I haven't written too much lately, been thinking way too much. I hate thinking! Well, maybe I don't hate thinking. I'm just the sort that can get caught up in those thoughts and never come back to being present. It's a pattern from my youth, get lost in my head and not feel things anymore and navigate from my heart, which has really changed my life and opened me up.
I'm leaving for India in just about a month and a half, give or take, and I'm intending to teach and travel from there. I have one four month gig lined up already. Thinking I could go and cover peoples Mysore programs maybe, but also am open to it manifesting however it will.
I also have a lot of money to make before I leave, and that makes me anxious. I also am having lots of feelings about leaving, not the kind that will make me stay, just the kind that will make me nostalgic while I'm here which can again lead to the thinking and then that fucks me up.
Then there's this election and if you know me, I never talk about politics and I've been talking about them. I never even usually think about that stuff, but Trump has me scared. And I actually just had my first discussion and unfriending of someone because they were a Trump supporter. And I'm not the kind of person to hamper anyones opinions of that kind of stuff, but it's what I did.
I also just watched Looking: the movie, which used to be an HBO series that I liked and they kind of left hanging after three seasons, or two? Can't remember. So they made a one shot movie to settle up on some things from the series. Again, like the series used to do, it made me emotional, but also made me think a lot about the past. When I used to have a lot of gay friends and we used to drink and dance and party all the time, not where I am anymore. But after I quit drinking and going to bars almost all of my gay male friends stopped contacting me, and that makes me sad. I do still have some gay friends and even some I've met in Mysore and keep in contact with, but almost none here that I'm in contact with regularly and can hang out with. Not that I need that, but its just like I always say about being in Mysore, hanging around with only Ashtanga yogis is nice because there's that shorthand you don't have with other yoga practitioners, same with gay male friends, its just a shorthand you don't have with your female friends, or straight male friends. Who knows.
I just know that it's been very hot here, actually more humid than anything, and that has been making me stay indoors more and I'm not and indoors sort. So its making me a bit depressed. I think its supposed to finally cool off this weekend with a storm that's coming through, we'll see. I also don't feel totally depressed, I'm just ready to leave. I'm ready to be in Mysore and its not time yet, so I'm feeling a bit held back...
I'm supposed to go to this big Laksmi puja at the Hindu temple, right about now actually, but I'm not sure if I want to go now. The service I usually go to is normally at 6:30, its an abishekam, where they bathe the murthy and chant and have parsed, but its been moved to 5pm and they're havoing a 2 hour celebration after that for a bit holiday celebrating Lakshmi and what she stands for. This is something I would normally love, but again, the heat has me not wanting to go. I don't have air conditioning in my car, so driving all the way out there is a big suffer fest! Oh, I'm so dramatic!
Ok, off here to figure out what it is that I want to do and go do it. Enjoy your evening and weekend!
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