Ok, I'm not really there, but I've seen this posted on Facebook about 52 times tonight. Erasure is there, being the band that the majority of homosexuals in my age group in St Louis danced to nightly as we were coming out.
My life has changed exponentially since those partying, drunken days (see previous posts) but for the first time in my life I felt a little bit of loss. I imagine its from the lack of community which back then was such a huge part of my existence, I guess I could say until a couple years ago it was because I was still going out to bars then, just not drinking so much, just to socialize. But as I got into kundalini yoga more and more and cleaned myself out so much that the smokey environment wasn't possible to be in for me anymore.
Funny how the hatha yoga took me to new places with my body and mind but never spirit, I never felt happy or connected with that practice, the teachings of Yogi Bhajan are what did it, got me to feel my spirit and a connection to it. Now I still practice hatha yoga, vinyasa, or ashtanga, many days a week. But my main practice in the morning is the energizing kriya work taught through Kundalini Yoga.
Why then, now of all times, do I feel the loss of community from that old group? Well, maybe I'm ready for a relationship. Maybe I'm ready for a group of like-minded individuals to live and be around all the time. Maybe . . . I could keep going on. There are many things I could guess at, the truth being I have no fucking clue! lol.
I feel great, have been practicing like crazy this week, which makes me feel even better but just a little bit, I can see myself at the Pageant (my favorite venue to see bands in) and hanging out with all these guys that I haven't seen in forever and some I have, just under different circumstances than I used to. Many still keep in touch via Facebook or meeting for coffee/tea or lunch here and there, so I haven't lost complete touch but I have lost touch--with that being I used to be. I have lots of space now though to fill with new and more wonderful things.
Ok, off here, just a short message. Have a good one!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
Sat Inder, yes both, not just Sat, and certainly not Keith . . .
What's in a name? I've had people ask me that, recently. Good friends. Its just a name, why does it matter? Ok, so why does it?
I legally changed my name in March of 2010. Thats why. The name I was given at birth did not resonate with me and felt empty and when I spent winter solstice in Florida with 3HO Sikhs and kundalini yogis calling me Sat Inder the whole 9 days, I felt something from the name. It made sense to me and I liked having that name, which means truth and divine consciousness, be associated with me and my path. I loved it really, so when I got home I changed my Facebook account to read Sat Inder Singh (Khalsa comes later, after one has taken amrit, which I did a few months later).
I have a lot of lazy people in my life, I say lazy, they really probably aren't, but they call me Sat. This infuriates me to no end, not sure why. But when I've introduced myself as Sat Inder, why would the person I've just, barely 5 minutes ago, call me Sat? My fucking name, first name mind you, is a two part name and its Sat Inder!!!
Now I can't disregard the many who do make the effort and say the full Sat Inder, so props to you, you know who you are.
Ok, now Keith has been coming up a lot. Is it because there are leftover things from that personality stuck in my vibration? Probably... but for gods sakes when I just got my most recent Netflix selection, it was addressed to Keith Mitchell, and they have never even known me as that, I registered with them as Sat Inder S. Khalsa! How in the hell did that happen?!?
Its something in me, that keeps drawing the Keith out of them, and you know something? When I hear that name I almost don't even recognize it enough to respond, isn't that weird? Or rather, isn't that cool? I've done so much work and cleaned out the scraps of the personality that did resonate with that name so much that I can't even hear it anymore.
Of course, my family still calls me that, I, to some degree anyway, think this is why I don't have any desire to be around them most of the time. I have no desire to be called that anymore. When I am over there and hear it the whole time from grandma, or mom, or whomever is saying it, I seem to fall into the old patterns of childhood and turn into this vicious, rotten little boy, even though I wasn't that then outwardly, only inwardly. And so, they are upset with me usually, I can't even hardly bring myself to go over there and visit, for the same reason. I feel like that little boy who no longer is this person in control of his emotions and actions, and start to embody it! Good lord, I thought one day I would get past that point. And maybe I have now, I haven't driven over there in over 6 months, maybe after another so many I'll be fine lol.
