Winter

Well, on winter solstice I had the most awful, violent upheavals. Vomit and diarrhea. I know, I know. I thought it was from food poisoning, mostly because there was a definitive end to it, but there was more going on.

I had been angry and uptight, upset and crabby for a few weeks before, having lots of energetic upheaval from the previous couple of training weekends stirring up emotional stuff. So that day I was primed for a major release and according to my friend who is into vedic astrology, that was the day it happened on for everyone. A full moon, solstice and a lunar eclipse all on the same day!

So, I had been nervous about Friday, which was Christmas eve, because of family and all that. The release I had from the physical affected me on a deeper level somehow. I let go of all of the ideas I had about what would happen. Went to my mothers early, thoroughly enjoyed her and she enjoyed me and then spent the evening with dad and all went well there too.

So, since then I've had some major turnabouts in my disposition. I've felt better, happier, more energetic, even more wise (if thats possible lol) and have enjoyed teaching more than I ever have before.

The kundalini teacher training has made me a better hatha yoga teacher and in my excitement to teach even hatha yoga, my students have responded better to my teaching and I'm relating better to them and feeling the joy of the relationship between them and themselves on a deeper level, between me and their deeper selves and all sorts of stuff! lol

This year feels great to me, even though we have 10 inches of snow today, even though its been overcast for days. I'm teaching more kundalini classes than ever and getting an awesome response and my hatha classes are better attended. Its all yoga, so from now on I'll just say my yoga classes, all inclusive!

I feel like I'm rambling but I also feel like I have so much more to say but my roommate is sitting here and keeps talking to me so I'm distracted. Maybe more later. Sat nam!!!

New Year

Usually the new year means not so much to me, every day really being an opportunity for a new beginning, as I see it.

THis year feels different though. In the teachings of Yogi Bhajan the Age of Aquarius comes in fully on NOvember 1st of this year, so 11-1-11 and today is 1-1-11, similar huh? And so, also in the teachings, this year is going to be the year of sooo much going on, things coming into our consciousness at full speed, all the time. The weather going haywire (ring a bell? Umm, 65 degrees and tornadoes yesterday, today back to the usual 20s and 30s?). People seeming to go haywire too? Maybe, but I perceived, as I sat this morning at Starbucks, that everyone was in an amazing mood and full of joy. And who cares if that was just my perception, its a good one to have!

I seem to all of a sudden be teaching 4 kundalini yoga classes at studios, starting in a couple weeks, after having none but the one at my house for donations. So the teachings are being required, more and more, and I have a full schedule of hatha yoga classes, or rather my take on hatha lol, as well as two more traditional classes of ashtanga vinyasa yoga, so prosperity is in route! FInancial prosperity anyway, I already have much in my life to be in appreciation of--friends, family and self discipline among them.

So, in a short bit I am off to teach the kick off the year class at Southtown Yoga, which should be packed and a lot of fun. Great students there and my intent is to get some pranayama going and throw lots of stuff in there that will keep them on their toes, get their nervous systems prepared for the times that are here now, no longer just coming, but here. We have to be on top of it!

I feel amazing and as if I'm drawing to me all the things I've been wanting and being in appreciation of the things that are already here. This journey is a marvelous one, even during the times like two weeks ago when my sacrum popped out of place and made my consciousness have to go to a new place to relax it enough so it went back it and then the following week I had the most violent food poisoning I've ever had.

Those violent expulsions from my physical apparatus also felt like an energetic cleansing, getting absolutely every bit of ick out of every little corner, literally and figuratively, so that I can build a much more joyous and loving structure in its place and this time, not a structure that is set, that is solid, but one that is maleable and open to the evolution that will be and is required of it right now and in the coming weeks, months, even years. It feels wonderful to feel this and to be conscious of the feeling of it, even more so.

So, whats on tap for you all?

Today

Ice storm last night, very peaceful, but of course one must scrape the hell out of the car to get it in a shape to see out the windows first, then its peaceful, driving with not many on the road.

