Spiritual bowel movement...?

Yes, I've written about moving forward, letting go, surrendering, about a million times but it always seems there are new levels of it to go through. And this week I was having a lot of trouble with my body, not only during my practice but all day long. It was affecting my mind a lot too, of course because they are connected intimately, but my nervous system seemed to be overloaded.

I was having a lot of pain in my hands, I was saying wrists, but it wasn't my wrists, it was my hands. The heel of one hand and the middle of the other. I looked up hands in Louise Hays Heal Your Body book and of course it was about holding on too tight, grasping, not allowing things to flow. And my elbows had bothered me the week before, so I also looked them up, they are about embracing change in life, switching directions with ease. That type of thing, so yet again I was in a place of not allowing myself to go with the flow.

It seems that it's harder for me to do here in the cold than in India in the warmth. Well, not just India, but anywhere int he warmth. Cold causes contraction, and therefore when one contracts things get caught up in there and they become an issue, not just a thought pattern anymore. And I've definitely been doing this these past few weeks for sure. Why?

Well, I just decided I'm really tired of always trying to figure shit out, so I'm just going to say fuck it, I don't care, and do my best to let it go and boom. I felt a lot of pressure the last two days. Not pressure physically, but pressure, maybe of spirit if that's possible? Like coal being squeezed into a diamond. And this morning I woke up to practice only primary series since its Friday after not sleeping very many hours last night, but the sleep I did get was very deep. And it transformed me! I felt more at ease and relaxed in my body. I even felt great teaching the led class this morning and everyone knows how I feel about led class, taking them and leading them hahahaha, but no, I enjoyed it and it was smooth and flowed very well. Even my morning taking a couple trains to get breakfast, since the local underground is closed for a week, was easy and they were both just there when I walked up and one there to take me back to Starbucks.

Funny how often we can cut ourselves off from that flow isn't it? Why do we do it? I believe we get caught up in our thoughts and create a whole story around them, so that creates a blockage of energy flow which of course begats more and more stoppage, so less and less flow! Not where we're meant to be as humans. Or as anything that is made up of energy and space particles.

We get so identified with one aspect of a thing that we forget it's so much more, ourselves included. Well, I'm going to do my best to not do that anymore.

Around the same time I had this breakthrough, I also had another one, yesterday as a matter of fact, but I can't really write about that one yet since I have some people to discuss it with before I make it public knowledge. Trust me, it's not a big thing for you, it only really affects me and a few others. So, enough about that.

But suffice it to say there has been movement this week, and you know how it feels when you've been constipated for a month, you just want to go out and tell everyone, hey I just took a humongous shit!!! lol

Ok, now that I've talked about shit. Off to get a dosa and some idly maybe, sending you love!