Change...

So, the ideal goal of yoga, in my mind, has always been to be able to weather the changes that life throws your way with ease. At least that's always been one of them that makes me want to keep going on this path. I never realized what it meant until recently though.

I might have had some idea, in an abstract way, but I've never actually allowed any of the major changes that have wanted to come up to happen. Now, what does that mean?

That means that when I was younger I had the idea to move to Chicago, I came home from a trip there, checked on branches of the company I was then working for to see if they had openings so I could transfer, they didn't, so I gave up on it. Rather than going a different route which could have taken me there, which was what I wanted. So instead, I stayed here, drank even more than I did before and told myself this was what I got, so deal with it.

Then Hawaii, I was on sabbatical there studying Ashtanga with Nancy Gilgoff, it WAS the right place for me to be at that time, so I call my mom to see if she'd help me sell my stuff and make it easier for me to just stay there and keep studying, find work and whatever. She, knowing me very well, refused to do so because she knew I'd never come back, which was probably true but rather than use the resources I had at my disposal, I let that make me feel defeated and went home, gave up again and and just stayed there, drank even more and kept practicing.

Then during my time digging deep into the Kundalini yoga practice, when I decided to become Sikh, change my name, take the vows, stop drinking, stop eating meat, stop a lot of things. All the while practicing Kundalini Yoga, which clears out your energy channels, got myself all opened up. I noticed a change, I was more resolute in my decisions, more committed. But yet again, I got an offer to move to LA and teach Kundalini Yoga in the West Hollywood area, live with a friend very cheaply and go for it in California (which if you know it has always been a big dream of mine). What happened? I did the same thing, I squelched it down and got stuck here.

This time the difference was that I didn't start drinking more and resolve myself to that dark fate of being stuck here, as I'd always done before. I felt that that opportunity was not necessarily the right one for me at the time, and it wasn't. Very soon after that I began practicing Ashtanga again and started shifting and becoming what I like to think of as more me than I'd ever been before.

So now, you may say, okay, so you're ready to move again. Yes, of course I am, but more so I'm ready for whatever comes up. So, I've met someone, someone who I believe I'm falling for, fully, not just on the surface, but with all of my being.

He doesn't live here, so I'm traveling to visit him this Thursday and am going with whatever come from it from there. Now, does this mean I'll move, maybe, but the point is that I would normally be blocking myself from experiencing whatever it is that comes from this, and not allowing the fullest express of the experience to be realized. I'm opening myself up to receiving this experience and going wherever life takes me, be it to becoming amazing friends or to be lovers who teach yoga together around the globe (I'm rooting for that one lol), but to be fully there whatever comes up, becoming a fully realized version of me.

So dive into your experiences, have them fully. Or, as I read the other day and have decided I love, lean into your life. Lean into it, become it and express yourself fully!