I have a little sacrum issue going on, so I did a kriya with my roommie this morning that was for nerve, navel and lower spine strength and it seemed to work wonders. My class at Yogasource was canceled because the room was being repaired, so I went to Starbucks, got my chai, read a bit, talked with this guy who is a nurse but is always asking me tons of questions when we're both in there, today it was about my book, Meditation as Medicine. Interesting talks with him, even though he talks a bit too much ! lol, And this other guy, Jerry. Nice guy, tall, gay with two kids, hairdresser, but you'd never peg him as one. Looks Bosnian but has no accent. (For those not in the area, there are many immigrant Bosnians here, we lobbied for them to come here during the Bosnia/Herzegovena (sp?) war).

Then drove to the Loop to meet Lynn for lunch at a great Persian restaurant that I love, Ranoush. As I'm driving down Lindell, I notice the peace I feel, and then I look around and notice that everything looks different to me. Not sure in what way, just different. Brighter maybe, clearer maybe. With that lower but constant vibration that is so prevelant in winter. Hmmm. We talk about energy, she's ready a book called the Subtle Body, all about the energy channels and compiles it from every system of energy clearing on the planet, very nice. I'll have to get it. Very lovely being, love her, and a very lovely conversation.

Still I'm noticing all this peace around everything around me and within me. Peace. NO turmoil, none. Just feeling the flow within and without, if there is a without. Feeling the love from each being, including myself. Not overwhelmingly, like I guess I keep thinking I'm supposed to be, but just constant, a flow of it in, around and about.

Its nice. I like it. I think I'll try to maintain this, or rather allow it to maintain itself, trying hasn't been working for me, allowing is the key. Allow myself to feel whatever comes up and be okay with it, maybe thats the key to peace? Allowance? Interesting thought . . .

Holidays

So, how do we all feel about these holidays? Holiday being a run-together of the two words holy and days right? So what is so holy about these days anymore?

It seems to be the focus that everyone has to get something for someone else instead of the focus on the meaning behind the holiday and the connection to the divine within you and the connection between that expression of divinity and the expressions within your physical family and spritual family have gotten all switched around. Did I type that out right? Oh who cares, I think you get the drift.

I love my family, blood family that is, but they like to buy things for you and thats how they express their appreciation for you over this particular Christian holiday anyway, and I don't care about that stuff. Just love me unconditionally and I will do the same for you and we'll all be fine.

I also have family that is not blood, my friends who I have chosen to have in my life, my spiritual family through my yoga, kundalini or hatha, my Sikh family which is growing by leaps and bounds. They are just as important to me. I also must say, I spent the first 40 years with the blood family, so why am I made to feel bad that I prefer my chosen, spiritual family to be around these days? They fulfill me in many ways, mostly because they recognize the spirit in themselves and want to share that with me, and at the same time I'm working my best to connect with the spirit within me and share that with them as well.

I am also working on sharing that spirit unconditionally with everyone else as well, its just easier with them because the dialog is already there, no explanations needed, which is nice. Well, better than that, its awesome.

The teachings of Yogi Bhajan I'm learning on these teacher training trips is bringing up a lot of my old shit that was buried long ago, and helping me to transmute the energy that went into holding it down, into a flow of energy through my being, through my life even, making me a better friend to everyone in my life. I'm super appreciative of that, even if it gets tiring to be doing the work all the time, at least now I see some change, some growth, and am reinspired to keep it going. They work, they are weird sometimes, sometimes tiring, sometimes not. SOmetimes they make utmost sense while they are being used, sometimes the meaning is illusive, but the end result always comes together and I can say I fell better than I felt before having done it.

