Faith...

I live my life based on this simple five letter word.

People think I'm crazy, but it's the only thing really that keeps me going. I believe things will be okay, I trust that the universe, God, Goddess, Kali, Yeshua, whatever you want to call it, the force even, will take care of me because I'm living my life the best way I can.

Could I use more money? Sure, of course. Could I be happier? Sure, yes. Could there be more opportunity on the horizon? For sure! Do I have money? Yes, enough. Am I happy? Yes, plenty so, most of the time. Is there opportunity now? Yes, New Jersy teaching, St. Louis Teaching, Köln teaching, the hopefully practicing with Sharath again in July and August.

Sounds pretty good to me, yes? I feel good about everything coming up. I feel good about everything going on right now. I generally feel good.

Is this every day? No, I'm human. I feel dark and the darkness wins sometimes, but I can usually get back into balance.

Is dark bad? No, should it be? We all have it. You turn on the light in the room and even then there is still dark little corners, or under the bed, or in the closet, or you shadow even. So dark is a part of us, why not embrace it?

I embrace mine. I even think my interest in Kali is all about this. Embracing the dark within me. Embracing the inner feminine, as well as the masculine since she's so fiercely portrayed. But also embracing the light that shines through the darkness. Both things are valid. Weird things happen in life when you embrace who you are fully. But they bring about balance and an understanding of yourself more and more.

Even at this goddess temple the other night, and this is a fierce version of the goddess worshipped in a little village at the edge of Mysore who guards weapons. But most of the fierce goddesses are associated with Kali like qualities, so require blood. They do egg rituals, sacrifice chickens (I'm told), and many other things that are often considered "black magic" or "tantrik" rituals. A scab I had randomly popped off and the blood flowed out freely, my friend said "oh see, she wants your blood as payment for her protection." I've had a similar thing happen like this before. But now the cut is completely healed, not even 28 hours later. The egg rituals are to remove the connection bad spirits have with you, a lady last night there even had her scooter done because it kept getting hit! lol

I love this stuff, it's like stuff of legend to me and yet here it is, still being done in the present day and more importantly believed in. Yes, they have faith, and more that than anything I believe will change the course of events for these people. For myself too. This is what I'm writing about.

Have faith in something, believe it will always work out for you, know that the money will be there when needed, that the care needed at any given time will come to you, that the friend will be there or you will be there for them when needed. Just in general Have Faith!

How? Now that I can't help you with. How is your thing. But I wouldn't worry about how too much, more the why. Why? Because it feels good and if feeling better is good for you, then do that thing that will make you feel better. Nothing wrong with this, f someone judges you that you're being selfish tell them "hell yes I am!" And there's nothing wrong with wanting to feel good, or better than you did before. Finding something to believe in is better than almost anything else, yourself would be the best thing to believe in. But often that's hard because of how wrong and egotistical we're taught this is.

Fuck that. Feel good, even if the only reason to feel good is because then you're in a better place to help others. But there's nothing wrong with just wanting to feel good either, or feel it and feel what's better than that, and go there.

Now I've got George Michael stuck in my head, "But I gotta have faith, faith, faith..." LOL