I was intending to write a peaceful, loving letter of sorts about this amazing inner space I discovered while in Goa practicing with Sharmila Desai. But instead since I've been back here in Mysore I'm hearing so much about asana, asana, asana and it just made me decide to write about that.
I of course am happy to again be enjoying my asana practice after my time with her, it was getting to be an area of contention for me. Not because I hate them, but because I thought I was getting too old and was just going to have to let go of some of them. My body was having issues doing the full practice daily lately and it gets old having to seemingly fight with your own limbs to get them to make these shapes.
What happened? I changed my relationship with them. Sharmila has a very spiritual and healing approach to the practice, somehow when you arrive in her space you feel very, very calm and allowing. In that state of mind your body opens up and allows more to happen. But also there is an air of magic there, where you feel as if more is possible, as if no, you're not too old. And in my case I just had to let go of caring about the asanas.
Yes, my relationship to them changed in that I now could give a shit less. If I never go further, who cares? If I get stuck and can't do ALL the postures I'm "supposed" to be doing, who cares? And so on... But apparently I did care, I am teaching these asanas so I figure I need to be doing them. But the magic of this specific situation is that when I decided I just don't care anymore, I'm going to breathe, lift my bandhas and focus on my dristhi only (admittedly after a very good conference with Sharmila) and not worry about anything except coming to my mat and doing what I can do with my focus on these things. Then all shifted. And likely it was because of the healing space she has created in her shala there in Goa but that space has been created because she is a healer and wants you to feel whole.
What is feeling whole? It to me is feeling this deep, inner connection within oneself. Having enough faith to listen to the inner voice that we all have and actually do the things that feel like the right things for you that moment. Then being okay with whatever decision you've made, not judging it or having self doubt. These are the things that need to be in full blossom within our lives, not doing Viranchasana A or B from third series, although they can be fun as well, but they are just tools to getting us to feel this way.
People seem to be scared of me as a teacher, I'm not sure why but once people experience the approach I take and realise that I'm just a big teddy bear (no, I mean big, loving and squishy, not a bear like you think I mean lol) then they get over it and are happy. I'm not saying I'm good for everyone, we all have those things we want and connect to in a teacher and I'm certainly not all things to all people. But if you give me a try you usually get all that I've been writing about here.
Sharath was strong with me, but also very soft. If I could hold a posture after he helped me get there, then he let me pass so I'm inclined to do the same, unless I see that the work there would be good for someone. But to me it's so not about these postures, it's about our relationship to ourselves. Once we heal that connection then we can be there more fully for all the other connections we have in our day, in our life. Once you're there fully for yourself, then you can be there more fully for others.
Most people only worry about others, thinking it's selfish to worry about oneself. It was definitely the way I was raised and I'd had arguments with family about how selfish this Hindu stuff seems. No, it's not. If you're a crazy, fucking mess of a sub-human and are trying to help all these others then you usually just bring that crazy, fucked up energy to their life as well. And so, healer, heal thyself. No I can't remember where that quote is from, but you get my point right?
So in what ways can you change your relationship with your asana practice? With yourself? With the way you interact with the outer world? Did you ever think that maybe your outer world is a manifestation of your inner world? Clean that inner world up and see how the outer world changes...
Much love.
No comments:
Post a Comment