Rumi

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” So recently I've put this quote as my status on Facebook twice, within about a week of one another. And just as I was about to write my last blog entry, I saw it again in my Facebook feed, someone else having shared it as well. I thought, why this quote so much lately? If I'm following the law of attraction and where I'm vibrating keeps drawing this quote to me, what is it about it specifically thats so pertinent? Love, all my life until about 1 year ago, yes, only just 1 year ago, was something I felt in an attached way, like if it leaves it will kill, how will I survive, blah, blah, blah type of way. Not healthy, but the way the general public would see it probably, so definitely not something I want to identify with being the rebel that I am lol. Love, I've come to realize, in a great part due to Summer Solstice with the Kundalini yogis and Sikhs in Espanola, NM last June, is meant to be an unconditional thing, not a conditional thing. I recently had an episode with a dear friend, someone I love very much and hold very dear to my heart, who's conditions weren't suiting my tastebuds, at all. Not that that is any of my business, but I'm telling you this anyway. During the middle of much texting and silliness, never once talking live mind you, I realized that I was not loving him unconditionally, at all. I was placing my ideas of what was good for his life on him, and judging him harshly for not complying. God, sounds like our parents, right? lol. Not that I was doing it in a parenting way either. When I realized this, I still did not change my approach, I fucked up more and more with him, and then he quit speaking to me until Thursday, so now I'm trying to be unconditional, and supportive, although its not coming across that way to him I don't think, but then, there's another judgment isn't it? God, how easy it is to do! So, he's not the point of all this, the point of all this is to establish that since I've restarted my ashtanga practice, having spent years going thru it daily, working the first, second and even about 1/4 of the third series into my repertoire, pushing through it physically really, not digging in deeper, and then spending three years opening my heart with some Anusara yoga, and then getting in touch with the energy that makes up our body/minds and everything around us through a strong daily kundalini yoga practice, and now getting back to the practice of ashtanga yoga, coming at it from spirit, from that underlying layer of things, rather than the top layer, the grossest aspect of our being, matter, has been amazing and has shown me that I am using the practice of asana, pranayama, meditation, fueled by my study of the law of attraction, to become more conscious and have actually, finally, begun removing some of the obstacles that were standing in my way. When you realize it, maybe you've actually done it, or at least started the process, right? I love knowing that. I love having taken the last 12 years of my life and dug in with these practices so that I'm finally conscious enough to realize that I know it lol. I love yoga. To be funny I often say that I hate yoga, because before it I was unconscious of the fact that when you become conscious you can be less miserable, so you actually don't know that you're miserable at all. Ignorance is bliss in other words lol, but in all actuality, I do not hate it. Sure it was easier before, now I know, so everything seems to be more work, but as you clean the dust of the mirror of your heart, swipe by swipe, and maybe even have to go back over the same spot again occasionally, you feel more clear, more aware, more present with those in your life, more present with yourself, and yes, more love for yourself and others. It is true, it does happen and it is happening to me and all those that are vibrating in my vicinity right now, and I appreciate each and every one of you who floats into my existence, each and every time, even if I'm having a moment of ick as I pull out the cloth to wipe another spot clean on that mirror. So know that underneath is always love, for you, and for me, and for the fact of our coming together at that moment. I Love you, very much...