I also am seeing it help others as I begin to teach it more and more. I also am seeing now why its not so popular here in St Louis, because it does dredge up your shit. Most have buried that stuff and do not want to see it again, but that is like having a wound and covering it over with a bandaid and then the skin growing over the bandaid. Its still there and always will be, even if only on a cellular level, your body holds onto those old stories or old abuses or self judgments deep in the subconscious. Why would you NOT want to dig down and roto root that stuff out, get a new start by allowing the energy around that issue to flow, rather than fester and stagnate, and allow that thing to leave you, mentally and physically? Why not? Somebody tell me, I'm really asking you!

So, my work is to be excited enough to inspire others to try it and not to judge them if they don't want to, but to just be the brightest light I can at all times and lead by example. Be the lighthouse my friend named his book, and so I shall do my best to be!

Sat nam all, enjoy this internalized time with yourself and your loved ones and even those you may not love so much, find the divine within them especially and be kind and peaceful in that face of any drama that comes up. No judgment of yourself or others! Sat Siri Akal!!!

Sat Inder S. Khalsa

Dr. Hari Simran S. Khalsa

So, going into this weekend of teacher training in KC we all were nervous, having heard all these stories about the "advanced" Sunday class from last year given by the aforementioned being.

Friday night we come to class to be greeted by a very jovial (reminds me a bit of the way Santa Claus is portrayed) and radiant individual who not only began to put us through our paces with a great kriya, but also informed us of everything that kriya had just done for us, physically and energetically, and I decided I liked him.

The next day we went through more anatomy, physical and yogic (ie chakras and such) and the sat kriya workout, which is one of my favorites, and sat nam rasayan, which is another of my favorites. Another great day, then Sunday, the dreaded "advanced/intermediate" kundalini yoga workshop.

Now, if you ever been through a white tantric day you've basically been through this. We moved so much energy and opened up our bodies so much physically, through not so physical a means, that I even had a "coming down from it" energy hangover when I got home last night.

It was quite awesome, but not only was the work awesome, his delivery of the work prompted me to be more excited about this yoga and bringing to others. He also informed us of everything that we were doing. Pituitary gland, then a series that elaborated on that. Kidneys, then a set for it. All sorts of meditations, eye positions, telling us how the eye position is so important as the optic nerve moves the pituitary gland and makes it secrete or affects its nervous system. And yes the pituitary is a gland as well as a nerve cluster.

I learned so much that I don't even know what to do with it all, until I subbed today at least, a hatha yoga class and then I was informing them of these things which is awesome!

Check him out at www.dryogi.com. He's an interesting guy, a loveable guy and a strong yogi. Love him!

Sat nam

A blog from my teacher

Here is a blog from one of the teachers training me to become a kundalini yoga instructor. There are the 12 values in the Native American system of spirituality, before Columbus came and fucked up their lives obviously, and then this his expansion on them from the Sikhi point of view. I had to steal it because I love it so much.

Traditional Indian Code of Ethics

1. Give thanks to the Creator each morning upon rising and each evening before sleeping. Seek courage to become a better person.-- If we do not remember our Creator each and every day we are in danger of losing that innocence and sense of grandeur which defines us as humans. In trusting “God” by whatever name, image, intention or concept you please, we elevate ourselves to a place closer to our origins. When we are intent upon becoming a better person we are also seeking to strengthen that connection to the Creator. Our sense of self relies upon improvement -- how sad would be the day when we acknowledge that we care not to uplift ourselves or others.

2. Showing respect is a basic law of life.--- Aside from the obvious that we should treat others as we wish to be treated is the simple valuing of a life so we might really know our own value. Viewing another person as less (or even more) valuable than ourselves says that we truly believe this world to be a crapshoot dependent only on luck or misfortune as determining factors in how treat ourselves or another. We might well then spill a drop of water or, in some careless way blood and cause the death of another. We cannot sayit doesn’t matter, when it really does!

