Christmas eve

Its a cold morning here in St Louis, 25 degrees. We've been having some majorly warm temperatures for this time of year, in the 40s and 50s, so 25 seems really cold, although the high today is 50 lol.

I've been reflecting a lot lately and not writing mostly because I can't seem to sort things out and put them into linear words these days, not that that bothers me, but I do like to write so here I am.

Christmas this year feels different, I know all the shifts in the planetary axes and the Aquarian Age and the blah blah blah, basically tells us all that everything feels different this year, which it does, but Christmas does too.

I woke up in the middle of the night on night to see my neighbor across the street had put up their lights, on bushes, their porch and a few other things, and it didn't bother me but made me think, how lovely. Me? Think this? Interesting...

And this year since my perspective seems to have shifted, other than in buying gifts, I still don't love that practice and think it takes away from the true meaning for those who get caught up in the getting of "things", it seems that everyone around is nicer too. I know its just me, but what a great proof of an inner change affecting and outer change!

So, if you're out there on this last shopping day, doing all of those things that you feel you need to do to distract yourself from the connecting with family and friends which is what I deem the real point of this holiday is, please be loving, kind and nice to everyone around you, don't shove them or bark at them. We all just want to be loved and love, so start there.

Love to you all and peace to you all and prosperity to you all.

Sat Nam...

whine, whine, whine

I've felt whiny today. I did a kriya yesterday morning to open up the energies in the lower chakras, felt awesome all day. So I did the same kriya this morning. Yuck!

The lower chakras energies are more emotional, rooted and mundane than the upper chakras for sure. But today I allowed them to get me in a funk.

I taught a class, now I feel better. I ate pizza, which always helps me feel better and am home now doing laundry. As icky as I was feeling, the idea that Abraham inspired in me of catching that feeling and taking a bounce from it, into a better feeling place, has happened. I'm getting better at this stuff! lol

Plus, I've not been enjoying my kundalini practice as much this past week, but have been enjoying my hatha yoga practice (which is more sporadic) more. I'm still doing my practice for sure, but its been like pulling teeth, so maybe I'll skip it one day (just do my 40 day) and see how it feels, experiment with myself. I am my own creation after all and I need to know how it affects me and teach from that place, right?

So, its the flow. Sometimes the tide swells, sometimes it ebbs. Its all still the ocean. Its all about being in the flow of life, likened to the flow of water in a stream or the tides of the ocean. Its always moving and swirling and flowing, in, around and through everything. So allow the flow.

Those were words for me, more than for you ! lol

I've got amazing friends, all who are feeling the flow as well and we are here for one another. My finances are coming to me through the flow as well. My life is getting bigger all the time and shrinking all the time as a part of the flow of things. Its all good. It really is...

Tired but inspired

After just practicing with a class of mine, almost all of whom attended were personal friends, I went to eat a lovely meal by myself and am now home, showered and sleepy.

I have just read an Abraham quote that inspired me though and I decided to write. I also have a meeting with my Abraham study group this Saturday, after the looming holiday! lol. I'm actually looking forward to it for a change, I've chilled out a bit lately...

The theme of the quote was not to worry about what others think. Just concentrate on you. I think I do that, but then when it comes down to it, I don't think I do that too much. I think I just talk a good game.

How disturbing! I've always thought I was so free minded and open to things, and I am, but I still have a seed in the back of my head whispering "but what will the neighbors think?!?"

Hmmm, How does one get rid of this? Can we fight it and knock it to oblivion? NO, what we resist persists. An old adage, newly reinforced with the recent wave of Law of Attraction interest. So what to do?

Surrender... God, I know. You say the same thing I said when someone first said this word to me, what the fuck?!? How does one surrender to an idea, especially one that just creeps around the back of their mind periodically?!?!?

Admit it. TO yourself first, and then be honest about it when another asks you or mentions it. Just give in to it and it will fade away, fairly quickly.

Not just this, but anything that comes up, just let it be there. Just let it be a part of you and say screw it. It will then no longer matter. LOL. God, can it be that easy? Yes, but also having a practice of some discipline or another helps as well, but not necessary at all.

So lets all go out there and just be ourselves, fully and unabashedly this holiday. We may piss some people off, or not. It tends to piss them off less when they can sense the authenticity behind what we're saying. So just let it rip, not meaning try to piss anyone off, just meaning you'll feel better if you say the thing that you're holding back from saying and then there will be an open line of communication between you and that person that you may not have had before, or that may have been muddled before.

Whats the Yogi Bhajan quote, hmmmm, one of the 5 sutras of the Aquarian Age I think, hold on...

When the time is on you, start, and the pressure will be off.

I think in this case we could substitute the word speak and the pressure will be off. You will have let it out of your mind and released any pressure buildup there would've been if you'd just not said it and have less stress on yourself, and if they let it bring stress to them, thats for them to let go of. Its not your job!

I appreciate all you beings in my life, whether I know you personally or not, thanks for reading and being and contributing to the expansion of the universe through your continued existence... I love you!

11/11/11

What does this date mean to you? Not much probably, other than that its cool to have all 1's together right?

To some, its a big deal, to some its the biggest deal. We heard about the dawning of a new age, of the Age of Aquarius, way back in 1969 from 5th Dimension and the musical Hair. Back then hippie's were revolting in all sorts of ways and standing up to the government, extending their own right to do so as well, where the years before all everyone did was what they were "supposed" to do. Which was? Who the hell knows.

