Friday, surrendering to it...

So, the final day of my first week back to teaching Mysore style Ashtanga. It was awesome, not super huge amounts of folks but I didn't expect that anyway, not many in St Louis practice Ashtanga yoga. What I also did not expect was how much I missed teaching this way. Its the most profound way of teaching that I know and other than Kundalini yoga, is the most powerful. I love it and hope it can continue for years, and hopefully with more coming over time lol. Another thing this week, or theme I should say, is surrender. Part of it I did yesterday when I cut off my beard, which is already on its way back ( I'm just too hairy to shave), and in so doing surrendered a few other things I was having trouble not letting go of. I'm reading a little book by Kino and she talked about surrendering to India and to her teachers and how much further it got her. Not just that, but so many things aroung surrendering are coming up, so I guess its time for me to fully surrender. And when I do we shall see what happens. I may even do a kriya in the morning, which I haven't done for months! That also was inspired because my friend is in LA and just texted me that she took a great Kundalini yoga class from Tej Kaur at Golden Bridge. I was thinking about doing a kriya on my day off from Ashtanga anyway, not sure why it popped up but it did, and then she sent me that text and I'm like, ok, I get it, surrender! Surrender to the teachings I've loved for years and just allow them to transform me. So yes, I'm going to do just that. Abraham would call it allowing. They say the only thing we ever have to do is allow, the desire is already in our vibration, but our attachment to the lack of the thing we want is exactly what holds it back from coming to us, so allow it to come, don't hold on to the lack of it, embrace the abundant arrival of it!!! Ok, I get it, surrender, allow!!!! So, if I'm going to allow and surrender to life, I'm going to put a list of things I am ready to allow in, how about that? So, at this time I'm ready to go to India. I need to renew my passport and save the money, or win the money, or get a money in a benefit, whatever, I need to get the money together for it. But I am ready to go to Mysore and study Ashtanga with Sharath, finally. I'm also ready for a boyfriend, not just any guy, but a good looking one (am I remiss in saying that?), a spiritually minded one, preferably one who does yoga (that would be awesome!), one who loves what he does, one who's inspiring and inspired by everything, maybe even one I would spend the rest of my life with, who knows. I'm also ready to move, I think, yes, I'm finally ready. I want the move to be solicited from me though, I don't want to think about where, I want someone to contact me and say hey, would like to come here and teach Ashtanga, at least for a little while? That would be the most awesome. And hmmm, what else? I'm really ready to allow anything that life throws my way. I'm tired of fighting and pushing against, and just need to let go and have things flow into and out of my experience. Thats a tall order huh? Well, no, maybe its not. Maybe its easy, you just let go and ride with the stream, don't even use your oars for the boat will move along with the downstream flow. I was in Maui 10 years ago, studying Ashtanga yoga with Guruji and Nancy Gilgoff and this lovely lady who was living with Nancy at the time, Betsy, told me "dude, you just need to let go. No, no its not hard at all, just do it, just release, let go. Chill..." Hmmm, has this been a theme in my life for 10 fucking years?!? Yes, I guess it has. But when you're raised to grab a hold, hold on tight for dear life, never let go, be completely attached, to everything, what do you do? Well, you start practicing yoga and keep practicing two of the most intense styles for 12 years, and then maybe, you finally, maybe, get it. I think I do, or am getting it finally, I think, maybe...