Marriage

So, those who know me well know I'm probably just not the marrying type. I've also because of this never thought of the fact that gay couples not being able to marry was an issue. It seriously never entered my mind, until recently, and then I thought god, most couples I know aren't together very long at all and so if it does become legal we (the gays and lesbians of the land) will just jump start the economy with divorces!

I'm not one to give anyone relationship advice. I've dated many people, god knows I've had sex with more people than one human every should, but I've really only had one "real" relationship and we lived together for almost two years and talked about getting married, even looked at rings, but were doing it before our friends and family as a record of our love not concerning ourselves with the legality of it, but then we broke up and had sex for another 8 years until I legally changed my name when I became Sikh, that was too much for him and he cut me off, which was fine because it wasn't something he had any say in and for it to bother him more than it bothered my own mother, well that was just silly. I also dated or lived with a few couples, even dated a triple and had much more success with those although they were short term. I think it was because all the focus was not on me, it was split up and so it was always less intense to me than just a one on one relationship.

So at one point I wrote them off. I just said fuck it, I don't need anyone else. In yoga the idea of equanimity factors greatly. Meaning to me that no matter what state you're in, or rather what you are besieged with in life, you can be okay. It's all in the mind anyway, so we can control that and choose to feel okay. So I decided I would always be okay, I have my yoga practice; asanas, pranayama, meditation and chanting, to help me cultivate fulfillment in my life and so if I never had a boyfriend or lover again I'd be just fine, and for the most part that has been the case.

Then this morning when I started seeing all the announcements on Facebook about the Supreme Court passing the law that all couples can now marry I was at first unsure of what I was feeling, then it started to formulate into a feeling of being more whole. Of course, I've always been a whole person, but for it to be legal now for me to marry another man which was something I thought I'd never want, to now be a possibility... it just made my heart sing a little bit. I was very surprised that it made me feel this way. But I guess we, meaning all humans, have become so used to the restrictions put on us as a species by our own kind that it doesn't even register that we are repressed, and so when just a layer, albeit a very thin layer (yes, there is still much work to be done for all of us humans to truly be equal to one another in each others eyes), is removed it can feel so interesting that it doesn't even register what that feeling is. But as I passed through my day it dawned on me that I feel just a tiny bit less repressed than I did yesterday, an interesting thing for sure.

I read a meme online one day that made fun of humans for being the only species on this planet that has to pay to live on it and that said a lot to me. It was meant to be funny, probably ironic and yet it is also the truth. We enslave all sorts of animals in order to do our bidding so we can make money off of them, not paying them anything for it, and hell we enslave each other and yes, slavery does still exist on this planet as does repression of the sexes, sexual orientations and races and much than we even know I'm sure. We also enslave them to live with us, keep us company, have trained them to be with us for so long that I doubt they could ever survive in the wild again. And we have kind of done this to each other with the dependency on corporate America for almost everything we use daily. Lost my track on this paragraph, but the point is, that just now for one day, many of us feel just a tiny bit more free.

And that's a good feeling...