Along comes this man, we call him today Yogi Bhajan, to teach the hippies kundalini yoga. A yoga that gets your glandular systems and nervous system in balance much more quickly than the popular hatha yoga. Popular now, I don't know how widespread hatha was back then.

This yoga, he purported, would get your physical selves more in line with your spiritual selves in order that you would be able to handle the changes that were coming, when the Age of Aquarius actually came into play. The dawning of it that was happening back then, just meant you could see the changes already beginning. The civil unrest, the spiritual unrest and many other things that folks have been noticing since then, especially these last couple years. Especially this last week, my god! lol

I am a certified kundalini yoga teacher, and so am to be one of the ones who is helping others deal with the shifts and changes in their bodies and minds and spirits. Which I have been doing, teaching kundalini and hatha yoga both in this vein for some years now.

So, who is here for us? I know many of my peers live close to one another, in Espanola, NM or in Los Angeles, CA or any other number of places, so maybe they have support systems. I however live here in St Louis, mostly by myself. There is a small burgeoning kundalini community here but not a fully growing community, and certainly no one who's studied the teachings for a great deal longer than I have, that would qualify as someone I could lean on.

Not saying I need to lean, full-out, on anyone. The teachings do connect you to spirit more than anything else I've encountered, but sometimes it would be nice to have someone else to talk to about what I'm going through. Just sometimes.

There, I've whined enough.

Happy New Age all, embrace the changes and grow in spirit with it, don't fight it, flow!!!!

Yoga

So, I'm just finding out about 3 senior Anusara teachers renouncing their Anusara certifications, so that they can just teach yoga. I'm elated! I love Ashtanga, I love Kundalini Yoga and I love Anusara yoga.

But I love them as techniques to teach you how to get in connection with your inner being, your yoga. So it makes me happy when I see things like this. Not the separation of it, but the inclusiveness of it. I love seeing that they want to make it accessible to everyone, the techniques they use to get in connection, without it having a label or a very specific focus.

This has been my goal for the past couple years. Even though in the past couple years I've been focusing on Kundalini yoga, I think mostly to get in touch with the energy movements in the body and the effect that the sound current has on the body, and how the mind is affected by both of these aspects. I also am now certified in kundalini and teach straight up classes of it, but I also am having most of my students be my hatha students who want to take it to the next level. They also are still coming to my hatha classes or vinyasa classes, whatever you feel like calling them, and seeing the benefits of connecting to the energy on the level of a kundalini yoga class, but also seeing how it applies in a more asana/vinyasa based practice. Then you're able to start tapping into the depth of it when you're moving in a vinyasa practice, once you've sat still and learned how it feels that way.

So, awesome.

I know everyone talks a great game. I teach this style of yoga but we believe everyone should get along. Rather than just getting along and supporting them, going to their classes and making it your own experience, and welcoming them when they come to yours. Yoga=union with the divine, right? So if you're divine and you're in connection with it, in your way, and I in mine, why not lets have a conversation and compare the similarities of our connections, or of our ways of connecting, rather than focusing on the differences?

I love yoga, yes its hard sometimes, yes it takes you deep into your emotions and emotional issues, which isn't always something we want to deal with, yes it can make you feel better, yes it gets your body and mind more open and available, to yourself as well as to others. And yes, sometimes its the last thing you want to do, but always most people feel better afterwards. Always, you feel more connected, to what you ask? To what? Ask yourself that, not me. I know what I feel, and if am in your vicinity can often tell what you're feeling, but it most likely makes you feel differently than it makes me feel. So use it, in whatever way it works for you, tune in, tap in and turn yourself on.

Its not time anymore for our light switches to be left off, its time for us all to turn them on, and find the way for our inner light to shine out. And if yoga is one of those ways, use it, do it, be it and live it. If music is one of those things, use it, play it, be in it, and live it. Hell, if music within yoga is one of those things . . .

You get the point right?

Sat nam all you beautiful beings and happy Age of Aquarius as of this Friday!

Blocking the flow

I read a few lines in Erich Schiffman's book recently about growth and how growth only hurts when we resist the change that is happening, or resist the flow of our life.

Why do we do this?

I know we as children come into bodies and remember our connection, at least until the grown-ups in our lives work their "magick" on us, making us realize how awful it really is and then we start to have fear and ackwardness about, well, almost everything.

I know why they do it, they've forgotten it all. About how we're all source energy in a human body and how the better we feel, the more things will flow into and through our lives, the more people will too, the more experiences we'll have along the way that are awesome, amazing and life changing.

But unless we find a path, a "spiritual" path, we usually cannot figure these things back out and start heading back in the right direction. The right direction for us that is, not THE right direction, because there isn't one path for everybody on the planet, there is one path for each individual on the planet. At least this is the way it seems to me.

I fell as if I've been disallowing, or resisting my own growth lately, and I have felt shitty all week. Not shitty like I wanna kill myself type stuff, but just less than I know I can feel. I figured it out though when I read that line in Erich's book. Oh shit, thats what I've been doing, and so I cried to myself a bit. Realization is the first step in the process of moving forward.

Now today, I don't feel fabulous, but I feel a bit better than I did and now I work toward feeling a bit better than that, and so on and so forth.

