Letting go...

This seems to be the theme of life right now. Maybe even the theme of the lives of most of those around me at this time!

Not letting go of this mortal coil necessarily, but letting go of my attachment to the outcome, or the way I think things should be. That's a hard lesson to learn from a control freak raised by control freaks lol.

But India has taught me this lesson well. Not getting into specifics about what the letting go is happening with right now, but if you know me then you know what it's about. But still, its a theme that can fit anywhere in my life, or any of our lives.

We're generally taught to hold on tightly to things and never let go of them, but when I began a yoga practice one of the recurring themes was to NOT hold onto things. They are impermanent and in order to maintain some equanimity somehow you have to let go so that you're not so disappointed when things don't turn out the way you think they should.

Letting go sounds awful, it sounds counterintuitive at best, but it really isn't that. It's exactly the opposite.

Especially for someone who's studied the Law of Attraction the way that Abraham teaches it, you have to tell the what and the why, the what so the universe knows what to provide, the why to build up the feeling of how it will feel to have that thing already. But the how and the when are none of your business. So we must let go of those things to allow in the manifestation. Blecccchh... Who the fuck wants to do that. But, nonetheless it is true.

If you hold on to the thing, you're usually holding on to NOT having the thing and so are maintaining that vibration and drawing more of NOT having the thing to you, then you never manifest it.

In the Yoga Sutras, it's talked about abandoning desire. Which I interpret the same way. When you have a longing for something you are living in the not having it, rather than in the abundant state of how it would feel to have it. And its really not about having it, but its about living in the feeling of abundance that is a natural state in the universe. There is enough for each and everyone of us.

I can get there, and I can get out of there, both very easily. I wish I could maintain the former more easily than the latter, but they are about equal. Unless I've practiced the latter more at that time, then that becomes the easiest part.

God, why are humans so complicated?!? Why can't we just feel our way through things the way we're meant to? We have to start thinking about what others will think of us when we act this way, or that way, or have this thing or that thing, or not. Who gives a shit? Why does what anyone thinks about us matter? I know we're often trained that way, but it doesn't mean we have to keep maintaining this silliness.

I'm letting go, right now. Not going to worry about it anymore and just embrace the good feeling of the blessings I already have in my life and release myself from concern about the things I don't!

Last month...

Well, it's the last of my three months practicing with my guru here in Mysore. I'll be here another month after that, but I may travel a little bit, not sure just yet.

This season has been interesting to say the least, more intense than most I would say, but interesting for sure.

It's involved physical injury, wrist pain, cuts and bruises, and all happening on my left side. Left side, right brain, feminine side. Who knows what that means. Maybe I pray to Kali/Chamundi too much! Maybe not enough.

A friend of mine asked me why I'm so drawn to Kali and to write a blog about it, I couldn't come up with anything that sounded poignant enough to write down, but maybe it doesn't have to be, so here it goes.

At first coming to yoga one often sees Ganesh around studios and shalas and then looks him up to find a bunch of his stories, he is known as the removal of obstacles. So is often invoked before taking a trip, before going to work, at the beginning of a day. There is a small Ganesh temple right here in Gokulam that was the first Hindu temple I ever went to, even had a lady who spoke no English have her daughter tell us about the protocol and symbolism in the temple, maybe two seasons ago I think. What you also find out is that he also is often the one who puts the obstacles there as well! So then you have to invoke the energy he embodies within yourself to be able to work your way through whatever problem comes up. Sneaky guy...

Then you find out that his father is Shiva, really he was built from the dirt of his mothers body so has no father, but Shiva is Parvati's husband so he took on the role, and that's a story for another time. Shiva is one of the big three in Hinduism, symbolising the destruction phase of God. Often he is thought of as destroying the things in ones existence that is no longer serving them to make space for new and more beneficial stuff. That's a story I like. When you study him, you find out much more along these lines as well. You also find out there's a whole sect just for him, Shaivites. Then you find out there is another sect that follows Vishnu, Vaishnavites. Then you find out there is a whole sect that worships the mother, the goddess, the shakti. Shaktites, and they believe that the ultimate energy of the universe comes from the goddess energy, the shakti, and that the masculine energy only focuses that, but the real power is from her. That intrigues me, because even though I was never baptised a Christian I was raised in their churches and there really is no feminine principle, not including Catholicism, but the brand of Christian I was raised under also does not even consider Catholics Christians!

Anyhow, I digress. So when you are researching the divine feminine, often this terrifying image called Kali comes up. She is usually dripping blood from her long tongue and teeth, and holding a head in her hand, skulls around her neck and arms around her waist. No thank you, I want nothing to do with this craziness!

Then some young Indian fellow, who is jealous of all the Western students coming here to study yoga (because he is in school to be an engineer to make his parents happy, and wants nothing more than to be a pujari and study yoga and spirituality) befriends you and as you're leaving, he buys you a book- Yogic Secrets of the Dark Goddess. Brilliant fucking book. Pavithra even carries it in the Green House now because I bought it for so many people last season.

This book talks of a womans many experiences of Kali in all her forms and some are softer, some are harder, some involve Krishna, some involve Shiva, some involve Lakshmi. So you start seeing her in a different light and then begin to chant to her and your life seems to be falling apart, but as quickly as it falls apart, other better, newer things come into it and you see, she is the ultimate destroyer but also is like a mother, giving and loving and wanting the best for you.

So you start with where any good pooja in India starts, you invoke Ganesh, then you move to his father, stronger version of the same energy. Then to his mother , who is the most powerful thing you've ever felt in your life. Really also, you're invoking these qualities within yourself, not from outside you at all. So you're seeing your life and its possibilites more clearly, but your also seeing it from a fresh perspective. From a softer, and yet stronger place. Think of water, its the softest thing you've ever encounter, but it also can destroy a whole country with its power or wear down rock to create a groove to flow through. She is the ultimate in creative power, coming from the lower chakras, but embodying the upper chakras. Just aamazing stuff when you invite her in.

So this summer I did a lot of pooja to Kali, nightly for 108 days to be exact, and once I got here I realised I needed to invite her to stay with me more intently again and began this same pooja along with a morning mantra to her and an evening mantra as well. She's definitely shown her face here. I've learned a lot about myself through physical injury and emotional instability, only to come out feeling more stable and more in my power than ever before.

On the softer side I had a great meeting with Sharath and we talked for about 40 minutes, he also gave me his blessing to teach, but in true Kali fashion the other parts of the process toward authorisation have been muddled and even blocked so far. This energy is very much in the soil in India as well, it will teach you your lessons, but will teach them in its own way, and never a way you expect. It's crazy and its wonderful. More on that meeting once I get my certificate, whenever that may be! Hahahaha...

So, that's enough for this afternoon, off to do my evening pooja and to slowly settle in for the evening so I'm able to get up at 2:30am and get to led class. This is last two weeks of practice for this season. It makes me sad, but I'm also ready to move forward and get to my teaching in Germany and then maybe see Sharath in Copenhagen in August, before coming back to India!

Have a great week!