Spring

So, spring is in full bloom, literally and figuratively. This time of year I usually find myself feeling lonely when I normally am fully content with only my own company, and this year is no exception.

I've been feeling sooo awesome, mostly due to the strength I've gained mentally from my kundalini yoga practice, and I still feel really great. Just a bit lonely.

I've met a guy whom I actually really like and he practices yoga, which is a big plus, and he's an intelligent, language loving person and I could fall for him, probably already am in fact but thats neither here nor there right now. The thing is that even though we've texted, talked, taken walks and so forth a bit each day since the exchange of numbers I still get a bit melancholic in the afternoons and feel lonely.

Now, by all rights its not his job to keep me from feeling this way, it really has nothing to do with him, but I feel that maybe feeling this from me may scare him off. I don't think it will, but okay its afternoon and I'm feeling melancholy again, so I'm being pessimistic. Give me a minute and I'll get back to my loving, happy self! lol He's tough and self suffcient so I'm sure it won't, but I have that fear for some reason. And trust me, he's a keeper, a real keeper and someone that I consider an equal in all aspects of my life. So, needless to say I don't want to push him away.

Now, already I'm getting this shit out and I'm feeling better. I know I'm a great catch, I have a lot to offer a relationship and I have a lot to learn about them too. Especially in the area of giving that person their space, and not losing myself in the process (which I am wont to do).

So, just thought about this. When I'm beginning to feel the downward swing in the afternoon I will do a meditation from Yogi Bhajan to pick me back up, mentally, and then see how I feel. Then I will start catching my thoughts before they get to the point of this downward spiral and turn them around to think of the wonderful things in my life, of which there are many, and the wonderful things upcoming.

My goal is to not be detached from the situation, or too attached to the situation, so I have some great tools at my disposal that need to be used to help this process, so I will now start to use them. Ok, off to my kundalini class to get in a better space and look forward in my thinking.

Btw, thanks for reading, whomever you may be, and finding my process of working through these thoughts and feelings interesting enough to come back for more! Write again soon, hopefully from a better perspective. Not that this was a bad one, just started out feeling that way, now it feels better.

Sat Nam!

LATER THAT SAME NIGHT:

So I've been to my class,my teacher said many words that inspired me and made me realize what a large part of my problem is, not that I'm necessarily ready to write about that yet but it mainly works around my 5th chakra, throat chakra that is and its connection to my heart chakra. My heart chakra which is quite open lately but I'm waaay out of balance in my throat chakra, also this is based on a workbook I have, and the connection between the two is where my work is. I speak from my heart but not from a neutral place, taking into consideration where the other person is speaking from and finding the common ground between the two. Make sense? It does to me now after speaking with Nancy and her just having come back from a Conscious Communications kundalini level 2 seminar. You have to take into consideration which chakra you're speaking from and which chakra the other is hearing you from and find the common ground between the two for the communication to actually happen, you also have to listen to yourself as you speak, and hear yourself, whilst checking to see if they are hearing you or just not taking it in at all as most people are. So, I'm good, just need to balance my 5th chakra and monitor my speech as it comes from my heart, making sure its not too overwhelming, which I know I can be!