Adaptability...

Do you feel you're adaptable? When things change suddenly can you go with the flow of that, or do you immediately judge the situation and think rotten thoughts before giving in and admitting nothing can be done so I just need to go with it? Or there are any number of scenarios I could come up with but I'm not here to list all the possibilities that can and do throw us off.

I do a combination, but I remember when I never adapted and was always angry when things changed all of a sudden. Now after a lot of yoga, a lot of contemplation and work to get my mind in a more positive space (which is still work most of the time) I'm finally in a place where I do the second one above most of the time, and every so often the first one. But that's better than what it used to be.

India taught me these things. I was trained to be very specific in how things should be done and only and ever do them in that way, never deviating. Then would have a secondary attack plan if plan A didn't work. I remember those feelings when they would be big and hard and making me feel so icky inside, but I was much more used to feeling icky then so it had less of an effect on me.

Now when I feel even the tiniest bit icky I am aware of it and trying to bring it around to something else, often by embracing how I am feeling and then allowing it to go away on its own. I used to try to make it change forcefully but when I do that it fights back and makes the emotions feel stronger, right?India though has its own plan for us. We can do the things we want to do, or need to do, but never in the order or the way we think they should happen, so going with the flow is needed. I remember my first trip here having feelings of irritation when something I wanted done didn't happen as soon as I thought it should or at the exact time I had designated for it to happen and someone said to me, oh, that's India for you. And it eventually clicked that I was not in control in the same way as I would be in the west, things there are very organised and controlled but I was definitely not in Oz anymore Dorothy!

Nothing is wrong with feeling what we feel, only when we can't let go of it and judge the situation harshly, or even worse judge ourselves or others harshly.

We are independent creatures, even though we may work well with each other and feel stronger in numbers no one can make us feel better for real except ourselves. I am the only one who has control over my mind, or not, so I cannot blame another for making me feel bad because it was me who allowed their words or actions to make me feel bad. Same goes in reverse, even though most don't like to hear or think that ha ha!If we stay in a space of equanimity we are ideally okay no matter what is going on around us, or not okay depending on what the situation is and have to deal with it internally. Others may seem to make you feel better, but what they've really done is distracted you from the feelings you were having long enough that their hold on you relaxed enough to allow in good feelings and then you forgot the old ones a bit, if not altogether.

This I think is why Santosha, contentment, was included in the Ashtanga philosophy, because without cultivating this nothing else can emerge I believe. Maybe not. This is just what's on my mind right now, tomorrow I could say fuck Santosha nothing is more powerful than Tapas! But who knows. Have a great day!