it all the time. I like my Align and Flow classes, don't get me wrong and very often I teach the Ashtanga sequencing and focus on one of the aspects of it, one time the breath, today I did uddiyana bandha, sometimes I focus on moola bandha, and I like being able to do that as well. But I really miss teaching the Mysore classes 4-5 days a week like a did before in Collinsville, and also had one led class a week in Edwardsville. It was the best. And when people really get into it and see the benefits of it, its the most rewarding way to teach, really.

I've been teaching it since 2001 and still can't get enough people to take responsibility for their own practice and come, learn the sequence and get the most out of their yoga! Its frustrating. This area is just not into it, they want to be led through their practice, and those who do practice on their own don't necessarily want to practice Ashtanga, not sure what the problem is. The Mysore classes in Chicago are huge, in New York City, multiple schools have huge classes.

Then I think, well, its because I haven't been to India and done the work in the way it needs to be done to make my way toward authorization and certification, but that doesn't matter here either because no one here even knows thats a requirement, they think you did your 200 hours, you're certified. No I'm not, in this tradition you have to get your authorization to teach from the folks in India, which I respect, they just haven't given in to the quick way everyone thinks things need to be done these days.

But even if I go, it won't matter here, people just don't care. SO, I guess I gotta move? But then there's the whole problem of starting all over again. I've taken since 2001 to build up the following I have now, and somewhere else I just have to pay those dues all over again.

Ok, thats my mini rant. I know from studying the Law of Attraction that I have to see and feel myself already having these things I want. Now, here is the problem, I really do want to move, always have, and assume I will until I actually do it. But I'm here and here is cheap, here I have a following, here I have a large community that I've taken 12 years to build, so I don't mind being here, I even like it, love it sometimes too. So, what do I want?!?

I want to teach this practice, so I'm going to. I want to teach it more than I do that, so I'm working on that. I want to go to India and study with Sharath this coming year, so I'm working towards doing that with Seabrook, next fall hopefully. I also know I can't make people love things because I do, but I can be so enthusiastic for it that they get it and want to try it out, even if its just sporadic attendance, so I am going to be that. Also, I'm finding myself wanting to teach Kundalini again, not weekly or daily like before, but maybe monthly. I don't know why, I'm just drawn to these super traditional, set sequence sort of practices, they work for me and my non-traditionalism lol!

Okay, I feel better now! lol, thanks for reading!!!

Openings...

So, anyone who's taken on the Ashtanga Vinyasa system as their practice will understand the title of this post. So no, I'm not referring to a job opening, or a store opening, but an opening that is a physical thing, and a physical thing that translates to a mental thing, and an energetic thing.

Our bodies, from doing the same things over and over again, slowly open. Muscles release from tissues, ribs start to gain more flexibility, bones start to move and many other things. It sounds crazy, but its true, and its very fulfilling because with these openings the energy starts to flow and when the energy is unblocked our lives become unblocked, meaning we have less resistance to things that come up and allow the flow to happen almost all the time.

The problem is, and its not really a problem but anyway, the problem is that when you're going through an "opening" phase, you're sore as fuck lol!!! And then it calms down and if you keep the practice up and don't slack off to allow the soreness to go away, you get the benefits of the opening.

So this week I'm going through an opening period, yesterday was a full moon too so I'm sure the intensity of that added to it, but I was glad for the day off the practice and even practiced some kundalini yoga with a friend, which made me more sensitive to the energetics of this opening period, so very nice it can be, even though its intense.

I've been practicing a bit more kundalini to get really clear as the openings happen, and I do love it even though I'm not immersed in it right now, it is amazing work. Much like the Ashtanga system. They are both tough, regimented practices that are very traditional and those traditions were to cause transformations within the practitioner, so how can I complain? I'm asking for it! lol... Yes I am, and I appreciate and love it even if it is hard sometimes.

I will say this, I've been on with my practices lately, super strong in them, not slacking and this full moon, mercury in retrograde (which just went direct), the way people are acting sooo crazy out there in the world and the intensity of life right now, have seemed less so. And I credit it with me being so strong with them right now, so now I'm seeing another benefit of keeping up these practices that have become so dear to me.

Today, I had a few plans, all of which ended up getting canceled so most of the day I ended up being alone, I took a nap, I watched a movie, I went to the park and meditated in the woods, I read 5 chapters in a book I'm reading. All of these things I've not been satisfied with in the past few weeks, but I kept strong to my practice and now I'm back to being okay with the being alone, feeling fulfilled just with my own company, and happy to be back here because I've always loved my alone time. To not enjoy it for about 3 weeks was hard for me.

So when you find yourself having some down time, do you enjoy it even if you're all by yourself? I think so many folks do not, because they've been raised in an environment of constant stimulation so they aren't sure what to do with themselves when they get that time. So maybe take up some yoga, even just a few times a week. Ideally that will lead you to some meditation too, or if you do some kundalini yoga, it will include active meditations which are great for beginners because it gives your mind something to occupy it and then you can dive deep into yourself, your spirit, and come out on the other side of it calmer, and maybe will enjoy your down time, when you have it.

So the openings in the physical body led me to openings in my mind that led me to openings in my schedule, which allowed me to enjoy the openings in my mind. The mental openings equate to a feeling of peace to me. Space to just be, with the trees in the woods, with the words in the book I'm reading and the images that came up in my mind from those words, with the friends I had lunch with and the conversation we had, or coloring with their daughter on her childrens menu, with the warmth of the sun as it beat down on my skin on this warmer of days we seem to be having this fall, and now as I sit and write this for you, and for me too.

Ok, love to you all, now to go be present with some Vampire Diaries! LOL

Sunday night

So, I've not been inspired to write in a while. Writing to me has to flow and come out naturally, instinctually, but I haven't been having that regularly now for a few months. I've sat down and tried to make myself write, but that always starts out icky and just gets ickier, but I've still posted some of them.

This weekend I worked on one teacher training, and then another. Both were great, I love teaching all these people that are wanting to share yoga with others just as it was shared with them. But I also started thinking...

There are so many teacher trainings going on right now, and I'm a believer in abundance so I'm not concerned having so many teachers around because I believe there is enough to go around. The problem, if you want to call it a problem, is that most people have no business teaching. Lots of them have practiced for a very short time and not dug in deep enough to their own practice yet, if they even maintain a self practice, and/or studied with a teacher, one teacher, for very long. And I know that once upon a time the student stayed with the teacher and maybe lived apart from them, but studied with them sometimes for years before they gave them the okay to go out and teach. It may even still be that way in India, but I don't know.

I do think the Western approach has expanded and grown the Eastern teachings exponentially, so in that respect I think its a great thing, but then our Western way of doing everything too quickly and with less integrity has also infected the process, and that may not be such a good thing. I do believe that everything is working out just the way its meant to be working out and so its all good, but I can have these thoughts and its okay, I've made my peace with it.

I think the main concern I have is that I'm seeing so many come through, who are not practicing yoga as a mainstay in their life. They're still saying they don't have enough time and taking a class when they can fit it in, rather than using the teachings to create a practice of their own, on their own, not in a led class. And yes, I do think thats an important part of the process. How can you integrate and grow and expand when you're always pushing outwardly, rather than using your practice to go inside and dig in deep to that inner being. When you have to stay external to listen to a teacher it just doesn't happen, sure you can have some amazing experiences anyway, but not go in deep.

I don't know, maybe I'm making too much out of it. I seem to be unable to make up my mind on anything right now, so maybe this is just another symptom of that? I cut my hair, I cut my beard, both after taking vows not to. I now all weekend have had the urge to clipper my hair off really short, while letting my beard grow long, even though I know I'll hate it because I like it longer in the winter. I'm having trouble practicing because of tightness around my sciatic nerve (that I also went through the first time I practiced ashtanga, but once it went away it was gone for good) so the practice has been slow and not a full series lately, so I'm sure thats affecting me too, I've just been plain busy too this past week, which will change this week because of the holiday. I've also had a weird headache the past two days which isn't something I've had since I smoked back in 2000.

I don't know, its all good, I feel amazing most of the time and am relaxed most of the time and happy most of the time, so whats my problem?

Who knows, I'm fine, I know that, or am I not??? Maybe I'm crazy and all of this is shit and doesn't matter??? Maybe? LOL

Thats enough of my crazy for the night, take care all and remember, don't pay any attention to anything I say on here. I don't know a damn thing! Never have, and never will!!!

.......

