Good morning...

I almost never write in the morning, I'm usually practicing and then after showering and heading to Starbucks. This morning I woke up after sleeping in a bit (didn't sleep too well the night before) and was so sore from my practice yesterday that I decided to just do some pranayama, meditate and chant the Japji and forgo my asana practice until later in the day, maybe before I teach the primary series this afternoon.

So I'm going to go visit my friend in Collinsville for brunch after I go to Starbucks, and enjoy not doing much this morning, which is a rare occurrence.

This Friday is December 21, 2012, the last day on the Mayan calendar and according to astrological terms the beginning, in full, of the Age of Aquarius. Sounds like a big deal huh? I guess it probably is, the energy shifts are palpable these days and seem to be making some people crazy. Especially those who don't practice any yoga or anything strengthening their consciousness, because that helps to integrate all the energy flowing around lately. More and more are waking up and becoming fully involved in life, theirs and others.

But in the teachings of the Law of Attraction as brought through Abraham, the fact that everyone believes something is happening is bringing it forth, and so its self perpetuating? I don't know. I do know that I can feel something going on and more and more people coming to classes and more and more people asking advice on many aspects of life and actually following it, then there are those that are asking and not following it and creating a whole big mess for themselves lol. But thats on them, its time for folks to be taking resposibility for their own actions, happiness and living more consciously, its also time for those of us who are to be compassionate towards those who are trying.

This is my biggest lesson, compassion. I always have been the guy who was like, thats your fault its like that, you made the decisions to lead you that way, but thats not how I'm working to be nowadays. Some people just havent built up the inner strength that I have and need that support system, and I'm making a concerted effort to be that when needed. As much as I can, I am still a work in progress.

This is why my practice is so important to me, and why I make such an effort at disciplining myself to keep up with my practice. Ashtanga most days and kundalini here and there, meditation, pranayama, all of these things. Or rather all of the things that I've discovered, through practicing them, help me in the pursuit of inner happiness and strength. It seems to be working and now is a bit easier, most days. Now that my vata is more balanced I also find that it keeps the focus harder to maintain as well, so being pitta/kapha before was a blessing in disguise, but I do like having more energy from the vata balance, its nice to not be so lethargic.

Harmony Lichty, an authorized Ashtanga teacher from Canada is now in Mysore studying with Sharath and I would love to be there (many of you know that I was trying for a trip in February, that is not happening, thats for another blog, but maybe next fall with my friend Seabrook), but she posted notes from Sundays conference with him and I love reading them because I get inspired in my practice, here is a link to it and if it doesn't work just copy and paste it, http://www.livingbreathingyoga.blogspot.com/.

The problem with being in love with this practice is that there just isn't a community here for it. I have built a small following of folks who come to classes but no one who wants to practice on their own, other than Seabrook, and so knows what that entails and the trials and tribulations of it. That is the biggest reason I want to go to Mysore to study, for the community of it and the immersion in all aspects of the practice, throughout the whole day, not just your time on the mat.

Oh well, it will happen, and sooner rather than later, but I can't lament about it anymore now. I'm happy and want to stay that way today! lol

So the holidays are upon us, all of you enjoy them and be wondeful and peaceful with one another during them, and note the studios schedule changes due to them. One of them being me teaching a big 2 hour Ashtanga led primary series class ending with pranayama on New Years Day, and the 30 day challenge at Yogasource for January.

I wish you all well during this time of change and tradition, much love!

Ashtanga Awareness...

So, I'm practicing this yoga again after a few years off. I really didn't take it off completely, it always creeped its way back in, but I wasn't practicing the 6 days a week and the lifestyle of it and the teachings of Guruji fully, now I am again.

So what happens? Now I'm wanting to teach it again, I am teaching it, but I mean I want to teach it all the time. I like my Align and Flow classes, don't get me wrong and very often I teach the Ashtanga sequencing and focus on one of the aspects of it, one time the breath, today I did uddiyana bandha, sometimes I focus on moola bandha, and I like being able to do that as well. But I really miss teaching the Mysore classes 4-5 days a week like a did before in Collinsville, and also had one led class a week in Edwardsville. It was the best. And when people really get into it and see the benefits of it, its the most rewarding way to teach, really.

