Well, finally I'm back to writing again, hopefully regularly this time and after just watching inaugeration address and the following speeches I chose to call this entry change.
We all change, everything evolves. Human, beast, rock, river, air, absolutely everything moves forward. But how well do we embrace that growth? How often do we hold on so tightly to the past, even get attached to it in an unhealthy way? I think most of us do it most of the time.
I fancy myself someone who embraces change and growth and yet I've allowed an attachment to persist so much so that it was to my detriment. Trust me, there is probably more than this one thing but this one thing is what inspired me to write today.
I began, as most people know, my yoga career with ashtanga. Practiced it 6-7 days a week, sometimes twice a day and even taught only it for many years. It was my life and I loved it and loved sharing it with others, until ... I got invited to teach a power vinyasa class. This idea threw me for a loop, do I do the same sequencing? do I do this... or that? What the hell do I do?
So I just went in and got quiet inside and let the class come out of my mouth, never knowing the next move and when I got caught up and thought in the middle of the class I got lost and had to let go again and let it flow out of me and it was awesome!
That one event is what changed my idea that ashtanga was the end all be all of my existence. Now I kept practicing it another 4 years, up until last July, but my mind opened to other possibilities which led me to a weekend workshop with Mitchel Bleier in which I was introduced to Anusara. What an eye opening that was for me? You mean I can open up my body with these alignments and I dont' have to hurt anymore?!? What?!?
So that started a process and as of last July, after attending a workshop at Kripalu Yoga Center with Desiree Rumbaugh I have not practicing the ashtanga sequencing with its fast pacedness and have embraced a bigger teaching. I still teach vinyasa (flow between postures), I just do it now with alignment pointers throughout and stopping periodically to workshop a pose and how to do it, get it to where everyone can attempt it.
The thing I mentioned earlier was that I still had one ashtanga class left, in Collinsville, at the same place I taught my first class. They loved it so I held onto it, but as my passion for it waned they could tell and slowly attendance dropped off and eventually completely failed most of the time. So I came to a decision last week to let go of it, and now the river of life is flowing through me again and pushing me forward and bringing me more opportunities and students. It was like that one rock left from my past blocked the flow of the whole goddamn river!
I feel so inspired to teach, every time I teach now and feel love and acceptance from students towards my teachings and even though I have two more weeks to teach that class, the old students have contacted me and are coming back to attend the class one or two last times just for posterities sake.
Its cool to observe this happening and feel it happening. Opening my life up to the change and to the new things that can be coming my way, opening my mind up to that change, embracing the new direction and letting go to follow it happily. It reminds me of the teachings of Abraham, from Esther Hicks, you have to make peace with where you are and then allow the things you want in. They call it the Art of Allowing, and if you put out there what you want but hold onto it so tightly it will never have the space to get to you, but if you put it out there and then step out of the way and live your life as if its already yours then it will become yours, does become yours.
I foresee great things for myself, and for those all around me and hope I can inspire others to embrace the letting go and allowing the good into their lives. Including anyone who reads this!!!
Namaste,
Keith
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Monday, October 20, 2008
Autumn/Transformation
It seems like this time every year I start to set myself up for hibernation, as if I were a bear or a reptile of some sort. I've always been affected strongly by the moon, full or new, and the seasons. I often am quoted as saying what a delicate flower I am, and then everyone around me laughs, if they know me at all! But I am affected, not sure why so strongly and not sure that it matters, other than that I know that I am and I use the tools that I've learned over the years from my yoga practices to help in the balancing out of these states of being when they come into play.
This year is especially different for me because in years past I was living alone and dug deeper into my ashtanga practice to get me through the cold and lonely nights (yes I've always been mostly alone!) and that strong and sometimes exasperating practice always grounded me so strongly that if I skipped a day I would almost land in a depression of sorts and have to drag myself back out of the pit I'd allowed myself to fall into. So Sundays were a bitch, since Saturday was a rest day for the practice. The moon days never bothered me so much because I was always having strong bizarre effects from the moon anyway.