Tonight there's a kirtan, which could help. I teach another class, which could help and eat some raw, vegan food, which could help. All things that help me feel lighter, wish I had time for a practice myself, that would definitely help.

So, no more blocking the flow, but even as I say that I'm sure I will. We all do, being in such a vehicle, these bodies, its almost impossible not to forgot the beings of light we really are.

So, I state it again. No more blocking the flow. Be like water, water moves in, around or through everything, eventually. Even stuck in an eddy it spins and moves looking for the way. So I shall do this in my life as well, to the best of my ability. Not get stuck in a corner and if I do, move around the edges looking for my way in, around or through!!!

Friday

So, I'm up and hour late for my personal sadhana practice, and here I sit on the computer, wanting to write instead! I'm off all day, so if I get finished later its no big deal today.

Not even sure what I want to write, just that I do want to write.

Its an interesting and weird autumn so far. I'm doing more, and more, and more hatha yoga practices again and they are making me feel wonderful. After digging into kundalini yoga so much for the past 3 years, with only an occasional, sporadic, hatha practice, its a new thing, or seems new all over again to me.

Now though, after getting into the energy movement and the sensation of it, or getting so intimate with the feeling of said energy as it moves, now my hatha practice feels different. I can tell why I'm doing something and where the energy is coming from and how its dispersing through and out of me. A very interesting thing to have happen.

I'm still doing kundalini yoga every morning as part of my Aquarian sadhana, but more of the other in the afternoons. Funny how quickly the body comes back into the openness it took me years initially to obtain, I'm loving observing it!

Tonight is a thai massage workshop I'm teaching too, so yet another way to deepen a relationship with our bodies.

Hmmm, where was I going with all of this? Not sure. Its nice to notice that as I've come in touch with the energy that is us, flows through us and all around us, that I've been drawn to reidentify with the physicality that channels that energy, and now I'm teaching in a whole different way and my students are getting it more and more and now my personal relationships are expanding because when people come around me they feel "hey, there's a guy in the know" and that is becoming global, with Facebook and connecting with more and more yogis on there who are doing the same all around the globe.

I don't know, but I think the Aquarian Age, which begins 11/11/11, is just going to be awesome. It already is awesome! And it makes me more excited to teach my workshop on kundalini yoga in Columbia, MO on 11/11/11. I can send them a message that they will never expect! Wow, I'm excited now, time to begin sadhana . . .

Changing times . . .

Wow, its funny how as the world moves more quickly, the energies about swirl faster and faster moving us forward in time and space (or backward) the old stuff starts coming back up and asks you what you're going to do with it.

Recently one of my students has showed an interest in practicing ashtanga, in the traditional format, which I have been doing again lately. Not the 6 day a week practice, but a couple times a week or so. And so I'm going to work with him in private to learn it, another person also turned up asking for the same thing, so they may come together and learn it. Now I've started digging into old videos and old books and getting excited about teaching it again. Hilarious how things come about.

Another thing, G.A.Y., and acronym for Growing American Youth, an organization for gay people under 21 to gather and socialize and discuss events and things. Something I used to belong to back in 1988-1991. Now they've opened up an Alumni Group on Facebook and seeing all the old faces and reading their names is totally bringing back my youth and giving me vigor that I haven't had in quite a while. Hilarious again.

Hilarious how old stuff can come up and you feel the feelings you felt then, and think about the things that were important to you then and think about them the way you feel about things as you are now, and how interesting it all is.

Wow. But as this is happening I am feeling more and more appreciation and love for the lifestyle I've come into. As a yogi, the impartiality I have towards those things I thought was so important is interesting to observe. And from that place I am able to be excited to see who these people have become now, without worrying that they'll drag me back to that place again. Not that it was a bad place, just that I've moved so far from that place. Or have I?

Maybe all this is to realize you are very much in the same stuff as you were before but how you are dealing with it in your mind now as opposed to then is the real thing. I like that thought.

Yoga

There seems to be a lot going on with traditional ideas vs. tantric ideas these days. In my mind tantric just means that anything is accepted and embraced as a way to connect to divinity, and traditional just has certain ways that they do it.

Why does it matter? Why can't we be both?

This can be seen in the Christians, Hindus, even Sikhs, and etc. I say my stuff is mine, yours is yours. If I happen to embrace an idea that is what would be deemed by some as "traditional" yoga, then thats for me to do and decide upon, right? Vice versa, if there is an idea that some consider "tantric" so what?

I guess the point is, is if it makes me happy and I'm not imposing my belief system (which is ever evolving, mine personally I mean) on you, why are you worried about that? Because its easier to worry about someone elses stuff that taking the time to figure out what it is that you even believe or care about, maybe?

Abraham, as channeled by Esther Hicks, always says if you can figure out what it is that you want and focus on it for long enough, then let go of the results, you will receive it. That is the way the universe works. The problem is that you physical beings don't even know what the hell you want!

I think thats hilarious! We don't, do we? I do, most of the time. But I've done the work to figure out what I want, most of the time (reiterated). Why aren't you doing the work to figure out whats important to you and what direction you want your existence to evolve in? Or are you?

Just throwing that out there . . .

Autumn

With the shifting of the season, I'm feeling and seeing the shifts within myself.

