Sunday night

So, I've not been inspired to write in a while. Writing to me has to flow and come out naturally, instinctually, but I haven't been having that regularly now for a few months. I've sat down and tried to make myself write, but that always starts out icky and just gets ickier, but I've still posted some of them.

This weekend I worked on one teacher training, and then another. Both were great, I love teaching all these people that are wanting to share yoga with others just as it was shared with them. But I also started thinking...

There are so many teacher trainings going on right now, and I'm a believer in abundance so I'm not concerned having so many teachers around because I believe there is enough to go around. The problem, if you want to call it a problem, is that most people have no business teaching. Lots of them have practiced for a very short time and not dug in deep enough to their own practice yet, if they even maintain a self practice, and/or studied with a teacher, one teacher, for very long. And I know that once upon a time the student stayed with the teacher and maybe lived apart from them, but studied with them sometimes for years before they gave them the okay to go out and teach. It may even still be that way in India, but I don't know.

I do think the Western approach has expanded and grown the Eastern teachings exponentially, so in that respect I think its a great thing, but then our Western way of doing everything too quickly and with less integrity has also infected the process, and that may not be such a good thing. I do believe that everything is working out just the way its meant to be working out and so its all good, but I can have these thoughts and its okay, I've made my peace with it.

I think the main concern I have is that I'm seeing so many come through, who are not practicing yoga as a mainstay in their life. They're still saying they don't have enough time and taking a class when they can fit it in, rather than using the teachings to create a practice of their own, on their own, not in a led class. And yes, I do think thats an important part of the process. How can you integrate and grow and expand when you're always pushing outwardly, rather than using your practice to go inside and dig in deep to that inner being. When you have to stay external to listen to a teacher it just doesn't happen, sure you can have some amazing experiences anyway, but not go in deep.

I don't know, maybe I'm making too much out of it. I seem to be unable to make up my mind on anything right now, so maybe this is just another symptom of that? I cut my hair, I cut my beard, both after taking vows not to. I now all weekend have had the urge to clipper my hair off really short, while letting my beard grow long, even though I know I'll hate it because I like it longer in the winter. I'm having trouble practicing because of tightness around my sciatic nerve (that I also went through the first time I practiced ashtanga, but once it went away it was gone for good) so the practice has been slow and not a full series lately, so I'm sure thats affecting me too, I've just been plain busy too this past week, which will change this week because of the holiday. I've also had a weird headache the past two days which isn't something I've had since I smoked back in 2000.

I don't know, its all good, I feel amazing most of the time and am relaxed most of the time and happy most of the time, so whats my problem?

Who knows, I'm fine, I know that, or am I not??? Maybe I'm crazy and all of this is shit and doesn't matter??? Maybe? LOL

Thats enough of my crazy for the night, take care all and remember, don't pay any attention to anything I say on here. I don't know a damn thing! Never have, and never will!!!