Body Issues = Healing

So, I'm having stuff going on with my body. Last time I practiced I went through a few things but they resolved themselves. They weren't things anyone could find, but they were there none the less. And for the life of me I never though I'd be having to deal with it again, I know I stopped the practice of Ashtanga daily for almost 4 years, but I kept practicing it every so often and I was practicing Anusara and Kundalini the whole time, non-stop.

This alone tells me there is something to living the Ashtanga yoga practice as a lifestyle, all the things that go along with it, like the castor oil baths, the ayurvedic remedies, the diet, and of course the practice 5-6 days a week (5 days on weeks of the moon). I kind of poopooed that while I had moved away from it, but since beginning it a year ago, or restarted the 6 day a week practice and the whole lifestyle of it again, I've encountered the sacrum trouble I had back in 2002 and the elbow stuff I had after that in about 2005 or 6, and this time I'm having a new thing in the outer hamstring/it band area of my left leg.

Now granted, last time it took years, about 8 years to work through these issues and this time it has all happened in just over one year, so its like I'm on the fast track to healing lol. So I shouldn't be complaining, but right now I'm dealing with the it band thing and the opposite elbow thing at the same time, so it seems dramatic.

The first time around, Guruji told me my anger was in my knees and elbows (or yelbows as his English allowed it to be) so had me doing the castor oil bath to deal with pulling the heat out, I'm already doing that this time, so its been easier and I'm definitely less angry but am still having a bit of it, obviously.

People check me out, professionals, and they find nothing wrong with my body on the physical side. So that means its energetic and that I can deal with, move the energy through and it shifts you. The Kundalini training definitely qualifies me to move the energy, and that I shall do more often on my days off, maybe on my days on, so that I can get myself healed and can then be the teacher and inspiration I intend to be.

So, now that I mention that I'll speak to it. I've studied with many, many teachers, Ashtanga and otherwise. None of them are perfect, but most of them are in control of their emotions and their states of being in ways most Westerners would never understand, unless they've studied the arts of the East. So I equate that to the St. Louis yoga community and I see how many teachers here are so respected, but they are so fucked up, meaning they haven't used the teachings to heal themselves. Now, there are a few, maybe, and I intend to be one of them. I want people to take my classes and say "I really want some of whatever he's got." Not because I want the recognition, but because I want the people in this city to be healed. There is a lot of pain here and if people start to use the teachings fully, not just haphazardly and when they feel like it, but especially when they don't feel like it. It will heal them and once healed they would get it and then maybe help others to heal themselves as well.

I don't know, maybe its idealistic but who gives a fuck, I'll be an idealist. People need to know that we create our own reality, take responsibility for that and start controlling their states of mind so that they don't keep creating the shit that makes them miserable like they have been forever now, its time. This is a new time, the energy is moving fast and it is possible to help ourselves, so come on, lets do it!!!

I love you and I love myself, so this is how its going to be now, I'm holding myself responsible for my happiness and peace and you for yours, I expect you to hold yourselves in the same respect.

What is Yoga to you?

So, I practice this morning, then I teach and its always amazing to me when I teach my Align and Flow classes, what comes out. It can very often be very Ashtanga like, but some days its just so not like that and today was one of those days.

I like to think I've tapped into the energy of the folks who show up and give them what they need, and most of the time it feels like that and they all leave happy. This morning of course was the same, but it was snowing and didn't know if anyone would show up at all, but 14 of them did and it was a great class.

So, what is yoga to them? I wonder sometimes, I used to take classes and sometimes at the end would feel very connected, full of energy and sometimes feel totally different. But nowadays I feel so fulfilled by my own practice at home that taking a class feels like something I will never want to do again, so even the thought of it makes me feel icky lol, silly I know, but true.

Since I began yoga I started with Ashtanga and there was only the one little class I took once a week and I wanted that and was usually broke, so didn't want to take any other classes at a studio or with the teacher I was taking with. I wanted to practice Ashtanga, so I ordered a book and few videos and practiced it at home. I think this is not the norm for most folks though, is it? Most of you take classes and then if ever faced with doing stuff at home don't know what to do, is that so?

Thats maybe why I was drawn to Ashtanga at first because it not only is a philosophy that one can work on their whole life, its also a set sequence of asanas that is laid out nicely for you. Opening up the hips and back, releasing the energy there so that you can then move deeper and deeper into twists and binds and release more energy, or rather move energy through those stuck places and free them up, then as you enter second series, move into more spinal extension with back bending and then flexion with deeper twists and legs behind the head, then arm balances and ever deepening it as you move into the more advanced series.

It also had a man at the head of it that I met 6 months after starting it who was just magical. I mean you watch videos of Guruji (K. Pattabhi Jois) on youtube teaching and you would never know that but I was drawn to him from the first time I saw his photo and read his name in the back of a Yoga Journal magazine, then after being in his presence I only just wanted to do everything he said, so I did. And here I am finding myself doing it again almost 6 years after his death. Only now I add in reading his grandson's (Sharath, who has taken over in Mysore, India) conference notes and taking away a lot more because he speaks such good English.

