Eye of the Hurricane

It's a short chapter but I remember reading it years back, it even mentions the side glance of Kali having the power of lightning. So Kali gives side eye as well?!? No wonder I'm so drawn to her lol...

But the relevance of the chapter never stuck out so strongly today. So I envisioned a hurricane, just as the title suggests, and the eye of it. When you're in the eye you think you are safe. And you are, but there is a storm all around you, a very destructive one to be exact.

I also started remembering times in my life where I felt as if I were in a maelstrom and what happened. I always got really quiet, went inside, felt peaceful and almost more safe than before. Was able to sit back and look at the storm as it was going on around me, transforming things, shifting them, making them expand or completely destroying them to make room for something new.

Does this mean I'm naturally a yogi? Who knows, maybe karmically they'd say I was a yogi in another life and so did the work to get to that place then and so now its a bit easier for me to achieve. I have done a lot of work for a long time so at some point this should have been something I achieved I would think. But is it always that way? No, of course not. The work is never done.A calm centre within the middle of the storm of life, that is where "we" really reside, is it not? I think so. We are observers, having the experience but being of it and also not of it. And ideally we ought to be able to find our way back to that spot when needed.

So immediately I was tested, a thing happened that pulled me into the tumult and I got in it and messy for a bit. I caught that I was doing that and just observed for a minute, it got a bit ugly and felt awful inside, but I was able to pull myself back to the quiet centre and let go of it to a degree. Funny isn't it how that happens?

It's the way its supposed to be, we manifest the things that are going on inside of us, outside of us. Wait, didn't I write a blog about that?!? Yes, so I won't get into that again. Everything is showing you where you are, everything. People, events, the weather, birds shitting on you, or not, etc. So take heed of everything, notice where you are and how you've been feeling when something happens that draws you into it, rather than being able to stay back and be in the calm place.

That's why I like the yoga, not just the asana (and yes look around, I did an asana shoot so pics are coming out there again) but all parts of it. Yes in our system of Ashtanga Yoga we start with the asanas to bring us deeply into a state of awareness and consciousness that noticing the things will be easier, so its a great place to start. But the work isn't just there, it's everywhere and in everything and all the fucking time!

Svadhyaya...

Been reading a lot here, if you've read my other posts it started because it was cold and rainy when I first got here and I was mostly indoors so I threw myself more into my study of everything, asanas, pranayama and mantra.

Today is my day off so I tend to go to a coffee shop and read a book and write in my journal and this morning I took Pattabhi's Yoga Mala and Sharath's Astanga Yoga Anusthana and read them comparitively. Comparing in the ways of presentation only, curious about the differences.

I've only studied with Pattabhi on his tours, two of them to be exact and well over ten years ago both of them. But Sharath I've spent three months a year with for the last four seasons in Mysore, so I know his take on things but couldn't remember how he put them in his book.

What I found was that his book is super simple, almost nothing for each asana. And his description of the Yamas and Niyamas very simple too, but very nice concepts of each of them. The ahimsa one I especially love... but that's for another time maybe.

I noticed Yoga Mala has very simple concepts but presented very knowledgeably and well. And very interesting ideas that aren't put to students in western classes, almost ever. Much of his instruction is about lifting your anus and sometimes saying lift the anus very sharply or very tightly, and drawing the belly in deeply, those two along with breathing in and out as much as possible are probably the most used instructions. Which I find interesting.

Sharath mostly just lays out the vinyasa and when to inhale and exhale, but he also leaves out many of his uncounted breaths that when you're in class with him you'll get, and leaves out many of the breaths of getting into an asana or out of it. Pattabhi puts both of them in there along with the lifting anus tightly and drawing the belly in while doing breathing a lot.

I find that since I've been with Sharath much more I hear his voice inside my head most of all, but he still even in person doesn't give much detail because he really wants you to figure things out or ask if you need the info. While Pattabhi wrote his book as if it was going to be a text book for a class. The newest one is just a simplified version of the older one. And Sharath will often tell you to refer to Yoga Mala, so I always do.

And on days where I've moved to pull Yoga Mala out and read it I will always be reminded of something and do it the next time I practice and see what it brings for me. Tomorrow morning will be the anus and the belly stuff. Last time I did it I cannot remember what it was that stuck out but I did it and then it fixed whatever problem I was having with my back, so let's see how this goes.

I love this shit. I love the experimenting, not in a dangerous way, but in a way that brings more awareness to things that sometimes we lose track of. How often were you in class where the teacher reminded you to lift your anus? Not often, unless you're in class with me of course lol. But also when the proponent of the system was so strong on mentioning something under almost every asana, and even in a few asanas telling you to release your anus completely, that is something I think one should pay attention to. I look on this as svadhyaya. Self Study.

Now that can mean many things. It can mean studying the scriptures on your own. Taking it into your own initiative to learn Sanskrit. In this case deepening your awareness of things your teacher may have mentioned within your asana practice, or any number of things. And to me then seeing how that changes you in your daily life, or in your practice, or in both and most importantly in your mind! That is the thing here right? Sharath mentions in his book svadhyaya could be your teacher mentioning Ganapati and then you go home and study to find out who that is and what he stands for. I really like this too. It's not the teachers job to hold your hand, it is there job to guide you and yours to figure things out within your own body, within your own mind, within your own being. And I try to do this, always.

