India

So, I keep finding myself reading accounts of folks who've gone to Mysore, India to study with Guruji and Sharath at the source of the Ashtanga Yoga movement. I've read Kino's book multiple times, not in order, but picked it back up and just opened it and read whatever passage comes up. I'm rereading the different interviews in Guruji, a book put together at the time of K. Pattabhi Jois' passing, which is full of interviews of people who've travelled to the Motherland to study with him from the 70's on up until now, and each is more rich and vibrant with that persons experience of practicing with Guruji at the old shala and the new shala, but my favorite is Rolf Naujokat, he has the most non-dualistic view of yoga and all experiences really, and he just inspires me. Check him out at www.yogabones.org. One quote from the book really stands out to me, and exemplifies my experience of studying with Pattabhi the two times that I did. It is in the interview with Peter Sansone, a New Zealander who went to Mysore in 1989 with no knowledge of the system, other than that his teachers were heading there to study and asked him to go. His interview was in Mysore and recorded in 2009 (which, inadvertently is the year Pattabhi left his body). The last paragraph of his section is as follows: There is one thing Guruji said that has really stuck with me over the years. He point to his heart and said, "There is a small box sitting here. In that box is sitting Atman. Turn your attention here. That is yoga." I will never forget that. I always felt he was a very heart centered man, loving toward his students and doing all he could to support us on our journey. I love that. Such a strong practice to simply make you aware of the love in your heart chakra, just wonderful. Sometimes, in my case for sure, it takes such an intense experience to bring us back home, to our emotional body, to our energetic body. Its amazing. So anyway, I can't quit reading these things, they keep inspiring me, they keep making me want more. More what? More yoga postures? Possibly. More experiences coming from within? For sure. More heart opening? For sure. More, more, more, but more what? I'm not quite getting something here. Then it dawns on me, I need to go to India. Then I will get more of all of it for sure, but not just that, when I thought of going to India, I immediately felt the relief I've been searching for. My body sighed, and I was like, ah, is that really what I've been waiting to figure out? Hell yes it is apparently, because now I'm motivated and inspired and excited about taking this trip. I haven't even worried about where the money is going to come from to get there, I just know it is. So, I've put aside a bit each week from my park donations, and someone suggested a couple of websites that I could use to take donations, and I've set up an account with one of them, here is the link, www.sendsatindertomysoreindia.chipin.com, so if you want to donate, please do, and it will be appreciated and I will bring back all that I learn to my classes and teacher trainings that I assist in, it won't be money you'll regret spending. So, I don't intend to push you all for money every time I write from now on, but its out there. So, ideally February, March and April of next year, I'm going to India!!!

Practice, practice, practice...

