Letting Go...

Just an hour ago I was finished with dinner and saying good bye to a friend and walking past a temple I want to visit tomorrow, hoping they were open tonight so I could find out their timings for in the morning, but they weren't. As I walked down Contour Road I saw little shops with sign all written in Kannada, the local language, and many with signs also written in the roman alphabet but not necessarily in English. All of them that were open have either idols or pictures of the gods they worship. Many of the men and women were chatting across to the next shop, also many were walking on the street and laughing, enjoying the fact it was dusk and the with the sun going down the temperature was cooling off.

Then I looked up and saw them. Each night at dusk the large fruit bats come from the direction of Chamundi Hill. They either live in caves in the hills themselves or in the forest around the hills and come into the city at night to eat the fruit in the trees. Then I noticed the little bats flying around the low trees, eating the mosquitoes.

A little further up I walked past the coconut stand that I frequent almost daily and the man we so lovingly call Van Dosa, because he parks in the field across from the coconut his van, and opens up the back doors and makes dosa out of it. The rickshaw drivers sitting across the street from him chatting because they have a lot less business lately since many of us have discovered Uber and Jugnoo, a rickshaw app like Uber that actually charges the correct fees, not the bloated prices the local drivers, who are used to thinking the Western students have too much money and can afford it, are charging.

Amidst all of this is me, and many, many others out walking for the evening. The Ganesh temple I visit almost every morning is full and people are praying vigilantly. The young men on their motorbikes riding around, or sitting on them chatting.

It's a scene I've grown accustomed to. It's a scene I have been a part of for the last four months, and if you go back to February of 2014 and count I've been here for a total of 8 months since then. It's a familiar scene and one that feels like, dare I say home? Yes, I dare say it. This place, not just Mysore, but India as a whole, even though its varies so much from area to area, town to town and village to village, has become my home. I love it here. I will live here in some fashion for possibly the rest of my life.

Now I'm writing all of this because when I first saw the bats it dawned on me that in a week I won't be seeing this anymore. I won't even be able to. It will be on the other side of the planet from where I will be then. And that though made me sad, and I teared up a bit. I didn't cry fully though. Because here you're never really sad, the emotion is there on the surface and yet you feel this contentment and love deep within, beneath that and you know that's how you really feel. The other is just the temporary, in the moment, way you feel.

I am happy and at peace. I love the multiple Gods being worshipped here all day long. I love the devotion I see and feel in the people as they come in the temple and pray from their heart to Ganesh or to Shiva or Hanuman. I especially love when they see me, this tall white man, coming in with a red dot on my forehead and think for a second maybe I'm in the wrong place, but then embrace that I too can be full of devotion like them and enjoy visiting these strong energetic places of prayer that are used daily, and where no judgment is passed on you if you didn't come one day, or if you didn't bring an rupees to put in the brass plate before taking the flame to your eyes for clarity of vision, to your forehead for clarity of though and to your crown for clarity in your connection to the version of God you choose to worship.

I love that head wobble that everyone here has as an innate part of their body language and some use it so much more than others. I love the way they try to speak English and are so happy and proud that they got their message across to you once you've understood what they were saying. I really especially love that the tiniest little Hanuman temple has disco lights and he's made out of what is likely a paper mache product and yet has a huge crown made out of real diamonds and rubies and they give you greasy vadas for prasad and the priests are all portly and yet so happy you've come. The one yesterday was a fellow I'd not seen before, older with a full head of the whitest hair asking "Where from?" and so happy that I was from the US, Katie and Rachel from Canada and Rami from Argentina, he gave us extra special blessings and held the biggest smile as he watched us circumambulate the temple and tuck the flowers behind my right ear (maybe surprised I knew to do that), and that we knew all the right things to do during parts of the ceremony.

There is so much more that I love and want to express but can't right now, I've got to end this so I don't have that surface sad come back again. But know that this place has been in my heart since I saw that yogi on That's Incredible tv show in the 80's curl up into a tiny pretzel and get into that clear box as we watched and stayed in there the whole show.