3. Respect the wisdom of people in council. Once you give an idea it no longer belongs to you. ---We must really LISTEN to others if we wish to be listened to. How often have you found yourself preparing a counter argument as another person was still talking? If we have gathered to discuss, then first we should listen, really hear and ultimately understand what another is putting forth. If you do not respect the speaker, then either he or she or you should not have come to the meeting or council. Since you usually have little or no control over who is invited or who rises to speak, then most likely you should content yourself with hearing, digesting and truly understanding. And once you do thoughtfully speak, trust your listeners to listen as you have done and not worry about whether you were heard properly and whether your words were given their proper weight. Know that your efforts and intentions will be rewarded with the same grace and gravity that you have put into them and the same gravity and grace you have offered--no more and no less.

4. Be truthful at all times.--- What other aim can you possibly live with than the truth. “The truth is high,” the Sikh’s first guru, Guru Nanak said, “but higher still is truthful living.” We all know the truth if we have thought at all about it, but to live that truth is the most difficult and perhaps cumbersome obligation. Nothing is easier than looking away from the unfortunate or importuning. Nothing is harder than seeing and doing. It takes a special and honestly heart-full person to see and act according to our highest nature. It is inconvenient, expensive, gut tightening and often knee weakening. Can we do it? Of course we can. Should we? Again, of course. But will we?

5. Always treat your guests with honor and consideration. Give your best food and comforts to your guests. ---We do no honor to those who come to us if we hand them a thin blanket, a cleared out space in a corner to those who come to us for whatever reason. Are leftovers and scraps what you would serve an honored guest? Of course not. Treat every guest as honored for every guest is an opportunity to exalt those who come to visit for whatever reason. And for that, the opportunity to exalt, is why they come to us. And our efforts do not go unrewarded ... or punished if they fail.

6. The hurt of one is the hurt of all. The honor of one is the honor of all. ---How are we unconnected to each other? How do we not know that the common link of humanity runs through the entire chain of living human beings with no break anywhere unless it is snapped though our own carelessness, prejudice, disdain, hatred, feelings of superiority or inferiority or simple ignorance. How can we not want to know and understand the grace and strength and beauty of our fellow beings? If we do not care then we do not rise to the occasion of our own divinity, morality and charity that is our inborn heritage.

7. Receive strangers and outsiders kindly.--- A new person, a stranger, one who is not like us is no danger until their actions so determine them. Until then, they are opportunities to learn and understand. They are new knowledge to integrate and new behaviors to regard in wonder and resonance. How often has history taught us that unmindful actions have destroyed all the potential of beneficial actions because we only regarded another through the lens of misunderstanding?

8. All races are the children of the Creator and must be respected.--- To disrespect is to mistreat. There may indeed be people in the world who are dangerous and full of hatred. It is our task to clearly see and make provision for our own safety and the safety of others in their presence. Yes we need police and we need a defense but where and what is the sense in aggressive actions in order to change others. The senselessness of terrorism is obvious to all but those who propagate it. But what are the issues which have birthed the terrorist? Have we calmly assessed and made even the slightest effort towards solutions? The situations into which people have been driven are what we need to address. If all we do is react then we are not seeking solutions but merely readying ourselves to respond. That is not respect, it is wariness and paranoia.

9. To serve others, to be of some use to family, community, or nation is one of the main purposes for which people are created. True happiness comes to those who dedicate (decorate) their lives to the service of others. ---There are many opportunities for happiness. Some quite rewarding, others merely selfish. Happiness is really complete when it is shared with others. The happiness we hold to ourselves is usually fleeting, temporary. Who loves us more than our families? Who depends on us more than the community in which we live? Who offers us more than our nation? When we serve in an unselfish and honestly open manner our service multiplies. It touches many and improves their lot. Whether it is a close relative or a stranger who never sees your face service always blesses the world.