A famous quote from K. Pattabhi Jois, "practice, practice, practice . . . and all is coming." This week I feel like that is the truth. My physical practice has been great, but I notcie that the better it is the more conscious I am of my state of mind, and therefore the more work it seems like I have to do to keep my mind heading in the right direction. I just opened Kino's book, Sacred Fire, and randomly picked a passage to read, here it is: "Yoga teaches you how to be humble and willing to put in the work required to achieve the results that you want. When you unroll your mat and commit to the total journey of yoga you unlock the mind's power to transform physical substance with the power of spirit. With practice, this is exactly what I learned to do." I'm like, ok universe, I get you! I was just irritated with my friend whom I asked to take over my Thursday evening Ashtanga class in the park, because he cancelled the class today. When I texted him asking why, he just said the weather, I'm like the weather?!? Its fucking nice out today and the wind is blowing and blah, blah, blah. I went to the dark side. Not observing the philosophy of Ashtanga Yoga which begins with Ahimsa, non-harming. Were my thoughts that? No. Were my actions that? No. Etc, etc, etc, and then you get to the next Yama and then the Niyamas. So, I obviously failed this test today lol. But coming to the quote from Kino's book, and then I sat down to blog, not intentially, I intended to check facebook, but had this stuff in me that needed out. So I'm trying to think of what to title the entry, Kino's passage brought up that old saying from Pattabhi. Duh, again, universe, I'm getting you. Its a practice. Are we ever meant to be perfect? No, I don't necessarily think so. Are we meant to get it right every time? No, probably not. If we did, would life be any fun? And where would our growth come from? So yes, life is a practice. Make your play, learn from it, move forward, expand and grow from the experience. Also, our yoga practice can serve as a microcosm for the macrocosm of our life. Notice while you're on your mat how it goes, is it hard to go to the next asana, or through the vinyasa or transition to the next asana? Does your mind keep coming in saying, sit there, don't worry about it, just don't forget to buy bananas later, oh and coconut water! lol. The asana practice, is just that as well, a practice. So use that time on the mat to train yourself to feel your way through, not to jump at every distraction your mind tries to come up with and move your way through the practice, maybe some pranayama, and meditation. Just be present with it, notice how it goes, notice what comes up mentally, physically, energetically... and be in observance of it, move through the block. Yogi Bhajan was famous for many quotes, the one that is appropriate here is "There is a way through every block." And he offered many kriyas, meditations, mantras and pranayamas so we would have a variety of things to try to get through that block. Not around it so that it may still be there, but through it, so that it could dissipate and the energy of said block could be freed up and used in other, more beneficial ways. Ashtanga yoga also moves through blocks, many physical, but all energetic as well. Mostly because of its intensity. Kundalini yoga and Ashtanga yoga, both very traditional practices, some say age old, but both practices very intense. I guess since I'm drawn to them both, maybe that means I'm an intense guy?!? LOL, God, I know I am, but I'm working on softening the edges, slowly, slowly, like water moving over stones, they slowly smooth out and allow the flow again. Check back in a few years, see how smooth they've gotten! (that doesn't mean not to read my blog for that long, just a saying you know) Talk to you soon,take time this week to find enjoyment in your practices, notice where your edges are smoothing out. Namaste and Sat Nam my friends...

Peace...

So this has been an interesting time in my life. I'm getting good response with my Mysore classes and shifting my focus on teaching even more. Friday after having 9 folks come through the class, I went to Illinois to see The Dark Knight Rises with my mom, then have lunch with her. That night I taught the teacher trainees at Yogasource some Thai massage and they loved it. It was cooler on Saturday morning so had a large park class, then I drove back to Illinois to teach in a teacher training over there, one of the ladies who is taking it even already follows my blog, so a shout out to Mary! Since I was over there again I went to my moms for dinner to eat Roma's pizza, very good. While there I picked up my comic books that have been stored there since the 80s, I'm planning to see if any of them are worth anything and putting them on ebay if they are, to make money to pay for my trip to India. Today, I woke up early, had an amazing practice of primary series and then taught my class at Yogasource, then home and napped and am now just hanging out here. I may start going through my comic books to see what I think can make me some money and what can't. The title of this comes from the feeling that I've felt all day, peace. I practiced, and anyone who knows ashtanga knows its a vigorous practice, but sometime during it I got to that place, that zero point, as Yogi Bhajan would call it, and from there is where I moved all day long. My thoughts, even my actions were very simple and succinct and clear, to me and everyone else. Its a nice place to be. This is what we want all the time but feel we have to work so hard to get to. So amidst a super busy schedule all weekend I was able to come to this place, which is a blessing. And now even after a nap, I'm still there. Just started a load of laundry, in this overbearing heat and I'm still there. I'm still there. So, being there is great, it won't be permanent by any means, I know that, but I'm there now and enjoying it. Now, tomorrow is another story, we'll see!

Friday, surrendering to it...

