Intensity...

My practice here in Mysore has taken on an intensity as if I'm practicing at the shala. I've been very inspired since I've been back in India and from that it keeps deepening and getting better, but now this second week here of practice at home I'm feeling this depth that I only feel when I'm here. It often feels like its too much and I'll explode, but like yesterday it was amazing and came with seeming ease, today was the opposite.

My elbows were aching for no reasons, my shoulder and neck muscles hurt and were tight, my sacrum I thought was going to explode the whole time until near the end and so I did only the standing postures and the closing sequence, then I felt okay after. Not too long after my shower I came across the following quote:

"The commitment and dedication required to practice ashtanga yoga is not dependent on the number of asanas we do, but rather on the arrival on one’s mat."

Paul Gold

And then I realised that I had done just that today. I was moving slowly through the postures that I did and rather than worry about getting a "whole" practice in, I just worried about being present with my breath, bandhas and dristhi in the postures I was doing and so felt completely fulfilled by this practice.

Often in the middle of the week, maybe Tuesday or Wednesday, I take a shorter practice because of the intensity that has built up and it seems to release the pressure. Not always do I do this but often and I have no judgement about it. Yoga is my goal in doing this practice, not killing myself. Too often back when I was just beginning and had never exercised much before I was so addicted to the energy flow and endorphin rush that I'd push and push and end up hurting myself, so now that I'm older I don't do this. I push some, but more I feel as if I'm pulling from spirit, somewhere deep inside, to get through it rather than pushing through it and doing damage.

Pulling from spirit strengthens me, gives me grit (as they used to call it in the Kundalini Yoga world), a deep inner strength that can get you through anything in life. Pushing through things physically feels bad, and often leaves you limping after practice as you move about through your day, so it's not the right way for me anymore. Never was, but it took me doing enough damage to myself physically, leaving ashtanga yoga for a completely different thing, becoming Sikh, and then coming back to Ashtanga Yoga slowly to realise this. But, now I do realise it and I'm good.

I started studying Kannada with my Sanskrit chanting teacher and chanting some more too, and that is really good. I love her and am glad to be working with her again. I've started writing more, which is also good, and I also am working through many inner things that have needed tending to. Another thing I did is get an astrology reading by someone who it has been in his family for generations, and boy was that interesting and intense as well.

Everything he said resonated and was right on the money with my past so that made me pay attention to the present things and the upcoming things as well. The best thing about Vedic astrology is that they acknowledge that the human will has say in the things that are coming up, they are not completely just predestined. Either way what he said was exactly as my life has been, even when he mentioned the day before and the current day and my moods. So I listened and that information may be coming out on here at times or in person if you happen to bump into me around Mysore, or it may not.

I'm learning to keep my own council on things and not talk so much, but still being open to connection and a great conversation at any time and in any place.

So, another day is moving on and it's raining finally today so I've stayed inside a lot. Even watched an old video of Pattabhi teaching that I used to watch daily way back when, and it inspired me to move into my physical practice even more again. But now it's time to get a bite to eat and read and get in touch with me some more.