So, I wrote about having doubts and lack of clarity and I got all sorts of private messages and support. I appreciate it from everyone, but I was really writing to just clear the cobwebs and let go of the shit in there.
Varanasi really fucked me up and I couldn't get my brain to work, then when I came here to Rishikesh I immediately started having sinus problems, but its all stuff coming out from the crap in the air in Varanasi, so I was having sinus pressure and pain and my head felt like it was 50 lbs.
After I wrote I felt better, but then the sinuses started to clear up and coughing started as its coming out more and it's all good.
As a result of this my mind started working again and I got clarity, we found an app that I was referred to that has cheap flights to Mysore from a town that's only about 20 minutes away. We were able to get two tickets and are flying to Mysore on July 7 just in time for the Guru Purnima celebration and immediately when I woke up this morning after buying them last night I looked at dates and realised oh, that's two weeks away. So why can't we go to see Uttarkashi between now and then?
And so we're working on that. We found out how to get there, which isn't so easy but it is accessible, then online is showing only really high rates that equal $581 for the 13 days we'd be there, which is not going to happen. But everyone keeps saying oh you can get rooms there for 300-500 rupees, which is doable, so again, we're still working on it.
Once the mind clears up the body follows (and both are a result of spirit feeling lighter I believe) so this morning my practice was quite energised and amazing and I did a lot more than I've been able to do since I got back to India, even drop backs were great.
So then of course other things followed as well. I was sitting at this little quiet spot on the ghats I like that's sort of hidden, but has some little temples and things that just make it special and these local guys were playing the guitar and singing, and the djimbe, so it was quite lovely. Then this father and his three sons and daughter came down and just hung out, one boy asked my name, so I asked his, the other offered me a tic tac, the father told me about his store up on the main road. Then it was time to leave.
So I went home and took a nap, wrote some emails and decided around 4pm it was time for my daily dip in the Ganga so I headed back to that same place and got undressed, went it, came out and was sitting there meditating and I could hear these little feet all around me, walking from one side to the other, looking at me I could feel too. I opened my eyes and looked at him, it was the son who'd offered me a tic tac and so we sat and talked for quite a while. He's 12 but I would've guessed 8 but man his intelligence and English almost rivalled my own. He was telling me about his families shop and gave me a card so I could decide it I needed anything from it. And really wanted me to swim for him since his parents won't let him. He's very sweet and it was another lovely experience.
As I was walking home from eating just after this two Asian ladies on the street recognised me from my Instagram account as an Authorised Ashtanga teacher and asked me to teach them since the yoga here isn't so good, their words, and every studio here has Ashtanga, Iyengar, etc, etc, but not taught by people who actually study these yogic traditions authentically, usually young boys who've went to another class somewhere and come there to teach after hahaha. Anyhow, so I got a teaching gig now!
Then I got to chat with Jody from back home, not too long because the wifi sucked but enough.
I'm not a big proponent of bitching and moaning because I believe if you get in the heat of the emotions then you just keep drawing that same stuff back to you. But writing it all out with a letting go of any connection to it can work. I just proved it to myself, as I let go of it more room was made for the other better feelings that I know I am capable of and so they swept in and the clarity was there to smooth out the path for them.
I love this stuff, this yoga stuff, this consciousness stuff, this deepening our level of awareness stuff. Sometimes it seems so dark that you can't possible imagine coming out from it but if you stick with it, even embrace the dark and just be with it, make peace with it really, then light starts to come in, or rather the veils covering the light are removed and boom, there you are again.
I'm feeling more myself again, and I'm grateful for it. When I'm being authentically me I like myself, when I'm pinching myself off from that inner light, not so much...
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