Blocking the flow

I read a few lines in Erich Schiffman's book recently about growth and how growth only hurts when we resist the change that is happening, or resist the flow of our life.

Why do we do this?

I know we as children come into bodies and remember our connection, at least until the grown-ups in our lives work their "magick" on us, making us realize how awful it really is and then we start to have fear and ackwardness about, well, almost everything.

I know why they do it, they've forgotten it all. About how we're all source energy in a human body and how the better we feel, the more things will flow into and through our lives, the more people will too, the more experiences we'll have along the way that are awesome, amazing and life changing.

But unless we find a path, a "spiritual" path, we usually cannot figure these things back out and start heading back in the right direction. The right direction for us that is, not THE right direction, because there isn't one path for everybody on the planet, there is one path for each individual on the planet. At least this is the way it seems to me.

I fell as if I've been disallowing, or resisting my own growth lately, and I have felt shitty all week. Not shitty like I wanna kill myself type stuff, but just less than I know I can feel. I figured it out though when I read that line in Erich's book. Oh shit, thats what I've been doing, and so I cried to myself a bit. Realization is the first step in the process of moving forward.

Now today, I don't feel fabulous, but I feel a bit better than I did and now I work toward feeling a bit better than that, and so on and so forth.

Tonight there's a kirtan, which could help. I teach another class, which could help and eat some raw, vegan food, which could help. All things that help me feel lighter, wish I had time for a practice myself, that would definitely help.

So, no more blocking the flow, but even as I say that I'm sure I will. We all do, being in such a vehicle, these bodies, its almost impossible not to forgot the beings of light we really are.

So, I state it again. No more blocking the flow. Be like water, water moves in, around or through everything, eventually. Even stuck in an eddy it spins and moves looking for the way. So I shall do this in my life as well, to the best of my ability. Not get stuck in a corner and if I do, move around the edges looking for my way in, around or through!!!

Friday

So, I'm up and hour late for my personal sadhana practice, and here I sit on the computer, wanting to write instead! I'm off all day, so if I get finished later its no big deal today.

Not even sure what I want to write, just that I do want to write.

Its an interesting and weird autumn so far. I'm doing more, and more, and more hatha yoga practices again and they are making me feel wonderful. After digging into kundalini yoga so much for the past 3 years, with only an occasional, sporadic, hatha practice, its a new thing, or seems new all over again to me.

Now though, after getting into the energy movement and the sensation of it, or getting so intimate with the feeling of said energy as it moves, now my hatha practice feels different. I can tell why I'm doing something and where the energy is coming from and how its dispersing through and out of me. A very interesting thing to have happen.

I'm still doing kundalini yoga every morning as part of my Aquarian sadhana, but more of the other in the afternoons. Funny how quickly the body comes back into the openness it took me years initially to obtain, I'm loving observing it!

Tonight is a thai massage workshop I'm teaching too, so yet another way to deepen a relationship with our bodies.

Hmmm, where was I going with all of this? Not sure. Its nice to notice that as I've come in touch with the energy that is us, flows through us and all around us, that I've been drawn to reidentify with the physicality that channels that energy, and now I'm teaching in a whole different way and my students are getting it more and more and now my personal relationships are expanding because when people come around me they feel "hey, there's a guy in the know" and that is becoming global, with Facebook and connecting with more and more yogis on there who are doing the same all around the globe.

I don't know, but I think the Aquarian Age, which begins 11/11/11, is just going to be awesome. It already is awesome! And it makes me more excited to teach my workshop on kundalini yoga in Columbia, MO on 11/11/11. I can send them a message that they will never expect! Wow, I'm excited now, time to begin sadhana . . .

Changing times . . .

Wow, its funny how as the world moves more quickly, the energies about swirl faster and faster moving us forward in time and space (or backward) the old stuff starts coming back up and asks you what you're going to do with it.

Recently one of my students has showed an interest in practicing ashtanga, in the traditional format, which I have been doing again lately. Not the 6 day a week practice, but a couple times a week or so. And so I'm going to work with him in private to learn it, another person also turned up asking for the same thing, so they may come together and learn it. Now I've started digging into old videos and old books and getting excited about teaching it again. Hilarious how things come about.

Another thing, G.A.Y., and acronym for Growing American Youth, an organization for gay people under 21 to gather and socialize and discuss events and things. Something I used to belong to back in 1988-1991. Now they've opened up an Alumni Group on Facebook and seeing all the old faces and reading their names is totally bringing back my youth and giving me vigor that I haven't had in quite a while. Hilarious again.

Hilarious how old stuff can come up and you feel the feelings you felt then, and think about the things that were important to you then and think about them the way you feel about things as you are now, and how interesting it all is.

Wow. But as this is happening I am feeling more and more appreciation and love for the lifestyle I've come into. As a yogi, the impartiality I have towards those things I thought was so important is interesting to observe. And from that place I am able to be excited to see who these people have become now, without worrying that they'll drag me back to that place again. Not that it was a bad place, just that I've moved so far from that place. Or have I?

Maybe all this is to realize you are very much in the same stuff as you were before but how you are dealing with it in your mind now as opposed to then is the real thing. I like that thought.