Strange times...

I know this phrase is over used, and that is exaclty why I used it as the title of this article. These actually are very normal times, the planet creates a new virus every so often to cull the population that is slowly taking it over. I could have just said culling the herd, but that may not sit very well with anyone. And we're all fucking tired of it, so that's all I'll be saying about that. What I'm really tired of is being locked out of India, it is my home. No, not legally, I do know that, but in my heart. And yes I would like to make it legal and get citizenship there. Once I get back and to my guruji there will be some things to come up that can help that happen, universe? You listening? Good... Neither is this post to just bitch about things as they are right now. That's happening way too much these days methinks and I'm over it. It's time to appreciate things, to shift our focus and to make peace with the way things are and move through them. My "normal" life for the past 5 years was to live in India and travel to Europe to teach, make euros, then back to India to live, maybe travel around and experience new places, but mostly live in Mysore. So when I got this gig in Tucson I was excited because I would make decent money, but then when I returned to Mother India I could travel around to some Shakti Peeths before settling in with my Guruji and his family near Mysore. And was getting to teach in a new place, Budapest, before going back. I was very excited and happy for this phase of my life. But, of that didn't happen. All things changed last year. But that afforded me to go inside, and now staying at my friends place out here in the desert, off the grid, is the final chapter of that going within. And being mostly alone out here I'm really getting to see my crap when it comes up, but also I'm seeing those things that I thought were shot that are not. Seeing all the good stuff that is still there for me as well. I had been having a terribly hard time getting so early to practice the last few months, and here my goal was to restart my practice. To my surprise it's just been sitting there waiting for me, and is fine. Getting to sleep to a more decent hour and then do it at my own pace has proven to be quite the surprise. I figured I'd be struggling through it again, but no, it's just like hey, here we are and there you are, finally come back to us. Now let's do this together, again. That was nice to discover. And my poojas that I do daily, I've been doing them for a while, so they are set and good. I was just looking to find the juice in them again, and I have started to, which is also nice. The quiet here, that was surprising how nice that has been. I love it. And they have place where they light fires often so I'm treating it as my smashan and meditating as an Aghori would on a dead body, next to it, feeling my layers burn away. That is also nice, along with taking walks in the desert. Relearning how to focus and create my reality in the way that I want it, and accept it when it's not there yet. That has been the biggest reason for this retreat, and that I feel I'm achieving. Also to find that deep faith I once had, not just focusing on how to make enough money, or to be somewhere that I'm not, and be someone I'm not, yet. All thsoe things are falling away too, and I'm finding that okayness with them as they are. That feels nice too. So I guess everything is just nice right now. And I'll take it, nice is so much better than where I was. And is a good place to start working on where you are and where you're heading. Nice. Not a word I like or use very often, but for sure a word I'm happy to feel and be a part of these days. These strange days...