10. Observe moderation and balance in all things. ---Watching athletes perform incredible feats may indeed be exciting, but for 99.99 % of the rest of us watching is scary enough. For the most part, to seek balance in our pursuits, appetites and passions is probably the most rewarding. The wages, not of sin, but of “passionate” pursuits are usually a fall, the greater the aspiration the more cataclysmic the failure. We must really enjoy those things we do, whether it is in a career, a marriage, a hobby or a spiritual practice. Is there a job for everyone that will make us a millionaire? No. Is there a soul mate out there who is perfectly complementary to us? Probably not. Instead we should pursue a central way that neither impinges on the well being of others nor curbs our own best inclinations. A Native American Medicine Man I once knew advised nothing more than that we should “Walk in balance upon the Earth Mother.”

11. Know those things that lead to your well being and those things that lead to your destruction. ---How often have we “enjoyed” some experience or pleasure or diversion one day only to deeply regret it the next because of a hangover or misspoken word or misplaced trust? Very few are those events in our lives which we cannot with some forethought avoid. We do actually control our environments. We can avoid those people and places and things which inevitably lead to trouble or pain or unhappiness. There is little wisdom in not looking directly into a noon time Sun. We just do not do it without the expectation that our vision will be distorted at least temporarily. How reflexive though is the inclination to not eat that rich dessert after a gourmet meal? Usually, the gluttony ball is already rolling and it takes some determination to pass on it. That is wisdom, the alternative self satisfying foolishness. We should live our lives in awareness -- awareness of those people and things around us which can cause good or ill.

12. Listen and follow the guidance given to your heart. Expect guidance to come in many forms; in prayer, in dreams, in solitude and in the words and actions of elders and friends. --- Our hearts are the figurative centers of our well being. Things you “know in your heart” are those things you trust and believe in. To live in one’s heart means to live and love openly. It also means to be aware of those things which are dissonant with our hearts. Things that we know without having learned them from a book or a teacher. This is our intuition, our inner voice, our dream. This intuitive inner voice can lead us in many positive directions when not clouded with emotional desires or hungers. The intuitive voice is the result of listening to others, our elders and friends who have life experiences we do not. It is also the result of our quiet and meditative moments when we listen, not question or wonder, but just to listen.

Sat Nam, Sat Inder Singh

Today

So, the process of this teacher training is unfolding me and myself to myself in ways I never thought possible, ways that are not so lovey dovey and feeling good to me, but things that I've waited a few days on and have figured out they are for the best.

First off I had a little rendevous with someone who at one point last year I thought I was in love with, willingly on both parts and it was very nice, but very surprising. I don't want to go any further on that one! lol Then I went to the ashram early to spend extra time there, read from the Siri Guru Granth Sahib some and do some karma yoga, which I did and it felt great to be there for a longer time than normal and to enjoy the space and the company of a couple of great folks, who just happen to be Sikhs. I also stayed until Monday morning before leaving, but Sunday night I thought of my ex. My ex whom I lived with for almost 2 years from 1999 til 2001 and ever since we've had a friendship, relationship, even occasional romps in the hay. All without attachment. Then I quit hearing from him about last fall, just around the same time I was thinking of making my Sikh path known and official by growing out my hair and taking my spiritual name as my own, etc. About 2 months ago I got an email from him stating he was changing his email address and letting me know. So I responded and was surprised when he reacted so strongly to my name change and faith change and we had a few discussions about it, only by text, he wouldn't talk to me because it disturbed him so much. So anyway, I texted him Sunday night only to have him make some ignorant comments and we went back and forth to the point where I realized I needed to let him go. So I did and told him so and he just said enjoy your peaceful life.

So, it was hard having to deal with that, but I was able to use my sadhana the next morning to really work through the letting go process and felt better. Now today I went and say Life As We Know It and it made me think of him again, I guess because the two main characters relationship reminded me so much of his and mine. I was very sad after watching the movie and came home to do my Brain Doctor kriya, which did make me feel better, but I'm still feeling introspective about it.

I don't really have any wonderful insights or other things to share, just putting it down so its out of my head for now. I'm off to eat dinner, talk to you again soon. Sat Nam