Having trouble getting up with the alarm to do my sadhana, not that I'm not doing it, just having trouble getting up as early as I would like. Having trouble being patient with peoples stuff. We all have stuff, myself included, and usually I am able to deal through the strength of my yoga practice. But when you're having trouble getting up and so are having a less intense session, that makes it harder to be okay with their stuff as they throw it in your face, lol.

I seem to be eating less, so not having trouble going overboard there. I am also craving more hatha yoga, but in the afternoon/evenings instead of morning. So I've been doing kundalini in the morning, hatha in the afternoon, when I can find space for it. Which seems to be a nice combination.

Life is so weird right now, Yogi Bhajan spoke of the speed of the times, everything moving at such a pace, and you can really see it. Also, people who know nothing of the shifts going on are feeling it and telling me about it and asking my advice. Very interesting.

Just needed a short little post to get this outta me! Is everyone else feeling this as well?!?

Sat Inder Singh Khalsa is at the Pageant with . . .

Ok, I'm not really there, but I've seen this posted on Facebook about 52 times tonight. Erasure is there, being the band that the majority of homosexuals in my age group in St Louis danced to nightly as we were coming out.

My life has changed exponentially since those partying, drunken days (see previous posts) but for the first time in my life I felt a little bit of loss. I imagine its from the lack of community which back then was such a huge part of my existence, I guess I could say until a couple years ago it was because I was still going out to bars then, just not drinking so much, just to socialize. But as I got into kundalini yoga more and more and cleaned myself out so much that the smokey environment wasn't possible to be in for me anymore.

Funny how the hatha yoga took me to new places with my body and mind but never spirit, I never felt happy or connected with that practice, the teachings of Yogi Bhajan are what did it, got me to feel my spirit and a connection to it. Now I still practice hatha yoga, vinyasa, or ashtanga, many days a week. But my main practice in the morning is the energizing kriya work taught through Kundalini Yoga.

Why then, now of all times, do I feel the loss of community from that old group? Well, maybe I'm ready for a relationship. Maybe I'm ready for a group of like-minded individuals to live and be around all the time. Maybe . . . I could keep going on. There are many things I could guess at, the truth being I have no fucking clue! lol.

I feel great, have been practicing like crazy this week, which makes me feel even better but just a little bit, I can see myself at the Pageant (my favorite venue to see bands in) and hanging out with all these guys that I haven't seen in forever and some I have, just under different circumstances than I used to. Many still keep in touch via Facebook or meeting for coffee/tea or lunch here and there, so I haven't lost complete touch but I have lost touch--with that being I used to be. I have lots of space now though to fill with new and more wonderful things.

Ok, off here, just a short message. Have a good one!

Sat Inder, yes both, not just Sat, and certainly not Keith . . .

What's in a name? I've had people ask me that, recently. Good friends. Its just a name, why does it matter? Ok, so why does it?

I legally changed my name in March of 2010. Thats why. The name I was given at birth did not resonate with me and felt empty and when I spent winter solstice in Florida with 3HO Sikhs and kundalini yogis calling me Sat Inder the whole 9 days, I felt something from the name. It made sense to me and I liked having that name, which means truth and divine consciousness, be associated with me and my path. I loved it really, so when I got home I changed my Facebook account to read Sat Inder Singh (Khalsa comes later, after one has taken amrit, which I did a few months later).

I have a lot of lazy people in my life, I say lazy, they really probably aren't, but they call me Sat. This infuriates me to no end, not sure why. But when I've introduced myself as Sat Inder, why would the person I've just, barely 5 minutes ago, call me Sat? My fucking name, first name mind you, is a two part name and its Sat Inder!!!

Now I can't disregard the many who do make the effort and say the full Sat Inder, so props to you, you know who you are.

Ok, now Keith has been coming up a lot. Is it because there are leftover things from that personality stuck in my vibration? Probably... but for gods sakes when I just got my most recent Netflix selection, it was addressed to Keith Mitchell, and they have never even known me as that, I registered with them as Sat Inder S. Khalsa! How in the hell did that happen?!?

Its something in me, that keeps drawing the Keith out of them, and you know something? When I hear that name I almost don't even recognize it enough to respond, isn't that weird? Or rather, isn't that cool? I've done so much work and cleaned out the scraps of the personality that did resonate with that name so much that I can't even hear it anymore.

Of course, my family still calls me that, I, to some degree anyway, think this is why I don't have any desire to be around them most of the time. I have no desire to be called that anymore. When I am over there and hear it the whole time from grandma, or mom, or whomever is saying it, I seem to fall into the old patterns of childhood and turn into this vicious, rotten little boy, even though I wasn't that then outwardly, only inwardly. And so, they are upset with me usually, I can't even hardly bring myself to go over there and visit, for the same reason. I feel like that little boy who no longer is this person in control of his emotions and actions, and start to embody it! Good lord, I thought one day I would get past that point. And maybe I have now, I haven't driven over there in over 6 months, maybe after another so many I'll be fine lol.

So, if you're reading this, know this was a release. I am venting in a way, so that my irritation with these things will not have a hold on me anymore. But also know that when I've introduced myself to you, as Sat Inder, yes a two part first name that will take the most miniscule amount of effort from you to say when talking to me (Sikhs go so far as to say Sat Inder Singh, to differentiate that I am a male, since all Sikh names are bisexual, and I'm not asking for that, so chill out), please call me Sat Inder, not just Sat. And if you ask wasn't I known as Keith Mitchell before and I say yes, please don't defer to calling me that, since it is not my name anymore, spiritually or legally. Law insisted that I even get my birth certificate amended, so yes, it is not my name anymore, legally!!!