So, if you're reading this, know this was a release. I am venting in a way, so that my irritation with these things will not have a hold on me anymore. But also know that when I've introduced myself to you, as Sat Inder, yes a two part first name that will take the most miniscule amount of effort from you to say when talking to me (Sikhs go so far as to say Sat Inder Singh, to differentiate that I am a male, since all Sikh names are bisexual, and I'm not asking for that, so chill out), please call me Sat Inder, not just Sat. And if you ask wasn't I known as Keith Mitchell before and I say yes, please don't defer to calling me that, since it is not my name anymore, spiritually or legally. Law insisted that I even get my birth certificate amended, so yes, it is not my name anymore, legally!!!
And don't get upset when I correct you, and say can't I just say Sat? No, please? If I've went to the effort of asking you to say both names, yes both names as in Billy Bob, or Jim Bob, or some hillbilly name that you would in no way separate, please say both names. Whats the big deal?!? Is it because they are not "American" names that are familiar to you? If thats it and you're still my friend, hmmmm, I'll have to think about that one...
Thanks for reading, I appreciate all of you, your friendship in my real life, your following this whether we know each other or not, and who you are in that it shows me contrast so I can determine which direction I want my life to go. Sat Nam!!!
I legally changed my name in March of 2010. Thats why. The name I was given at birth did not resonate with me and felt empty and when I spent winter solstice in Florida with 3HO Sikhs and kundalini yogis calling me Sat Inder the whole 9 days, I felt something from the name. It made sense to me and I liked having that name, which means truth and divine consciousness, be associated with me and my path. I loved it really, so when I got home I changed my Facebook account to read Sat Inder Singh (Khalsa comes later, after one has taken amrit, which I did a few months later).
I have a lot of lazy people in my life, I say lazy, they really probably aren't, but they call me Sat. This infuriates me to no end, not sure why. But when I've introduced myself as Sat Inder, why would the person I've just, barely 5 minutes ago, call me Sat? My fucking name, first name mind you, is a two part name and its Sat Inder!!!
Now I can't disregard the many who do make the effort and say the full Sat Inder, so props to you, you know who you are.
Ok, now Keith has been coming up a lot. Is it because there are leftover things from that personality stuck in my vibration? Probably... but for gods sakes when I just got my most recent Netflix selection, it was addressed to Keith Mitchell, and they have never even known me as that, I registered with them as Sat Inder S. Khalsa! How in the hell did that happen?!?
Its something in me, that keeps drawing the Keith out of them, and you know something? When I hear that name I almost don't even recognize it enough to respond, isn't that weird? Or rather, isn't that cool? I've done so much work and cleaned out the scraps of the personality that did resonate with that name so much that I can't even hear it anymore.
Of course, my family still calls me that, I, to some degree anyway, think this is why I don't have any desire to be around them most of the time. I have no desire to be called that anymore. When I am over there and hear it the whole time from grandma, or mom, or whomever is saying it, I seem to fall into the old patterns of childhood and turn into this vicious, rotten little boy, even though I wasn't that then outwardly, only inwardly. And so, they are upset with me usually, I can't even hardly bring myself to go over there and visit, for the same reason. I feel like that little boy who no longer is this person in control of his emotions and actions, and start to embody it! Good lord, I thought one day I would get past that point. And maybe I have now, I haven't driven over there in over 6 months, maybe after another so many I'll be fine lol.
So, if you're reading this, know this was a release. I am venting in a way, so that my irritation with these things will not have a hold on me anymore. But also know that when I've introduced myself to you, as Sat Inder, yes a two part first name that will take the most miniscule amount of effort from you to say when talking to me (Sikhs go so far as to say Sat Inder Singh, to differentiate that I am a male, since all Sikh names are bisexual, and I'm not asking for that, so chill out), please call me Sat Inder, not just Sat. And if you ask wasn't I known as Keith Mitchell before and I say yes, please don't defer to calling me that, since it is not my name anymore, spiritually or legally. Law insisted that I even get my birth certificate amended, so yes, it is not my name anymore, legally!!!