So, the final day of my first week back to teaching Mysore style Ashtanga. It was awesome, not super huge amounts of folks but I didn't expect that anyway, not many in St Louis practice Ashtanga yoga. What I also did not expect was how much I missed teaching this way. Its the most profound way of teaching that I know and other than Kundalini yoga, is the most powerful. I love it and hope it can continue for years, and hopefully with more coming over time lol. Another thing this week, or theme I should say, is surrender. Part of it I did yesterday when I cut off my beard, which is already on its way back ( I'm just too hairy to shave), and in so doing surrendered a few other things I was having trouble not letting go of. I'm reading a little book by Kino and she talked about surrendering to India and to her teachers and how much further it got her. Not just that, but so many things aroung surrendering are coming up, so I guess its time for me to fully surrender. And when I do we shall see what happens. I may even do a kriya in the morning, which I haven't done for months! That also was inspired because my friend is in LA and just texted me that she took a great Kundalini yoga class from Tej Kaur at Golden Bridge. I was thinking about doing a kriya on my day off from Ashtanga anyway, not sure why it popped up but it did, and then she sent me that text and I'm like, ok, I get it, surrender! Surrender to the teachings I've loved for years and just allow them to transform me. So yes, I'm going to do just that. Abraham would call it allowing. They say the only thing we ever have to do is allow, the desire is already in our vibration, but our attachment to the lack of the thing we want is exactly what holds it back from coming to us, so allow it to come, don't hold on to the lack of it, embrace the abundant arrival of it!!! Ok, I get it, surrender, allow!!!! So, if I'm going to allow and surrender to life, I'm going to put a list of things I am ready to allow in, how about that? So, at this time I'm ready to go to India. I need to renew my passport and save the money, or win the money, or get a money in a benefit, whatever, I need to get the money together for it. But I am ready to go to Mysore and study Ashtanga with Sharath, finally. I'm also ready for a boyfriend, not just any guy, but a good looking one (am I remiss in saying that?), a spiritually minded one, preferably one who does yoga (that would be awesome!), one who loves what he does, one who's inspiring and inspired by everything, maybe even one I would spend the rest of my life with, who knows. I'm also ready to move, I think, yes, I'm finally ready. I want the move to be solicited from me though, I don't want to think about where, I want someone to contact me and say hey, would like to come here and teach Ashtanga, at least for a little while? That would be the most awesome. And hmmm, what else? I'm really ready to allow anything that life throws my way. I'm tired of fighting and pushing against, and just need to let go and have things flow into and out of my experience. Thats a tall order huh? Well, no, maybe its not. Maybe its easy, you just let go and ride with the stream, don't even use your oars for the boat will move along with the downstream flow. I was in Maui 10 years ago, studying Ashtanga yoga with Guruji and Nancy Gilgoff and this lovely lady who was living with Nancy at the time, Betsy, told me "dude, you just need to let go. No, no its not hard at all, just do it, just release, let go. Chill..." Hmmm, has this been a theme in my life for 10 fucking years?!? Yes, I guess it has. But when you're raised to grab a hold, hold on tight for dear life, never let go, be completely attached, to everything, what do you do? Well, you start practicing yoga and keep practicing two of the most intense styles for 12 years, and then maybe, you finally, maybe, get it. I think I do, or am getting it finally, I think, maybe...

What a week...