Now this year, after spending either 5 weekends or full weeks with Desiree Rumbaugh over the past 11 months, have converted my practice to an Anusara practice, working with the principles of alignment layed down by John Friend, opening up my heart to allow the powerful energy stored there out and make it accessible to myself and others, trying to stay "open to grace" feeling my "inner body bright" which basically means letting this love and light stored deep down in my core out to help make me a more loving and happy and all-around feeling person. And for the most part its worked, but since I'm doing a more lovey-dovey practice, be it as strong a practice as it is, it still opens me up to those emotions that I believe the ashtanga practice, with its rigor, shoved deep down inside and covered up with dirt, and now I'm digging it up and unearthing it and having to deal with those emotions, and they are tiresome, troublesome things sometimes. They are not bad, but just not having to deal with them so much over the past 8 years it is a bit of work that I was not expecting, at all!
That said, I must say I love this practice though, and have learned tools, mentally and physically, even psychically, that have helped me further myself to places I never knew I could get to, and have helped me help my students to deeper places in their lives as well.
I remember years ago reading Yogi Bare, which is a book with interviews of all sorts of yoga teachers from around the world, one of which, Patricia Walden, stated she did 108 backbends once a week to keep herself from getting depressed because she is prone to that. My colder, unfeeling self thought, well hell she's doing the wrong practice then if she has to do that because I don't have to deal with depression at all with my ashtanga, but now that I find it was burying the emotions I feel that maybe I've missed out on these feelings and the dealing with them I could have already done and I would be this big happy person who loves unconditionally already, and just be drawing peace and love and light all around me. But I know ashtangis who are that way, and still do that practice, but the more advanced series', and it makes me know that all yoga is just that, yoga, and can work for each person differently.
The way it works for me, is just the way it works for me, so I can't be judgmental about it and just let yoga be yoga. Whatever asana sequence, sitting practice, pranayama, workout of any sort that brings one to that place of equanimity and peace and equipose be that beings yoga and not judge them on it, or judge the yoga for not being the way I practice.
What do you know? Maybe, finally, after almost 9 years of practice I am getting the idea of non-duality? Hmm, sounds like it to me. And hopefully it will keep growing and going in a direction that leads me down my path, not yours, nor his, nor hers, but mine and open me up in ways that will benefit me and my students and my teachers for the rest of the life this body has. Thats what we're here for anyway right, to grow and expand from the inside out!
Namaste, Keith
This year is especially different for me because in years past I was living alone and dug deeper into my ashtanga practice to get me through the cold and lonely nights (yes I've always been mostly alone!) and that strong and sometimes exasperating practice always grounded me so strongly that if I skipped a day I would almost land in a depression of sorts and have to drag myself back out of the pit I'd allowed myself to fall into. So Sundays were a bitch, since Saturday was a rest day for the practice. The moon days never bothered me so much because I was always having strong bizarre effects from the moon anyway.
Now this year, after spending either 5 weekends or full weeks with Desiree Rumbaugh over the past 11 months, have converted my practice to an Anusara practice, working with the principles of alignment layed down by John Friend, opening up my heart to allow the powerful energy stored there out and make it accessible to myself and others, trying to stay "open to grace" feeling my "inner body bright" which basically means letting this love and light stored deep down in my core out to help make me a more loving and happy and all-around feeling person. And for the most part its worked, but since I'm doing a more lovey-dovey practice, be it as strong a practice as it is, it still opens me up to those emotions that I believe the ashtanga practice, with its rigor, shoved deep down inside and covered up with dirt, and now I'm digging it up and unearthing it and having to deal with those emotions, and they are tiresome, troublesome things sometimes. They are not bad, but just not having to deal with them so much over the past 8 years it is a bit of work that I was not expecting, at all!