Another weekend is coming to a close, this one was a bit different in that I started it off teaching the Happy Hour class at Prana that I set up to teach a while back but have had obligations since then and only was able to once. I had 6 people, it was a fun class. Then Saturday I taught the teacher trainees at Yogasource all day long, it being the last weekend we took it kind of easy, had a nice lunch and got out early, and then today they graduated. It was my first experience training teachers and I have to say I loved and they were a great group. We're going to set up a community class for them to teach at Yogasource on Sundays so they can get the experience of teaching, I think it will go over well. I'm re-reading Kino's book Sacred Fire and getting all inspired to dedicate myself to Ashtanga Yoga again, as my path, not just as a path but as my path. I've decided to change most of my classes over, keeping only my Sunday class as Align and Flow, I haven't decided when but that doesn't necessarily matter yet since I'm teaching most of them using that sequencing already. But dedicating myself to it seems like it lines up all my energy in one direction, not scattering it all about and wasting it. It feels right. There's just so much to it and talking with people who are taking the classes and/or practicing it as their main practice it just solidifies it in my being that there is so much power in it. Doing the same thing over and over until you get the opening, the space and the flow through that area of the body and then moving forward, adding on one asana at a time is just so wise. I love it! So I didn't finish yesterday, so now its Monday and the weekend has already come to a close, sorry, had a late dinner with some lovely friends and got home and got in bed to read then fell asleep early. Today I went to practice, then teach the Mysore class, then had breakfast and a mani/pedi after, very nice! I don't get them terribly often and so I feel spoiled lol. I know, I know, I am spoiled but I create a great life for myself, I do! So, lots of thoughts and processing stuff floating around through my mind so I'm not too sure where I was intending to go when I started this entry yesterday, so I'm going to close and come back to it later this week or weekend. I'm going to visit a good friend of mine from my Kundalini training down in Southwest Missouri Thursday thru Saturday and then come home to see Pilobolus perform, so it may not be until early next week, but I've got a lot going on in there, so there is much to come out, so I promise to write again soon. Much love to you all! Change your mind right now, chose to be happy and positive even in the midst of adversity and struggle, its hard but sooooo worth it!!!

Full Moon . . .

I've been having a bout of feeling unlike myself, I'm not quite sure who I was feeling like though, but I just know instinctively that it wasn't me. But starting this week, and especially today I realized that I am feeling myself again.

In fact, and I'll just blame on the moon right now, I'm feeling very much in anticipation of new things coming about. I'm also feeling a bit restless and frustrated that these new things haven't come around already, but the anticipation is the fun part anyway, so its all good.

I really think I keep saying its all good because one day I may actually believe it lol.

I've been feeling my practice a lot lately, meaning, that I'm feeling my body in a deeper way lately, much deeper than I have in a while, so its opening up again, finally. I also am feeling my elbows, and shoulders. Not pain at all, but just feeling them. Like this morning, I was going through primary series and I've been stopping at the point when I can't complete a pose, which is Marichasana D, intending the follow the way this practice is taught and relearn it one pose at a time, the way I did back in 2000-2008, when I had gotten up through about 1/3 of the third series. But I digress, so this morning I got to that point, Marichi D, and was feeling my elbows in a major way, there is a nerve cluster there that I'm sure is super stimulated by all the vinyasa in this practice. So I decided to get as deep into it as I could and then go ahead and finish the primary series anyway. And as I got further past Marichi D the sensation in my elbows dissipated. It was nice.

Tomorrow is a full moon, and it may actually be totally full now, so no ashtanga practice in the morning. I'm going to just sleep in until I get up and see what I feel like doing, maybe some pranayama and meditation, maybe a kundalini set, maybe just lying there for a long time! lol. So I'll have to see how my practice works again on Tuesday, and will let you know.

I finally emailed Kino Macgregor's people about bringing her to St. Louis, and think its going to happen, but we'll see. There'll be a lot of work to be done around it once I find out if she's even interested and available anytime soon. That will be cool, but also I'm planning to attend the Ashtanga Confluence in San Diego in February, maybe go to see Kino in March in Michigan where some friends are, then again seeing her in June in Chicago, and then also seeing Mark Robberds in Chicago in September. PLUS, I want to go to Barcelona to visit my friend Julia, and theres a weekend in there that David Robson will be there teaching an Ashtanga weekend, so thats a possibility too. I'll buy the Confluence ticket first, then Spain, then the rest will follow that.

So, possibly a lot going on next year! But what I'm feeling right now is anticipation of these things, so that means other things will be coming up before then, bigger classes, lots of income, great friends, maybe a relationship popping up (god, I said it didn't I? fuck...).

Yes, I said it. I think I'm ready for a relationship. Not saying I want to "go steady" with someone, whatever that means. But I would like to have someone special, I think, even if its an open relationship. Someone I enjoy and who enjoys me and someone attractive for gods sake lol.

So, thats said, now no more about it, please.

Anyhow, have you noticed how emotional everyone is these days? Yes? Of course, because they are, you and me included. So, lets use this yoga and allow it to help up calm these emotions, feel them, but let them not control us, but us them.

How about it? Sounds good to me. Seems like I had a whole other plan of what I was going to write, but here is what came out. You never know, and neither do I! lol, see you soon folks, much love and peace to you all.

After practice glow...

So I've just showered after my practice and a full session of pranayama, which makes me high usually but today balanced out my practice beautifully.

I'm sitting here wasting time so I can go the bank first thing after they open at 9am, someone decided they would use my card last night to check into a motel and the fraud people called me because I had made many purchases yesterday and none of them from this location, so they thought something was up. I'm thankful for that, but now I have to go get a new card and put in the paperwork to have the money they spent credited back into my account. Not a super huge deal, especially since I'm off most of the day today, so again I appreciate that they caught it so quickly!

Last night I was a bit more livid about it and even probably had it so much in my mind that it woke me up at 3:30 this morning and I've been up since, which is odd because I was commenting on someones facebook status about them getting up so early to practice saying that I used to always because that was when Pattabhi told me to do my practice. So this morning I got to test that again, since I was up so early I started practice, mind you not at 3:30, but at 4:30.

So my theory is this, at that time of the morning, which I've been getting up for 12 years, but now I just take my time getting to my practice, say at 5 or 6, rather than beginning sharply at 4am, we haven't really had time to let our minds get in the way and restrict our bodies, so our bodies, after the initial stiffness from sleep wears off are able to take more and go further, not from being warmed like at all as they are later in the day, but from lack of mental resistance. Where we believe our bodies can go, and therefore they stop there rather than loosen up and move deeper into a posture. I like it, as an experiment I may try moving my practice back up this early to see how it works for a while, but we'll see! lol, I like the later time in my old age !!! lol...

It most certainly is easier to be more meditative at this time I've found and I love that, thats more the focus these days than the acrobatics, although my body feels awesome after a good session for sure.

Another thing on my mind is moving. I've lived here since July of 2011 and love the apartment, but outside the apartment is lacking lately. The neighborhood has gotten worse, even though I've not had any personal things happen since the spring, someone broke into the laundromat below me and tore it up, also shitting in a couple of the machines and my neighbor had his truck broken into, so not ideal. Although staying here would be easy, and its cheap. I have a couple friends who've made some offers for renting space from them, so we'll see, if you have any good ideas let me know!

Well, I guess I'll go get dressed and head to the bank, thanks for keeping me company while I wasted time this morning. I'll try to get back on the blogging more frequently. I do have a lot on my mind that could use being released but haven't figured out words for a lot of it yet! Enjoy your day, namaste...

Posting

I haven't felt like posting in a while, not because I don't have anything to say, but because I've been having profound experiences in my asana practice and just don't have the words for them.

Then last weekend I got to Chicago to take a Mysore class at Moksha, which was awesome, and then heard Abraham speak on Saturday. I didn't ask a question, but I didn't have to. Everything I wanted to know came out in the conversation, and the energy in the room was the most profound experience I've ever had, or rather, feeling the energy in the room. My friend even told me she got a contact high and felt better after being around me once I got back Saturday night, so there's something to it

So, I still don't have much to say, sorry. Still processing maybe? Or maybe there's just not anything to be said, its an experience and that experience is still moving through me, and maybe it will stay that way, or maybe it will pass and then I'll have some major things come out.

Who knows, I feel great, my practice is great, my teaching feels great. Life is great!