So this week I began my Mysore classes, tomorrow morning being the last one of this first week. Its been decent, 5 on Monday, 4 on Wednesday, and we'll see how tomorrow goes. So, I've been shifting and changing, growing even and this week has been no exception. Other than the major shifts in my teaching schedule, I had a student from my backbend workshop last month send Chris an email stating some very nasty things about me, and I was taken aback. I knew we didn't hit it off within the time she was there, she had never been to Yogasource before, nor did she have any business being in the workshop based on the description, it was meant to help folks grow their backbending practice, not to teach them how to do a basic Urdhva Dhanurasana, which was the case with her. Anyhow, for some reason it took her a month to send the nasty email, and Chris forwarded it to me, so I read it, was very upset all day but didn't respond and then I couldn't not respond anymore, so I did. Which she promptly forwarded to Chris and sent me the most childish email saying don't even respond to this or I will just delete it because I don't have space in my life for your jack-assery. LOL I know, I'm being petty by telling you all this, but I can't help it. Anyhow, I felt icky this morning after reading her response and decided I was going to chant and do pranayama to help release it, and it worked partially. I taught a class, which helped even more, then I came home and completely got rid of my beard! lol, I know. But, it completely helped. That thing was holding on to some stagnant energy and letting go of it made me have a major release and feel totally better. So a few weeks ago I cut off part of the beard, about 12 inches, then this week I cut it off even further, then today, gone, only stubble left. I really want to have it back but needed it gone right now and the release that came with it, apparently. It will take its time growing back, not really that long, but I am not meant to have no facial hair, I look crazy without it lol! So, here I am, in this weird place. This place with lots of space to fill, lots of exploration to happen even maybe. I still consider myself a Sikh I suppose, even though I haven't been wearing my turban, I still have my long hair and my beard will grow back. Do these outward things make me a Sikh though? Or is it the standard by which I live my life? Is it the code I live by? To me, the inner life is so much more important and the strength I'm getting in my inner being from this practice and from the people I'm now surrounding myself with, and my whole life in general tells me that yes, I'm still a Sikh. More than that I consider myself a yogi. I use my yoga practice, all of it, not just the asanas, for growing inwardly. Diving in deep to myself and figuring out whats going on in there, also diving in deep to my life and experiences of life to figure out where I stand on everything, where I want to be, where I need to be, and how to fully be present and enjoy everything and everyone in it. I truly love this life I've created for myself, and look forward to what I'll create in the future, already I'm thinking I need to go to India next year... what more?

Mysore-style Ashtanga yoga

So one week from tomorrow my new Mysore style Ashtanga program starts at Yogasource. I think I'm getting excited, after having a couple great trial classes during what is usually a led primary series, I'm even more excited, because I see the potential it could have. So I'm at home again on a Sunday afternoon, its really too hot to do anything else other than maybe see a movie, but I've done that two days in a row already to stay out of the heat, and I'm watching videos on youtube of Mysore style classes, of Pattabhi leading folks through advanced posture sequences, of him giving talks on philosophy, etc. And its just making me more and more excited. I can't wait for it to start and see what happens. Seabrook and I were at lunch after class today and talking about how taking her practice into her own hands (she started practicing the primary series after we went to Chicago to study with Kino MacGregor) is transforming her faster than she ever did before, taking instruction in classes. And its true. When you go to a class you get to check out, almost completely. You have to stay tuned to something outside yourself in order to know what to do next, so you are on the same wavelength with the class. But this does not allow you to tune in, into yourself and feel whats going on, feel how you feel while you're working through so many postures and vinyasas and breathting and more. So you never get to really go inside and explore your own inner landscape. I assume being led in a class is the closest thing most people get to surrendering and allowing themselves to chill out and just take what comes with a grain of salt, but to me a real practice happens when there is silence, only breathing, and you are moving and following what comes up, whether it be physical, emotional, or energetic (see my last entry). And one thing the Ashtanga practice does so well, is that it gives you a sequence and prescribed way to breathe during said sequence, so all you have to do is put out the effort to remember what comes next and then it becomes rote, and then you get to do the work. The practice is there and you have to dig in and work within to make it through to a new level of practice, not just checking out, but checking in! So some say that the same sequence all the time is boring and not good for everyone, but when its the same all the time, you know what comes next, you don't have to think about it, you don't have to think at all, just breathe through it and be present with the physical, emotional or energetic issues that come up. Its all good! Love this shit I do, I can't believe I ever left the practice. Although if I hadn't dug into the Anusara system I wouldn't have learned some great alignment and be able to heal my body, and if I hadn't dug into the Kundalini system I wouldn't have gotten so in touch with the energy of the body and how to move and manipulate it. These things have been invaluable to me and helped me go deeper and deeper and become a better person and a better teacher, so appreciation to both of those systems of yoga practice, but most of all to the Ashtanga system, which has taken me to levels of being I never thought possible, and helped me help others start heading in that direction as well. Much love...