So most people know my analogy of three months here in Mysore: First month cut you open, second month surgery, third month sew you up! Sharath says: First month tired, second month paining, third month flying! Both basically say the same thing to me.
My first month here seemed amazing, my body wasn't hurting, my mind was soft and receptive and I was going to all the classes, then my wrist went wonky, that last a few weeks before I got a major sinus issue from the pollution in the city one day which brought on fever to fight off the toxins, then Pavithra helped me clear that up with some Ayurvedic herbs and such, then we had the scooter wreck which scraped the skin off much of my left forearm and in places all the way down my left side. I couldn't do anything but sleep for about 3 days, then a minimal practice, then began full practices again and thats when the other effects started coming out. Sore shoulder muscles that were just weak and taking their own time to get back to normal, a rib out of place which was pinching muscle under my left pec, which popped back in place as I was stretching in bed one night and the next day was when I could finally do the whole practice again, and then a few other bruises and aches from everything landing on my left side, including the scooter...
So, state of mind is a big thing to me. How we feel and what we're thinking in combination tell us where we are, and I believe, or rather know that these things manifest in our physicality as well. So things in my psyche were being dredged up and here they were being shown to me. Of course, as one tends to do, I forgot that and was feeling bad mentally and blaming it on the physical things that had happened to me. I had this also in my second trip here where I had my SI joint go out and pinch a nerve and also had a parasite I'd gotten from a salad cause me to have diarrhea for three weeks and I lost 37 pounds. But since then my body has been behaving pretty well, even when my mind was out of it. Of course there were a few things here and there but nothing big. When in the US I can always have a chiropractor pop me back in place and avoid the psychological stuff if I want!
All these things had been muddling my vibration quite a bit and so I would get caught up in an internal dialogue about how I shouldn't be still doing this intense practice and maybe it was time to give it up again, for good this time, and blah, blah, blah. There are many around me who are sensitive to this stuff and haven't been around as much, of course I was in the rotten place and didn't notice that, I'd also been making excuses for myself, to myself...lol. I'm a mess. Well, I"m human, as are we all. I like to fool myself into believing I'm a superhuman yogi who could live in the Himalayas naked and all that, but I'm not there quite yet!
So Saturday in conference Sharath talked about many things, which we're no longer supposed to report on(the idea being that if someone wants to hear conference they need to make the pilgrimage here to hear it in their own words. And if they're not here to listen to it in context it can be taken very wrong and misunderstood and cause a lot of talk to happen), but at one point he was talking about pushing oneself just a little bit and seeing the benefits of how that day may be your best practice yet. At this time a friend looked right at me, and this I noticed right away. During that whole section he kept looking at me and I averted his gaze. Then this morning wrote him a message asking if he thought I wasn't pushing myself enough. To which I got a long, supportive, love filled explanation saying yes basically. And we had a dialogue throughout the day that helped me further, this also started a processing of thoughts and feelings that was much needed and a few conversations with others about it as well.
Not saying I'm all processed and ready for the easy sew me up month, but I'm on my way that direction and the negative slant my thoughts had taken has been shifted in a better direction and I am going to make it back to my first led class since all this physical stuff has happened. Yes, I know, I come here to practice and I'm avoiding it. Not completely, I've been practicing at home at a slower pace, but I've been missing out on that energy and the pace which is something I need to keep me going while I'm here, and more importantly, while I'm not here! And I was doing well this trip and going to them most of the time, but that's a story for another blog entry.
So, I'm feeling better, my mind is in a better state and I'm feeling rededicated to this practice in a way I haven't in five weeks. So surgery month is almost over, that doesn't mean the third month will be completely a breeze but it does mean that I'll be approaching it differently.
Thanks for reading, have a great week!