That said, I must say I love this practice though, and have learned tools, mentally and physically, even psychically, that have helped me further myself to places I never knew I could get to, and have helped me help my students to deeper places in their lives as well.
I remember years ago reading Yogi Bare, which is a book with interviews of all sorts of yoga teachers from around the world, one of which, Patricia Walden, stated she did 108 backbends once a week to keep herself from getting depressed because she is prone to that. My colder, unfeeling self thought, well hell she's doing the wrong practice then if she has to do that because I don't have to deal with depression at all with my ashtanga, but now that I find it was burying the emotions I feel that maybe I've missed out on these feelings and the dealing with them I could have already done and I would be this big happy person who loves unconditionally already, and just be drawing peace and love and light all around me. But I know ashtangis who are that way, and still do that practice, but the more advanced series', and it makes me know that all yoga is just that, yoga, and can work for each person differently.
The way it works for me, is just the way it works for me, so I can't be judgmental about it and just let yoga be yoga. Whatever asana sequence, sitting practice, pranayama, workout of any sort that brings one to that place of equanimity and peace and equipose be that beings yoga and not judge them on it, or judge the yoga for not being the way I practice.
What do you know? Maybe, finally, after almost 9 years of practice I am getting the idea of non-duality? Hmm, sounds like it to me. And hopefully it will keep growing and going in a direction that leads me down my path, not yours, nor his, nor hers, but mine and open me up in ways that will benefit me and my students and my teachers for the rest of the life this body has. Thats what we're here for anyway right, to grow and expand from the inside out!
Namaste, Keith
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
why that title?
Well, I was discussing the yoga in the city of St Louis and was also discussing that I read somewhere that we are below sea level here, I believe so anyway. And it seems to be true at least figuratively, if not literally.
Most people in this areas mentality seems to be stuck deep in the mud, and may even be how the term Mississippi Mud was coined, LOL. But unlikely.
I think thats why I stay here, to help to the greatest degree possible, raise the mentality out of the mud and even higher if I can. And since I set that as an intention for myself, to raise my mentality and vibration level as high as I can, that within doing that can hopefully inspire others in the same direction and offer anything I have to offer to help them achieve said goal.
I know a lot of people whom have given up and moved to places where its easier and you don't have to struggle so hard to get through to your yoga students, or for that matter, through to the general population, including family and friends. And I myself have contemplated that a million times and have almost followed through with it. And still may, Boulder CO keeps looming in my mind (love that fucking place!!!), but I don't and stay here to fight the good fight. Which sometimes means going with the flow of life within my intentions more so than anything, and I am learning that!
So thats the short and simple of the why I chose that title for my blog, and I may change it as I feel less stuck in the mud, but it starts there and can only go up right?!?
Thanks for checking me out and watch for future musings from my bizarre and warped mind!
Namaste,
Keithy
Most people in this areas mentality seems to be stuck deep in the mud, and may even be how the term Mississippi Mud was coined, LOL. But unlikely.
I think thats why I stay here, to help to the greatest degree possible, raise the mentality out of the mud and even higher if I can. And since I set that as an intention for myself, to raise my mentality and vibration level as high as I can, that within doing that can hopefully inspire others in the same direction and offer anything I have to offer to help them achieve said goal.
I know a lot of people whom have given up and moved to places where its easier and you don't have to struggle so hard to get through to your yoga students, or for that matter, through to the general population, including family and friends. And I myself have contemplated that a million times and have almost followed through with it. And still may, Boulder CO keeps looming in my mind (love that fucking place!!!), but I don't and stay here to fight the good fight. Which sometimes means going with the flow of life within my intentions more so than anything, and I am learning that!
So thats the short and simple of the why I chose that title for my blog, and I may change it as I feel less stuck in the mud, but it starts there and can only go up right?!?
Thanks for checking me out and watch for future musings from my bizarre and warped mind!
Namaste,
Keithy
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