Expectations...

So, I'm at my moms house for the week before I head to St. Louis to teach for the month, after my great time in New Jersey teaching those receptive students. Did I write about my time there? I can't remember. I'll go look but if I didn't I'll have to soon. Anyhow, it's funny how you get here, which is what I'm calling it here instead of home because everyone keeps saying welcome home to me and I'm like, no, home is India! lol... but you get here with expectations that your old patterns will come up and that you will behave a certain way because of the way you were way back when you were around family on a regular basis. You also believe that what you think their expectations of you are can affect you, but then you (in the middle of the mornings asana practice) realise that what you think they are expecting you to be is just that, what you think they think you should be. All this thinking!!!! So then you realise you can be who you are, not anything else and they will love you anyway. I've discovered that this is what I do anyway if I can stay out of my head, most people can destroy things by overthinking the circumstances surrounding them and putting your ideas onto them, and that just screws everything up. Often I come and hold back, not being or acting how I usually would. Why do I do this? Do we all do this? Is this why so many of us are uncomfortable being around family? If so, then why do we do this to ourselves. So then, in the middle of my yoga practice where I was feeling tight, intense and my neck hurt from stressing myself out, I decided no, I can be me and I'm going to start just right this minute, and so I do and then my practice was better, my energy was better, my neck quit hurting, my stomach felt more ease and my appetite went down and I quit eating everything in sight. Oh my god, why are humans so ridiculous? We are though aren't we? This is why I love India, I don't do this there. Everyone I know there seems to be more in the present and if it's not affecting them right at that moment they don't put much work into it. Now, not everyone does this but what I notice is that this seems to be more the mainstream, where here in the U.S. it seems to be worrying about the future and how things should be and stress about them not being that way yet. Wherever I am I can be the same person I am when I'm in India. This is not a big revelation right? It's something we all should know but maybe we don't always recognise the truth in it, so I'm deciding to be this person. This is the person all the students come to practice with and love and so this is who I will be, I also love myself more when I'm this way, not the stressed out and forethought person I can be when I let myself fall into those old patterns. OMG, should I even be writing this blog entry? It seems like all this thinking about all the thinking I was doing and could be doing can be a mess. And yes it is, so should I delete this? Nah, it's already written, so I'll leave it...