Conference

Saturday mornings at the KPJAYI shala Sharath does a conference, this is what Guruji used to do in his living room daily many years again when there were few students, so Sharath has organized it to be once a week and there are so many students now, daily would be very hard.

To me, although I love this practice, the physical asana aspect of it, and the philosophical aspect of the 8 limbs, this conference is my favorite part of each week. It gives us some inspiration in which to live our life by and of which to practice wiht in our hearts.

Today though, he outdid himself. He began the talk with a few quotes from the Hatha Yoga Pradapika and then expounded upon them, this part was good but didn't stick as much as the aspects that caused me to want to write this.

When he began talking about going to a temple here or to a church back home and it being an external thing that we go to only when we need help or something is wrong, then he switched to discussing building the temple inside (tapping his heart) and when you build that temple with a strong foundation that you don't even need to go to a temple. He even went on to explain how they never went to temple as children, growing up with Guruji who would chant his pujas at home and created such a sacred space that they never felt any need to go very often.

This led him to talk about how you practice and build energy in that space, and over time, years and years that energy is the foundation and you teach in the same space for years and years, not traveling around very much so that you are setting the energetic foundation of the practice in the space, and in the hearts of the students. This really resonated with me. I always think I want to travel and teach that way, but he even went so far as to say that teachers who travel all the time are not good teachers, because they are not building this for their students. I know that I love when I've had a realization and taught it to someone, when they have their own aha moment with it and come to me or message me about how it's changed their practice or their life, that is most fulfilling part of being a teacher to me. This is most fulfilling part of practicing to me too, when all the work you've done comes to fruition in one of those aha moments and everything seems different, so nice.

But even more than these things someone asked a question and I don't remember it specifically but he mentioned when you're arguing or starting a debate or something like this, to not get dragged into it, just sing a song. He looked for this Indian student to sing a Bollywood song but couldn't find her in the crowd (it's the end of the month so many are leaving, and new ones will be coming in), so he sang a line of a song, then told it's meaning, it was about this awakening happening within me and how you wanted to share it with the whole world, but then he sang another line and another, he ended up singing the whole song so beautifully and we all clapped when he was done. His heart was so open and brave to share himself like that with us, but he says you must teach from the heart and lead by example, and so he does just that.

I'm crying again writing about it, it was the most beautiful moment. I cried there at the conference as it was happening. My heart feels so full right now.

He even taught us a pranayama technique that is good for calming and de-stressing yourself, he showed us, but he also lead us all through it and had us do it together again at the end of the conference.

I feel like the only place I could be right now is here, this experience is the one I'm supposed to be having right now and I'm meant to allow my heart to open up and lead me home to keep building on the foundation I began when I started teaching over a decade ago. After my first trip I came home so inspired that I started a new Mysore class and that class quickly became my most attended class, and I believe it's because that is where my heart lies, within teaching this method in it's traditional manner and when you follow your heart and teach from there, it always works out.

So everyone back home, please know that I'm filling my tank and when it's time to come home I will be doing so with a vengeance. This stuff is what I'm meant to be doing, and I can only want to share it with you so much more even than before. Be ready!!!

Oh my aching back...

So, I've been having trouble with my back again. It happened last time as well, but it was different. This time it's been pretty intense but I had a friend work on my fascia and it loosened things up and felt better for practice on Thursday, then today I was awakened in the middle of the night by a screeching monkey (I think there's a trouble making one or a crazy one that lives around here because they are usually quiet and this one keeps causing trouble with the others and wakes me up in the process, three nights now since I moved into this place) and was unable to get back to sleep right away so when my alarm woke me up for the led class this morning (and yes I was going to go, my back had been feeling better) I remember it going off and hitting the snooze, but at some point must have turned it off and so slept in until 7, too late to get to the class. So, from sleeping so long it was achey again and I went to have an Ayurvedic oil massage and steam box, which helped me a lot last time. It also just helped me again, although now I feel drugged and am staying in for the evening instead of going to the Green Hotel with friends.

Anyhow, I'm here to practice with my teacher and so get irritated when things like this happen, we have two days off this weekend in a row, so today would've been my last time until Monday. But since I had today off I'll practice Sunday and that'll give me a chance to dig in and see how the body is feeling before the quicker paced led class with Sharath on Monday, so it all works out for the best.

So, the massage. Last time I was here earlier this year I'd read an authorized teachers blog about her boyfriend going through this Ayurvedic consultation and all that, about his experience with pancha karma and oil massage and the steam box and knew that I had to try it, so I found a place right near the shala to do it and found out that it was amazing and I did it three times while I was here. So this time after I remembered how much it helped me last time booked an appointment and went. The realization, booking and massage all happened today btw lol...