Funny it is how one starts, moves through a path, then shifts to another path, only to move back to the old one again but experiencing it completely fresh and anew and full of energy. I mean I used to hate primary series, once I'd been able to complete it back in 2002, and was happy to move on to the intermediate and the part of the third series that I was doing. Now I love primary series and see the magic of it in a way I never did before and am getting so much more from it, that I can practice intermediate and then lament that I didn't do primary lol.

But of course its not only about the asana practice, its about the philosophy and how it unfolds in your life, in your very being. But I must say Guruji was right, he always said this yoga is Patanjali's yoga, and now after 13 years, I believe he was right.

Patanjali laid out the 8 limbed path called Ashtanga Yoga about 2800 years ago, but doing all of that mental discipline would be impossible in today's society without having our bodies under control, and Pattabhi's Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga is something that gets our bodies so clear and so open that its almost not even an effort to discipline our minds, its just about easy. Maybe this isn't your experience? But it is mine, at least this time around with my practice it is, before I was still drinking a lot, spending time in smokey bars, hanging with people who weren't involved in that lifestyle, so it was hard. This time around I keep my own council a lot, enjoy my practice, eat a lot differently than before, teach full time so I'm not torn between a corporate lifestyle and a yogic one, and experience life from a fully different perspective due to all those things.

I think the Kundalini Yoga phase got my lifestyle under control to a great degree and cleared a lot of energy blockages I had and so now as I get the physical blockages taken care of the energy is all ready to just flow on through and fulfill my being!

I also think teacher trainings, not me taking them (although I'm okay with that) but me leading them helps a lot too. At Yogasource we started our yearly one this weekend and its always wonderful to share what you've learned over the course of your journey, but this group is quite awesome, they get what you say pretty quickly and are ready for the next thing, so I think they are going to challenge me, and I look forward to being challenged. In fact I love it!!!

So, off to enjoy my night at home, snowed in, with the cable on, yoga dvds to watch too if I want, and snuggle in with myself for some hours before I get up and start it all over again with practice tomorrow.

Have a lovely night...

Well hello Marichasana D, long time no see...

Since restarting the practice of Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga back in late 2011, but not starting the full 6 day a week practice until February, so just about a year I've been doing it again. I haven't been able to get Marichi D, and had trouble until about December getting C. Twisting is hard for me and my lower spine, but as I've practiced its opened back up and released slowly again.

So last week at the Confluence I got brought into D on Sunday and at Tim Miller's studio on Monday and since then practicing at home I've been able to get it on my own.

It is so deep and opens up so much flow in the energy channels of the subtle body, I swear I'm not sure if I can stand it it flows through so strongly.

But I can stand it, its been wonderful. So, again I try it in the morning...

Ashtanga Yoga Confluence

So, first of all I have to remark about being back in St. Louis, snowing and cold, after being in San Diego, 70's/80's and sunny, for 6 days. Nuff said, if I go there it'll take me to a negative place and I feel really awesome and don't want to go there.

So the Confluence. It was amazing, I wasn't sure how I would feel about it because of my sciatica acting up on the opposite side of what it used to act up on. But I got rid of it with Ashtanga the first time around and it was on the right side, so maybe this is it working its way out of my being on the left side, creating balance? Sounds good to me, I'm sticking with that story.

The first night was a lovely ceremony starting off the event and I got to talk to Nancy (Gilgoff, my first ashtanga teacher) and see a lot of folks from around the globe that I knew or know via previous contact or Facebook and that was awesome. I was to meet many more folks over the weekend that I had met before in those same ways, or just through practicing next to them.

I took the Mysore classes each morning and was adjusted and spoke with David Swenson, Nancy, Noah Williams(a certified teacher), got some profound adjustments by Eddie Stern, very profound prompting emotional release, also some great contact with his wife and with John Smith, who I had not previously heard of but is an authorized teacher in upstate California and who taught me some adjustments I will use for the rest of my career of teaching!

So the first day I wasn't sure how I would be able to take another asana class in the evening, and it was with Nancy teaching the old style of primary series she was taught and it was awesome and actually made me feel better and the subsequent Mysore classes were better and better, even so much that we went to Tim Miller's studio yesterday morning to keep it going. By we I mean my friend Lance, who went and it was his first ever yoga event and his first time doing primary series that many days in a row and taking Mysore classes, especially ones that big!

The real treat, and I had no idea they would be, but the real treat were the panel discussions. Discussions covering the 8 limbs, practicing as we age and many other things like this, they were amazing. Especially coming from such a diverse group and all who had been practicing at the least 27 years, and at the most 40 years, I can't even really articulate the depth or profundity of what I received from those talks and will be forever in appreciation of them.