And don't get upset when I correct you, and say can't I just say Sat? No, please? If I've went to the effort of asking you to say both names, yes both names as in Billy Bob, or Jim Bob, or some hillbilly name that you would in no way separate, please say both names. Whats the big deal?!? Is it because they are not "American" names that are familiar to you? If thats it and you're still my friend, hmmmm, I'll have to think about that one...
Thanks for reading, I appreciate all of you, your friendship in my real life, your following this whether we know each other or not, and who you are in that it shows me contrast so I can determine which direction I want my life to go. Sat Nam!!!
Thursday, September 8, 2011
early morning
Well, really, not so early morning as I'm used to! I'm usually up at 4 getting ready for my own personal sadhana. But last night I was up a bit later and for some reason couldn't get up this morning, so I'm up now at 6:04am about to eat some cereal and head to Starbucks. I'll do a little practice later in the day after my thai massage appointment, I'm giving, not receiving lol.
I've been strong in my practices lately and have been adding back in hatha yoga, in particular ashtanga sequences, again. Last night was my third hatha practice this week, at the park led by my friend Josh.
Its been feeling great and I believe its creeping back in because its colder, all of a sudden, and I'm feeling the time to go within for the fall/winter season is upcoming and so the more physical aspect of yoga is beckoning so that when I am in, I'm not completely sedentary, and maybe a few other things I can't put my finger on just yet, or maybe I can but just not verbalize them well yet. I also just read a book by a lady who studied with Walt Baptiste, Baron Baptiste's father, who taught a very intense lifestyle and many ideas that are similar to my Sikh/kundalini yogi lifestyle, and so it resonated that the physical is not to be completely forgone. Not that that is what I was doing, since the kriyas I do use my physical being, quite intensely actually, it just isn't the focus as with hatha yoga.
So, it is what it is. I am enjoying it for now, we'll see how long it lasts, but I'm enjoying the way my body feels with a more physical practice to compliment the deeper spiritual practice of kriya. I like it.
This weather is amazing and I have discovered that I almost don't think I can take the heat anymore, since it got cold, or colder, my peace and happiness is easier to maintain. This is a major reason to go to LA. Other things there as well, teaching to a major amount of people, getting to dive deeper into a sangat than I've ever experienced, and many other things. But a large part, the weather. Its cooler there, there are hills or mountains there, and there is the ocean there. There are many Sikhs and kundalini yogis, to support me staying on my path or even when I'm not so much, and there are friends there. Most of all, there is opportunity.
Opportunity. Hmmm, I've never been one who cared about that, but now I am interested to see how far I can take this stuff. This teaching stuff. What sort of changes can I make in a place where everyone is looking for change, embracing it almost. Here I have made a mark and get a lot of feedback, but there, where its a way of life to grow and evolve daily, god, I can't even imagine the bigness of it...
I think its time, I think I've made my peace with it, and I think I'm going to do it. Remind me of this when you read the blog that says I'm not going anywhere, will you please?!? lol
Sat Nam jis, get out there and enjoy this weather! And life!
I've been strong in my practices lately and have been adding back in hatha yoga, in particular ashtanga sequences, again. Last night was my third hatha practice this week, at the park led by my friend Josh.
Its been feeling great and I believe its creeping back in because its colder, all of a sudden, and I'm feeling the time to go within for the fall/winter season is upcoming and so the more physical aspect of yoga is beckoning so that when I am in, I'm not completely sedentary, and maybe a few other things I can't put my finger on just yet, or maybe I can but just not verbalize them well yet. I also just read a book by a lady who studied with Walt Baptiste, Baron Baptiste's father, who taught a very intense lifestyle and many ideas that are similar to my Sikh/kundalini yogi lifestyle, and so it resonated that the physical is not to be completely forgone. Not that that is what I was doing, since the kriyas I do use my physical being, quite intensely actually, it just isn't the focus as with hatha yoga.
