So, it's been a while. I find I'm writing more on Facebook than anywhere else since I opened a new page more geared towards the devotional aspects of my yogic life. Many will say devotion? Yoga? What do the two have to do with one another. But to me they are both part and parcel of the same path, and must be.
I just read a great article about being a Shakta Bhakta, which means a person who generally has ecstatic devotion to a female deity, or Devi/Goddess, and it was centered in West Bengal which is mostly still an area where worshipping Kali is very common and they put her as the ultimate reality, but it was also about using yoga in that path. Again, many who understand the two concepts would say what? how? They don't even go together, but in the article they mentioned how in Bengal they are the same system, one tempers the other. And all of this is Tantra, which could mean technique, but also means the looming together of all things, the weaving of a thread, so it takes them all and puts them in one perspective. Or as my Guruji says "Tantra means everything!"
Many who have felt the Goddess presence in their life in whatever way, will take up yoga as a way to get the emotions under control and open up the energy channels to allow the flow of Her energy through them, but to not allow that energy to overwhelm them and drive them insane. Where for me the process was the opposite...
I started yoga during a time I was repressing myself to such a level that I often had headaches and was trying to escape my body via stories, movies or books and then using the fantasy they created within me to go further away and divorce myself from the feeling of repression in my body. The yoga got me so in touch with my body that it felt bad to keep drinking the way I was, although I fought that for years until I realized I had to surrender to the need to drink less, if at all. It also helped me know which foods were working for me and which were not, even to drink soda, or tea, or water, etc. It also brought me to reflect on the amount of sex I was having, the type of people I was comingling with and how damaning my attitude toward sex was reflective of my attitude towards leaving my body!
Once I started finally going to India and got involved with the deities there, Kali worked her way into my life, and now Prathyangira, a deeper form of Kali from another tradition. This led me to understand I'd always been a devoted sort of being. Always looked for the Gods to manifest within my person and was disappointing me when they/he/she, whomever I was worshipping at the time, did not jump into my body and give me an ecstatic experience with them possessing me if you will, or talkng to me in my mind, showing me the way in some aspects. Then it dawned on me they were, She was, through my instincts and urges to turn this way, drive that way, to go here, there, to climb this tree, to walk in that stream, etc. And then I realized that Tantra was working it's way into my life too, through the western version, outside in, where they focuses on the sexual pleasure of it.
When I finally met a teacher who taught me that Tantra really is about devotion to a deity and must include a deity to keep it within the self. So to focus on sex needs to slowly go deeper than the flesh and make it's way into your heart, through intention, through focus, through certain "rules and regulations" and then it's still Tantra. Where the form she was teaching me was to start within, creating the experience within the being through ritual, through chanting, through embodying the intention behind each name of Kali we were chanting, what it meant would be able to soak in and vibrate the body to a higher frequency, and then you could feel Her in your life, in your being, guiding you...
Now my Guruji has moved me into the knowledge that all of this is one path, all of it is Tantra. He tells of the Vedas and how they say you can be a yogi, or a bhogi. Bhoga being the path of enjoyment and pleasure, of the world. Yoga being the path of going within and finding that connection, that Yoking that yoga really is. Where the Tantrik shastras state both can be the same thing. If you are a Bhogi and are offering up your experiences, the pleasures and enjoyments of life, to your deity, to something deeper within you, and drawing your sense inward, then it is yoga too. '
Some will say that is the path for asceticism, but no, it's not. It's saying to have the pleasures, enjoy them, see God in them and use that energy to deeper your awareness within, enjoy it and find the pleasure in there and gain the ability to share it with others in your life too. BUT not to allow the pleasures to suck you in to where you only care about the pleasure of it, rather than using the energy for transformation. Transformation meaning to fully embody the holy, energetic, Godlike energy we are and have access too, bring it to the surface. Let you be it, and it be you. Live from this place and then you will be fully living, not half dead or fully dead as so many are while yet still "alive" in a body.
Ashtanga Yoga, as a Hatha Yoga system is a Tantrik practice. It is used to bring awareness to such a deep level, but also to open the body up so it's healthy, so the energy flows into every corner. And for me it opened me up to the possibility of being in my body, inhabiting it, and yet using that energy that was coming accessible for more. To create and amazing life for myself, to transform myself into the fullest being I can be, so that then I would be able to bring this to my students as I teach them the yoga practices. And as Guruji slowly teaches me more and more, or will once I'm finally able to get back to him (he does still teach me but in person the transmission is so much more complete) he wants me to keep teaching Ashtanga Yoga to everyone who wants to learn it, and then when a student comes to me and wants to learn more I can teach them what he is and will teach me.
It's an exciting prospect. I look forward to being there one day. I love teaching asana, but I also love the idea of teaching all the yogic disciplines in a way that it will be a Tantrik practice and help them in their whole life. So what am I? All those words I listed above? Yes, and more. And so are you...