And don't get upset when I correct you, and say can't I just say Sat? No, please? If I've went to the effort of asking you to say both names, yes both names as in Billy Bob, or Jim Bob, or some hillbilly name that you would in no way separate, please say both names. Whats the big deal?!? Is it because they are not "American" names that are familiar to you? If thats it and you're still my friend, hmmmm, I'll have to think about that one...

Thanks for reading, I appreciate all of you, your friendship in my real life, your following this whether we know each other or not, and who you are in that it shows me contrast so I can determine which direction I want my life to go. Sat Nam!!!

early morning

Well, really, not so early morning as I'm used to! I'm usually up at 4 getting ready for my own personal sadhana. But last night I was up a bit later and for some reason couldn't get up this morning, so I'm up now at 6:04am about to eat some cereal and head to Starbucks. I'll do a little practice later in the day after my thai massage appointment, I'm giving, not receiving lol.

I've been strong in my practices lately and have been adding back in hatha yoga, in particular ashtanga sequences, again. Last night was my third hatha practice this week, at the park led by my friend Josh.

Its been feeling great and I believe its creeping back in because its colder, all of a sudden, and I'm feeling the time to go within for the fall/winter season is upcoming and so the more physical aspect of yoga is beckoning so that when I am in, I'm not completely sedentary, and maybe a few other things I can't put my finger on just yet, or maybe I can but just not verbalize them well yet. I also just read a book by a lady who studied with Walt Baptiste, Baron Baptiste's father, who taught a very intense lifestyle and many ideas that are similar to my Sikh/kundalini yogi lifestyle, and so it resonated that the physical is not to be completely forgone. Not that that is what I was doing, since the kriyas I do use my physical being, quite intensely actually, it just isn't the focus as with hatha yoga.

So, it is what it is. I am enjoying it for now, we'll see how long it lasts, but I'm enjoying the way my body feels with a more physical practice to compliment the deeper spiritual practice of kriya. I like it.

This weather is amazing and I have discovered that I almost don't think I can take the heat anymore, since it got cold, or colder, my peace and happiness is easier to maintain. This is a major reason to go to LA. Other things there as well, teaching to a major amount of people, getting to dive deeper into a sangat than I've ever experienced, and many other things. But a large part, the weather. Its cooler there, there are hills or mountains there, and there is the ocean there. There are many Sikhs and kundalini yogis, to support me staying on my path or even when I'm not so much, and there are friends there. Most of all, there is opportunity.

Opportunity. Hmmm, I've never been one who cared about that, but now I am interested to see how far I can take this stuff. This teaching stuff. What sort of changes can I make in a place where everyone is looking for change, embracing it almost. Here I have made a mark and get a lot of feedback, but there, where its a way of life to grow and evolve daily, god, I can't even imagine the bigness of it...

I think its time, I think I've made my peace with it, and I think I'm going to do it. Remind me of this when you read the blog that says I'm not going anywhere, will you please?!? lol

Sat Nam jis, get out there and enjoy this weather! And life!

End of August . . .

Wow, its been a while since I last wrote. I was gone three weeks in June for the 3HO Summer Solstice celebration, and when I got back I went straight into moving and just got my internet back on, just now! So yay!!!

The summer solstice event was amazing, my heart opened in ways I never thought it would, I fell in love, sort of with a fellow kundalini yogi, he however did not lol. Not to matter, I still enjoyed the feeling of the emotions whether they were reciprocated or not. And when I got home the move flowed smoothly and I made lots of money as soon as I got here, mostly because I was so open and allowing of the flow of things. I soon fell back into the murky water though, but am working on allowing the flow to happen again and its happening, slowly lol.

So, now I have these ideas of moving and a friend who is really trying to talk me into moving to LA. I'm in love with the idea of being in California, just not necessarily LA. But they have a huge yoga scene, especially a huge kundalini yoga scene, which is ideal and makes me happy to think about. So that could be a great option. The only problem is I won't have income once I'm there for a bit, but I'll have to talk to her about that.

I've also got reservations because things are going so well for me here now, finally. There is a restaurant, Pura Vegan, that is going to have a yoga studio as part of it. I'm getting to know the person running it and she is very supportive and becoming a great friend, so I will be teaching there on Fridays for Happy Hour yoga, kundalini! Just another of the many great opportunities opening up to me here.

So who knows what to do, I need to just meditate, get out of my own way and allow it to unfold the way it will, and so I will. Just right now I've got a lot coming up and so I'm thinking waaayyyy too much lol.

Off to meditate, then lunch. Have an amazing day! Its gorgeous here finally!

No title necessary

So, yesterday I turned 41. Not a big deal as far as birthdays goes, it was a low key day mostly. I chilled at Starbucks with a frappacino for a bit, I did some shopping at Target and Whole Foods, I went to a pool party and then to a dinner I had organized for my birthday at Ranoush.

