Self expression

So, I'm driving in my car just a few moments ago listening to Grace Jones' last album, Hurricane, it came out in Europe in 2009 and here in 2011. I bought it from amazon on a whim and damn, I've been listening to it for over a year now. But after seeing her again recently on a couple of youtube videos that show her performing as a now 67 year old woman, who is still vibrant, in shape and as expressive as ever (those who grew up in the 70's and 80's will remember her visual form of expression well, as well as her interesting vocals, or songs if you prefer), it made me pull her album back out and give it another listen.

I must preface this by saying that a friend of mine and I went to see Abraham last weekend, or rather see Esther Hicks channel Abraham and the energy in the room was awesome and something that I was holding inside broke loose and now I feel more free than I ever have. Vibrant and happy and seeking expression in many, many different ways. But I digress...

So, the first line of the first song on the album, the song is called This Is Life..., is "this is my voice, my weapon of choice." Brilliant. She does use visuals for sure, but if you listen to this album, hell, if you listen to the lyrics on all of her albums they are groundbreaking. She expresses her opinions very clearly and very well and very artisticly. This I believe is something that all of us need to do, figure out what our medium is and use it to bring out the stuff we have inside. Which brings to mind my favorite quote from the Gnostic Gospel of Thomas, attributed to being said by Jesus,

If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.

I love that. It tells it straight forward. Now, it also can scare the fuck out of you right? So basically its saying if you don't express yourself that stuff you're holding back will kill you from the inside out! Scary as hell. But it can also be a big kick to dig in deep, figure out what's in there and let it start to boil to the surface and find a form of expression that satisfies it, which is the way I'm choosing to look at it.

So, I'm driving, listening to Grace, with all this energy flowing through me and wondering, hmmm, she uses her voice to express herself, and very much as equally uses costumes to accentuate her appearance and other forms of physical and visual expression, including hula hooping while wearing fully vinyl outfit and 6 inch heels and singing "Slave to the Rhythm" and all the while being 67. So what in the fuck in my form of self expression? What rings my bells?

I have to say first of all, interacting with others. I love to talk to people, see what makes them tick and blend it with my views on life and see what concoction comes out of it. First and foremost that is my choice of expression. What else?

Well, I love to teach. Teaching, especially lately with this great core group of students I have and this new group of other teachers coming in to try out Ashtanga, I've been more inspired than ever to teach it more and more. But even more so to practice and give it more of my energy. Practicing also moves more and more energy through my body which in turn also feeds my need for expression but also feeds the creativity of what wants to come out of me, and it seems to want it more often. This week especially, I assume after being in the presence of Abraham last Saturday, I'm so, so inspired and full of energy that I almost can't stand myself, but then I channel it and find more energy on top of that, crazy.

But also, I love to write. When I was a child I used to draw. I would draw new characters, characters based on comic book heroes I loved, but also my own creations and I would give them interesting suits or outfits and hairdos, then I would color it in. It was very fulfilling to me, but I also made up storylines and where they were going, how they dealt with situations and what happened to them was almost, if not more, interesting to me to come up with. But I also read books voraciously. I couldn't stop. I still to this day love to read, fiction and non-fiction, as long as its well written. I love it. So one day I took up writing this blog and found it interesting how I felt afterwards. Like I'd let go of some crap that wasn't serving me anymore. Then I got a lot of responses after writing maybe ten or so blog entries and it dawned on me, oh, people are actually reading this. I also discovered that it was so cathartic to have it be read by folks I didn't even know and that they were identifying with it. Then I got the bug, so I would write a lot.

Lately I've not been writing as much. I've been really trying to figure out how my last trip to Mysore affected me and what wants to come of the ideas I've got coming up. So the starting of the Mysore program here is only the beginning of that expression, there is more to come after this upcoming trip.

This week I found myself writing long statuses on Facebook, both on my yoga page and my personal page, which made me realize that I've been missing the writing as a form of expression. So while driving tonight this blog entry started to formulate in my mind and I was taking a walk at the park so had to get in the car and rush home to write this. There might even be more wanting to come out, I'll see if another entry comes up tomorrow. But I do think that I'm going to have to make writing more of a priority, it does really fulfill me and help me keep stuff from getting all backed up inside. Once it backs up enough it starts to manifest physically as a tight spot, or muscle issue, or spinal problem or a headache, so I need to keep it flowing.

This is my public commitment to keep flowing the energy, allowing it expression through my teaching, through my voice (and yes, I'd love to sing too if you wanna give me a try) and through my writing. Maybe I'll even write a book. I could start it while I'm in Mysore again. I always doubt anyone would read it but I have a lot of stories people love to hear like my upbringing and discovering spirituality, rather than Christianity, through Shirley MacLaine's books. Then after moving out of the house partying all the time, becoming a Wiccan, performing in drag for almost a year, partying some more, finding myself to have a sexual addiction which manifested in many different ways for well over fifteen years, finding yoga while working in the corporate world, becoming a Sikh in the middle of America where most are provincial and fundamentalist Christians, walking around publicly wearing a turban after 911 and everyone thinking I was going to blow them up, going to India and meeting people from all over the globe.... These are just to name a few, so maybe I have some content to fill up a book with.

Do you have a form of self expression? Are you feeling blocked and/or backed up and like there are things needing to come out or else they will destroy you from the inside out? Remember, it's your choice to feel this way. You can choose to start to seek ways to allow this stuff to flow out from you. Go look at art, listen to a singer at a pub or coffeehouse, read a book you might never have thought about before, or just sit down and write something, anything, to get the juices flowing.

We all have things that light us up, that turn our cranks, that really get us feeling alive. Do you figure out what they are and allow them to the surface, or keep them locked away to eventually kill you of some disease? I saw let them free, get it moving now, don't waste another minute.

The energy on this planet, in this universe, is flowing at a faster rate than ever. Are you up to speed with it or not???