Tuesday morning

As I sit here this morning, having just meditated (and went very deep I may add), I'm feeling this deep stillness. I can usually feel this way after a tough asana practice where I really connected with my breath, maybe didn't do the postures so brilliantly, but felt such a deep internal connection as my breath moved me that I touched that place. I've been drawn lately to meditate, just to sit and be present with myself and allow whatever to come up and move away. I've not worked it into my schedule yet but I'm also afraid if I try to "schedule" it it will not work as well, for me it seems it needs to be spontaneous and then, and only then, I can go deep and get in touch with that stillness that lies at the heart of all of our beings. If I put it someplace and make sure that I'm there doing it every day, it becomes yet something else to "do" and I don't need anymore of those things. For years that place was so elusive, but I practiced in the park yesterday with a friend and at the end during savasana I opened my eyes and the tree above me, the grass around me, the sounds of the wind and other things moving in the park, the sunlight, everything seemed clearer, brighter and more full of an inner glow. I had a moment, I didn't share it with her, thinking it would move away. But I was able to maintain that clarity and sense of peace all day. And it extended into my sleep, I slept much longer than I normally do, but woke up still with ease and radiance and clarity, then I sat after chanting Japji and my cold shower with almond oil, and had a deeper sense of stillness, a relaxing, like an internal ahhhhh, and here I sit. Trying to share that with you, so doubt that it can have half the impact in words as it does in the silence. Now I get it, NOW I get it. I think I though I had gotten it before, and I probably had, at the level that I was in touch with at that time. Maybe thats all we are doing, moving from getting it, into a deeper variation of getting it, and then again, and then again, . . . so on and so forth. Yes, I think thats it. Its a neverending expansion and evolution of spirit, neverending. I like that. When I was younger I wanted to get it because then I would have it and know it and, and then what? Boredom? Who knows. So now, where I am now I like that its neverending, gives me something to keep moving into, towards, someplace to grow and expand outwards from. Peace, and then deeper peace, and then deeper peace . . .

New campaign thru Indiegogo...

Sunday, again. . .

So it seems Sundays work out as the best day for me to write, often anyway. Its a day I normally get up with no alarm clock, still fairly early for the average human though, but I've been getting up at 4am for 12 years, so now sleeping in til 5am is a treat and about the latest I can wake up, even though I slept til 6am this morning (tell you about that in a minute). So, I normally get up leisurely and practice, then breakfast, shower and head to Starbucks to read and drink a chai, then Forest Park for a walk, to meditate or to just sit in my car and read some more. Then teach at 11:15am, so a leisurely morning for me, I very often teach much earlier. Then I lunch after, very often head home for a nap, or if its nice to the park for a nap, then wake up refreshed and ready to share some ideas on this page. Not always, but a lot of the times this is how my Sundays work. I may regret telling you people that, but we'll see lol. So hence why I have the time to write, its a no pressure kind of day. This morning however was different, I was only able to barely drag my ass out of bed at 6am ( I just can't sleep past dawn, suns up, I am) because Terry Sobon, a good friend of mine, and I went to see Poison and Def Leppard last night, not my usual Saturday evening, but an entertaining one none the less. After seeing the movie Rock of Ages I had a kind of revival of love for the 80s rock music that I grew up with and much of the music last night was in the movie. Terry loved the movie too and so when this tour was coming to town and we noticed it, we bought tickets. Poison was not good, well if I'm honest it was Bret Michaels that was not good, his voice cracked a lot and he would stop to yell every other word ST Louis, oh yeah St Louis! Dude, sing the fucking song, we all know where we are! lol But C.C. Deville was amazing, he did a little guitar solo that blew me away, so I hope that means that his drug troubles are behind him and he's finally flying clean and clear. Now Def Leppard was amazing, I had forgotten how many songs of theirs I knew and loved, even knew the words too. But they all also look good and still sound good, play very good and are entertaining. So all in all, even though I was out way later than I would've preferred, it was a fun evening with a lady I love very much and some great entertainment. THis morning however, my head, which is not necessarily ringing like I thought it would be, feels pressured, as if its in a vice. And so my practice was shortened and I added in a lot of pranayama, which seemed to help. I think I taught okay, but am not sure lol! Oh well, its just interesting how changing it up can be and what occurs. I'm glad I'm not uptight like I used to be and would not go to something like this, especially since its only once in a while, and to spend time with a friend is the most important part. So I hope we all can be relaxed, enjoy ourselves and not get so caught up in the yogic stuff that we can't apply it to our lives in many varying ways, not just to practice on the mat in the morning, but also in our interactions with others and in our goings on around town in our day to day lives. Enjoy your day!

wtf?!?

I just relaized this blog network, which is under a new format, does not separate everything into paragraphs the way I'm typing it, but lumps it all together. Which is ridiculous, because it looks like I'm a spazoid lol. Just know that the proper separation of topics and thoughts is there, but for some reason they take it away from me, or think I'm a spazoid, I guess it doesn't really matter.

Peace, tolerance, love . . . presence

I started to write yesterday but it didn't work, I saved it and went back to look at it and was like, yuck, no thats not gettings posted! lol So this morning I woke up sluggishly, instead of going to the studio to practice before my Mysore class I ate a Pro Bar with Coconut Water at home and then went to Starbucks to try and wake up. Read a bit, then went to the studio for the official 7:30am start time and no one showed up. No big deal, so I went to park and wasted time until two friends were able to join me and we practiced at the park, I did second series, first three postures of the third series, and then full set of pranayama. It sent me into a weird place, I ate, which grounded me again, then came home and fell asleep for an hour. Now I feel as if I'm human again. Good lord, not sure what that was about, but I felt a mess lol. If you've been following my blog, then you know that when I changed my name to Sat Inder back in 2010 officially ( but I began using it in 2009) it was because I became a Sikh. Sikhi is a religion from India that wears turbans, has a peaceful manifesto, but also carries swords so that you know they are willing to stand up for their beliefs, and won't sit idly by as you pick on another for their beliefs either. When it came to this country it was mostly because of Yogi Bhajan, who came to teach us Kundalini Yoga, which transformed many people, so they began asking about his turban and his bana (clothing) and his beard, etc. When asked he gave them answers from a yogic perspective, not necessarily from a traditional Sikh perspective, but it was those answers that caused many, myself included, to convert from our western upbringing to the ways of the East and join that faith (I hate the word religion). Sikhs embrace all faiths and are willing to fight for everyones system of belief, not just their own, and have been persecuted in India since the time the faith was founded, in 1699 officially. The name Sikh (prounounced sick) means seeker of truth, or student, so all that stands to reason why they chose that as their name. I have not been wearing my turban lately, I have even cut my beard and my hair. I still wear my kara and still follow many of the traditions within the faith, even though I have broken a few of their rules by doing the latter. To me faith is an inner experience, and sometimes those external things, like hair, turban, wearing white (which is only an American Sikh thing, in India only the old an infirm Sikhs wear white), carrying a sword, etc, serve as a way to find that inner space for the true light of the faith to begin to shine out, and then the outer is no longer needed. Part of the external trappings of the faith are so that one stands out in a crowd and you know they are different. I agree with that too, but also believe if you're living the inner experience, you will shine like a light from heaven and all will know there is something different about you, with or without wearing the garb. I stand out, always have, and imagine I always will. When I wore the turban I did get more attention, not always good, but not always bad. But I still have long hair and a beard, wear large jewelry and bright colors and live in Fundamentalist Central, so I say again, I will always stand out. But not just for those reasons, also because I live the life. I do the work, I practice asana daily, which gives my body a definitive glow, pranayama most days, which takes the glow and shines it into a bright light, I walk the talk, I don't just say the shit I say, I live by it and am committed to it. Some Sikhs may say that without that external garb it doesn't matter, but most in the know, the American Sikhs who practice the Kundalini Yoga, and many Indian Sikhs who know the power of spirit, still accept me into the fold as a Sikh. And I say that I am one, knowing the word to mean seeker of truth, especially strengthens the knowledge that I am one in my heart. Ok, all that said, I want to say something about the shootings in Wisconsin. Its sad anytime anyone is killed for no reason at all, or for no valid reason. I believe the man thought he was killing Muslims, which after 11 years you'd think educated beings would understand all Muslims do not want to kill Americans, hell I live in a neighbor which is mostly Muslim and they are peaceful with those of us who are not. Also, Muslims don't wear turbans. Not in this city anyway, or in most cities in this country. 90% of turban wearing people in this country are Sikhs, but many don't know that. In the middle east everyone wears turbans because it keeps you cool, but for the most part they just wear kufis or hand woven little beanies resembling yarmulkes. So turbans, no, not a Muslim. But even mistaking the turban for Muslim headwear does not excuse the fact that you fucking killed them! Dude, when in the hell are we going to chill out and learn to love, instead of all of this hatred that is coming out so fully lately. The night of the Sikh shootings the Muslim Mosque in Joplin, MO, was burned down. So its all just intolerance. And I must say I was raised in a fundamentalist religion, who preached that all except our faith were going to hell. But still, that doesn't mean we were to send them there, they were already going! lol Sorry, I don't believe in hell so always take the humorous side with it. Hell, or heaven for that matter, to me are both incarnations of our mind. Meaning that we can create it in our present, and if we live there strongly enough it goes with us after we leave these bodies. But I'm not going to get into my whole afterlife philosophy right now. When are going to learn to love? When? I began a yoga practice back in late 1999, early 2000, for physical reasons, but quickly realized that there was much more to it than that and began digging into books to study the philosophy and the energetic body and much, much more. I FELT something, for maybe the first time in my life, and was willing to allow myself to FEEL it. Before I drank, smoked, or whatever it took to shut off those sensations and be unfeeling, so that I could function. But now I feel when my heart expands and love pours out. I feel when my energy flows and when its blocked and notice what emotion I'm feeling when I come up against a block. And just for the record, it usually isn't love... So lets start a campaign, get people feeling things, using asana, using meditation, using Qi Gong or T'ai Chi, using Body Electric techniques. Using any goddamn thing that starts to make people feel, and encourage them to stay with the feeling, to embrace it and go further into it. I believe that once more and more start feeling, and being okay with it, not taking things or using substances to block the sensation, then they will also realize that other beings, maybe every other being on the planet, also feels. Not just human animals, but other animals as well, and even plants, etc. So when you know how you feel when something happens to you, you're less likely to cause it to happen to others, and may even be compassionate towards them when they feel it from some other source, because you've felt it too. We're all in this together, and we really are all one, in many senses of the word, not just physical, but again, thats another blog entry. So today feel. And when you do, go deeper into it if its a sensation, now if its an acute pain, thats the biggest sign saying turn around, go back. But if its a subtle sensation, go into it, feel it out, see where its coming from, what its cause was. It may lead you back to a childhood issue, or something that happened last week, or last year. Something that you buried and didn't deal with, emotionally, physically, energetically. And that thing got caught in your body, or in your mind and created its own space, just to say, he'll come back to me one day, or I'll keep poking him until he does. Then once dealt with, that thing goes away. Yes, it does! So starting right now, lets also not allow things to get buried, so we have to deal with them in the future, lets have the proper emotional, physical or energetic response now! Deal with while its here, thats being present, living in the now. Lets be present!!!

