I am passionate. Yes, passionate about everything I do. If I don't do it, then it means nothing to me. If I engage in it I dig in deep, learn the ancient language it was written in and read its scriptures that way. Until I figure out, oh, that's not for me, or until I see how it leads me back to the teaching from something else that means more to me, then I integrate it and move on back to the thing that means more (this I did with Kabbalah, merging it into my yoga).
I a passionate about Ashtanga Yoga, and I will teach it to you until you no longer want to learn it. I also will encourage you to use it to learn more about your body and use the teachings to figure shit out on your own. To me this is the true purpose of this yoga, to become aware of things within your own body, your own self. So when you're stopped at a posture I will likely back off and let you stew in your own juices until you figure shit out enough to get through it. Not all the time, but often. It's on an individual basis and by no means in there a rote way its done, it will be different with each of you.
I am an asshole, many will say this. And that's okay. I am loving, compassionate and even peacefully in my assholism. I'm not an asshole to hurt you or to hurt me, I'm an asshole because its not my job to take care of you or coddle you in any way. It's my job to teach you techniques so you can see yourself the things that you need to get from whatever it is you're doing. Asana, chanting mantra, pranayama, whatever.
I like to reference sex a lot, not because I'm a sex fiend (and in my 20s alone I've had more sex than most of you have had in your whole existence, not including my 30s and 40s) but because sexual morays irritate me. We have hangups on everything based around sex and I don't think it needs to be that way. I've had sex and learned much from it, its become less important to me, not unimportant, but I don't judge things from that point of view anymore. So let loose your uptightness around sex. Embrace that all creatures have it, enjoy it and it can be a major creative energetic force and you can use it to your advantage, or you can choose to allow it to become a block in your energy flow. Thereby manifesting blocks in your body and in your life, even in your relationships with others and emotions within yourself. Now, which choice do you want to make here?
That leads me to "dirty" words. Words are just words, if I say Fuck You and mean it, that's bad. But if the word fuck is bandied about lightly its not a bad thing. Not saying other words don't count too, just using the biggie as the one example here. Fucking relax, chill out. It's all good. If you choose to allow words to upset you, then that is on you, unless the person using them towards you is meaning them with indignance, and then remember, they are only reflecting your shit back to you and you have the choice to get over it or allow it to throw you off balance and fuck up your whole day or life. And yes, that is your choice.
By saying that I'm not taking responsibility off the other person either, because they're job is also to be aware of what comes out of their mouth and know the effects it has on people. But in the end, you can call me a piece of shit mother fucking asshole and I can still be okay, because I know I was being authentic to my inner being and that its your perception that is causing these words and that I cannot do anything about. Only you can change your mind.
I care, number one. I care a lot. If I am talking to you, at all, ever, I care about you. If I don't care you will never heard a word come out of my mouth in your general direction. I only give attention and focus to those things that I want to include in my experience of life. In my vibration. So if I'm getting shit from someone its because I'm vibrationally putting shit out there. So its up to me to clean that up. I live my life this way, and I expect that all others do as well. Now, I know they don't because many don't even know that this is how life works, so I have to feel them out and see if that is the case and then I'll tell them, yes you are your responsibility and I am mine. We are working on ourselves together in this existence and so we move forward from there. But the point of this paragraph is that I care. If I'm talking to you I want to include you in my vibration and me in yours.
I truly believe if we are in each others life experience it is because our vibrational frequencies are close to one another we are drawing each other in, making us a reflection of a part of that other beings soul, and they a part of mine. This harkens back to the above sentiment that we are all reflecting a piece of the "others" inner being, maybe that they embrace and love very much or that they are fighting against very strongly. When you're fighting with something in your inner being, it will manifest in your body or in your relationships, you can trust me on that. And I believe this and will tell you I know it to be true, so if you don't believe it and hear me saying it to you that means you are ready to hear it, even though it will be the hardest thing you've ever heard.
No one wants to hear they are responsible for the crap in their life. And unfortunately I'm often disposed to tell people this, so they get upset with me, lol. We all want to be able to blame an "other" for our problems, but there is no "other." There is only us, and our reflections showing us us back to ourselves.
This post probably seems very egocentric, very full of myself and very much against what most people think yoga stands for. But these thoughts were brought up by some interactions with a few people in my life lately, so I've been ruminating on them some and here they are. I feel a lot, I feel strongly and I love hard and with depth. If you are in my life, you are supposed to be there because we have something to learn form one another, both directions. If I choose to spend time with you outside of the classroom or in whatever situation it is because I care about you and I'm passionate about those I care about. If I send you a message checking on you it is for that same reason.
You are a part of me, and I am a part of you, and we both, not just we both, we all. Every mother fucking one of you reading this in fact. We all are in this together, and we should be aware of this and act like, from now on...
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