Sunday...

Lately I've been finding out what people in this town think of me. Oddly enough I don't have a lot of opinions about their opinions of me.

There are a lot of really good, authentic people in my life. For that I am grateful. I was raised by a good group of folks who are about as real as you can get and don't really realise that most people are not. They have buried themselves far beneath a mound of crap that they've told themselves are real for their entire lives. In being someone who was raised like this, of course I escaped into a world of altered reality that I'd mostly created in my mind, some of it came from comic books, many ideas came from scifi novels I'd read from time to time, some even came from other sources that led me towards the spiritual quest I've been on most of my life.

I've been practicing for a long time too. Not long by some standards, but 16 years is not a short time by any sense of the imagination. And when I say I've been practicing I mean not just the asanas, although that has been a big part of it. But I dug into Hinduism and many of the philosophy systems of the east almost as soon as I dug into the asana practice. And I owe a lot to the asana so I'm not belittling them, as Iyengar always said he'd used them to make himself healthy, how can one think of God when they don't even have their own health? And they've helped heal my back and made my nervous system stronger so that now I can focus on the connection to God I was always interested in as a young boy.

I was raised Baptist and in that connected very deeply to Jesus and his direct teachings. Not necessarily much else the bible introduced but I remember when I first read about the philosophy behind yoga I thought it reminded me much of what Jesus taught. That segwayed into many other spiritual paths, that all end up being my one spiritual path that has lead me to where I am today.

So when I say I've been practicing it's been the asanas, trying to enact the yamas and the niyamas in my life, in my very being, trying to study the mythology behind the Hindu gods, studying Buddhism, studying Kabbalah, learning Sanskrit, reading the texts in Sanskrit, then relearning Sanskrit after not using it for many years, now on my trips to Mysore I've been learning to chant in Sanskrit properly, learning the yoga sutras, all four padas. I've meditated, I've chanted kirtans, I've worshipped with Hare Krishnas. I've not tried it all yet, but I'm in a place where I'm feeling good with myself finally, so I may not need to try anything more. Although I'm open to it if and when it comes up in the future. I'm a big knower of the fact that you never find just the one thing that will keep you growing and moving forward in life for the rest of your life. You've found what works for now, and then it will need adjusted, and then again, and then again. I've done this many, many times.

And now I'm focused mostly on worshipping in the way Hindus worship their deities, and have incorporated that into my schedule and am getting more out of it than I have anything since I became Wiccan back in 1989.

In the past as I was changed and shifting and growing, or thought I was, I would talk a lot of smack about people who I'd perceived had "done me wrong." I never even realised it as it was happening, but now I do and have heard about some of the smack I've talked in the past, very recently in fact. For that I am truly sorry. I can only imagine I was at a level of consciousness at that time that didn't see that I was doing that. When I shifted in India on this last trip and since I've been home I keep feeling the shift happening, I noticed that I do that and then was able to start catching myself before I got too deep into it and stop or shift my focus to a more positive angle and focus on the aspects of that person that I can appreciate.

So like me or not, have you taken a moment to see if you like me or dislike me for who I am right now? Or are you hanging on to an idea of me from the past? Maybe take a look at yourself and see if these are qualities you find you dislike within yourself as well. That's often been the case with me, and with many I know.

Now mind you, I love you, but I don't give a rip what you think of me. I'm finally to a place in life where I like myself, I love myself, and when you get to that place you can see love for others more easily. Like is not as easy I think because it requires that you are very present in someones life, and them in yours to see if you agree with the way they are and the way they think, really with who they are as a person. And them you. So like I don't say as often. That may seem backwards to you, but it makes sense to me. So if I like, and am trying to get in touch to arrange us spending time together, then you need to know that that is something special. And vice versa, if I know you like me I appreciate that and will try to cultivate more within that relationship.

Do you love easily? Do you like easily? How do you feel about yourself? Can you look in the mirror and say into your own eyes "I love you?" Do you like yourself enough to do the same with the word like instead of love? How do you feel in general on a daily basis? Can you change that? And yes, even if its good, it can be better.

Just some food for thought...