Surrender

Still the theme of my life these days, more so of my practice. Just go through the sequence, allow the mind to tell you stories about how much you need to stop, and keep going. Breath more deeply, draw from that inner source and go. Its working, today second series practice, at the studio, was much easier to get through and wasn't just getting through it, it was enjoyable and I even got to do the full pranayama sequence after, it was great. Then I taught Seabrook through the second series, which is interesting to see where someone else's issues pop up. Adam was there and he barely made it through half of primary series because he's not surrendering, but fighting it, all the way. And not practicing daily, which is a key component of this practice. Its hard, but if you go through it daily, it slowly opens up your physical body, which opens up your mind, which opens up your energy channels and once that energy starts flowing, its amazing and you feel as if you can accomplish anything! Of course, today I feel as if I can accomplish anything, but just after I take a nap lol. So let go. Using the practice as a microcosm to the macrocosm of your life, surrender, let go on the mat. Allow the difficulties to come up, to be there, and still make your way through it. Then as your day unfolds, allow whatever comes up to simply be what it is, and still go through your day, find thoughts that make you feel better and things that make you feel better will pop up. Don't let things become issues, and they only can become issues when you're resisting them, whatever they may be. Allow, as Abraham likes to say. Allow, allow you life to unfold and make your work paying attention to what makes you feel good, or even great, and distracting yourself by finding better feeling things to think about when in the midst of something that may not make you feel so great. It sounds easy, and it can be, once you've practiced it a while. Just like an asana practice, when you've done it for years, certain things should become easier. So like body, like mind. When you've trained yourself to think better things and to allow good feelings to abound, then it becomes easier to take yourself away from thoughts that don't make you feel so good. Yoga really is about getting the mind under control anyway: Yoga Sutra 1.2, Yogas chitta vrtti nirodhah; Yoga is the cessation of the fluctuations of the mind. So make your yoga all day long, what are you thinking right now?!?

Hmmm,

So I tried to post a video that Kino made about Mysore, that is awesome and inspiring to me, and then I tried to post a link to my chipin.com account for those who want to donate to help get me to India. Neither of these worked, not sure why, but if you want to see them you can friend me on Facebook, Sat Inder S Khalsa, or like my Yoga with Sat Inder page, both of which have operable links for both of these. Thanks!!!

India

So, I keep finding myself reading accounts of folks who've gone to Mysore, India to study with Guruji and Sharath at the source of the Ashtanga Yoga movement. I've read Kino's book multiple times, not in order, but picked it back up and just opened it and read whatever passage comes up. I'm rereading the different interviews in Guruji, a book put together at the time of K. Pattabhi Jois' passing, which is full of interviews of people who've travelled to the Motherland to study with him from the 70's on up until now, and each is more rich and vibrant with that persons experience of practicing with Guruji at the old shala and the new shala, but my favorite is Rolf Naujokat, he has the most non-dualistic view of yoga and all experiences really, and he just inspires me. Check him out at www.yogabones.org. One quote from the book really stands out to me, and exemplifies my experience of studying with Pattabhi the two times that I did. It is in the interview with Peter Sansone, a New Zealander who went to Mysore in 1989 with no knowledge of the system, other than that his teachers were heading there to study and asked him to go. His interview was in Mysore and recorded in 2009 (which, inadvertently is the year Pattabhi left his body). The last paragraph of his section is as follows: There is one thing Guruji said that has really stuck with me over the years. He point to his heart and said, "There is a small box sitting here. In that box is sitting Atman. Turn your attention here. That is yoga." I will never forget that. I always felt he was a very heart centered man, loving toward his students and doing all he could to support us on our journey. I love that. Such a strong practice to simply make you aware of the love in your heart chakra, just wonderful. Sometimes, in my case for sure, it takes such an intense experience to bring us back home, to our emotional body, to our energetic body. Its amazing. So anyway, I can't quit reading these things, they keep inspiring me, they keep making me want more. More what? More yoga postures? Possibly. More experiences coming from within? For sure. More heart opening? For sure. More, more, more, but more what? I'm not quite getting something here. Then it dawns on me, I need to go to India. Then I will get more of all of it for sure, but not just that, when I thought of going to India, I immediately felt the relief I've been searching for. My body sighed, and I was like, ah, is that really what I've been waiting to figure out? Hell yes it is apparently, because now I'm motivated and inspired and excited about taking this trip. I haven't even worried about where the money is going to come from to get there, I just know it is. So, I've put aside a bit each week from my park donations, and someone suggested a couple of websites that I could use to take donations, and I've set up an account with one of them, here is the link, www.sendsatindertomysoreindia.chipin.com, so if you want to donate, please do, and it will be appreciated and I will bring back all that I learn to my classes and teacher trainings that I assist in, it won't be money you'll regret spending. So, I don't intend to push you all for money every time I write from now on, but its out there. So, ideally February, March and April of next year, I'm going to India!!!

Practice, practice, practice...

A famous quote from K. Pattabhi Jois, "practice, practice, practice . . . and all is coming." This week I feel like that is the truth. My physical practice has been great, but I notcie that the better it is the more conscious I am of my state of mind, and therefore the more work it seems like I have to do to keep my mind heading in the right direction. I just opened Kino's book, Sacred Fire, and randomly picked a passage to read, here it is: "Yoga teaches you how to be humble and willing to put in the work required to achieve the results that you want. When you unroll your mat and commit to the total journey of yoga you unlock the mind's power to transform physical substance with the power of spirit. With practice, this is exactly what I learned to do." I'm like, ok universe, I get you! I was just irritated with my friend whom I asked to take over my Thursday evening Ashtanga class in the park, because he cancelled the class today. When I texted him asking why, he just said the weather, I'm like the weather?!? Its fucking nice out today and the wind is blowing and blah, blah, blah. I went to the dark side. Not observing the philosophy of Ashtanga Yoga which begins with Ahimsa, non-harming. Were my thoughts that? No. Were my actions that? No. Etc, etc, etc, and then you get to the next Yama and then the Niyamas. So, I obviously failed this test today lol. But coming to the quote from Kino's book, and then I sat down to blog, not intentially, I intended to check facebook, but had this stuff in me that needed out. So I'm trying to think of what to title the entry, Kino's passage brought up that old saying from Pattabhi. Duh, again, universe, I'm getting you. Its a practice. Are we ever meant to be perfect? No, I don't necessarily think so. Are we meant to get it right every time? No, probably not. If we did, would life be any fun? And where would our growth come from? So yes, life is a practice. Make your play, learn from it, move forward, expand and grow from the experience. Also, our yoga practice can serve as a microcosm for the macrocosm of our life. Notice while you're on your mat how it goes, is it hard to go to the next asana, or through the vinyasa or transition to the next asana? Does your mind keep coming in saying, sit there, don't worry about it, just don't forget to buy bananas later, oh and coconut water! lol. The asana practice, is just that as well, a practice. So use that time on the mat to train yourself to feel your way through, not to jump at every distraction your mind tries to come up with and move your way through the practice, maybe some pranayama, and meditation. Just be present with it, notice how it goes, notice what comes up mentally, physically, energetically... and be in observance of it, move through the block. Yogi Bhajan was famous for many quotes, the one that is appropriate here is "There is a way through every block." And he offered many kriyas, meditations, mantras and pranayamas so we would have a variety of things to try to get through that block. Not around it so that it may still be there, but through it, so that it could dissipate and the energy of said block could be freed up and used in other, more beneficial ways. Ashtanga yoga also moves through blocks, many physical, but all energetic as well. Mostly because of its intensity. Kundalini yoga and Ashtanga yoga, both very traditional practices, some say age old, but both practices very intense. I guess since I'm drawn to them both, maybe that means I'm an intense guy?!? LOL, God, I know I am, but I'm working on softening the edges, slowly, slowly, like water moving over stones, they slowly smooth out and allow the flow again. Check back in a few years, see how smooth they've gotten! (that doesn't mean not to read my blog for that long, just a saying you know) Talk to you soon,take time this week to find enjoyment in your practices, notice where your edges are smoothing out. Namaste and Sat Nam my friends...