That's why I believe in reincarnation, how else could I be so drawn to everything from this country from yoga to the food, from the clothing to the Sanskrit mantras, and so much more. It all is there already, I knew it when I heard and knew that I knew it from some time before. It's in my being, and it will be in my being until I leave this body and maybe beyond that as well.

India I am in you now for just a few more days, but know that you are in me forever, always have been and always will be.

I'll see you again very soon...

At what point...

At what point in your life, when the status quo has become just that, and you feel stagnant or stuck or that things just can't go any further forward, do you actually make the choice to change something???

So that could mean change how you perceive things, which is normally the actual catalyst for change. Once you can see that there are other options or opportunities it can open up avenues of actual physical change as well, maybe that have always been there but you weren't allowing your perceptions to include them, or maybe that you were previously closed off to. Or it can mean moving house, or moving complete locations in your country, or moving to another country, or getting rid of all of your stuff and starting over again or breaking up with someone that maybe you've both been avoiding doing because its easier to maintain the status quo.

But really, is it easier to maintain the status quo? Or easier to move on to new things?

Many would want you to be attached to your things because then they can always just sell you more when they wear out or they know you'll always be using this certain brand of toothpaste, or this certain shampoo, or this, or that, etc...

Well this trip I've been here for a long time, I realized that I'm not missing anything at home. I have a lot of jewelry but I've been wearing these certain few rings, not even all of them that I brought. I have all these clothes, but I've been wearing literally the same 7 tank tops or the same 5 t shirts and the same 4 pair of shorts, this whole trip. And no I've not been unhappy with any of them. I ran out of my Dr. Bronners body wash, and three people told me they'd bring me some, but no, not one of them remembered to bring it, so I found this company who's stuff I'm okay with and have been using it (that company is Soul Tree, I always use their hair oil and body oil even in the US, but have begun to use their other body wash products as well).

The only thing I really miss from that I have packed away are my statues of Hindu gods that I have. Some of them are phenomenal and I'm attached to them. But I have new ones that I've gotten here and they are sufficing just fine, I've even grown fond of some of them...

I even love that here I don't have to drive a car. I love my old car back home, it makes me happy. It runs great and gets decent gas mileage, but I would be just fine without it since you don't really have to have a car here.

So I've discovered that I don't need any of that stuff. Now, what else can I figure out?

Am I at the point that the status quo is no longer working for me, no, my status quo here makes me very happy. Then when I get to teach or do a Thai massage that is just icing on the cake. My status quo at home? Now, I love teaching. My students are great students, most are very dedicated and come daily. So that is okay, I'm ready to shake things up though, that is for sure. Starting new things isn't any easier than feeling stuck, and keeping yourself in a place because its comfortable can be dangerous and lead to stagnation, not for me!

When I go back I'm moving locations of my Mysore program, I'm also lining up some different classes at different places. But yes many of the "normal" things I did there I'm going back to, so how to shake it up even further? Got any ideas? Let me know...

I'm ready to travel and to move around a bit and teach here and there, but also have a home base with a home student base. I'm also ready to learn a new language, to eat some different foods and to embrace many new things in my life.

Can this be done back in St. Louis? Maybe, and yes I'll see how much more I can shake up the status quo there when I go back, but maybe a move is in order? Maybe it's not? Maybe live there 6 months and elsewhere 6 months... maybe, maybe, maybe. I am excited to go back and teach and be there one more summer, but I'm also excited at the prospect of maybe teaching somewhere else, in Europe or on the West Coast, or in India. If those things become options.

Many things are a possibility if I don't cut myself off from them, that's what I've got to do. Learn a level of awareness that keeps me awake all of the time, or most of the time so I know when I'm heading down that path that cuts it off again and can steer back onto the path of least resistance, which allows abundance to flow.

