Sunday night

So, I've not been inspired to write in a while. Writing to me has to flow and come out naturally, instinctually, but I haven't been having that regularly now for a few months. I've sat down and tried to make myself write, but that always starts out icky and just gets ickier, but I've still posted some of them.

This weekend I worked on one teacher training, and then another. Both were great, I love teaching all these people that are wanting to share yoga with others just as it was shared with them. But I also started thinking...

There are so many teacher trainings going on right now, and I'm a believer in abundance so I'm not concerned having so many teachers around because I believe there is enough to go around. The problem, if you want to call it a problem, is that most people have no business teaching. Lots of them have practiced for a very short time and not dug in deep enough to their own practice yet, if they even maintain a self practice, and/or studied with a teacher, one teacher, for very long. And I know that once upon a time the student stayed with the teacher and maybe lived apart from them, but studied with them sometimes for years before they gave them the okay to go out and teach. It may even still be that way in India, but I don't know.

I do think the Western approach has expanded and grown the Eastern teachings exponentially, so in that respect I think its a great thing, but then our Western way of doing everything too quickly and with less integrity has also infected the process, and that may not be such a good thing. I do believe that everything is working out just the way its meant to be working out and so its all good, but I can have these thoughts and its okay, I've made my peace with it.

I think the main concern I have is that I'm seeing so many come through, who are not practicing yoga as a mainstay in their life. They're still saying they don't have enough time and taking a class when they can fit it in, rather than using the teachings to create a practice of their own, on their own, not in a led class. And yes, I do think thats an important part of the process. How can you integrate and grow and expand when you're always pushing outwardly, rather than using your practice to go inside and dig in deep to that inner being. When you have to stay external to listen to a teacher it just doesn't happen, sure you can have some amazing experiences anyway, but not go in deep.

I don't know, maybe I'm making too much out of it. I seem to be unable to make up my mind on anything right now, so maybe this is just another symptom of that? I cut my hair, I cut my beard, both after taking vows not to. I now all weekend have had the urge to clipper my hair off really short, while letting my beard grow long, even though I know I'll hate it because I like it longer in the winter. I'm having trouble practicing because of tightness around my sciatic nerve (that I also went through the first time I practiced ashtanga, but once it went away it was gone for good) so the practice has been slow and not a full series lately, so I'm sure thats affecting me too, I've just been plain busy too this past week, which will change this week because of the holiday. I've also had a weird headache the past two days which isn't something I've had since I smoked back in 2000.

I don't know, its all good, I feel amazing most of the time and am relaxed most of the time and happy most of the time, so whats my problem?

Who knows, I'm fine, I know that, or am I not??? Maybe I'm crazy and all of this is shit and doesn't matter??? Maybe? LOL

Thats enough of my crazy for the night, take care all and remember, don't pay any attention to anything I say on here. I don't know a damn thing! Never have, and never will!!!

.......

Another weekend is coming to a close, this one was a bit different in that I started it off teaching the Happy Hour class at Prana that I set up to teach a while back but have had obligations since then and only was able to once. I had 6 people, it was a fun class. Then Saturday I taught the teacher trainees at Yogasource all day long, it being the last weekend we took it kind of easy, had a nice lunch and got out early, and then today they graduated. It was my first experience training teachers and I have to say I loved and they were a great group. We're going to set up a community class for them to teach at Yogasource on Sundays so they can get the experience of teaching, I think it will go over well. I'm re-reading Kino's book Sacred Fire and getting all inspired to dedicate myself to Ashtanga Yoga again, as my path, not just as a path but as my path. I've decided to change most of my classes over, keeping only my Sunday class as Align and Flow, I haven't decided when but that doesn't necessarily matter yet since I'm teaching most of them using that sequencing already. But dedicating myself to it seems like it lines up all my energy in one direction, not scattering it all about and wasting it. It feels right. There's just so much to it and talking with people who are taking the classes and/or practicing it as their main practice it just solidifies it in my being that there is so much power in it. Doing the same thing over and over until you get the opening, the space and the flow through that area of the body and then moving forward, adding on one asana at a time is just so wise. I love it! So I didn't finish yesterday, so now its Monday and the weekend has already come to a close, sorry, had a late dinner with some lovely friends and got home and got in bed to read then fell asleep early. Today I went to practice, then teach the Mysore class, then had breakfast and a mani/pedi after, very nice! I don't get them terribly often and so I feel spoiled lol. I know, I know, I am spoiled but I create a great life for myself, I do! So, lots of thoughts and processing stuff floating around through my mind so I'm not too sure where I was intending to go when I started this entry yesterday, so I'm going to close and come back to it later this week or weekend. I'm going to visit a good friend of mine from my Kundalini training down in Southwest Missouri Thursday thru Saturday and then come home to see Pilobolus perform, so it may not be until early next week, but I've got a lot going on in there, so there is much to come out, so I promise to write again soon. Much love to you all! Change your mind right now, chose to be happy and positive even in the midst of adversity and struggle, its hard but sooooo worth it!!!