I've been teaching it since 2001 and still can't get enough people to take responsibility for their own practice and come, learn the sequence and get the most out of their yoga! Its frustrating. This area is just not into it, they want to be led through their practice, and those who do practice on their own don't necessarily want to practice Ashtanga, not sure what the problem is. The Mysore classes in Chicago are huge, in New York City, multiple schools have huge classes.

Then I think, well, its because I haven't been to India and done the work in the way it needs to be done to make my way toward authorization and certification, but that doesn't matter here either because no one here even knows thats a requirement, they think you did your 200 hours, you're certified. No I'm not, in this tradition you have to get your authorization to teach from the folks in India, which I respect, they just haven't given in to the quick way everyone thinks things need to be done these days.

But even if I go, it won't matter here, people just don't care. SO, I guess I gotta move? But then there's the whole problem of starting all over again. I've taken since 2001 to build up the following I have now, and somewhere else I just have to pay those dues all over again.

Ok, thats my mini rant. I know from studying the Law of Attraction that I have to see and feel myself already having these things I want. Now, here is the problem, I really do want to move, always have, and assume I will until I actually do it. But I'm here and here is cheap, here I have a following, here I have a large community that I've taken 12 years to build, so I don't mind being here, I even like it, love it sometimes too. So, what do I want?!?

I want to teach this practice, so I'm going to. I want to teach it more than I do that, so I'm working on that. I want to go to India and study with Sharath this coming year, so I'm working towards doing that with Seabrook, next fall hopefully. I also know I can't make people love things because I do, but I can be so enthusiastic for it that they get it and want to try it out, even if its just sporadic attendance, so I am going to be that. Also, I'm finding myself wanting to teach Kundalini again, not weekly or daily like before, but maybe monthly. I don't know why, I'm just drawn to these super traditional, set sequence sort of practices, they work for me and my non-traditionalism lol!

Okay, I feel better now! lol, thanks for reading!!!

Openings...

So, anyone who's taken on the Ashtanga Vinyasa system as their practice will understand the title of this post. So no, I'm not referring to a job opening, or a store opening, but an opening that is a physical thing, and a physical thing that translates to a mental thing, and an energetic thing.

Our bodies, from doing the same things over and over again, slowly open. Muscles release from tissues, ribs start to gain more flexibility, bones start to move and many other things. It sounds crazy, but its true, and its very fulfilling because with these openings the energy starts to flow and when the energy is unblocked our lives become unblocked, meaning we have less resistance to things that come up and allow the flow to happen almost all the time.

The problem is, and its not really a problem but anyway, the problem is that when you're going through an "opening" phase, you're sore as fuck lol!!! And then it calms down and if you keep the practice up and don't slack off to allow the soreness to go away, you get the benefits of the opening.

So this week I'm going through an opening period, yesterday was a full moon too so I'm sure the intensity of that added to it, but I was glad for the day off the practice and even practiced some kundalini yoga with a friend, which made me more sensitive to the energetics of this opening period, so very nice it can be, even though its intense.

I've been practicing a bit more kundalini to get really clear as the openings happen, and I do love it even though I'm not immersed in it right now, it is amazing work. Much like the Ashtanga system. They are both tough, regimented practices that are very traditional and those traditions were to cause transformations within the practitioner, so how can I complain? I'm asking for it! lol... Yes I am, and I appreciate and love it even if it is hard sometimes.

I will say this, I've been on with my practices lately, super strong in them, not slacking and this full moon, mercury in retrograde (which just went direct), the way people are acting sooo crazy out there in the world and the intensity of life right now, have seemed less so. And I credit it with me being so strong with them right now, so now I'm seeing another benefit of keeping up these practices that have become so dear to me.

