Frustration...

This post is hopefully going to be short and not so sweet. I don't want to allow myself to stay in this vibration too long but I feel a need to get the frustration out. Maybe typing it alone will be enough and I won't have to post it, that would be delightful.

I'm feeling all the things that one feels when they are full of energy and yet has nowhere to direct said energy, then after a bit of time a big block forms which then manifests frustration. This is what I'm feeling.After finally figuring out how to heal all that physical stuff that was plaguing me, but was completely all from my mind in the form of stress, I now am ready to do something. But after 3 months of illness I'd not lined up any teaching gigs for myself and so here I am with nothing to do right now.

Thank god that at least I'm here in Mysore and can do my temple tours, they are doing very well, and the people are really enjoying them and often coming to multiple ones to learn more each time. That is fulfilling because I love sharing the stories and the energy in the temples and the people have been grateful because now they know what to do inside and how things work in general. So, some fulfilment is there.

And while teaching 6 days a week early morning can be tiring, it can be fulfilling too because you see progress in the people who come often more quickly and that is wonderful. Especially to see them have their own aha moment, that I love and reminds you why you teach... but then we come back to being frustrated because I'm not teaching right now nor can I find any teaching that is needed right now.

Then we come to another point, that I really want to settle down and teach somewhere for a good long time. In one place, grow a community, enjoy the location (wherever it may be), get to know the students, etc. That is really fulfilling.

Right now though I think I need to go to the U.S. and get financially stable, completely clear headed and healthy and then go from there. Maybe not the U.S. but its easier for me to work there and live anywhere I want. Although I prefer to stay in India getting a work visa and all that is not easy and the same for Europe, unless someone from Europe is willing to start the process for you, and I love Europe.

Anyhow, I'm excited and happy to get something going. Therein lies the stuff coming up. I'm frustrated, angry and irrational, which some would say I always am, but I usually don't feel this way inside. So when I'm noticing it from myself that means it's even worse lol.

Maybe not, I still feel mostly okay. And I do have a sense of faith that all of it will work out well and soon. My astrologer says not until April, or mid-April, then the big job that will buy the plane ticket will happen, so let's see.

Can you see? I'm conflicted, dichotomous and just plaine contradicting myself? This is what I"m dealing with right now.

So mostly I'm staying in the house, reading and not hanging out too much. Although yesterday I hung out and was feeling better, so maybe that's the key, goddess, who knows?!? hahahahaha...

I just need to chill and enjoy and have faith and it will all take care of itself. Ok, finished...