Full Moon . . .

I've been having a bout of feeling unlike myself, I'm not quite sure who I was feeling like though, but I just know instinctively that it wasn't me. But starting this week, and especially today I realized that I am feeling myself again.

In fact, and I'll just blame on the moon right now, I'm feeling very much in anticipation of new things coming about. I'm also feeling a bit restless and frustrated that these new things haven't come around already, but the anticipation is the fun part anyway, so its all good.

I really think I keep saying its all good because one day I may actually believe it lol.

I've been feeling my practice a lot lately, meaning, that I'm feeling my body in a deeper way lately, much deeper than I have in a while, so its opening up again, finally. I also am feeling my elbows, and shoulders. Not pain at all, but just feeling them. Like this morning, I was going through primary series and I've been stopping at the point when I can't complete a pose, which is Marichasana D, intending the follow the way this practice is taught and relearn it one pose at a time, the way I did back in 2000-2008, when I had gotten up through about 1/3 of the third series. But I digress, so this morning I got to that point, Marichi D, and was feeling my elbows in a major way, there is a nerve cluster there that I'm sure is super stimulated by all the vinyasa in this practice. So I decided to get as deep into it as I could and then go ahead and finish the primary series anyway. And as I got further past Marichi D the sensation in my elbows dissipated. It was nice.

Tomorrow is a full moon, and it may actually be totally full now, so no ashtanga practice in the morning. I'm going to just sleep in until I get up and see what I feel like doing, maybe some pranayama and meditation, maybe a kundalini set, maybe just lying there for a long time! lol. So I'll have to see how my practice works again on Tuesday, and will let you know.

I finally emailed Kino Macgregor's people about bringing her to St. Louis, and think its going to happen, but we'll see. There'll be a lot of work to be done around it once I find out if she's even interested and available anytime soon. That will be cool, but also I'm planning to attend the Ashtanga Confluence in San Diego in February, maybe go to see Kino in March in Michigan where some friends are, then again seeing her in June in Chicago, and then also seeing Mark Robberds in Chicago in September. PLUS, I want to go to Barcelona to visit my friend Julia, and theres a weekend in there that David Robson will be there teaching an Ashtanga weekend, so thats a possibility too. I'll buy the Confluence ticket first, then Spain, then the rest will follow that.

So, possibly a lot going on next year! But what I'm feeling right now is anticipation of these things, so that means other things will be coming up before then, bigger classes, lots of income, great friends, maybe a relationship popping up (god, I said it didn't I? fuck...).

Yes, I said it. I think I'm ready for a relationship. Not saying I want to "go steady" with someone, whatever that means. But I would like to have someone special, I think, even if its an open relationship. Someone I enjoy and who enjoys me and someone attractive for gods sake lol.

So, thats said, now no more about it, please.

Anyhow, have you noticed how emotional everyone is these days? Yes? Of course, because they are, you and me included. So, lets use this yoga and allow it to help up calm these emotions, feel them, but let them not control us, but us them.

How about it? Sounds good to me. Seems like I had a whole other plan of what I was going to write, but here is what came out. You never know, and neither do I! lol, see you soon folks, much love and peace to you all.

After practice glow...

So I've just showered after my practice and a full session of pranayama, which makes me high usually but today balanced out my practice beautifully.

I'm sitting here wasting time so I can go the bank first thing after they open at 9am, someone decided they would use my card last night to check into a motel and the fraud people called me because I had made many purchases yesterday and none of them from this location, so they thought something was up. I'm thankful for that, but now I have to go get a new card and put in the paperwork to have the money they spent credited back into my account. Not a super huge deal, especially since I'm off most of the day today, so again I appreciate that they caught it so quickly!

Last night I was a bit more livid about it and even probably had it so much in my mind that it woke me up at 3:30 this morning and I've been up since, which is odd because I was commenting on someones facebook status about them getting up so early to practice saying that I used to always because that was when Pattabhi told me to do my practice. So this morning I got to test that again, since I was up so early I started practice, mind you not at 3:30, but at 4:30.