Today, I had a few plans, all of which ended up getting canceled so most of the day I ended up being alone, I took a nap, I watched a movie, I went to the park and meditated in the woods, I read 5 chapters in a book I'm reading. All of these things I've not been satisfied with in the past few weeks, but I kept strong to my practice and now I'm back to being okay with the being alone, feeling fulfilled just with my own company, and happy to be back here because I've always loved my alone time. To not enjoy it for about 3 weeks was hard for me.

So when you find yourself having some down time, do you enjoy it even if you're all by yourself? I think so many folks do not, because they've been raised in an environment of constant stimulation so they aren't sure what to do with themselves when they get that time. So maybe take up some yoga, even just a few times a week. Ideally that will lead you to some meditation too, or if you do some kundalini yoga, it will include active meditations which are great for beginners because it gives your mind something to occupy it and then you can dive deep into yourself, your spirit, and come out on the other side of it calmer, and maybe will enjoy your down time, when you have it.

So the openings in the physical body led me to openings in my mind that led me to openings in my schedule, which allowed me to enjoy the openings in my mind. The mental openings equate to a feeling of peace to me. Space to just be, with the trees in the woods, with the words in the book I'm reading and the images that came up in my mind from those words, with the friends I had lunch with and the conversation we had, or coloring with their daughter on her childrens menu, with the warmth of the sun as it beat down on my skin on this warmer of days we seem to be having this fall, and now as I sit and write this for you, and for me too.

Ok, love to you all, now to go be present with some Vampire Diaries! LOL

Sunday night

So, I've not been inspired to write in a while. Writing to me has to flow and come out naturally, instinctually, but I haven't been having that regularly now for a few months. I've sat down and tried to make myself write, but that always starts out icky and just gets ickier, but I've still posted some of them.

This weekend I worked on one teacher training, and then another. Both were great, I love teaching all these people that are wanting to share yoga with others just as it was shared with them. But I also started thinking...

There are so many teacher trainings going on right now, and I'm a believer in abundance so I'm not concerned having so many teachers around because I believe there is enough to go around. The problem, if you want to call it a problem, is that most people have no business teaching. Lots of them have practiced for a very short time and not dug in deep enough to their own practice yet, if they even maintain a self practice, and/or studied with a teacher, one teacher, for very long. And I know that once upon a time the student stayed with the teacher and maybe lived apart from them, but studied with them sometimes for years before they gave them the okay to go out and teach. It may even still be that way in India, but I don't know.

I do think the Western approach has expanded and grown the Eastern teachings exponentially, so in that respect I think its a great thing, but then our Western way of doing everything too quickly and with less integrity has also infected the process, and that may not be such a good thing. I do believe that everything is working out just the way its meant to be working out and so its all good, but I can have these thoughts and its okay, I've made my peace with it.

I think the main concern I have is that I'm seeing so many come through, who are not practicing yoga as a mainstay in their life. They're still saying they don't have enough time and taking a class when they can fit it in, rather than using the teachings to create a practice of their own, on their own, not in a led class. And yes, I do think thats an important part of the process. How can you integrate and grow and expand when you're always pushing outwardly, rather than using your practice to go inside and dig in deep to that inner being. When you have to stay external to listen to a teacher it just doesn't happen, sure you can have some amazing experiences anyway, but not go in deep.

I don't know, maybe I'm making too much out of it. I seem to be unable to make up my mind on anything right now, so maybe this is just another symptom of that? I cut my hair, I cut my beard, both after taking vows not to. I now all weekend have had the urge to clipper my hair off really short, while letting my beard grow long, even though I know I'll hate it because I like it longer in the winter. I'm having trouble practicing because of tightness around my sciatic nerve (that I also went through the first time I practiced ashtanga, but once it went away it was gone for good) so the practice has been slow and not a full series lately, so I'm sure thats affecting me too, I've just been plain busy too this past week, which will change this week because of the holiday. I've also had a weird headache the past two days which isn't something I've had since I smoked back in 2000.

I don't know, its all good, I feel amazing most of the time and am relaxed most of the time and happy most of the time, so whats my problem?

