Surrender...

I've written about surrender many time before but it keeps rearing its ugly head. Especially this trip to Mysore I've had more and more to let go of at levels of being that I never thought possible. And it may seem like I'm being dramatic about this stuff but for me its a real thing, we have much to work through and get around or integrate and embrace in life and this practice keeps showing me those things. Many of them petty things, like today I have to move into the apartment on the roof so I'm not happy about it, it's small and hotter up there, but the house was already rented for this time by a lady and I knew this when I got here. The thing is I wasn't even supposed to still be here in Mysore lol, I meant to be somewhere else teaching already. But it just so happened that I felt the need to stay and so I did.

During this time I've worked on a lot of my inner demons and have made friends with them, so now they are holding on to my personality even just a slight bit less. That is the work and its the work I've been doing all summer. I keep finding more and more of them, and what a better place to be doing it than in Mysuru, the proper name of Mysore. It's named after the asura Mahisasura that was defeated here by the goddess Chamunda (Durga to the general population, Chamunda is another name of Kali, but here they call her this).

Letting go, letting go, letting go. People have asked how much can one let go of? Or how much more can you possibly let go of?!? I am not saying I'm letting go of these things, they are a part of me. But I'm working toward letting go of my attachment to them. That is all I can do. Not allow the things to control my ego and thereby control me.

And that is all I am doing. There were many of these types of things I've worked on or through this summer, but now I'm going to go move my shit upstairs and work on that attachment to the fact that in my mind this is my home, it still is in many ways, but not really. I've just been through a lot of inner stuff here in this particular abode.

Mmmmmm, okay, here I go.