So, it is what it is. I am enjoying it for now, we'll see how long it lasts, but I'm enjoying the way my body feels with a more physical practice to compliment the deeper spiritual practice of kriya. I like it.
This weather is amazing and I have discovered that I almost don't think I can take the heat anymore, since it got cold, or colder, my peace and happiness is easier to maintain. This is a major reason to go to LA. Other things there as well, teaching to a major amount of people, getting to dive deeper into a sangat than I've ever experienced, and many other things. But a large part, the weather. Its cooler there, there are hills or mountains there, and there is the ocean there. There are many Sikhs and kundalini yogis, to support me staying on my path or even when I'm not so much, and there are friends there. Most of all, there is opportunity.
Opportunity. Hmmm, I've never been one who cared about that, but now I am interested to see how far I can take this stuff. This teaching stuff. What sort of changes can I make in a place where everyone is looking for change, embracing it almost. Here I have made a mark and get a lot of feedback, but there, where its a way of life to grow and evolve daily, god, I can't even imagine the bigness of it...
I think its time, I think I've made my peace with it, and I think I'm going to do it. Remind me of this when you read the blog that says I'm not going anywhere, will you please?!? lol
Sat Nam jis, get out there and enjoy this weather! And life!
Monday, August 29, 2011
End of August . . .
Wow, its been a while since I last wrote. I was gone three weeks in June for the 3HO Summer Solstice celebration, and when I got back I went straight into moving and just got my internet back on, just now! So yay!!!
The summer solstice event was amazing, my heart opened in ways I never thought it would, I fell in love, sort of with a fellow kundalini yogi, he however did not lol. Not to matter, I still enjoyed the feeling of the emotions whether they were reciprocated or not. And when I got home the move flowed smoothly and I made lots of money as soon as I got here, mostly because I was so open and allowing of the flow of things. I soon fell back into the murky water though, but am working on allowing the flow to happen again and its happening, slowly lol.
So, now I have these ideas of moving and a friend who is really trying to talk me into moving to LA. I'm in love with the idea of being in California, just not necessarily LA. But they have a huge yoga scene, especially a huge kundalini yoga scene, which is ideal and makes me happy to think about. So that could be a great option. The only problem is I won't have income once I'm there for a bit, but I'll have to talk to her about that.
I've also got reservations because things are going so well for me here now, finally. There is a restaurant, Pura Vegan, that is going to have a yoga studio as part of it. I'm getting to know the person running it and she is very supportive and becoming a great friend, so I will be teaching there on Fridays for Happy Hour yoga, kundalini! Just another of the many great opportunities opening up to me here.
So who knows what to do, I need to just meditate, get out of my own way and allow it to unfold the way it will, and so I will. Just right now I've got a lot coming up and so I'm thinking waaayyyy too much lol.
Off to meditate, then lunch. Have an amazing day! Its gorgeous here finally!
The summer solstice event was amazing, my heart opened in ways I never thought it would, I fell in love, sort of with a fellow kundalini yogi, he however did not lol. Not to matter, I still enjoyed the feeling of the emotions whether they were reciprocated or not. And when I got home the move flowed smoothly and I made lots of money as soon as I got here, mostly because I was so open and allowing of the flow of things. I soon fell back into the murky water though, but am working on allowing the flow to happen again and its happening, slowly lol.
So, now I have these ideas of moving and a friend who is really trying to talk me into moving to LA. I'm in love with the idea of being in California, just not necessarily LA. But they have a huge yoga scene, especially a huge kundalini yoga scene, which is ideal and makes me happy to think about. So that could be a great option. The only problem is I won't have income once I'm there for a bit, but I'll have to talk to her about that.