Name change

So, a few years ago I changed my name legally, as part of a transition in my life which included becoming a Sikh and embracing kundalini yoga as a major part of my path. Now I'm changing the name of my blog to reflect the changes I feel have happened and are still continuing to happen now. Just to name a few, I've almost quit practicing kundalini, not completely, but instead of a big kriya daily, its a once a week big kriya thing, and daily reading japji and a little 3 minute meditation. I've began practicing ashtanga again, full 6 day a week practice and am seeing major physical results, mental results and energetic results, so I know its right for me, right now. My friendships have even started a shift, growing apart from some whom I thought I never would because they are not growing or shifting, and coming to some people who are a complete surprise to me that I would ever be around. There is more, but that isn't the point of this conversation right now, maybe later. I'm a huge believer in the Law of Attraction, and if you know me, you already knew that. Not even a believer really, because I know it is the underlying truth of the universe, that we are truly in control of our lives, even if we disbelieve it and deny that, then that is our truth and the law still gives us what we believe in, or where we are vibrating at, as Abraham would put it. Anyhow, so I believe in this as reality, and here I am labeling the place I live in as being under the mud by calling it Yogi in the Mud, or rather the mentality of the people here, including myself I might add, as being stuck in the mud. And I am encountering so much light and enlightenment from so many folks lately, and so many blessings from the universe lately, that how can I call it that anymore? I've even had trouble writing on the blog and now when it dawned on me that it was the name, I believe it was due to that fact. I couldn't support that anymore, it wasn't my truth anymore. I don't deny that the midwest, especially the St Louis area, are slower to evolve to the next level of consciousness, and may always be, but damn it, they have come a lot further than I was giving them credit for, myself included again, and its time for me to acknowledge that. Also, by labeling them I am labeling them! I am the most tired of labels, and used to the first and worst one at assigning them lol. I'm a gay man, I'm a yoga teacher, I'm this, I'm that. How about, I'm a human being, being the best human that I can be right now? That sounds good to me. So, what to call it? I didn't deliberate long, as I was telling my friend Monica that I needed to change it and believed that would free up my flow of writing again, it popped into my head. Yogi in the Sun. I've got a great tan right now, due to being in the sun and the early spring we've had, having 80s and 90s in February, so there's one thing. I've been in the sun a lot. Ok, so symbolically what does that mean? To me it means that the light has been shined on me a little bit, meaning the light of consciousness, the light of that inner reality. Even the true meaning of the word guru could apply, gu=darkness, ru=light, therefore that which shines the light within the darkness, or a teacher if you will. So I feel a little more light in my life lately, and in feeling that I've drawn more and more who also have had a little light shed in their lives, or their beings, as well. So I'm not surrounded by darkness, unless I see it that way. So I chose to see I'm surrounded by light, and am receiving proof of that, more and more each day. The law of attraction would say that if you see this blog, you also are feeling that same way, because if you weren't vibrating in vacinity of this as a truth for yourself, you wouldn't even be able to see this, and therefore it would pass by in your facebook feed un-noticed. So, if you're seeing this, are you experiencing the light? If you don't think you are and yet you've still seen this, maybe rethink that, and look around for it, its there. Appreciate it, and every situation where you feel ease and light, and then you can only draw more of it to you. Bless you and hope to see you all soon!

Whats up . . .

Wow, I haven't written the whole new year and its February already! Not sure why, I've been plenty introspective, but maybe the things just haven't formulated themselves into words just yet, who knows. Or maybe they are now, here I am, sitting and typing...

So, lots going on this year, I've been busy with subbing classes, teaching my own classes (which have been much busier than usual) and doing more thai yoga massage. And more importantly, enjoying teaching a lot more again. I've dropped a bunch of my kundalini classes that just weren't working, but have added some more hatha classes, that are working in a big way, actually. I'm also taking part in a hatha teacher training that starts next month, one of four people leading it, which I'm excited about. All good on that front.

I've also been busy practicing more yoga than I have in many, many years. I've been of course doing my kundalini yoga every morning, but have deepened that with the new book of Yogi Bhajan's teachings around Rebirthing, clearing out the subconscious crap that can pile up, they have been awesome.

I also though, have been practicing ashtanga again. With friends, a couple of younger male friends who are interested in learning it, I've been practicing with them and its been nice to get back into my body in a way I forgot about. But this time the experience is much different than before. I used to feel it muscularly only, completely, now I feel the energetics of it and the emotions of it much more. Maybe after digging into the kundalini yoga in such a way, cultivating that prana awareness, it has given me a new depth. Not sure, but I love it much more now than I ever did then.

I'm still not practicing ashtanga alone daily, like I used to but I am practicing some asana almost daily, along with the kundalini kriya work that I'm still in love with.

Its most fun to get back into something only to find out that its a whole different experience this time around, but I'm sure that its better this way, if it had been just the physicality all over again, I know I wouldn't be enjoying it like I am now.

So, how's your new year going?!?

I still got nothing . . .

Christmas eve

Its a cold morning here in St Louis, 25 degrees. We've been having some majorly warm temperatures for this time of year, in the 40s and 50s, so 25 seems really cold, although the high today is 50 lol.

I've been reflecting a lot lately and not writing mostly because I can't seem to sort things out and put them into linear words these days, not that that bothers me, but I do like to write so here I am.

Christmas this year feels different, I know all the shifts in the planetary axes and the Aquarian Age and the blah blah blah, basically tells us all that everything feels different this year, which it does, but Christmas does too.

