Rottenness

I don't know if thats how you spell that word, don't even know if its a "proper" English word, but thats okay.

I think I may still have a lot of rottenness to work through, and in my feeling so wonderful through all these practices and through this teacher training, its fighting its way out.

I'm saying things and doing things that are normal and feel as if I'm doing them in an appropriate way and yet everyone is getting pissed at me! lol, I know that weeding through the riff-raff is part of the process, it happened when I first started yoga many moons ago and has happened again and again, but now with the kundalini yoga training its happening again! I am seeing those things that are in me made manifest in others. I know that goes with the mirror theory, that everyone is a mirror of you and reflects back only those things within yourself you need to make a shift on, in judgment or thinking usually, not necessarily in action. I also know Yogi Bhajan always said that you will be ridiculed, treated badly and made fun of, amongst other things, when you chose this path but it helps you clear that stuff out and helps those you teach it to clear their stuff out. THat is why you're doing it, not for the non-believers, they will always be there.

I of course put that into my own words, not quoting him directly. That is the way I read the statement. So maybe that is whats happening? I'm weeding out the riff-raff, those who don't serve my path are falling away, via my pissing them off? I'm also creating stronger bonds with many folks through trial and error with my behaviour.

How do all those Sikhs make it look so easy to be so knowledgeable, kind, loving, open and forthright? Many of them have been doing it for a longer, much longer, time than me so they've had more practice? I don't know.

Oddly enough, its not distressing me. Every morning when I do my 40 day kriya, The Brain Doctor, I'm feeling better and better. Not necessarily like a million bucks, but a little better, and more conscious, more aware of things as they are happening rather than noticing whats happened two days later or something.

This process is not new for me, I've been working on it for 10+ years now, but with the teacher training, the white tantric yoga courses, the solstice celebrations, the many upon many 40 day meditations, the almost daily sadhana and kriya practices its become exponentially quickened, this process, and I've noticed it. The hatha path took its time, this leaves no time, so you either have to embrace the letting go of all the things that are coming up so quickly or you tighten a hold on things that no longer serve you, clean house so to speak. Mental House!

Its all good and I love it and can tell its taking me to better and better places, deeper and deeper things and more intense personal relationships. I signed up, so am along for the ride! Sat Nam