I've also got reservations because things are going so well for me here now, finally. There is a restaurant, Pura Vegan, that is going to have a yoga studio as part of it. I'm getting to know the person running it and she is very supportive and becoming a great friend, so I will be teaching there on Fridays for Happy Hour yoga, kundalini! Just another of the many great opportunities opening up to me here.
So who knows what to do, I need to just meditate, get out of my own way and allow it to unfold the way it will, and so I will. Just right now I've got a lot coming up and so I'm thinking waaayyyy too much lol.
Off to meditate, then lunch. Have an amazing day! Its gorgeous here finally!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
No title necessary
So, yesterday I turned 41. Not a big deal as far as birthdays goes, it was a low key day mostly. I chilled at Starbucks with a frappacino for a bit, I did some shopping at Target and Whole Foods, I went to a pool party and then to a dinner I had organized for my birthday at Ranoush.
The pool party was interesting, it was gay men, too much smoking going on and lots of drinking. Neither of which interest me anymore. Had a great conversation with a local news weatherman and his friend, whom I ended up finding myself attracted to, the friend, not the weatherman, although the weatherman is a hottie too. I didn't stay long because of the dinner party I had already planned, so I had dinner at my favorite restaurant with a few of my favorite people, very nice.
Sunday my sister, her husband and kids and our mom came over to let my nephew play at the drum circle and we went to dinner for my birthday then too. It was nice as well. Lots of nice going on. I keep expecting big booms of things happening because I feel them heading my way, but they aren't ready to appear just yet.
I am moving from the house I've lived in with a couple for over 3 years now, into a little apartment of my own that will be cheaper than living with them. Thats bothered me today, after I wrote them the email I found myself feeling sad about it, but that will pass. Its also a big change for me.
Just before the move I'll be in New Mexico for 2.5 weeks at summer solstice with many kundalooneys and Sikhs, managing the luggage team for the event. That alone is a big boom to me. I've never once in my life taken responsibility, on purpose, and here I am going to manage something?!? Something is for sure wrong with me, I can't have grown up all of a sudden in the past year. Going thru the kundalini certification course, taking amrit and this last white tantric, all, must've had a more profound effect on me than I'd had any clue about.
The thing that is most surprising to me is that I'm not afraid of any of these changes that are coming, they almost don't even register on my radar! What is that about? Is this neutral mind? I wonder, hmmmm...
I should be in bed, I'm sleepy, I'm not in the mood to read or be on this computer, at all, but I just felt like writing on here, not in my journal. I really dislike writing in a journal anyway, but every so often I feel compelled to, for some reason.
So, I think I'm off here for now, I'm hoping you all are having amazing adventures, as I believe life is supposed to be just that, a neverending series of adventures, embraced and held in no attached way. Just experienced. We're here in a body, whether for the millionth time, or the first, to have experiences. To have experiences that we can't have as spirit, with more intensity than is in spirit, because the contrast is so intense. I'm sure everything in spirit form is intense so the contrast is lessened, but no, not here! lol
Have a lovely sleep tonight those who read this, if there even is still anyone who reads it. It doesn't matter if there is or not to me, its just that I think maybe its more cathartic if someone else is still? Who knows!
Sat nam!!!
The pool party was interesting, it was gay men, too much smoking going on and lots of drinking. Neither of which interest me anymore. Had a great conversation with a local news weatherman and his friend, whom I ended up finding myself attracted to, the friend, not the weatherman, although the weatherman is a hottie too. I didn't stay long because of the dinner party I had already planned, so I had dinner at my favorite restaurant with a few of my favorite people, very nice.
Sunday my sister, her husband and kids and our mom came over to let my nephew play at the drum circle and we went to dinner for my birthday then too. It was nice as well. Lots of nice going on. I keep expecting big booms of things happening because I feel them heading my way, but they aren't ready to appear just yet.
