How are you feeling..?

I have been asked this incessantly since I've been back in Mysore. Apparently I look terrible!

I was told physically I look good with the weight I put on in Germany, but the fire is gone out of my eyes. I was told I look sickly and pale and they assume its because I've had no sun, which I basically haven't until this last week. I've been told other things as well but no use to focus on those things.

As you know me I mostly focus on how I feel, and boy have I been feeling crappy. Much better than before but still not my usual self. Which is okay because as we know we just can't feel amazing all the time, and I don't really expect to. But I also don't usually feel so bad that people walk up to me and tell me on the street, which is something they do here.

Well now I'm finally starting to feel more myself again. And not myself as that is always changing but more clear, more open, more ready for new things. I'm still foggy in my mind and can't decide just yet what to do with myself, so I'm not at least until I get that clarity again.

I'm feeling peaceful since I finally went to the Ramakrishna ashram last night, and just went there again this morning to meditate. I also have started going to temples again, although not obsessively like before. More just the ones I'm moved to go to at that moment and not the ones I think I'm supposed to go to each day, as I was doing before. That also feels nice because its me lining up with the energy I instinctually need for balance rather than just accumulating energy from all of them. SO much so sometimes that I'm a bit overwhelmed. Now it feels more right, and good..

I found a Mahakali temple outside of Srirangapatna, really only about a 25 minute ride on the scooter, and went Friday night. That was the first time I felt "normal" again. The long ride was always something I've loved to do and then Kali, need I say more? It helped make me realise that I'd accepted a lesser version of myself and made it comfortable. I'm not really meant to be comfortable, uncomfortable is the name of my game apparently hahahahaha!

So, here I go, another week, great practices to start it with and a lot of sunshine to absorb. Hope you all have a great week too!