Who knows, I'm fine, I know that, or am I not??? Maybe I'm crazy and all of this is shit and doesn't matter??? Maybe? LOL

Thats enough of my crazy for the night, take care all and remember, don't pay any attention to anything I say on here. I don't know a damn thing! Never have, and never will!!!

.......

Another weekend is coming to a close, this one was a bit different in that I started it off teaching the Happy Hour class at Prana that I set up to teach a while back but have had obligations since then and only was able to once. I had 6 people, it was a fun class. Then Saturday I taught the teacher trainees at Yogasource all day long, it being the last weekend we took it kind of easy, had a nice lunch and got out early, and then today they graduated. It was my first experience training teachers and I have to say I loved and they were a great group. We're going to set up a community class for them to teach at Yogasource on Sundays so they can get the experience of teaching, I think it will go over well. I'm re-reading Kino's book Sacred Fire and getting all inspired to dedicate myself to Ashtanga Yoga again, as my path, not just as a path but as my path. I've decided to change most of my classes over, keeping only my Sunday class as Align and Flow, I haven't decided when but that doesn't necessarily matter yet since I'm teaching most of them using that sequencing already. But dedicating myself to it seems like it lines up all my energy in one direction, not scattering it all about and wasting it. It feels right. There's just so much to it and talking with people who are taking the classes and/or practicing it as their main practice it just solidifies it in my being that there is so much power in it. Doing the same thing over and over until you get the opening, the space and the flow through that area of the body and then moving forward, adding on one asana at a time is just so wise. I love it! So I didn't finish yesterday, so now its Monday and the weekend has already come to a close, sorry, had a late dinner with some lovely friends and got home and got in bed to read then fell asleep early. Today I went to practice, then teach the Mysore class, then had breakfast and a mani/pedi after, very nice! I don't get them terribly often and so I feel spoiled lol. I know, I know, I am spoiled but I create a great life for myself, I do! So, lots of thoughts and processing stuff floating around through my mind so I'm not too sure where I was intending to go when I started this entry yesterday, so I'm going to close and come back to it later this week or weekend. I'm going to visit a good friend of mine from my Kundalini training down in Southwest Missouri Thursday thru Saturday and then come home to see Pilobolus perform, so it may not be until early next week, but I've got a lot going on in there, so there is much to come out, so I promise to write again soon. Much love to you all! Change your mind right now, chose to be happy and positive even in the midst of adversity and struggle, its hard but sooooo worth it!!!

Full Moon . . .

I've been having a bout of feeling unlike myself, I'm not quite sure who I was feeling like though, but I just know instinctively that it wasn't me. But starting this week, and especially today I realized that I am feeling myself again.

In fact, and I'll just blame on the moon right now, I'm feeling very much in anticipation of new things coming about. I'm also feeling a bit restless and frustrated that these new things haven't come around already, but the anticipation is the fun part anyway, so its all good.

I really think I keep saying its all good because one day I may actually believe it lol.

I've been feeling my practice a lot lately, meaning, that I'm feeling my body in a deeper way lately, much deeper than I have in a while, so its opening up again, finally. I also am feeling my elbows, and shoulders. Not pain at all, but just feeling them. Like this morning, I was going through primary series and I've been stopping at the point when I can't complete a pose, which is Marichasana D, intending the follow the way this practice is taught and relearn it one pose at a time, the way I did back in 2000-2008, when I had gotten up through about 1/3 of the third series. But I digress, so this morning I got to that point, Marichi D, and was feeling my elbows in a major way, there is a nerve cluster there that I'm sure is super stimulated by all the vinyasa in this practice. So I decided to get as deep into it as I could and then go ahead and finish the primary series anyway. And as I got further past Marichi D the sensation in my elbows dissipated. It was nice.

Tomorrow is a full moon, and it may actually be totally full now, so no ashtanga practice in the morning. I'm going to just sleep in until I get up and see what I feel like doing, maybe some pranayama and meditation, maybe a kundalini set, maybe just lying there for a long time! lol. So I'll have to see how my practice works again on Tuesday, and will let you know.