What do you think? Let me know, comment either here or send me a Facebook message, I'd love to hear what you think I should do or where I should go, not that it'll stop me from doing what I'm going to do, but I am curious...

Friday afternoon...

Well, I'm still in Mysore but I am no longer practicing at the shala with Sharath. An area I'm finding much contention with surprisingly.

Last year I'd gone back to the Midwest of the US in February to some terrible winter weather and swore I'd not do that again, so bought my round trip ticket this time to go home in March. I'd planned on traveling a bit and I did for one week, but when I returned home to Gokulam found the money was rather too low to be traveling to the North, which is something I've been drawn to do for a long time. So decided to just stay in Mysore, after all, I love it here and its a fairly easy place to be in the grand scheme of India.

Now I've discovered that its not so wonderful to be practicing here for three months and then all of a sudden to not be practicing at the shala, trying to maintain that same practice in a home setting. When you're on the other side of the world its much easier to do since there is no other option but to practice at home, but when you're here and you live on the same road as the shala and you hear the scooters, and see the people waiting on the front steps and having coconuts after their early morning practice, well, it just sucks.

I am fine, I am happy and have loved having the ability to be in India for so long this time around, so don't get me wrong, I'm not upset I'm still here. I'm just stating how I felt this last week. Now however I feel like I'm making peace with it and am doing okay practicing at home, even making progress because it's getting warmer and my body is staying so open. So I'm not complaining, I'm quite good.

I'm even making friends of the new batch of folks coming in, most of whom I've not encountered before and a few of friends from old trips are here now as well. And it's Mysore, the one place I've come to feel at home on the planet. I love it here.

This morning I woke up hearing my roommate showering and getting ready to leave to practice at the shala (he lives here so practices the whole season and also is assisting Sharath this whole season) around 4am, so I lie there a bit longer and eventually got up and practiced, then went to have coconuts in front of the shala where I ran into one of this aforementioned folks I've met since my time there, we had a nice chat, then I went to have chocolate pancakes and chai for breakfast, then I went to a morning showing of the new movie Deadpool, which just came out today, with two other friends who I met last month but we've been here at the same time before and just never met. After which we went and had a nice lunch, then I came home and had a nap.

Sounds like my typical Friday back in the states! Which is also my day off back there. So, how can one be upset at that sort of a day? One cannot.

I'm feeling quite blessed these days and working on lining up my teaching for once I'm back home. My normal semester with the med students at Wash U is already set up, my weekly park class which goes along with our organic/local farmers market is set up to start in April, and my Mysore program is moving locations and that is all set up. My first 5 week series of Intro to Ashtanga Yoga is set up. Just working on some workshops and a few one off classes that I usually don't teach but am feeling like doing this summer, since it may be my last summer in St. Louis. Seems like its going to be a great summer with great friends and great students and a great family, all that I'll miss once I leave the area but will still visit and be in touch with.

I'm kind of getting excited maybe to go back! Hahaha...

See you all soon!

Mangalore University

I'm back in Gokulam, in Mysore, after a week teaching on the West Coast.

The university there has a department called Human Consciousness and Yogic Sciences, which is great considering I would never imagine one could get a degree in such a thing. They also offer a PhD program which is great as well. It's in Yoga Therapy, they follow the teachings of Krishnamacharya as learned through the man who created the department by his experiences of studying yoga with K. Pattabhi Jois.

My friend Pavithra, who owns the Green House here in Gokulam, has his PhD from there. So last year when the department head invited him to teach Ashtanga Yoga at their week long collaborative workshop with a Korean online university, he went. This year they called and asked him and he was not able to go, so he asked me and I spoke with the university and it all worked out, so I went.

Now, it scared the shit out of me to think of this, but also I knew it would be an interesting experience at the very least.