I am moving from the house I've lived in with a couple for over 3 years now, into a little apartment of my own that will be cheaper than living with them. Thats bothered me today, after I wrote them the email I found myself feeling sad about it, but that will pass. Its also a big change for me.
Just before the move I'll be in New Mexico for 2.5 weeks at summer solstice with many kundalooneys and Sikhs, managing the luggage team for the event. That alone is a big boom to me. I've never once in my life taken responsibility, on purpose, and here I am going to manage something?!? Something is for sure wrong with me, I can't have grown up all of a sudden in the past year. Going thru the kundalini certification course, taking amrit and this last white tantric, all, must've had a more profound effect on me than I'd had any clue about.
The thing that is most surprising to me is that I'm not afraid of any of these changes that are coming, they almost don't even register on my radar! What is that about? Is this neutral mind? I wonder, hmmmm...
I should be in bed, I'm sleepy, I'm not in the mood to read or be on this computer, at all, but I just felt like writing on here, not in my journal. I really dislike writing in a journal anyway, but every so often I feel compelled to, for some reason.
So, I think I'm off here for now, I'm hoping you all are having amazing adventures, as I believe life is supposed to be just that, a neverending series of adventures, embraced and held in no attached way. Just experienced. We're here in a body, whether for the millionth time, or the first, to have experiences. To have experiences that we can't have as spirit, with more intensity than is in spirit, because the contrast is so intense. I'm sure everything in spirit form is intense so the contrast is lessened, but no, not here! lol
Have a lovely sleep tonight those who read this, if there even is still anyone who reads it. It doesn't matter if there is or not to me, its just that I think maybe its more cathartic if someone else is still? Who knows!
Sat nam!!!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
White tantric yoga
I've just come back from Chicago, having done my 10th white tantric yoga day. This one was different because it was part of the completion of my kundalini yoga teacher training, and many of my fellow trainees, whom I've grown very close to, were there as well.
Ramgeet Kaur and her husband Adam is who I rode up there and home with, and we went early and had the whole day Friday to tool around town. What a lovely day! We even got full sunshine, which was not predicted. And she had never been there before, so it was a treat to see her excitement at so many of the things of the "big city" lol. She and her husband share a unique perspective of life and the world that I appreciated so much getting an insight into. Two of the most lovely people.
The tantric itself was the most subtle one I've been to, and the most powerful. I feel it so strongly that I almost can't explain it to others, but also I think the circumstances of the people who were there with me added to it. Also, doing all the work I've done during the training and since and having taken amrit at summer solstice and this being my first tantric since then, probably added to it as well.
I met some people I've only met online on Facebook, in person finally, I saw many old friends in the Dharma, even made some new friends that I will for sure keep in touch with.
A large part of the magic of the weekend is the fact that I stayed with Dukh Niwaran and her partner, two of the loveliest of people and my friend Dharamjodh stayed there as well and we got to connect before he moves to Holland to be with his husband again. It was a great time of conversation and connection and the four of us doing sadhana together, that I just can't put into words. It was magic and I love Chicago! Dukh Niwaran posed the need for me to move there, which was something I really wanted in my early twenties, for completely different reasons (great gay scene and partying prospects! lol). Maybe its now in the running, hmmmmm....
There is so much change going on in me and in my life that I don't want to say I'm going here, I just want the universe to show me, guide me where to move and feel it in my heart, then go there. Its exciting this change, this shift. I'm loving it and find the prospect a grand adventure!
Lets see where this takes me, this new perspective . . .
Ramgeet Kaur and her husband Adam is who I rode up there and home with, and we went early and had the whole day Friday to tool around town. What a lovely day! We even got full sunshine, which was not predicted. And she had never been there before, so it was a treat to see her excitement at so many of the things of the "big city" lol. She and her husband share a unique perspective of life and the world that I appreciated so much getting an insight into. Two of the most lovely people.