Peace...

So this has been an interesting time in my life. I'm getting good response with my Mysore classes and shifting my focus on teaching even more. Friday after having 9 folks come through the class, I went to Illinois to see The Dark Knight Rises with my mom, then have lunch with her. That night I taught the teacher trainees at Yogasource some Thai massage and they loved it. It was cooler on Saturday morning so had a large park class, then I drove back to Illinois to teach in a teacher training over there, one of the ladies who is taking it even already follows my blog, so a shout out to Mary! Since I was over there again I went to my moms for dinner to eat Roma's pizza, very good. While there I picked up my comic books that have been stored there since the 80s, I'm planning to see if any of them are worth anything and putting them on ebay if they are, to make money to pay for my trip to India. Today, I woke up early, had an amazing practice of primary series and then taught my class at Yogasource, then home and napped and am now just hanging out here. I may start going through my comic books to see what I think can make me some money and what can't. The title of this comes from the feeling that I've felt all day, peace. I practiced, and anyone who knows ashtanga knows its a vigorous practice, but sometime during it I got to that place, that zero point, as Yogi Bhajan would call it, and from there is where I moved all day long. My thoughts, even my actions were very simple and succinct and clear, to me and everyone else. Its a nice place to be. This is what we want all the time but feel we have to work so hard to get to. So amidst a super busy schedule all weekend I was able to come to this place, which is a blessing. And now even after a nap, I'm still there. Just started a load of laundry, in this overbearing heat and I'm still there. I'm still there. So, being there is great, it won't be permanent by any means, I know that, but I'm there now and enjoying it. Now, tomorrow is another story, we'll see!

Friday, surrendering to it...

So, the final day of my first week back to teaching Mysore style Ashtanga. It was awesome, not super huge amounts of folks but I didn't expect that anyway, not many in St Louis practice Ashtanga yoga. What I also did not expect was how much I missed teaching this way. Its the most profound way of teaching that I know and other than Kundalini yoga, is the most powerful. I love it and hope it can continue for years, and hopefully with more coming over time lol. Another thing this week, or theme I should say, is surrender. Part of it I did yesterday when I cut off my beard, which is already on its way back ( I'm just too hairy to shave), and in so doing surrendered a few other things I was having trouble not letting go of. I'm reading a little book by Kino and she talked about surrendering to India and to her teachers and how much further it got her. Not just that, but so many things aroung surrendering are coming up, so I guess its time for me to fully surrender. And when I do we shall see what happens. I may even do a kriya in the morning, which I haven't done for months! That also was inspired because my friend is in LA and just texted me that she took a great Kundalini yoga class from Tej Kaur at Golden Bridge. I was thinking about doing a kriya on my day off from Ashtanga anyway, not sure why it popped up but it did, and then she sent me that text and I'm like, ok, I get it, surrender! Surrender to the teachings I've loved for years and just allow them to transform me. So yes, I'm going to do just that. Abraham would call it allowing. They say the only thing we ever have to do is allow, the desire is already in our vibration, but our attachment to the lack of the thing we want is exactly what holds it back from coming to us, so allow it to come, don't hold on to the lack of it, embrace the abundant arrival of it!!! Ok, I get it, surrender, allow!!!! So, if I'm going to allow and surrender to life, I'm going to put a list of things I am ready to allow in, how about that? So, at this time I'm ready to go to India. I need to renew my passport and save the money, or win the money, or get a money in a benefit, whatever, I need to get the money together for it. But I am ready to go to Mysore and study Ashtanga with Sharath, finally. I'm also ready for a boyfriend, not just any guy, but a good looking one (am I remiss in saying that?), a spiritually minded one, preferably one who does yoga (that would be awesome!), one who loves what he does, one who's inspiring and inspired by everything, maybe even one I would spend the rest of my life with, who knows. I'm also ready to move, I think, yes, I'm finally ready. I want the move to be solicited from me though, I don't want to think about where, I want someone to contact me and say hey, would like to come here and teach Ashtanga, at least for a little while? That would be the most awesome. And hmmm, what else? I'm really ready to allow anything that life throws my way. I'm tired of fighting and pushing against, and just need to let go and have things flow into and out of my experience. Thats a tall order huh? Well, no, maybe its not. Maybe its easy, you just let go and ride with the stream, don't even use your oars for the boat will move along with the downstream flow. I was in Maui 10 years ago, studying Ashtanga yoga with Guruji and Nancy Gilgoff and this lovely lady who was living with Nancy at the time, Betsy, told me "dude, you just need to let go. No, no its not hard at all, just do it, just release, let go. Chill..." Hmmm, has this been a theme in my life for 10 fucking years?!? Yes, I guess it has. But when you're raised to grab a hold, hold on tight for dear life, never let go, be completely attached, to everything, what do you do? Well, you start practicing yoga and keep practicing two of the most intense styles for 12 years, and then maybe, you finally, maybe, get it. I think I do, or am getting it finally, I think, maybe...

What a week...

So this week I began my Mysore classes, tomorrow morning being the last one of this first week. Its been decent, 5 on Monday, 4 on Wednesday, and we'll see how tomorrow goes. So, I've been shifting and changing, growing even and this week has been no exception. Other than the major shifts in my teaching schedule, I had a student from my backbend workshop last month send Chris an email stating some very nasty things about me, and I was taken aback. I knew we didn't hit it off within the time she was there, she had never been to Yogasource before, nor did she have any business being in the workshop based on the description, it was meant to help folks grow their backbending practice, not to teach them how to do a basic Urdhva Dhanurasana, which was the case with her. Anyhow, for some reason it took her a month to send the nasty email, and Chris forwarded it to me, so I read it, was very upset all day but didn't respond and then I couldn't not respond anymore, so I did. Which she promptly forwarded to Chris and sent me the most childish email saying don't even respond to this or I will just delete it because I don't have space in my life for your jack-assery. LOL I know, I'm being petty by telling you all this, but I can't help it. Anyhow, I felt icky this morning after reading her response and decided I was going to chant and do pranayama to help release it, and it worked partially. I taught a class, which helped even more, then I came home and completely got rid of my beard! lol, I know. But, it completely helped. That thing was holding on to some stagnant energy and letting go of it made me have a major release and feel totally better. So a few weeks ago I cut off part of the beard, about 12 inches, then this week I cut it off even further, then today, gone, only stubble left. I really want to have it back but needed it gone right now and the release that came with it, apparently. It will take its time growing back, not really that long, but I am not meant to have no facial hair, I look crazy without it lol! So, here I am, in this weird place. This place with lots of space to fill, lots of exploration to happen even maybe. I still consider myself a Sikh I suppose, even though I haven't been wearing my turban, I still have my long hair and my beard will grow back. Do these outward things make me a Sikh though? Or is it the standard by which I live my life? Is it the code I live by? To me, the inner life is so much more important and the strength I'm getting in my inner being from this practice and from the people I'm now surrounding myself with, and my whole life in general tells me that yes, I'm still a Sikh. More than that I consider myself a yogi. I use my yoga practice, all of it, not just the asanas, for growing inwardly. Diving in deep to myself and figuring out whats going on in there, also diving in deep to my life and experiences of life to figure out where I stand on everything, where I want to be, where I need to be, and how to fully be present and enjoy everything and everyone in it. I truly love this life I've created for myself, and look forward to what I'll create in the future, already I'm thinking I need to go to India next year... what more?