Dena Kingsberg was one of the teachers, studied with Guruji for 27 years and is from Australia. Kind of a recluse mostly, but is coming out more and more lately. She turned out to be the most heart filled and loving person one may ever meet. Amazing woman and Ashtangi, her and her husband, both just inspirations beyond I could've hoped to meet.

Needless to say, I had a great experience and am glad to be home to integrate and use what I learned but am also convinced its time for me to move to a place where I'll have a regular teacher too, I need it right now to help me develop and grow further, not only in the practice but in applying the practice to life as well.

So we'll see. Encinitas is damn nice, not just this time of year, but just about anytime of year! lol

Sunday again

I've got this pinched nerve on the left side of the sacrum that runs down my leg, doesn't cause pain but it is causing numbness down my left leg that makes me limp a bit because certain muscles arent' firing when I need them to! But, in spite of that, I've felt great all week. Been in my head a bit too much, until today anyway, today I've felt amazing. I taught my favorite class and had a great response to it, and then had an Abraham meeting that we laughed and had more fun at than in a long time and then watched some Abraham. Always a great time with that group, I love them very much. Yesterday I taught a Kundalini Yoga workshop in Illinois and it went over well and was fun too, saw some old students and friends, had a great dinner. Over all I'm thinking this was a great weekend and can only get better as we move into the week because Wednesday I leave for San Diego with my friend and student Lance to go to the Ashtanga COnfluence out there, where my first Ashtanga teacher Nancy Gilgoff will be teaching, and I'm so excited to get to be in the company of that many people who live this life that I live here mostly alone in St Louis, to practice with some amazing master teachers and to see Nancy again, so I'm thinking that the whole week will be just as awesome as my weekend was. I've been very content lately, in Sanskrit its called santosha. I've found a lovely balance in my life where my practices are helping to focus my mind into a place of being okay, no matter what is going on around me and my body, as a result, is also feeling amazing and more open, but I'm also more aware of energy in and around me and of how to get it to move where I need it to be. Very nice! I've also been eating mostly vegan and raw, which is adding to the amount of prana flowing and being stored in my body. I love this stuff! I hope to write something terribly profound before I go to San Diego, I feel it building up in my mind, but not ready to come out yet. So check back again soon. Much love to you all!

Lately...

What have I been up to lately? Hmmmm, having car troubles. So my dad is fixing it and I'm driving one of his cars. I think he's got it fixed and that will be awesome, then I can keep it longer. Of course I don't want a car payment, but damn, I love that little car. Its bright red, and I don't love that and I've put way too many bumper stickers on it, and I'm kind of sick of that and I have the BE YOGA license plates on it, so I stand out for sure lol. But I love it, its a good car, and from driving his car, which is a Cavalier, still small, I've learned how good my gas mileage is, especially now that its almost $4 a gallon. So, last night I co taught a Thai massage workshop with Danielle and it was fun but damn when she was working on me it release all kinds of emotions that I wasn't aware were still in there, and just Tuesday I had a massage with energy work that did the same thing. So I feel like I've been full of emotions all frakking week! lol, and I guess technically I have. So today I taught a Kundalini Yoga workshop and it went really well. I enjoyed teaching it and I think everyone who attended liked it as well. In a week and a half I will be in San Diego at the Ashtanga Confluence and I'm super excited about it. I'm sleepy, not sure if I thought I had something profound to say, but I didn't apparently, so I'll say good night. Good night...

Been too long

Well, it hasn't been that long but this month has gone by slowly, or so it seemed anyway.

I've been very present and full of appreciation, after that entry into the new year with letting go so much that my body expunged itself of everything, literally and come to find out figuratively, I feel amazing.

I've been inspired, enjoyed teaching more than ever and my practices have been so deep and so connected that I can't even explain it. I think part of that has to do with the letting go and part of has to do with my embracing the abundance that has been awaiting me. I'm also going to San Diego one month from today for the Ashtanga Confluence and am super excited and my friend Lance is going as well and it will be his first ever such outing, for a yoga trip I mean. Then this weekend I paid for Kino MacGregor in Chicago this coming June, so solidified that!

Its exciting to be having so much to look forward to and be so engaged and inspired in the present at the same time. I've decided I'm going to see Abraham in Chicago again, probably the very weekend after Kino is there and then again in August! lol

So, lots coming up. I cancelled most all of the classes that were no longer working and only had 4 left, in a couple of weeks I have two new classes starting at D's Yoga Home, a former place I've worked and the owner of whom I am great friends with and also am most likely moving in with, and lined up a couple workshops and got asked to sub about a million classes, so no worries on the money front. I know the universe will take care of me and line up even more amazing things for this year.

This year that I'm embracing prosperity and abundance, in all their meanings, not just money-wise, but also in friendships, in happenings, in events, in love, in peace, in every wonderful way that they can express themselves. And in this embracing I've found joy, and for the first time I get all that stuff Abraham has been speaking about for so long, I've finally heard it.

I love and bless you and wish the same level of understanding to all of you!

Lokaa Somastaa Sukhino Bhavantu...