The tantric itself was the most subtle one I've been to, and the most powerful. I feel it so strongly that I almost can't explain it to others, but also I think the circumstances of the people who were there with me added to it. Also, doing all the work I've done during the training and since and having taken amrit at summer solstice and this being my first tantric since then, probably added to it as well.
I met some people I've only met online on Facebook, in person finally, I saw many old friends in the Dharma, even made some new friends that I will for sure keep in touch with.
A large part of the magic of the weekend is the fact that I stayed with Dukh Niwaran and her partner, two of the loveliest of people and my friend Dharamjodh stayed there as well and we got to connect before he moves to Holland to be with his husband again. It was a great time of conversation and connection and the four of us doing sadhana together, that I just can't put into words. It was magic and I love Chicago! Dukh Niwaran posed the need for me to move there, which was something I really wanted in my early twenties, for completely different reasons (great gay scene and partying prospects! lol). Maybe its now in the running, hmmmmm....
There is so much change going on in me and in my life that I don't want to say I'm going here, I just want the universe to show me, guide me where to move and feel it in my heart, then go there. Its exciting this change, this shift. I'm loving it and find the prospect a grand adventure!
Lets see where this takes me, this new perspective . . .
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Spring 2011
So, I haven't written in a while. I've been violently ill this week, for many different reasons, not that I really want to get into it, but I may later on down the line.
Tomorrow I go to Kansas City for the last weekend of my kundalinig yoga teacher training. The level 1 part of the program anyway. It will be bittersweet since we've all become so close to one another, or most of us anyway but I know we'll all stay in touch and keep working with one another on many projects and such, a couple are even going to summer solstice and on the same missal as I am. And we all, or most of us anyway, are going to Chicago on April 30th for the white tantric yoga up there, which will complete my certification.
I have decided to start a two weekend level 2 course, Authentic Relationships. The following weekend lol, I know, but its an opportunity and the second weekend isn't until the middle of May, so it will be good I think and relationships is something I can use input on, relating at anothers level, not just mine, specifically. All good, I'm excited.
I just yesterday was able to eat food again, or more food than just a couple spoonfuls of rice, rough week, and today when dinnertime came around I went to Local Harvest, which for some reason hasn't even crossed my mind since last fall! A great menu tonight and on the way home I drove through Tower Grove Park, which neighbors it, to see everything in bloom. Its lovely and as I enter the park and see it all, it stirs up that energy that one feels around their sexual organs when they're horny, I was like why, what, IDK?!?
But it dawned on me completely, finally, the second chakra energy, the energy of our sex organs, the energy of creativity, the ... aha! Duh, dumbass. You've been studying this shit for years and are just now putting it together?!? Good lord. Well, I know, but yes I am. I always thought that driving in parks made me horny because I love nature, it turns me on, but no it just stimulates the same energy of creativity in my that being arouses sexually does. Now I know, years of gay men cruising and having sex in parks has not been handed down to me orientationally lol, its just that maybe they experienced the same thing, years ago were in hiding, and being aroused took care of it in the park where others were. But not a necessary thing.
Possibly I feel it so intensely because I have creativity thats not being expressed, so the energy isn't flowing as fully as it could. Of course, since I do sat kriya daily now it does flow much more than it did. I also am getting larger kundalini yoga classes than before and am getting the opportunity to be more creative with them, and am, so its being expressed lately.
Odd that today the realization comes to me. Not odd I guess. Its the year that the Age of Aquarius comes fully into fruition, finally. The year of change and shifting of everything as we know it, notice the movements in the earths tectonic plates, the ocean, the ice melting, the winter we had this year which I haven't seen one like since I was a teenager, things like that. Things also like peoples attitudes, the amount of love you feel from some, and the amount of dislike from others. The amount of interest in things esoteric, or mystical is bigger than ever before. Many things are shifting and changing, lots of souls leaving their bodies, bodies which most likely aren't prepared for the energy of this time and need to leave.