You come in and take off your clothes, three young men are there and one of them ties the smallest little gauze string around your waist and then over your parts and between your legs then up the crack, front and back hooking under the string around your waist. This thing really covers nothing, so I'm not sure why the bother but I'm sure a big part of it is there idea of decency and such, they are very strict and a bit uptight about covering yourself here. Anyhow, so then they sit you down and pour oil on your head, rubbing it in and all around your scalp, neck, shoulders, chest and face, for quite a long time. I find this to be almost the best part of the massage. it feels very nurturing and like you're really doing something to take care of yourself, it's lovely, then they lay you on a wooden table and put cushy pads under your joints and two of the young men (there are ladies if your are female) begin to apply oil and then in deep, sweeping motions rub the oil into your body. Deep meaning deep, they rub and rub and rub and rub and rub and rub (get the picture?) in swirling, very specific, repetitive movements for a long time, on your belly, chest and arms then the legs and feet, then over again in the same pattern. They lift your limbs and rub and rub and rub it into your armpits, your joints, your fingers and toes and keep rubbing and rubbing, really sweeping and sweeping, but deeply, is the better term. They then turn you over and do it again on the back of your body, systematically, legs and buttocks, arms and back, neck and head even more, more legs and buttocks, arms and back. It's for an hour and a half that this goes on. All this motion done in specific way to move the energy towards your heart and swirl your heart energy and open it up, but it also makes you feel dreamy and as if you're not human anymore and/or not of this world at all. It's completely consuming. Then they stick you in a steam box with your head sticking out of a hole and wrap the hole with a towel around your neck so that the steam stays in the box and bake you for a good long time, 20 minutes at least but its timed by how much sweat they see pouring from your face. I personally know the rubbing and the specific oils they use are great and loosen up any tension, but believe it's this steamy part of the process that really gets the oil into your pores and into you your joints, into your muscles and releases everything. It may be the most import part of the process, is what I'm trying to say.

So, I leave after they attempt to towel all the oil off, leaving your clothing smelling like sesame oil and drippy, to walk back out into India, but when seeing it form this dreamy state, it is wonderful and seems to be like watching a movie. Today, even though I was all oily, I walked to Sri Durga for a dosa and chai and then home. Knowing that if I went home to shower first I'd not be getting back out and would be hungry, so took care of it before.

Then home and showered I'm ready to stay in and relax, but end up chatting and writing this before reading and chilling out.

Sharath talked a lot last conference about only using these things as tools when they were needed, if the asana practice wasn't doing the healing, then you turn to Ayurveda to heal any problems, so that's what I did. The asana practice here is just more intense than at home and possibly because someone I respect as a teacher is watching me and I'm "trying" harder, but also because the energy in that room is just bigger and faster and stronger than me at home on my own. So in being more intense it just takes me deeper, physically, mentally and energetically, than otherwise would be and so this little bit of love was needed. I feel great and will practice Sunday, since technically I'll have had my two days off today and tomorrow, and see how it goes and if more is needed, but I have faith that all this will work itself out and I'll get further into the process of yoga, not just asana, but yoga, here this time than last time even.

That's why I wanted to be here longer this time, to go deeper and to let this thing I call me unravel and really see what I'm made of. To learn to surrender and let go even more deeply than before and see what sort of growth and expansion come as a result.

I love this place more than I thought I would, it makes me happy being here. I love this hard ass asana practice much more than I ever did before and I love all the people here I'm having experiences with, including Sharath, and am ready for more!

P.S. If you get a chance, read this blog, http://spaciousyoga.com/new-chapter-reflections-mysore-6-weeks/. This fellow much like me has been practicing for many years and yet has just decided to come here and study with Sharath and is having much the same experience that I am, it's quite inspiring and makes me even more glad that I've started coming.

Day off

I've never been so thankful for a day off in my life, mostly because my back is having some weird issues, most of which I believe is energetic (and also happened on my last trip), just working through the opening of the nadis, but someone else mentioned he believes its my fascia all twisted up. Either way, I was very happy this morning to sleep in and have no set schedule for the day. My day off of work at home doesn't typically coincide with my day off from my yoga practice, so often on the day I'm not practicing I'm still teaching at the park and a private lesson or two, or a workshop, so it's nice here to have a full day off where I only need do what I choose to do.

Typical day off for an Ashtangi means a castor oil bath, rubbing the body down with castor oil, allowing it to soak in and relax the muscles, pull "heat" out of the body (and if you're a pitta dosha this is a complete must, and yes, it does work) and to just make you feel a little high lol, much more relaxed than normal and very content. So that's what I did after some pranayama and chanting to begin with.

Then I walked up to Khushi for lunch where I thought I'd hang out and read for a bit, but it wasn't the place for me this morning, so back home I am to write this before settling in to read and head back out a bit later for lunch at Anima Madhva Bhavan, my favorite place to eat here. On the way home I stopped at the Green House, a house a few up from the shala and from Sharath's new home, owned by Pavithra, a lovely Jain man who practices with us and knows a lot about Ayurvedic health and has the best incense and statues and malas and such.

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With the back issues for the past two days my practice was hard, moreso during the led class yesterday than the day before where I was able to go at my own pace and stretch it out slowly. Led is a much faster pace than it is allowing right now though, and Sharath even helped me a couple times when he realized that I was struggling. But as I said earlier, I believe its more energetic than anything. In my Sanskrit level 2 class Lakshmish is also doing half the class on translating the Hatha Yoga Pradapika and the first few sentences he talked a lot about the opening of the energy channels on either side or in the middle of the base of the spine, exactly where my trouble is and it just resonated, so I'm sticking with that story. My friend who diagnosed it as my fascia wants to work on it, and I will let him, I'm not about it being a physical thing as well, but then again I don't believe they are mutually exclusive, energy forms matter, matter is just molecules moving at a slower rate of vibration...