So my theory is this, at that time of the morning, which I've been getting up for 12 years, but now I just take my time getting to my practice, say at 5 or 6, rather than beginning sharply at 4am, we haven't really had time to let our minds get in the way and restrict our bodies, so our bodies, after the initial stiffness from sleep wears off are able to take more and go further, not from being warmed like at all as they are later in the day, but from lack of mental resistance. Where we believe our bodies can go, and therefore they stop there rather than loosen up and move deeper into a posture. I like it, as an experiment I may try moving my practice back up this early to see how it works for a while, but we'll see! lol, I like the later time in my old age !!! lol...

It most certainly is easier to be more meditative at this time I've found and I love that, thats more the focus these days than the acrobatics, although my body feels awesome after a good session for sure.

Another thing on my mind is moving. I've lived here since July of 2011 and love the apartment, but outside the apartment is lacking lately. The neighborhood has gotten worse, even though I've not had any personal things happen since the spring, someone broke into the laundromat below me and tore it up, also shitting in a couple of the machines and my neighbor had his truck broken into, so not ideal. Although staying here would be easy, and its cheap. I have a couple friends who've made some offers for renting space from them, so we'll see, if you have any good ideas let me know!

Well, I guess I'll go get dressed and head to the bank, thanks for keeping me company while I wasted time this morning. I'll try to get back on the blogging more frequently. I do have a lot on my mind that could use being released but haven't figured out words for a lot of it yet! Enjoy your day, namaste...

Posting

I haven't felt like posting in a while, not because I don't have anything to say, but because I've been having profound experiences in my asana practice and just don't have the words for them.

Then last weekend I got to Chicago to take a Mysore class at Moksha, which was awesome, and then heard Abraham speak on Saturday. I didn't ask a question, but I didn't have to. Everything I wanted to know came out in the conversation, and the energy in the room was the most profound experience I've ever had, or rather, feeling the energy in the room. My friend even told me she got a contact high and felt better after being around me once I got back Saturday night, so there's something to it

So, I still don't have much to say, sorry. Still processing maybe? Or maybe there's just not anything to be said, its an experience and that experience is still moving through me, and maybe it will stay that way, or maybe it will pass and then I'll have some major things come out.

Who knows, I feel great, my practice is great, my teaching feels great. Life is great!

Tuesday morning

As I sit here this morning, having just meditated (and went very deep I may add), I'm feeling this deep stillness. I can usually feel this way after a tough asana practice where I really connected with my breath, maybe didn't do the postures so brilliantly, but felt such a deep internal connection as my breath moved me that I touched that place. I've been drawn lately to meditate, just to sit and be present with myself and allow whatever to come up and move away. I've not worked it into my schedule yet but I'm also afraid if I try to "schedule" it it will not work as well, for me it seems it needs to be spontaneous and then, and only then, I can go deep and get in touch with that stillness that lies at the heart of all of our beings. If I put it someplace and make sure that I'm there doing it every day, it becomes yet something else to "do" and I don't need anymore of those things. For years that place was so elusive, but I practiced in the park yesterday with a friend and at the end during savasana I opened my eyes and the tree above me, the grass around me, the sounds of the wind and other things moving in the park, the sunlight, everything seemed clearer, brighter and more full of an inner glow. I had a moment, I didn't share it with her, thinking it would move away. But I was able to maintain that clarity and sense of peace all day. And it extended into my sleep, I slept much longer than I normally do, but woke up still with ease and radiance and clarity, then I sat after chanting Japji and my cold shower with almond oil, and had a deeper sense of stillness, a relaxing, like an internal ahhhhh, and here I sit. Trying to share that with you, so doubt that it can have half the impact in words as it does in the silence. Now I get it, NOW I get it. I think I though I had gotten it before, and I probably had, at the level that I was in touch with at that time. Maybe thats all we are doing, moving from getting it, into a deeper variation of getting it, and then again, and then again, . . . so on and so forth. Yes, I think thats it. Its a neverending expansion and evolution of spirit, neverending. I like that. When I was younger I wanted to get it because then I would have it and know it and, and then what? Boredom? Who knows. So now, where I am now I like that its neverending, gives me something to keep moving into, towards, someplace to grow and expand outwards from. Peace, and then deeper peace, and then deeper peace . . .

New campaign thru Indiegogo...