Mysore-style Ashtanga yoga

So one week from tomorrow my new Mysore style Ashtanga program starts at Yogasource. I think I'm getting excited, after having a couple great trial classes during what is usually a led primary series, I'm even more excited, because I see the potential it could have. So I'm at home again on a Sunday afternoon, its really too hot to do anything else other than maybe see a movie, but I've done that two days in a row already to stay out of the heat, and I'm watching videos on youtube of Mysore style classes, of Pattabhi leading folks through advanced posture sequences, of him giving talks on philosophy, etc. And its just making me more and more excited. I can't wait for it to start and see what happens. Seabrook and I were at lunch after class today and talking about how taking her practice into her own hands (she started practicing the primary series after we went to Chicago to study with Kino MacGregor) is transforming her faster than she ever did before, taking instruction in classes. And its true. When you go to a class you get to check out, almost completely. You have to stay tuned to something outside yourself in order to know what to do next, so you are on the same wavelength with the class. But this does not allow you to tune in, into yourself and feel whats going on, feel how you feel while you're working through so many postures and vinyasas and breathting and more. So you never get to really go inside and explore your own inner landscape. I assume being led in a class is the closest thing most people get to surrendering and allowing themselves to chill out and just take what comes with a grain of salt, but to me a real practice happens when there is silence, only breathing, and you are moving and following what comes up, whether it be physical, emotional, or energetic (see my last entry). And one thing the Ashtanga practice does so well, is that it gives you a sequence and prescribed way to breathe during said sequence, so all you have to do is put out the effort to remember what comes next and then it becomes rote, and then you get to do the work. The practice is there and you have to dig in and work within to make it through to a new level of practice, not just checking out, but checking in! So some say that the same sequence all the time is boring and not good for everyone, but when its the same all the time, you know what comes next, you don't have to think about it, you don't have to think at all, just breathe through it and be present with the physical, emotional or energetic issues that come up. Its all good! Love this shit I do, I can't believe I ever left the practice. Although if I hadn't dug into the Anusara system I wouldn't have learned some great alignment and be able to heal my body, and if I hadn't dug into the Kundalini system I wouldn't have gotten so in touch with the energy of the body and how to move and manipulate it. These things have been invaluable to me and helped me go deeper and deeper and become a better person and a better teacher, so appreciation to both of those systems of yoga practice, but most of all to the Ashtanga system, which has taken me to levels of being I never thought possible, and helped me help others start heading in that direction as well. Much love...

the Energy of Transformation...

This is why I practice, to transform. Of course I'm appreciating this on a day that I did not practice any asana, I did practice pranayama and chanted Ommmm... for a while this morning, and had full intention of practicing after my class, but I was hungry, so I went to eat breakfast, then thought I would practice a few hours later when my belly was empty, then had another bought of hunger (strong hunger patterns today lol) and so ate, now it could happen again but I am slated to meet a friend for dinner in about 45 minutes, so no asana for me today, and in thinking about this this morning at Starbucks the title for this post came up and then I went through a mental process to figure out what that meant to me, so here it is. To me the physical practice of asana, one of the limbs of yogic philosophy, is essential. To some, it may not be so much, but for me its a much needed thing. My body is too unhappy when I don't, today its not bothering me at all (cumulative effects I imagine) but very often it is, and when its not happy, its hard to focus on anything else. It is housing my spirit after all, so its important. Anyhow, so I love moving and putting my body into these interesting shapes, breathing into them and feeling the energy move through a space, maybe in a way that it never has before, or in a familiar way that I know is signifying that that area is opening up the way I know it can, either way is wonderful to me. And in the Ashtanga Yoga tradition between these shapes we jump back, inhale into updog, exhale into downdog and then jump back through and sit down (vinyasa), lining up for the next posture in our sequence So lately I've been having a lot of sensation in my arms during the vinyasa portion of my practice. Not pain, not nervous twitching, not even muscular strain, just sensation. Sensation that sometimes makes me feel like I'm too weak to do yet another vinyasa, or that I need to give up and stop my practice, and then I think nonsense! I've done this for many years, I know I can make it through this part of the practice especially! So I go forward, not pushing physically, just breathing more deeply, feeling the sensation, letting it be there and then it passes eventually. So what happens next are thoughts pop up, or memories of things that have left an impression on me, or an icky feeling with them. Depending on where I am that day, I may sit and feel the feeling, or allow the thought to be there before moving forward into my next asana or next vinyasa in preparation for my next asana, and some days I'll just keep moving forward through whatever I'm already doing and just allow the thing to be there whilst I do so. Either way, I breathe more deeply, move with that breath and allow the thing to be there, and eventually it falls away, or if its a deeper pattern (or samskara in Sanskrit) my whole practice that day may be dedicated to it, meaning it rides the whole while with me and maybe even another day before I'm able to allow it on out and through me, or before it changes to a lesser emotional or energetic sensation and then eventually passes away from me. This to me is the energy of transformation. First we notice it in the body, we are taught to believe this is everything, but of course in the yoga practice we experience that there is so much more underlying that physical sensation. Then we feel it maybe emotionally, with me its always the body, then the emotion. Then we feel it energetically, as we get more and more subtle in our ability to sense things. Once I personally feel it energetically, then I'm able to allow it to move on through and release it, transform it into the strength to move on in my practice, or to move on in my day, or week, or whole life. Or just simply as it leaves to make the space physically and energetically for more flow in our existence, body-wise or life-wise. Space in our bodies is an amazing thing to have, but when it becomes enough space that you start seeing manifest in your life, and in time, how you use your time, how you view time, or how you perceive time on the subtlest of levels, thats really wonderful, and hopefully the real reason why we do this. No, not just to alter our perception of time, but to alter our perception of "reality" even, or what we think of as reality. Because trust me, reality is never what we think it is, it is much more lined up with the energy of things than with the physical perception of things, or at least I've come to see it this way, and of course I think I'm right about this, so want you to believe it to be so as well lol. So next time you're practicing, notice, are you pushing through? On a physical level? On an emotional level? On an energetic level? Either way, just notice, observe. Even the simple act of noticing it will change it and shift it and allow you maybe to perceive it differently, if not that time, then the next. Namaste and love to you all!

Another Sunday...

Well I haven't written since last Sunday. This one was very different. I got up and practiced second series Ashtanga and then showered, went to Starbucks and taught my class at Yogasource, as usual. I then ate lunch and went to the St Louis Gay Pridefest, which I haven't went to in almost ten years I think. So, first of all, second series fired up my nervous system so intensely that my friend had to work on me to get my sacrum to release the knot it tied itself up in. That was interesting, also it just showed me how my second and first chakra issues that are ongoing, and manifesting in my life via bizarre friendship shit going on and a few other things that shall remain in my mind, not on here, are still there and I haven't dealt with them at all lol. Oh well, I do my best. So my friend came up after class and was like, well everything we did was for the sacrum today, I assume your sacrum is still locked up?!? lol, she was right, but it was a great class anyway and I enjoyed it AND teaching it took my mind off of my own bodies issues and let them release a little bit. The Pridefest was packed and the parade was just getting over when I got there, which was an hour late I believe, but there were tons of people there of all sorts, but I only ran into 5 people I knew. Good lord, I've been out in the gay lifestyle in this city for twenty four years and have been out of the scene for about 3 years and I know on that many folks?!? Well, maybe I just wasn't meant to run into all the men and women I do know, but I didn't really care at the time because it was 96 degrees and I was miserable from the heat, so I went home, took a nap and then went to Basil Spice for dinner. Now I'm home and showered and about to watch True Blood. I don't have much to say, obviously, I've just listed what I did for the day, rather than pontificated about some lofty principle! lol. But I wanted to write something. There's a lot in my head that I need out I think, but its not quite formulating into anything just yet, so I thought if I just wrote it would come up, but it hasn't, oh well again. I've tried my best! See you all soon, have an awesome week!