I finally emailed Kino Macgregor's people about bringing her to St. Louis, and think its going to happen, but we'll see. There'll be a lot of work to be done around it once I find out if she's even interested and available anytime soon. That will be cool, but also I'm planning to attend the Ashtanga Confluence in San Diego in February, maybe go to see Kino in March in Michigan where some friends are, then again seeing her in June in Chicago, and then also seeing Mark Robberds in Chicago in September. PLUS, I want to go to Barcelona to visit my friend Julia, and theres a weekend in there that David Robson will be there teaching an Ashtanga weekend, so thats a possibility too. I'll buy the Confluence ticket first, then Spain, then the rest will follow that.

So, possibly a lot going on next year! But what I'm feeling right now is anticipation of these things, so that means other things will be coming up before then, bigger classes, lots of income, great friends, maybe a relationship popping up (god, I said it didn't I? fuck...).

Yes, I said it. I think I'm ready for a relationship. Not saying I want to "go steady" with someone, whatever that means. But I would like to have someone special, I think, even if its an open relationship. Someone I enjoy and who enjoys me and someone attractive for gods sake lol.

So, thats said, now no more about it, please.

Anyhow, have you noticed how emotional everyone is these days? Yes? Of course, because they are, you and me included. So, lets use this yoga and allow it to help up calm these emotions, feel them, but let them not control us, but us them.

How about it? Sounds good to me. Seems like I had a whole other plan of what I was going to write, but here is what came out. You never know, and neither do I! lol, see you soon folks, much love and peace to you all.

After practice glow...

So I've just showered after my practice and a full session of pranayama, which makes me high usually but today balanced out my practice beautifully.

I'm sitting here wasting time so I can go the bank first thing after they open at 9am, someone decided they would use my card last night to check into a motel and the fraud people called me because I had made many purchases yesterday and none of them from this location, so they thought something was up. I'm thankful for that, but now I have to go get a new card and put in the paperwork to have the money they spent credited back into my account. Not a super huge deal, especially since I'm off most of the day today, so again I appreciate that they caught it so quickly!

Last night I was a bit more livid about it and even probably had it so much in my mind that it woke me up at 3:30 this morning and I've been up since, which is odd because I was commenting on someones facebook status about them getting up so early to practice saying that I used to always because that was when Pattabhi told me to do my practice. So this morning I got to test that again, since I was up so early I started practice, mind you not at 3:30, but at 4:30.

So my theory is this, at that time of the morning, which I've been getting up for 12 years, but now I just take my time getting to my practice, say at 5 or 6, rather than beginning sharply at 4am, we haven't really had time to let our minds get in the way and restrict our bodies, so our bodies, after the initial stiffness from sleep wears off are able to take more and go further, not from being warmed like at all as they are later in the day, but from lack of mental resistance. Where we believe our bodies can go, and therefore they stop there rather than loosen up and move deeper into a posture. I like it, as an experiment I may try moving my practice back up this early to see how it works for a while, but we'll see! lol, I like the later time in my old age !!! lol...

It most certainly is easier to be more meditative at this time I've found and I love that, thats more the focus these days than the acrobatics, although my body feels awesome after a good session for sure.

Another thing on my mind is moving. I've lived here since July of 2011 and love the apartment, but outside the apartment is lacking lately. The neighborhood has gotten worse, even though I've not had any personal things happen since the spring, someone broke into the laundromat below me and tore it up, also shitting in a couple of the machines and my neighbor had his truck broken into, so not ideal. Although staying here would be easy, and its cheap. I have a couple friends who've made some offers for renting space from them, so we'll see, if you have any good ideas let me know!

Well, I guess I'll go get dressed and head to the bank, thanks for keeping me company while I wasted time this morning. I'll try to get back on the blogging more frequently. I do have a lot on my mind that could use being released but haven't figured out words for a lot of it yet! Enjoy your day, namaste...