Speaking of vibration, there was a lovely kirtan at the Blue House last night, another place up the road from the shala owned an ex-pat British (I believe) lady who hosts such things and does massage trainings and has philosophy talks and such. My friend hadn't been to one before and said that some resonated with her and some didn't, so I told her the different words in Sanskrit hold different vibrations (the lady who led the kirtan talked a bit about it as well, only called them frequencies) and the ones closest to where you are vibrating at the time always are the ones you're drawn to join in on.

Funny thing how you come here and you start to think about the different gods and their meanings, when traditionally you're not a Hindu. But I think the idea of the gods goes much beyond Hinduism. To me each god represents a different aspect of ourselves. Shiva (my personal favorite) is the destroyer, destroying the things no longer serving you so as to make space for new things to come in. Lakshmi, of abundance and prosperity, not just financially but all things. I was going to list some more, but there are so many and each has so many aspects within the their main purpose, so I'll leave it at that and just say that to me they are all aspects of our inner being, or even our mind, that we can access and use to not allow us to be stuck in one place without growth or movement of energy. And sometimes if that access is hard to come by maybe chanting the names that brings up the energy you need is the best way to do it!

I may write more later, but it is my day off and there's a lot going on in there (my mind) it just all hasn't formulated into cohesive sentences just yet, so off to read and relax for a while before eventually heading out to have a coconut and then to my lunch with a friend and who knows what else the day will bring.

Love you, take care!

Time...

Time here in Gokulam seems to move very slowly, but then you look for the date and find that it's been two weeks yesterday that you arrived here! lol, what a weird feeling. This morning on the steps of the shala waiting to go into the lobby to wait to practice, less lot's of waiting (especially this morning where I personally waited over an hour and usually am in the door 45 minutes before my actual start time), we had to pull out a phone to figure out the actual date today and then when we got it, the 13th(!), I thought damn, is it really two weeks already?!? And yes, it is.

Each day your practice is different, that's a truth whether I'm here or at home, but this week has shown me that I'm more energetic here and probably because of the sheer amount of energy in that room from people having been practicing since 4:15am and doing it since the shala opened over a decade ago. So, I thought I was riding nice and high on that energy and then today happens.

Now today wasn't a bad practice, but it was slow and felt like drudging through mud. If the factor of the energy in the room were to be removed I would most likely have quit practicing soon after starting or it would've taken me 3 hours. But my backbending at the end was still pretty good and I feel good, other than today is the first time I'm just low in energy after practicing.

Sharath is pleased with my progress in the standing up and dropping back, he remembers that he gave me that as my homework when I was here earlier this year and so has been watching me, and most days is the one to help me with the assisted backbends you do here after your own standing up and dropping back. Now the problem is that he's taken an interest in my bind in supta kurmasana again, not sure why, but yesterday that was something he brought up. In the led class he lets me get away with using a towel to hold the bind, because it moves so quickly but in Mysore class he hasn't seen that I can hold it once I'm assisted to the bind, which I have been. He told me yesterday that today he would help me so he could see it, so today when I was there I looked for him but he'd gone outside, so I let one of the assistants help me. And I'll be damned, as soon as I was done and heading to the changing room he said, you didn't call me for supta today, I said you were outside, oh sorry he says, you bind? Yes I did, you held it, yes I did. Okay, we'll see tomorrow.

It's funny to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm here to work with him as my teacher and I'm very glad he has an interest in my practice, but damn! lol.

I'm here for a long time this time and have plenty to work on. Once he's satisfied with my supta bind and my "catching" gets really close or to touch (I almost touched today, btw catching means you are assisted in bending over backwards and walking your hands in until you can touch or "catch" your ankles, it actually feels good after you're done with it) he'll start me on intermediate, which sounds great and when I practiced before from 2000-2008 I had went up to about a third or more of the third series, the intermediate series was my favorite. You always feel light, calm and energized both, after its complete each morning. But pasasana, that first frakking posture, is a bitch, especially for those who's body just hates to twist, like mine. But when he gives it to me I'll diligently work on it as I'm doing all the other things he's given me to work on.

I have to say I love it here. I love the little apartment I'm in, it's spacious but not too big and gets a good breeze. I love the weather this time, unlike last it was so hot, this time its very moderate and lovely at night. The people are great, most remember me this time from last and the students are great too, many are here from my last trip so it's been nice to catch up and rekindle friendships.

Right now I can say I could stay here for a long time, but I'm sure that will change soon enough, or maybe not, who knows. I'm taking it one minute at a time and this time the minutes seems to be sludging by, not that I'm complaining because in a few minutes another week will have gone by! And I'm no hurry to head back to the Midwest of the US during the middle of winter, what on earth was I thinking going back in February! lol. Methinks I wasn't thinking at all about anything except being in India...