Next location...

Well, I'm in my next location. Somewhere I've never been before, Myrtle Beach, SC. It's a quaint little town that is on the ocean and where I'll be staying is walking distance to the ocean, but for now I'm staying at my friends house.

In perusing her yoga books I found a book on Tantra by David Hawley, well known for his books on the sub-continent. But his wife, Shambavi Chopra, is who changed my life with her book Yogic Secrets of the Dark Goddess. I was afraid of Kali before that book, but during my reading of it slowly fell in love with her and invited her into my life. Not that you have a choice, once she shows up, she is in there whether you like it or not! And so it goes...

The book is a generic overall of the things I mostly know already, but put in a much simpler tone that even surprised me when it poked some things I thought I knew already. I'm just skimming through it and glancing at whatever jumps out at me and yet it's still having some profound aha moment effects!

I'm to the point of just about complete bottom, and this is apparently where I needed to be. My finances are completely gone, my students and teaching Ashtanga Yoga is completely gone. Amongst other things, it seems that she wasn't going to let me settly for any level of comfort, and so she slowly took it all away from me. All my preconcienved notions I have of who I am, or rather of identifying who I am with what I do and the external things that come from that are being smashed, even now as I look right at them. And I'm seeing that that is okay and with it I wouldn't be this clean slate I'm becoming. A clean slate is where we are meant to be, and yet why do some of us fight against that so hard on a daily basis?

I remember seeing two women arguing in Mysore on my first trip, looking almost like they'd come to blows, but did not. Then the next day holding hands as they walked down the street, completely seemingly oblivious of the previous days argument. Someone told me oh yes, they let go of things here on a deep level. The underlying thing was their love for one another and friendship, that couldn't be affected by their surface level argument, so they are letting the disagreeing about that subject go. That blew my mind and made me realize we in the US, probably in most places, have a lot to learn about attachment.

So, I still have a place to stay, a bed to sleep in, food to eat so far, and so I guess there are new levels for me to go to still but the ideas of myself, who I am, who I want to be, who I think others see me as, are being called to task, and so my work is to let them go. Not as easy as it may sound of course, but here I am.

I lie in bed thinking myself into a depression this morning, and lie there longer until I saw a bit of hope and remembering my Abraham and Seth teachings started to shift my mind about them, finding some things to appreciate and raise my vibration enough until I could finally get out of bed, do a bit of asana and pranayama, shower, do my pooja and visualizations, sit with them, then read a bit of that book and now write. So I'm okay, just feeling my way through this stage of existence. Also doing my best to try and not just be waiting for India to open up their borders and allow me back in so I can get to my guru and start my studies with him. I'm trying to be here now and work with what is there before me, not always an easy task when what you want seems so far off, but here it is in an okay place to be.

I fought hard to keep my connection to Tucson and Arizona, even staying there 3 weeks longer than I was supposed to and now seeing that I should have left when I was supposed to and move on from there, but I didn't do that and that is okay. Now I know, they no longer want what I have to offer, and I no longer feel an attachment to teaching there, the places there or the things I left behind. Maybe, at least mostly, there are a few things and friends there that I do miss, and will, but I'm not there anymore and likely never will be again, so move on man, move on!

Okay, enough ruminating, enough being where I am no longer. Time to be here, and move into whatever is coming into play in this east coast ocean town. I invite it all in and see how the flow works here, won't you join me?