The pool party was interesting, it was gay men, too much smoking going on and lots of drinking. Neither of which interest me anymore. Had a great conversation with a local news weatherman and his friend, whom I ended up finding myself attracted to, the friend, not the weatherman, although the weatherman is a hottie too. I didn't stay long because of the dinner party I had already planned, so I had dinner at my favorite restaurant with a few of my favorite people, very nice.

Sunday my sister, her husband and kids and our mom came over to let my nephew play at the drum circle and we went to dinner for my birthday then too. It was nice as well. Lots of nice going on. I keep expecting big booms of things happening because I feel them heading my way, but they aren't ready to appear just yet.

I am moving from the house I've lived in with a couple for over 3 years now, into a little apartment of my own that will be cheaper than living with them. Thats bothered me today, after I wrote them the email I found myself feeling sad about it, but that will pass. Its also a big change for me.

Just before the move I'll be in New Mexico for 2.5 weeks at summer solstice with many kundalooneys and Sikhs, managing the luggage team for the event. That alone is a big boom to me. I've never once in my life taken responsibility, on purpose, and here I am going to manage something?!? Something is for sure wrong with me, I can't have grown up all of a sudden in the past year. Going thru the kundalini certification course, taking amrit and this last white tantric, all, must've had a more profound effect on me than I'd had any clue about.

The thing that is most surprising to me is that I'm not afraid of any of these changes that are coming, they almost don't even register on my radar! What is that about? Is this neutral mind? I wonder, hmmmm...

I should be in bed, I'm sleepy, I'm not in the mood to read or be on this computer, at all, but I just felt like writing on here, not in my journal. I really dislike writing in a journal anyway, but every so often I feel compelled to, for some reason.

So, I think I'm off here for now, I'm hoping you all are having amazing adventures, as I believe life is supposed to be just that, a neverending series of adventures, embraced and held in no attached way. Just experienced. We're here in a body, whether for the millionth time, or the first, to have experiences. To have experiences that we can't have as spirit, with more intensity than is in spirit, because the contrast is so intense. I'm sure everything in spirit form is intense so the contrast is lessened, but no, not here! lol

Have a lovely sleep tonight those who read this, if there even is still anyone who reads it. It doesn't matter if there is or not to me, its just that I think maybe its more cathartic if someone else is still? Who knows!

Sat nam!!!

White tantric yoga

I've just come back from Chicago, having done my 10th white tantric yoga day. This one was different because it was part of the completion of my kundalini yoga teacher training, and many of my fellow trainees, whom I've grown very close to, were there as well.

Ramgeet Kaur and her husband Adam is who I rode up there and home with, and we went early and had the whole day Friday to tool around town. What a lovely day! We even got full sunshine, which was not predicted. And she had never been there before, so it was a treat to see her excitement at so many of the things of the "big city" lol. She and her husband share a unique perspective of life and the world that I appreciated so much getting an insight into. Two of the most lovely people.

The tantric itself was the most subtle one I've been to, and the most powerful. I feel it so strongly that I almost can't explain it to others, but also I think the circumstances of the people who were there with me added to it. Also, doing all the work I've done during the training and since and having taken amrit at summer solstice and this being my first tantric since then, probably added to it as well.

I met some people I've only met online on Facebook, in person finally, I saw many old friends in the Dharma, even made some new friends that I will for sure keep in touch with.

A large part of the magic of the weekend is the fact that I stayed with Dukh Niwaran and her partner, two of the loveliest of people and my friend Dharamjodh stayed there as well and we got to connect before he moves to Holland to be with his husband again. It was a great time of conversation and connection and the four of us doing sadhana together, that I just can't put into words. It was magic and I love Chicago! Dukh Niwaran posed the need for me to move there, which was something I really wanted in my early twenties, for completely different reasons (great gay scene and partying prospects! lol). Maybe its now in the running, hmmmmm....

There is so much change going on in me and in my life that I don't want to say I'm going here, I just want the universe to show me, guide me where to move and feel it in my heart, then go there. Its exciting this change, this shift. I'm loving it and find the prospect a grand adventure!

Lets see where this takes me, this new perspective . . .

Spring 2011

So, I haven't written in a while. I've been violently ill this week, for many different reasons, not that I really want to get into it, but I may later on down the line.

Tomorrow I go to Kansas City for the last weekend of my kundalinig yoga teacher training. The level 1 part of the program anyway. It will be bittersweet since we've all become so close to one another, or most of us anyway but I know we'll all stay in touch and keep working with one another on many projects and such, a couple are even going to summer solstice and on the same missal as I am. And we all, or most of us anyway, are going to Chicago on April 30th for the white tantric yoga up there, which will complete my certification.

I have decided to start a two weekend level 2 course, Authentic Relationships. The following weekend lol, I know, but its an opportunity and the second weekend isn't until the middle of May, so it will be good I think and relationships is something I can use input on, relating at anothers level, not just mine, specifically. All good, I'm excited.

I just yesterday was able to eat food again, or more food than just a couple spoonfuls of rice, rough week, and today when dinnertime came around I went to Local Harvest, which for some reason hasn't even crossed my mind since last fall! A great menu tonight and on the way home I drove through Tower Grove Park, which neighbors it, to see everything in bloom. Its lovely and as I enter the park and see it all, it stirs up that energy that one feels around their sexual organs when they're horny, I was like why, what, IDK?!?