I woke up in the middle of the night on night to see my neighbor across the street had put up their lights, on bushes, their porch and a few other things, and it didn't bother me but made me think, how lovely. Me? Think this? Interesting...

And this year since my perspective seems to have shifted, other than in buying gifts, I still don't love that practice and think it takes away from the true meaning for those who get caught up in the getting of "things", it seems that everyone around is nicer too. I know its just me, but what a great proof of an inner change affecting and outer change!

So, if you're out there on this last shopping day, doing all of those things that you feel you need to do to distract yourself from the connecting with family and friends which is what I deem the real point of this holiday is, please be loving, kind and nice to everyone around you, don't shove them or bark at them. We all just want to be loved and love, so start there.

Love to you all and peace to you all and prosperity to you all.

Sat Nam...

whine, whine, whine

I've felt whiny today. I did a kriya yesterday morning to open up the energies in the lower chakras, felt awesome all day. So I did the same kriya this morning. Yuck!

The lower chakras energies are more emotional, rooted and mundane than the upper chakras for sure. But today I allowed them to get me in a funk.

I taught a class, now I feel better. I ate pizza, which always helps me feel better and am home now doing laundry. As icky as I was feeling, the idea that Abraham inspired in me of catching that feeling and taking a bounce from it, into a better feeling place, has happened. I'm getting better at this stuff! lol

Plus, I've not been enjoying my kundalini practice as much this past week, but have been enjoying my hatha yoga practice (which is more sporadic) more. I'm still doing my practice for sure, but its been like pulling teeth, so maybe I'll skip it one day (just do my 40 day) and see how it feels, experiment with myself. I am my own creation after all and I need to know how it affects me and teach from that place, right?

So, its the flow. Sometimes the tide swells, sometimes it ebbs. Its all still the ocean. Its all about being in the flow of life, likened to the flow of water in a stream or the tides of the ocean. Its always moving and swirling and flowing, in, around and through everything. So allow the flow.

Those were words for me, more than for you ! lol

I've got amazing friends, all who are feeling the flow as well and we are here for one another. My finances are coming to me through the flow as well. My life is getting bigger all the time and shrinking all the time as a part of the flow of things. Its all good. It really is...

Tired but inspired

After just practicing with a class of mine, almost all of whom attended were personal friends, I went to eat a lovely meal by myself and am now home, showered and sleepy.

I have just read an Abraham quote that inspired me though and I decided to write. I also have a meeting with my Abraham study group this Saturday, after the looming holiday! lol. I'm actually looking forward to it for a change, I've chilled out a bit lately...

The theme of the quote was not to worry about what others think. Just concentrate on you. I think I do that, but then when it comes down to it, I don't think I do that too much. I think I just talk a good game.

How disturbing! I've always thought I was so free minded and open to things, and I am, but I still have a seed in the back of my head whispering "but what will the neighbors think?!?"

Hmmm, How does one get rid of this? Can we fight it and knock it to oblivion? NO, what we resist persists. An old adage, newly reinforced with the recent wave of Law of Attraction interest. So what to do?

Surrender... God, I know. You say the same thing I said when someone first said this word to me, what the fuck?!? How does one surrender to an idea, especially one that just creeps around the back of their mind periodically?!?!?

Admit it. TO yourself first, and then be honest about it when another asks you or mentions it. Just give in to it and it will fade away, fairly quickly.

Not just this, but anything that comes up, just let it be there. Just let it be a part of you and say screw it. It will then no longer matter. LOL. God, can it be that easy? Yes, but also having a practice of some discipline or another helps as well, but not necessary at all.

So lets all go out there and just be ourselves, fully and unabashedly this holiday. We may piss some people off, or not. It tends to piss them off less when they can sense the authenticity behind what we're saying. So just let it rip, not meaning try to piss anyone off, just meaning you'll feel better if you say the thing that you're holding back from saying and then there will be an open line of communication between you and that person that you may not have had before, or that may have been muddled before.

Whats the Yogi Bhajan quote, hmmmm, one of the 5 sutras of the Aquarian Age I think, hold on...

When the time is on you, start, and the pressure will be off.

I think in this case we could substitute the word speak and the pressure will be off. You will have let it out of your mind and released any pressure buildup there would've been if you'd just not said it and have less stress on yourself, and if they let it bring stress to them, thats for them to let go of. Its not your job!

I appreciate all you beings in my life, whether I know you personally or not, thanks for reading and being and contributing to the expansion of the universe through your continued existence... I love you!