In the mornings I taught a physical asana practice to about 30 or so Koreans and 20 or so Indians who attend the university. So at first I was freaked out that no one would be able to understand me since English is my only language and not their first language, none of the Koreans spoke anything but their own language by the way. But their teacher was on hand to translate for them and many of them knew the practice and all of them knew about vinyasa practice as well, so it was much better than I thought it would be.

In the evenings I would teach something different for a shorter period. One night we went over moola bandha, one night we did a question and answer session which at the end devolved into each of them taking photos with me, and the finally evening session we did pranayama and a little chanting.

One of the PhD students picked me up from the train station, two others rode there with him as well. Not yet to my knowledge we became quite close, he and one other fellow drove me around everywhere, picked me up for classes or dropped me back to the guest house and neither of them would let me pay for anything! lol, I must say its nice to have a personal driver and not to have to spend a dime oneself, but it also makes one very lazy and therefor I napped twice a day every day!

Those two I mentioned above both I became close with and both are interested in further practicing Ashtanga Yoga along with a couple others, so I hope to have done Sharath well by inspiring some local Indians to come to this practice. One of them, Mahabala, even mentioned how great he thought it was that a westerner was teaching them their own forgotten traditions back to them, he loved it. It made me happy last night when he said that and how happy he was that it happened that way. I never want to feel like I'm appropriating their culture, which is such a big debate these days it seems. I want them all to understand their culture really enriches my life and I'm living it as fully as I can so that it can become my life, not just me posing that it is.

That I think is a big reason I come to India to learn the traditions in this particular yogic lineage, not just create more of my own thing back home. It feels important to honor and respect that it actually started here and continues to flourish here under the same circumstances it began in. I only hope to do it justice, and am glad to see positive results like happened this week with natural Indians along with others.

So, it was an interesting week full of great people, they also made us some great, healthy food and many other great experiences. I got to ride on a motorcycle daily, which has been something I didn't realize I'd missed. My dad rode a Harley all my life and riding on the back is always something I've enjoyed, I'd just forgotten how much. On the train there as I was about to get off I met a man and he ended up being the head of the English department at the very university I was heading to teach at, so one day he came to visit me for lunch where we talked for quite some time and then came by my apartment that evening to bring me a book by a Swami from the Shankaracharya lineage in Sringere, India, that he thought I would enjoy since it had helped him so much in his life. I appreciated that a lot, it reminded me how awesome real human connection can be. I got to watch a production of the story of Vishwamitra (which I had just recently read) in the local dance/drama form called Yakshagana. The participants dress is very expressive Face paint and costumes and do dance moves specific to this type of theatre, it was very good and entertaining. If I could understand Kannada I would have enjoyed it more I'm sure because most of the audience were laughing out loud quite often throughout the show. I got to ride in a car which is not something that happens often in India, but also the driver whom is a dear friend, drives crazily and that was an experience in itself! lol... I got to take cold showers each day since there was no heater for the water, which they call a geyser (pronounced geezer). I used to take them a lot during my Kundalini days, and had forgotten how much I don't like it hahahaha. There are so many little things I could say about my time there and about how many people took an interest in me and I got to know but I can't pull all the info out of my mind just yet, but one more thing I'd like to talk about. The train... Westerners are spoiled, spoiled rotten actually. And many would not appreciate the sleeper train experience, nor would they ever even be willing to give it a try, but I must say it is one of the more pertinent experiences in my life showing me how much we value our personal comfort levels, and are not willing to traverse even the slightest bit outside them... I'll write more about that later, but that is enough said for now. I also got to visit and get a private tour around a plant where everything is still done by hand, they employ maybe 500 people, in which they take naturally fallen leaves from the large palm trees here and press them into plates to eat off of. I've used these plates many times, but never knew what an environmental thing it was that they were doing in making them. So proud of that, and sad that these practices are not more employed in the U.S. but there are many other ways we do things to help that they do not do here, so in some ways there is a lot of balance.

Just a bit of my week, as I process more and more of it I'll write more and more I'm sure.