But it dawned on me completely, finally, the second chakra energy, the energy of our sex organs, the energy of creativity, the ... aha! Duh, dumbass. You've been studying this shit for years and are just now putting it together?!? Good lord. Well, I know, but yes I am. I always thought that driving in parks made me horny because I love nature, it turns me on, but no it just stimulates the same energy of creativity in my that being arouses sexually does. Now I know, years of gay men cruising and having sex in parks has not been handed down to me orientationally lol, its just that maybe they experienced the same thing, years ago were in hiding, and being aroused took care of it in the park where others were. But not a necessary thing.

Possibly I feel it so intensely because I have creativity thats not being expressed, so the energy isn't flowing as fully as it could. Of course, since I do sat kriya daily now it does flow much more than it did. I also am getting larger kundalini yoga classes than before and am getting the opportunity to be more creative with them, and am, so its being expressed lately.

Odd that today the realization comes to me. Not odd I guess. Its the year that the Age of Aquarius comes fully into fruition, finally. The year of change and shifting of everything as we know it, notice the movements in the earths tectonic plates, the ocean, the ice melting, the winter we had this year which I haven't seen one like since I was a teenager, things like that. Things also like peoples attitudes, the amount of love you feel from some, and the amount of dislike from others. The amount of interest in things esoteric, or mystical is bigger than ever before. Many things are shifting and changing, lots of souls leaving their bodies, bodies which most likely aren't prepared for the energy of this time and need to leave.

Part of the reason I am so strong on kundalini yoga, it helps strengthen the nervous system, the radiance, the aura, everything angelic about a human in this time where we need to balance our humanity and higher self more than ever, because the gates are open, we are receiving and now you see those who are not able to receive much more clearly, the aggitation, the caffeine intake, the frustration, the phone usage while driving and then irritation at others silly driving, stuff like that, you know what I mean?

Oh well, its just nice to get a correllation between things the way I did this evening. It happens, but right now, in this time of required attention and the work I've done over the past 6 months within myself through this training and the connections I've made around it and through it and because of it are all coming to fruition in my consciousness, I'm seeing the results. I love that!

Sat nam

Well, here I sit, finally a little time to do so, very nice. I'm teaching more kundalini yoga these days, and loving it. Even finding it super fulfilling even when I have only a couple students, because afterwards you see it in their eyes and thats why you do it!

I always worried about numbers, numbers, numbers and thats not something that concerns me, and a very wise friend told me yesterday. Do what you love and that part will take care of itself. So, how does a well established hatha yoga teacher turn around and change into a kundalini teacher?!? I guess one class at a time. Which I'm doing, slowly. There are some studios its just not taking off at and thats ok, I will focus on the ones that it does work at.

I also am almost done with my training and will be certified by the end of April. Very nice, I told myself at that time I would through it out to the universe to tell me where I am to move. Yes, I need to move, I think its time. I have an option to move to Kansas City and help them run the Sikh Dharma/Kundalini Yoga ashram, but not sure if thats the right move, but it could be a first step! I also just fielded an offer to move to Japan to teach Kundalini Yoga and Hatha Yoga and do thai massage at a retreat center, hmmm. That sounds awesome but not sure if I want to go that far to start off with! lol

I assume the skies the limit. I can go anywhere I want really, can't I? Who can stop me? I know people who travel all over the world penniless, why can I not do that? Well, I intend to do it, just not penniless! lol

I also intend a great many other things, but won't be sharing them all here and now. Summer solstice being one of them. I missed winter solstice and am by no means missing summer, even though the high desert is not my favorite place to be, but oh well. I also need to go because there's an Ecuadorian Sikh who will be coming so we can meet. He has a crush on me! lol, which is cool, we will see how that goes as well.

Ok, change my whole life, including the style of yoga I teach, possibly move, maybe get into a relationship . . . etc. What an awesome fucking year!!! lol

Since last fall this teacher training has change me internally and brought up so much stuff for me to look at about myself, that it only makes sense that everything external should follow. So I'm going to embrace it, let it flow, let everything be and grow with it!

Love to all, light to all, peace to all. Sat Nam

Lots . . .

Well, thought I had lots to say. Sat down all inspired, now . . .

I got nothin!

Have a great week

Teacher Training

This past weekend was another training weekend, only 4 more left and a white tantric to attend in Chicago and I'll be a certified kundalini yoga teacher!

I've broken through a block of some sort. I was in dire straits financially, still am not completely in the red yet but I'm feeling better. I wasn't even going to be able to make it to the weekend in Kansas City due to being so low in funds. My friend whom is taking the course as well bought me a train ticket and so I rode with her there, on the train. I love having my car, so it was a lesson in detachment, and I felt good about it all weekend and appreciative of her for helping me out when I needed it.

We learned the gong this weekend. I think I was overstimulated for sure on Saturday from everyone playing it all at once and then Sunday I woke up and felt clear and passionate about this work again, wanting a gong as well, of course, but about the yoga. After having had a month off of training (we initially were going every other weekend and then had a wee break during the holidays and heaviest winter month) I didn't want to go back and was irritated that I had to. I was tired of doing all this inner work and blah, blah, blah...etc. So now I see more clearly and feel more acutely the energetics of what we're working at after this weekend and I'm even enjoying the homework, which consists of banging my elbows into my own ribcage, to stimulate the 7th rib which encases a meridian that contacts the creativity of life, but wow! I'm loving it and am able to do it the full time of 22 minutes. Craziness.