Sunday

So, on Sundays I just teach one class, Align and Flow. I so named this class this years ago because of my studies in alignment with Anusara Yoga and my long sordid past with Ashtanga Yoga. I like to flow through vinyasas but need to do so with alignment and breath because of tearing myself to shreds years ago practicing Ashtanga with no teacher and therefore no alignment knowledge. Also alignment means to me aligning with your inner being, which to me means strong breath and tapping into the energy of whats going on, I do believe that alignment in the physical body can help in this alignment with the inner body idea, or at least it has in my case, but I really believe that that inner alignment is tantamount to a practice and if you can tap into it it will keep you in good outer alignment, but I needed the outer alignment first to recognize the inner alignment. Ok, enough of that word, alignment lol. Funny thing is that now that I'm practicing Ashtanga again, from a new place how this class has turned into more of an Ashtanga type class, even though some of them don't know that, I do, and some of them too because many of them have been taking my classes since I was teaching only Ashtanga. Its just funny to me how it permeates my whole being. Its awakened so much in my physical body and energetic body that I can't even explain yet, but part of that is coming out in my writing on here more and in my inspiration for classes and workshops, and I've been drawing again, somewhat, not much, and writing in my journal more and more. This morning I practiced second series. I had a hard time, but made it through with deep breaths and focus on that inner feeling, I even tapped into my uddiyana bandha more deeply today than I have before. I've connected to moola bandha very well since I studied Kino's 3rd series dvd, which on the 2nd disc she has an amazing instruction on the bandhas, and since studying with her in Chicago where we did a whole 3 hour class on it. But uddiyana came this morning when I was in pincha mayurasana putting my legs into lotus/padmasana and about to lower down to karandavasana. I just sucked my lower belly in a bit more with very strong focus on the area and pulled my ujjayi breath in more deeply and just lowered down very softly and easily into the position. Now mind you I didn't make it all the way back up before jumping back for my vinyasa, but damn, the lightness with which I lowered down and maintained myself for the 5 breaths was amazing, so now I know I will get that lift up at some point, and maybe soon. So, again, it goes back to focus. Find the thing that feeds you, that inspires you and put your focus into it, your energy will align with it and you will achieve amazing things!

Focus

Funny, I wrote on commitment not too many entries ago and that equates as focus as well, to me anyway. So I've committed to the ashtanga practices, the teachings of K. Pattabhi Jois, again, because they've worked for me for years and now I feel like I've come home, sigh of relief. The funny thing is, and its really not so funny, its exactly what I believe and teach all the time, what you focus on and put energy into, will come to you full force if you're pure in your vibration about it. So here I've committed and now the whole universe is conspiring to get me teaching ashtanga again full time, I've got offers coming from every angle to teach classes at all sorts of locations and teach workshops locally all based on ashtanga, well, most of them anyway, and my schedule is changing to include some Mysore style classes finally, and a couple more led classes. And last Saturday I taught it at the park and had the largest number ever, 216 people showed up for class! That was awesome, and crazy at the same time, but I loved it and I feel blessed. I've put in the work, and finally after 11 years I lined up with what I wanted and now I'm getting it. Its awesome in the extreme. I love my life. On that note, many of my friends in the Kundalini yoga world are on their way to Summer Solstice, an event started by Yogi Bhajan 40 years ago, and it is an extreme experience for sure, transforming and wonderful, all at the same time. But I am not going, I am staying here to continue this work that feels so right right now and I'm seeing changes in my students and in myself from the teaching and the practice. But at the same time, I will miss the extreme experience, and the comradery with all the people I've grown so close with over the past three years, they are a wonderful bunch. Especially Ranjeet Kaur, a lovely person to be friends with, and to work with. Yes, at this event we work, and hard too. One of the pros of me not going! lol Anyhow, my friendships are shifting as well, along with everything else. Someone I felt I was closer to than anyone else has dumped my as a friend, blocked me on Facebook and a few other things, all to date a girl he broke up with three times already, since she hates me and my being gay, thinking he's going to want to suck my cock or be with me in some way. But I can't concern myself with her silliness, he was my friend, and loved me and I him, but has given in to this persons demand to no longer be my friend just to be with her, so maybe we were never truly friends in the first place, I don't know about you but I couldn't do that to someone I'm close to. Not just that, I really didn't mean to go on about that situation, but other people I'm feeling distant from, and others still that have surprised me, I'm feeling closer to and spending more time with. Just following the vibration I'm offering, I know, but its always still interesting to observe these things. I'm feeling very internalized this week, from my practice and in that space have been spending more time with just me, or with others who are that way a lot too. So teaching has been interesting, because it requires me to come outside, a bit, or for a bit, if not longer. I'm so loving teaching lately though that its amazing. OH, speaking of that, I taught the students this morning into such a deep state that one of them hit my car! lol. Its fine but the door is blocked from opening very wide now, so it will need to be fixed. I've been focusing on teaching to the needs of the students in my Align and Flow classes but using the Primary series to do so, so thats been interesting as well, to see how adaptable it is and how it can affect each different application of it so fully and in so many different ways! I know, I shouldn't be surprised after practicing it for more than a decade, but I am, mostly because coming to it this time, I'm in a different space energetically and and seeing it from a whole different perspective. Hmmm, good metaphor for life huh? You can't do the same thing over and over and expect different results, or as my practice has proved, coming to it from a different place in my being is proving to have amazing results too! Love and peace all, hope you're enjoying your lives as much as I am mine, if not more!

My day off...

So, I've been writing a lot when I'm super inspired, today is a test in what comes out of me when I'm not so inspired. Not to say, I'm uninspired, just that it was my day off,I got up and practiced, had Starbucks, saw Prometheus, bought a new window unit air conditioner and installed it, had my lovely friend Maria buy me a belated birthday lunch, and ate dinner at Puravegan. Oh, and had a nap lol. So, all of these things have made it a somewhat leisurely day, even though in the midst of it, it did not seem leisurely at all. Tomorrow is my Saturday morning in the park class, part of the Tower Grove Farmers Market. Its gotten so big I ordered a mic and got it in the mail so will be using it tomorrow for the first time, which I hope goes well. Its hard when there's 150+ people for them to hear me. I'm reading this book Yamas and Niyamas by Deborah Adele, and have read the Brahmacharya section and started the Aparigraha section this morning. She has an amazing spin on these ancient ethical practices that otherwise seemed daunting to me. She takes a "lofty" idea, or what seems like a lofty idea to a midwestern mind anyway, and makes it seem like the easiest thing on the planet and I've actually put some of it into action by her suggestions. Wow. If you've been trying to follow the path of yoga, not just asana, but yoga, the philosophy and all please give it a read. I bought it at Moksha in Chicago but its available on amazon and not for as much as I paid for it, but I'm in no way disappointed in the amount I paid since I'm getting so much from it. After watching Kino Macgregor discuss the sutras with such ease and knowledge of them, and hearing her speak in person I really am inspired to dig deeper into them and gain an experential knowledge, so then when someone asks I'll have an educated opinion to give. I have read them many, many times, but always come back to the same place, how does this fit in my life?!? But now, I'm seeing it, and again, this practice of ashtanga yoga is opening me up so much that I am coming to a place that these observances are naturally things that I'm wanting to acknowledge in my being. Placing restrictions on ones behaviour may not seem like opening up to many, but when you see the bigger picture, which I definitely am lately, you see the need for the compassion and care involved in relating with others, and relating with others starts at home, with oneself I believe: hence the Yamas, observances of how we interact with others, and Niyamas, observances of how we deal with ourselves. Those short definitions may be simplistic rather than full expressions of the meanings of these words, but they suit the topic I'm on. Anyhow, so think about it, how do you treat yourself? How do you treat others? Notice that usually how you treat yourself, not meaning buying yourself shit, eating well, etc, but meaning your internal dialogue with yourself, is usually how you treat others, and usually that how you treat others is behind their back, maybe? I'm speaking from experience here, not just looking to point a finger. Remember when you point a finger at someone else, there are three pointing back at you! lol So, lets be conscious, in life, not just in our asana practice. Although, the practice of asana is a great metaphor for life. On your mat are you kind, compassionate, not grasping for the next asana or a bigger, better version of one you're doing, all that and more but still disciplined in your practice? Watch that next time, and then see how it translates into your day. Thats why I'm such a big proponent of a morning practice, not only because Pattabhi told me to get up at 4am every day to practice, but in that listening to him I learned why he told me to do that. Do it, then go out into your day. Start off being conscious, aware, mindful, open, disciplined, with yourself and then take those and many more great attributes into the world and lead by example. Show others how they can be, by being it yourself. As Ghandi said, we must be the change we wish to see in the world. I'm finally understanding that quote, do you?

