No title necessary

So, yesterday I turned 41. Not a big deal as far as birthdays goes, it was a low key day mostly. I chilled at Starbucks with a frappacino for a bit, I did some shopping at Target and Whole Foods, I went to a pool party and then to a dinner I had organized for my birthday at Ranoush.

The pool party was interesting, it was gay men, too much smoking going on and lots of drinking. Neither of which interest me anymore. Had a great conversation with a local news weatherman and his friend, whom I ended up finding myself attracted to, the friend, not the weatherman, although the weatherman is a hottie too. I didn't stay long because of the dinner party I had already planned, so I had dinner at my favorite restaurant with a few of my favorite people, very nice.

Sunday my sister, her husband and kids and our mom came over to let my nephew play at the drum circle and we went to dinner for my birthday then too. It was nice as well. Lots of nice going on. I keep expecting big booms of things happening because I feel them heading my way, but they aren't ready to appear just yet.

I am moving from the house I've lived in with a couple for over 3 years now, into a little apartment of my own that will be cheaper than living with them. Thats bothered me today, after I wrote them the email I found myself feeling sad about it, but that will pass. Its also a big change for me.

Just before the move I'll be in New Mexico for 2.5 weeks at summer solstice with many kundalooneys and Sikhs, managing the luggage team for the event. That alone is a big boom to me. I've never once in my life taken responsibility, on purpose, and here I am going to manage something?!? Something is for sure wrong with me, I can't have grown up all of a sudden in the past year. Going thru the kundalini certification course, taking amrit and this last white tantric, all, must've had a more profound effect on me than I'd had any clue about.

The thing that is most surprising to me is that I'm not afraid of any of these changes that are coming, they almost don't even register on my radar! What is that about? Is this neutral mind? I wonder, hmmmm...

I should be in bed, I'm sleepy, I'm not in the mood to read or be on this computer, at all, but I just felt like writing on here, not in my journal. I really dislike writing in a journal anyway, but every so often I feel compelled to, for some reason.

So, I think I'm off here for now, I'm hoping you all are having amazing adventures, as I believe life is supposed to be just that, a neverending series of adventures, embraced and held in no attached way. Just experienced. We're here in a body, whether for the millionth time, or the first, to have experiences. To have experiences that we can't have as spirit, with more intensity than is in spirit, because the contrast is so intense. I'm sure everything in spirit form is intense so the contrast is lessened, but no, not here! lol

Have a lovely sleep tonight those who read this, if there even is still anyone who reads it. It doesn't matter if there is or not to me, its just that I think maybe its more cathartic if someone else is still? Who knows!

Sat nam!!!

White tantric yoga

I've just come back from Chicago, having done my 10th white tantric yoga day. This one was different because it was part of the completion of my kundalini yoga teacher training, and many of my fellow trainees, whom I've grown very close to, were there as well.

Ramgeet Kaur and her husband Adam is who I rode up there and home with, and we went early and had the whole day Friday to tool around town. What a lovely day! We even got full sunshine, which was not predicted. And she had never been there before, so it was a treat to see her excitement at so many of the things of the "big city" lol. She and her husband share a unique perspective of life and the world that I appreciated so much getting an insight into. Two of the most lovely people.

The tantric itself was the most subtle one I've been to, and the most powerful. I feel it so strongly that I almost can't explain it to others, but also I think the circumstances of the people who were there with me added to it. Also, doing all the work I've done during the training and since and having taken amrit at summer solstice and this being my first tantric since then, probably added to it as well.

I met some people I've only met online on Facebook, in person finally, I saw many old friends in the Dharma, even made some new friends that I will for sure keep in touch with.

A large part of the magic of the weekend is the fact that I stayed with Dukh Niwaran and her partner, two of the loveliest of people and my friend Dharamjodh stayed there as well and we got to connect before he moves to Holland to be with his husband again. It was a great time of conversation and connection and the four of us doing sadhana together, that I just can't put into words. It was magic and I love Chicago! Dukh Niwaran posed the need for me to move there, which was something I really wanted in my early twenties, for completely different reasons (great gay scene and partying prospects! lol). Maybe its now in the running, hmmmmm....

There is so much change going on in me and in my life that I don't want to say I'm going here, I just want the universe to show me, guide me where to move and feel it in my heart, then go there. Its exciting this change, this shift. I'm loving it and find the prospect a grand adventure!

Lets see where this takes me, this new perspective . . .