I feel better teaching this stuff even and having that attitude, the universe is providing me more students in each class to enjoy it with me and receive the benefits of it. I think more clearly even, especially after the rib banging, but most of all with the 40 day meditation I'm doing (look up Sat Kartar, or kriya for opening the heart with that mantra) I actually feel my heart opening. Literally and figuratively, energetically, all of it. I'm feeling more compassion and love for everyone around me while at the same time able to be more succinct in my delivery of the teachings, and in my regular conversations!

Well, maybe I've never been one known to have "regular" conversations, but you get what I mean I hope.

Life is awesome. I'm holding myself in the vibration of abundance as well, and feel it coming to me. I am abundant, in friendships, in love in my life, in ability to connect with folks easily, I seem to be able to make it through every time I've found myself low in finances and get what I need to survive. I feel the blessings of my life now, in a more acute way.

I feel is the biggest thing, I feel. I feel everything, the breath of every being in close proximity, the openness of their hearts, the stimulation of their skin as the fabric runs across it, mine as well, just everything!

Okay, I want to just keep gushing but I'm off to teach another kundalini class in a bit. I have 4 now and they are all awesome, each in its own way.

Have an awesome week, and take note of the blessings in your life. If just for a moment each day, feel the appreciation for each thing, let the sensation well up inside you until you're ready to burst and then go out and live your day. It will bring you the greatest things!!!

Sat Nam . . .

Winter

Well, on winter solstice I had the most awful, violent upheavals. Vomit and diarrhea. I know, I know. I thought it was from food poisoning, mostly because there was a definitive end to it, but there was more going on.

I had been angry and uptight, upset and crabby for a few weeks before, having lots of energetic upheaval from the previous couple of training weekends stirring up emotional stuff. So that day I was primed for a major release and according to my friend who is into vedic astrology, that was the day it happened on for everyone. A full moon, solstice and a lunar eclipse all on the same day!

So, I had been nervous about Friday, which was Christmas eve, because of family and all that. The release I had from the physical affected me on a deeper level somehow. I let go of all of the ideas I had about what would happen. Went to my mothers early, thoroughly enjoyed her and she enjoyed me and then spent the evening with dad and all went well there too.

So, since then I've had some major turnabouts in my disposition. I've felt better, happier, more energetic, even more wise (if thats possible lol) and have enjoyed teaching more than I ever have before.

The kundalini teacher training has made me a better hatha yoga teacher and in my excitement to teach even hatha yoga, my students have responded better to my teaching and I'm relating better to them and feeling the joy of the relationship between them and themselves on a deeper level, between me and their deeper selves and all sorts of stuff! lol

This year feels great to me, even though we have 10 inches of snow today, even though its been overcast for days. I'm teaching more kundalini classes than ever and getting an awesome response and my hatha classes are better attended. Its all yoga, so from now on I'll just say my yoga classes, all inclusive!

I feel like I'm rambling but I also feel like I have so much more to say but my roommate is sitting here and keeps talking to me so I'm distracted. Maybe more later. Sat nam!!!

New Year

Usually the new year means not so much to me, every day really being an opportunity for a new beginning, as I see it.

THis year feels different though. In the teachings of Yogi Bhajan the Age of Aquarius comes in fully on NOvember 1st of this year, so 11-1-11 and today is 1-1-11, similar huh? And so, also in the teachings, this year is going to be the year of sooo much going on, things coming into our consciousness at full speed, all the time. The weather going haywire (ring a bell? Umm, 65 degrees and tornadoes yesterday, today back to the usual 20s and 30s?). People seeming to go haywire too? Maybe, but I perceived, as I sat this morning at Starbucks, that everyone was in an amazing mood and full of joy. And who cares if that was just my perception, its a good one to have!

I seem to all of a sudden be teaching 4 kundalini yoga classes at studios, starting in a couple weeks, after having none but the one at my house for donations. So the teachings are being required, more and more, and I have a full schedule of hatha yoga classes, or rather my take on hatha lol, as well as two more traditional classes of ashtanga vinyasa yoga, so prosperity is in route! FInancial prosperity anyway, I already have much in my life to be in appreciation of--friends, family and self discipline among them.

So, in a short bit I am off to teach the kick off the year class at Southtown Yoga, which should be packed and a lot of fun. Great students there and my intent is to get some pranayama going and throw lots of stuff in there that will keep them on their toes, get their nervous systems prepared for the times that are here now, no longer just coming, but here. We have to be on top of it!

I feel amazing and as if I'm drawing to me all the things I've been wanting and being in appreciation of the things that are already here. This journey is a marvelous one, even during the times like two weeks ago when my sacrum popped out of place and made my consciousness have to go to a new place to relax it enough so it went back it and then the following week I had the most violent food poisoning I've ever had.

Those violent expulsions from my physical apparatus also felt like an energetic cleansing, getting absolutely every bit of ick out of every little corner, literally and figuratively, so that I can build a much more joyous and loving structure in its place and this time, not a structure that is set, that is solid, but one that is maleable and open to the evolution that will be and is required of it right now and in the coming weeks, months, even years. It feels wonderful to feel this and to be conscious of the feeling of it, even more so.

So, whats on tap for you all?