Part of the reason I am so strong on kundalini yoga, it helps strengthen the nervous system, the radiance, the aura, everything angelic about a human in this time where we need to balance our humanity and higher self more than ever, because the gates are open, we are receiving and now you see those who are not able to receive much more clearly, the aggitation, the caffeine intake, the frustration, the phone usage while driving and then irritation at others silly driving, stuff like that, you know what I mean?
Oh well, its just nice to get a correllation between things the way I did this evening. It happens, but right now, in this time of required attention and the work I've done over the past 6 months within myself through this training and the connections I've made around it and through it and because of it are all coming to fruition in my consciousness, I'm seeing the results. I love that!
Sat nam
Tomorrow I go to Kansas City for the last weekend of my kundalinig yoga teacher training. The level 1 part of the program anyway. It will be bittersweet since we've all become so close to one another, or most of us anyway but I know we'll all stay in touch and keep working with one another on many projects and such, a couple are even going to summer solstice and on the same missal as I am. And we all, or most of us anyway, are going to Chicago on April 30th for the white tantric yoga up there, which will complete my certification.
I have decided to start a two weekend level 2 course, Authentic Relationships. The following weekend lol, I know, but its an opportunity and the second weekend isn't until the middle of May, so it will be good I think and relationships is something I can use input on, relating at anothers level, not just mine, specifically. All good, I'm excited.
I just yesterday was able to eat food again, or more food than just a couple spoonfuls of rice, rough week, and today when dinnertime came around I went to Local Harvest, which for some reason hasn't even crossed my mind since last fall! A great menu tonight and on the way home I drove through Tower Grove Park, which neighbors it, to see everything in bloom. Its lovely and as I enter the park and see it all, it stirs up that energy that one feels around their sexual organs when they're horny, I was like why, what, IDK?!?
But it dawned on me completely, finally, the second chakra energy, the energy of our sex organs, the energy of creativity, the ... aha! Duh, dumbass. You've been studying this shit for years and are just now putting it together?!? Good lord. Well, I know, but yes I am. I always thought that driving in parks made me horny because I love nature, it turns me on, but no it just stimulates the same energy of creativity in my that being arouses sexually does. Now I know, years of gay men cruising and having sex in parks has not been handed down to me orientationally lol, its just that maybe they experienced the same thing, years ago were in hiding, and being aroused took care of it in the park where others were. But not a necessary thing.
Possibly I feel it so intensely because I have creativity thats not being expressed, so the energy isn't flowing as fully as it could. Of course, since I do sat kriya daily now it does flow much more than it did. I also am getting larger kundalini yoga classes than before and am getting the opportunity to be more creative with them, and am, so its being expressed lately.
Odd that today the realization comes to me. Not odd I guess. Its the year that the Age of Aquarius comes fully into fruition, finally. The year of change and shifting of everything as we know it, notice the movements in the earths tectonic plates, the ocean, the ice melting, the winter we had this year which I haven't seen one like since I was a teenager, things like that. Things also like peoples attitudes, the amount of love you feel from some, and the amount of dislike from others. The amount of interest in things esoteric, or mystical is bigger than ever before. Many things are shifting and changing, lots of souls leaving their bodies, bodies which most likely aren't prepared for the energy of this time and need to leave.
Part of the reason I am so strong on kundalini yoga, it helps strengthen the nervous system, the radiance, the aura, everything angelic about a human in this time where we need to balance our humanity and higher self more than ever, because the gates are open, we are receiving and now you see those who are not able to receive much more clearly, the aggitation, the caffeine intake, the frustration, the phone usage while driving and then irritation at others silly driving, stuff like that, you know what I mean?
Oh well, its just nice to get a correllation between things the way I did this evening. It happens, but right now, in this time of required attention and the work I've done over the past 6 months within myself through this training and the connections I've made around it and through it and because of it are all coming to fruition in my consciousness, I'm seeing the results. I love that!
Sat nam
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