Commitment

How deep does your commitment go? I've had at least 5 discussions since I've been back from Chicago, and that was only this past Saturday night I got back, its Thursday, with as many people about the behaviors of yogis in the community here in St Louis. Talking about others in groups, rolling their eyes in the presence of someone they deem less of a being than they themselves purport to be, talking behind the backs of those they are friends with in person, and now the new age has added Facebook postings of their own craziness, texting and other stuff. It seemed that each discussion ended up in a study of commitment to me, how committed am I to my yoga practice. Yoga practice not just meaning asana practice, but also the ethical practices of yama and niyama, which are said to come into play once your asana practice has taken you beyond just the physical and tapped you into spirit. So, lets start with asana. I just studied with Kino Macgregor in Chicago, a most inspiring young woman who at the age of 33 is working on the 4th series of ashtanga yoga already, having been certified by K. Pattabhi Jois at the age of 28, which in itself is quite a feat. She also has branded yoga mats, mat covers, clothing and all sorts of stuff, all I think of as being so committed to her practice that she has built a passion that is drawing in the abundance of the universe to her. She is quite the amazing woman, and teacher. So in her dvd in which she practices the 3rd series, she mentions, "now at this point you're physically tired, its time to draw from spirit to make it through the rest of the practice." I heard this and was like, hmmmm, not sure what to make of that. So in my practices since that first viewing (I've watched it like 5 times) when I get to that level of exhaustion, I take a deeper breath and I feel myself go deeper, deeper into what you ask? Deeper, just deeper, I feel my inner body, organs, bones, breath moving through me, and then when I really get my bandhas engaged and my breath flowing, something else comes in and then I pull from there to make it through and man I almost make it through with more vigor and intensity before. Now when I was practicing before, 2000-2007, I was pushing through that point physically. And then was tired the rest of the day and sore. Now I feel invigorated and high, high on life and high on this connection to this deep inner being. I used to get this from KUndalini Yoga, so maybe my exploration in that practice during 2008-2011 really taught me how to get that grip on it, but it being mostly a sedentary practice, my body almost always still hurt, but not from opening, from lack of mobility and my lower spine was compressed the majority of the time, my strength was lower and my awareness of myself at the physical level was lacking. But I will always be greatful because that practice taught me commitment and to dig in deep to spirit to make it through. So, from this deeper inner experience I've found myself being super observant of the yamas and niyamas in my life and how they are manifesting in my speech, in my actions, and in my teaching most of all. I'm wondering if these people I've been hearing about, and hearing with my own ears are that deeply committed to their practice, to their inner practice. Not just doing asanas and pushing through them physically to get this amazing body and physical openness and strength, but digging into spirit whilst moving through their asana practice, so as to create a deeper inner experience during the practice, which will eventually manifest itself in the rest of the day as well. I am friends with one studio owner here in town, I work mostly for her. She is known to be scattered, changing her mind on a dime, that type of thing, and sometimes crabby or even mean. But I get along with her, I understand her and support her and now I know why. People may be perceiving her to be these outer expressions but she is so deeply committed to her inner practices that sometimes her outer lacks. I am better at allowing my inner to inform my outer, so can see the translation into my own life, but she not so much. We've all noticed that she's much better lately and thats great, but either way, I know where she's coming from, so I love and support her and see what she's doing, I get it. So when we're practicing on our mats, lets notice what comes up, how it feels and where we have to go to be able to move past or through it, and then take that thing and move it into our non-mat yoga practice, shall we? I'm in deepest appreciation for all that is happening in my life right now, after 11 years of teaching I'm seeing such amazing things manifest for myself finally, that I couldn't be anything but in appreciation. So maybe, lets start there. Appreciate that person that cuts you off in traffic, appreciate that crabby guy who bumps into you in the store and just grunts instead of apologizes, etc. All these things are showing you how you don't want to act, so you will know how you do want to be, with others, and most importantly, with yourself. Namaste, much love to you all!

Mysore style...

So, I was in Chicago from last Monday until yesterday, taking Mysore style ashtanga classes and studying ashtanga yoga with Kino Macgregor, who is a brilliant and lovely, engaging individual btw. So, I haven't taken an ashtanga class in years, having just restarted my practice of it this past fall, and getting serious with it 6 days a week again this past February, so had forgotten what to expect. The Mysore style class, for those not in the know, is you practicing the sequence, with the ujjayi breath and bandhas engaged, and a teacher moving around the room adjusting you deeper into poses, helping you with poses you can't get into at all or reminding you the sequence when you don't know or don't do them in the correct order. Ashtanga yoga is set up to open up your body/mind sequencially and in the practice you understand the magic of the sequencing, or you don't, hate it and never do it again lol. I thought I had become the latter, but come to find out, remain the former! With much glee I might add. This practice is intense, and Kino made it more intense with her deep instruction on the bandhas and using them during ones practice, and so it brings your shit up. Like, quickly! lol, but truly, its all good, because once it comes up theres more chance to release it, if you're lucky it comes up during the practice and you can release it by focusing throughout the remainder of it and, done, gone, no more shit! Of that kind anyway, you do find there is always more shit to be found... I love it, and during this week I got clarity about starting a Mysore program at Yogasource, if Chris is interested still, and how I will do it and the magic it will create, in the studio and in my life. There is almost no ashtanga here, at all, I am it, and so hope this works out. The time I was there I also became 42 years old, which lately my birthdays have bothered me, but this one was almost as if it didn't exist. I didn't practice that day, my friend who I was with, Seabrook, and I ate all day long, napped, saw a movie, and ate some more! lol But the real focus of the week was the practice and how we were going to integrate what we learned into our lives and the lives of our students. My class this morning seemed great, the students seemed to like it, and Seabrook said her class was great too, so all good! Ok, as this unfolds I'll type some more, but am tired and for now am signing off. Love and light to you all, and Namaste!

Rumi

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” So recently I've put this quote as my status on Facebook twice, within about a week of one another. And just as I was about to write my last blog entry, I saw it again in my Facebook feed, someone else having shared it as well. I thought, why this quote so much lately? If I'm following the law of attraction and where I'm vibrating keeps drawing this quote to me, what is it about it specifically thats so pertinent? Love, all my life until about 1 year ago, yes, only just 1 year ago, was something I felt in an attached way, like if it leaves it will kill, how will I survive, blah, blah, blah type of way. Not healthy, but the way the general public would see it probably, so definitely not something I want to identify with being the rebel that I am lol. Love, I've come to realize, in a great part due to Summer Solstice with the Kundalini yogis and Sikhs in Espanola, NM last June, is meant to be an unconditional thing, not a conditional thing. I recently had an episode with a dear friend, someone I love very much and hold very dear to my heart, who's conditions weren't suiting my tastebuds, at all. Not that that is any of my business, but I'm telling you this anyway. During the middle of much texting and silliness, never once talking live mind you, I realized that I was not loving him unconditionally, at all. I was placing my ideas of what was good for his life on him, and judging him harshly for not complying. God, sounds like our parents, right? lol. Not that I was doing it in a parenting way either. When I realized this, I still did not change my approach, I fucked up more and more with him, and then he quit speaking to me until Thursday, so now I'm trying to be unconditional, and supportive, although its not coming across that way to him I don't think, but then, there's another judgment isn't it? God, how easy it is to do! So, he's not the point of all this, the point of all this is to establish that since I've restarted my ashtanga practice, having spent years going thru it daily, working the first, second and even about 1/4 of the third series into my repertoire, pushing through it physically really, not digging in deeper, and then spending three years opening my heart with some Anusara yoga, and then getting in touch with the energy that makes up our body/minds and everything around us through a strong daily kundalini yoga practice, and now getting back to the practice of ashtanga yoga, coming at it from spirit, from that underlying layer of things, rather than the top layer, the grossest aspect of our being, matter, has been amazing and has shown me that I am using the practice of asana, pranayama, meditation, fueled by my study of the law of attraction, to become more conscious and have actually, finally, begun removing some of the obstacles that were standing in my way. When you realize it, maybe you've actually done it, or at least started the process, right? I love knowing that. I love having taken the last 12 years of my life and dug in with these practices so that I'm finally conscious enough to realize that I know it lol. I love yoga. To be funny I often say that I hate yoga, because before it I was unconscious of the fact that when you become conscious you can be less miserable, so you actually don't know that you're miserable at all. Ignorance is bliss in other words lol, but in all actuality, I do not hate it. Sure it was easier before, now I know, so everything seems to be more work, but as you clean the dust of the mirror of your heart, swipe by swipe, and maybe even have to go back over the same spot again occasionally, you feel more clear, more aware, more present with those in your life, more present with yourself, and yes, more love for yourself and others. It is true, it does happen and it is happening to me and all those that are vibrating in my vicinity right now, and I appreciate each and every one of you who floats into my existence, each and every time, even if I'm having a moment of ick as I pull out the cloth to wipe another spot clean on that mirror. So know that underneath is always love, for you, and for me, and for the fact of our coming together at that moment. I Love you, very much...