It doesn't seem possible that I'm already starting my fourth week of practice here. It barely seems like I've practiced at all here. Craziness I tell you. The first batch is getting ready to go home, some of them anyway, and a new batch will arrive soon. And of course there are those of us who are staying.
Last post I wrote about a lot of emotions coming up and out and that is still going on, but what I find is affecting me the most is the getting up so early. At home I go to bed around 7:30-8pm to wake up at 2:30am to begin practice by 3am so that I can do my asanas, pranayama and chanting before showering, eating breakfast and then heading out to teach. So I come her and get the 4:30am time slot, which is fine by me, and then start getting up again at 2:30 to be ready to practice by 4 (they let us in really early and we actually start at 4am, not 4:30am). The difference is that here I don't have to be anywhere, so don't have to rush through my practice by a certain time.
But last week it was getting to me, the waking up so early. I really felt like not going every day, but I still got up and made it every day. Now today I overslept and missed practice, so am feeling mentally icky and a bit judgmental about it, but I know it will also be okay.
This trip seems to be more emotional in general, not just for me, but for everyone I talk to. This is all a part of the yogic path though, bringing things to the surface to figure them out and not allow that pattern to keep having prominence in your life. Only to move on to another thing to come up and deal with and another and another, it seems. Funny the things we do to ourselves on purpose. But its all in the order of things here in Mysore, we come here for the deeper work. Sure, also to learn new asanas, but mostly to deal with the releases those new asanas give us and live with the diversity so that we can become better people and hopefully learn to live as the example to others as well.
I came here with a large beard, and a growing one too, it seems like its gotten an inch longer since I've been here. But also this need for letting of things has led me to want to cut it off, so I think I'll be to a barber later today to have them cut it short. Often times this is symbolic for me of the letting go I'm trying to enact in my daily life, and that I am feeling as well. Not sure what I'm letting go of but I feel the need to not hold on to anything right now, especially as some of my friends are leaving and new ones will be returning.
I also find myself wanting to hole up and watch movies or tv shows, and so I'm doing a bit of that. I'm enjoying the escape of these shows right now and am not going to judge myself about them, I'm just going to enjoy watching them. I'm trying to follow what feels good and allow that to dictate what I'm doing and so they feel good for now!
We'll see how the rest of this week goes, as I show up for class tomorrow and the rest of the week minus Wednesday which is the full moon here, but maybe I'll practice anyway since I missed today? Maybe not. Again, I'll see how it feels when I wake up that day and go from there.
I'm always wanting to put pics on here as well, but have yet to figure out how to make that happen, if anyone knows feel free to message me about it, thank you!
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