Go to Mysore study with Sharath, then see how it all works with what I'm learning the rest of the year. I even think it's not great for people to always practice in a shala, day in, day out, for years. I think its healthy to go 3-5 times a week and practice at home the other days so that you can see how what you learn unfolds in your own practice. Of course, that doesn't mean I don't want you all to go to your shells, just saying don't be scared to do the practice you're learning there at home, or on vacation in a hotel room, or at your families/friends house when you're visiting them. All of it is good, as long as you're using it to grow and to become more within yourself and allowing that to then manifest without.

This is what I'm doing now and it's working well so far, I hope it carries over as I transition to India in two weeks and there begins to get deeper even. You? Do you do this? Or are you completely dependent on going to your shala? Do you read and write outside of the physical practice to see how you feel about things and where you stand within yourself? None of it is bad, all of it is what it is to you, so don't worry about my judgment or even think I'm judging you. I'm just presenting ideas here and seeing if they come to fruition with any of you, they are with me these days. I do go long periods of time where they don't as well, but right now they are.

So see what this brings up for you and move forward with it, do something with it, don't just read it and then nothing...

LOL, have a great weekend.

Germany...

I've never had any desire to come to Germany, nor any compulsion not to just to be fair, but when I arrived here it was warm and sunny in India but was cold, overcast and rainy here. I did not know the language and assumed I'd pick it up quickly because I'm good with languages usually, but having studied French that made Spanish and Italian easier. German, or Deutsch as its really called, is not so simple. It's a very complex language, even though many words are the same or almost the same as they are in English and English is a Germanic language, most of the words and phrases are very far removed from what we English speakers know.

So I'd go to the market and have to type every word into Google translate until slowly they started clicking and I remembered them more often. But before then I was slowly becoming depressed. I got pretty down in fact and blamed it all on Germany, or Deutschland as it's really called. Why do other countries change the names of countries and cities rather than just adapt ourselves to pronouncing them correctly with the original titles given them?!? But that is another story...

I had a great connection with the students right away and it grew quickly, so that was the one saving grace. And that and my practice of asana, chanting and studying books and writing and just digging in to it all was my anchor.

Slowly, slowly I started to realise that I know that these things have nothing to do with Germany. They are my things manifesting all around me. So as I got more and more connected to the students and more students started coming more regularly and more often as this connection began to take hold for them too, I started seeing that it was my choice to be miserable. And I slowly was able to bring myself back to feeling like me again. But moreso and different as well. As is always the case when one grows from an experience.

In fact now I feel that coming here saved me in many ways.

When Sharath authorized me I got a lot of focus and loved the idea of sharing this practice more and more in different places, but I also love the idea of having a home base in India. And Sharath having told me to possibly teach in Uttarkashi sounded wonderful, but I've never been there, so what if I don't like it? But I'm not back in India yet so I can't judge that until I get there and see.

So an idea emerged of teaching there for a possible season, since it does have a winter that I'll love to avoid lol, probably 6-7 months, then having three months to study with Sharath, then another three months to travel and teach where I'm needed maybe in India, but maybe in Europe and the US as well. Costa Rica is probably coming up too, but that again is another story.

Then more started happening, I started realizing that being authorised also does just give you your teachers authority to share this practice, and gives you this clarity, or rather gave me this clarity. It also is teaching you to surrender to this path as a service to others. I am sharing my 17 years of what I've gained through this practice with others and also learning from them as well. It's quite an interesting and awesome thing.

So I'm still here in Germany but in just two weeks from tomorrow I leave for Varanasi to begin a bit of a journey around the north of India before I settle in to teach somewhere. Many of the holy places I'll finally get to see and with a travel companion who is also practicing Ashtanga and is from South India as well. So I'm expecting an adventure, and India being India, I'm quite sure it will deliver.

But a big part of my journey to India is this trip in Germany. I've got a lot of students here who really like the way I teach and I hope will visit me there as well, I also have some I may not connect with as much, and everything in between. I also have created a little home for myself in a country where I don't know the language but have found little pockets here and there that just feel so much like home. Little cafes with great chai, little cafes with great sandwiches and servers that I really connect with, an amazing falafel place where they understand my broken Deutsch enough to give me vier falafel instead of svei on the Halumi teller, movie theatres that show movies in English, not dubbed into German which is the norm here, and where the staff knows me now. I even found a little south Indian place serving idly and dosa made by a lady from Mysore! Notice, all of this revolves around food hahahaha, I do like to eat, but I'm eating with more consciousness than I used to.

Also I know the streets, and understand the train system where I didn't when I arrived and would end up in god knows where, and I have people to take long walks with and grass in the grünergürtel to lie in the sun in and even a river to go visit whilst eating a little pizza and being surrounded by pigeons.

It's a great place and everywhere has its issues, just look at the US, UK, even India, but I'm focusing on the good right now. When you focus on the good, the good comes back to you and surrounds you and so it is. Thank you Germany for being you and giving me focus and strength to find new ways to be happy!